Even though I tried to push them away, that guild worker's words haunted me for the rest of the day. Llyr knew something was off, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him the whole truth. Some crazy guild worker tried to grab me, calling me a cheat. I was shaken up because I couldn't stand for people to grab me suddenly, nothing more, nothing less. Still, I couldn't forget what he said. "Your worth... Keep her safe..."

   "I can get everything ready for dinner, okay?" Llyr suggested when we got home. All I did was nod numbly in response, heading to the bathroom so I could take a bath. I hated that Llyr was stuck doing all the cooking tonight, but I had no energy left. I was nothing but shaken, my head in a haze. "Wait, Len?"

   "Y-yes?" I replied hesitantly, and Llyr hesitated as well.

   "Do you want to talk about it?" he then asked, trying and failing to hide a wince.

   I thought for a moment before digging the stone out of my pocket, holding it out to Llyr. "Can you hold this one last time? I won't ask again, I-I need to know something for sure." Llyr gave me a long look before taking the stone in both his hands. He stared at it, silent, before shaking his head and returning it to me.

   "If you're still wondering if I think I can feel Aedia's presence when I touch this thing, I-I'm telling you I don't. It's..."

   "All in my head, I feel like that's what you'll say," I said. Llyr's silence made my stomach clench, but he shook his head again.

   "People grieve in different ways," he said simply. "I don't know why that stone is so significant, but... it's grieving." Except it wasn't, it couldn't have been grieving... But I didn't say anything, because if I truly considered what that man had said, I would've seemed as crazy as he had.

   That Aedia was somehow in the stone.

    As I soaked in the tub, I stared up blankly at the hairline cracks in the ceiling. "Keep her safe... they'll take her and you..." Who would? Some underground group? The guild? He did mention something about "guild bastards," but I had no clue how they could have been responsible for something like this... whatever this was. Was there something being hidden? The guards had only arrested him after he started saying "your worth," so was there something to that? Unless... he'd been arrested then because that man really was crazy, plain and simple.

   It was more than entirely possible that man had simply lost it. I'd seen miners back home who had been driven mad by those twisting tunnels in the mountains. They'd been deafened by explosions and blinded by exposure to coal dust and powdered rock, wailing about seeing their friends who'd exploded the day before standing whole and well in the tunnels that day. It made sense that years spent exposed to the curse and the horrors of the Abyss would twist someone's mind. After all, mine had, Melva's had, Vio, Gwynden, Llyr, everyone else I'd encountered. They may not wake up screaming like I did or act out like Melva had, but it was more than evident in a stare alone, like Ozen's.

   So that man had truly been crazy. Like the event itself, nothing more, nothing less. That thought made a small spark of hope fizzle out.

   Even if trying to pursue what that man had rambled about was hopeless, it didn't stop me from continuing to think about what else he said. "Your worth." What did my worth have to do with anything? Did he mean the value I had amassed as a Delver? He'd been going off about what I'd done, but the way he phrased the words worth and value made them seem like two different things.

   Value... My mind briefly wandered. What value did I really have now? I wasn't a Delver, wasn't a doctor, not even a pharmacy assistant or anything useful. I was a barely sobered-up alcoholic with half of one of my eyes ruined along with half a leg who carried crates for paltry money. Just what was I? And did it really matter in the grand scheme of things? I was an insect, more prey for the pitcher plant.

   My eyes stung, chest tightening as a deep, intense hopelessness washed over me. I wasn't even willing to pursue any possible truth of what that man had been talking about, even if he was simply crazy. I wasn't willing to pursue anything anymore. What if I let go? What if I slipped below the surface of the water and just... never came back up? Something Melva said that drunken night came back to me, and for a brief moment, I truly considered it.

   "Len, dinner's done," Llyr called out, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Do you need help getting out?"

   "N-no, I can do it," I called back. And I was more than capable of doing it now, it just took a bit. More time alone with my thoughts... "Actually, I need help, please." I couldn't do it, I couldn't be alone right now.

   After helping me out, I dressed in my nightclothes and pulled my hair back into a damp ponytail before joining Llyr at the table. Llyr had prepared some kind of stew with plenty of meat and potatoes, the scent heavy and rich. But I had no appetite, and I ended up picking at the stew, letting the scent torture me.

   "Len, p-please eat," Llyr said after a few minutes, trying to sound stern. "You hardly ate this morning, and you need to keep going."

   My heart sank, my hold clenching tighter around my spoon. Even though I didn't want to, I forced myself to eat. It was good, but I wanted to be sick with every spoonful I took. "Llyr..." He looked back up, and I gritted my teeth. "Wh-why do you still stay with me?"

   He seemed to stiffen, but his reply was heart-achingly genuine. "Because... I-I love you, Len. I think we've been together long enough that I can say that, right?" I didn't answer to spite myself, and he frowned. "R-right?"

   "Yes," I said abruptly. "For some reason, you love this useless mess..!"

   He shrank back, eyes narrowing a bit before he tried to smile. "Len, please don't say that, you're not useless. Y-you never have been, and you never will. You have more value as a single person than a group of Delvers has combined, even with your faults. You've helped people not feel like they're useless, gave them a place at your side as friends, family, and more. That's not useless at all."

   I had no reason to believe Llyr would lie to me. He never had before, so why did I have such a strong urge to call him out for a lie he didn't tell? Thankfully, I kept my mouth shut, and I just forced myself to finish eating.

   "Is me staying here with you an issue?" Llyr then asked. "I-I know I kind of invited myself over, but I just don't want you to be alone, especially when you're grieving like how you are right now..."

   I frowned. "What is that supposed to mean?"

   Llyr's eyes widened, like he realized he'd made a mistake, and he shook his head. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it like that. It's just that I've never seen anyone grieve like this, so I find it... I hate to say it's strange, but it is to me."

   I couldn't help but feel insulted by that, since I knew what he was referring to. But it'd only been about two days since I got Aedia's ashes along with the stone, why would he be thinking that? If he was even thinking that at all? "You're fine, don't worry... This all has been more than strange." Llyr nodded and didn't say anything after that, and neither did I. I just wanted the day to be over, even if I knew what awaited me.

   For another few days, almost a week, I seemed to exist in a haze. Existing was all I could really call it, since I didn't do much else to perpetuate it. I insisted Llyr go back to delving, at least for a few hours so he didn't have to sit with me all day anymore. I'd almost consider it as him moving in, though neither of us called it that. Although it took some begging on my end, Llyr gave in and started delving again.

   While Llyr was out, and I was left to my own devices since I didn't want Melva or anyone to have to hang over me, all I did was just sit in the kitchen drawing or staring at the stone. I couldn't take my mind off it along with what the guild worker had said. It was like a damn parasite burrowing into my brain, always coming up whenever I had a moment of silence or when I dared to not pay attention to a conversation.

   "Keep her safe..."

—~*~—

"Hey kid, when do ya wanna to spread Aedia's ashes?"

   I looked up from my still-full plate, blinking the haze away as I looked up at Melva. It took me a moment to process where I was again and what was happening. Right, Melva and Gwynden were over for dinner, though it seemed I was the only one eating. Everyone else had finished, and Llyr and Gwynden were cleaning up.

   My mind struggled to come up with a response, initially being confused before it all hit me again. "I-I... Next week. I just needed more time to think than I thought," I said. I'd honestly forgotten about the ashes already, which both shocked me and made me feel ashamed. I'd been... too occupied with thinking about the stone.

   "I can take you up to the place the day before so you can see if it's right," Gwynden suggested. "Would you want to make the trek up there for nothing?" he tried to joke, though all I could muster was a weak smile in return. I clutched the stone in one hand in my pocket as I picked at my food, just wanting to feel Aedia's presence.

   After a few more minutes, Melva regarded me with a frown. "Are ya actually gonna eat, kid? Not to be an ass, but the hare bought that Hammerbeak meat 'imself, an' it ain't the cheapest." Gwynden looked a bit surprised but thankful that Melva acknowledged this, but even with that, I felt even worse.

   "I-I apologize, I just haven't been feeling well recently... I don't have much of an appetite these days," I admitted.

   "Probably 'cause ya haven't gone outside in almost two weeks," Melva said tiredly. My heart wrenched with guilt, and she gave me a serious but soft look. "Kid, I know it hurts, but I ain't leavin' ya behind on this. Even if ya don't delve, ya gotta still keep goin' out an' pushin' on. You've been doin' it for so long that ya can't give up now. Aedia's with your parents, an' I'm sure they're all rootin' for ya."

   I nodded, even though I didn't want to. "I-I know..." And I knew that to them, that would all start by me eating dinner tonight. It sounded so ridiculous, but she was right. Not wanting to let go of the stone, I tried to cut the meat apart with my fork and made myself eat. Marinated and pan-seared, something like Father used to make...

   "I actually wanted to take that stone you got from the crematorium to one of my old associates," Gwynden said, looking back at me again. "He had some interest in it when I brought it up to him. He was really eager, actually."

   My interest was piqued a bit with that, and I arched a brow. However, Melva spoke up before I could. "I didn't know ya had other friends, hare," she said with a slight smirk, though it quickly faded. Gwynden winced, though he tried to smile since he knew she was joking.

   "I-I haven't spoken to them much these days, unfortunately. Most of them are older than me, and they're starting to retire, so I won't be seeing them on future delves. But one of them works as a Relic Appraiser at the guild, so he might know what that stone is since Aedia liked collecting Relics."

   My heart dropped into my stomach, my mind starting to race. "N-no!" I exclaimed before I could think through it, and everyone looked at me a second later. I tried to recover from this. "I-I mean, what if he takes it and doesn't return it? You know how the guild is with Relics, the common Delver has to fight to keep any grade above Fourth-Grade."

    "I understand that, but I thought you wanted to know where it came from," Gwynden said, genuinely confused. "Really, I wouldn't be too worried since it doesn't seem to be too valuable. It can't be more than a Fourth-Grade Relic." He was right, I was more than overreacting, but why did I still cling to it? Well, I did know, but it was fruitless, it was grief.

   "Where is that stone, anyways?" Llyr asked. "I saw it on the nightstand this morning, but after I was finished in the bathroom, it was gone." I fell silent when he said that, and my silence didn't go unnoticed as Melva's eyes narrowed.

   "Do... ya have it in your pocket, kid? Is that why ya haven't been eatin'? Ya were messin' with it?" I was silent again before sighing and nodding, pulling it out of my pocket. Silence fell over the room, as comforting as laying on a bed of nails. Everyone was staring at me, either with confusion or... worry. And that was what struck a chord of concern in me.

   After a moment, Llyr spoke up. "Why do you have it, Len?" he asked seriously, more concerned than Melva or Gwynden. I truly didn't know how to answer that, just stared down at the stone. "You've never seen that stone until now, there's nothing about it that really connects you and Aedia... I-I'm just trying to understand why you're attached to it."

   I was a broken record at this point, but I didn't know how else to explain myself. "I just... feel her in it. Like I said before, I feel like Aedia is in this stone. I swear I can feel her standing right in front of me if I hold it and close my eyes! Even if I leave it alone and come back to it, I still feel like she's there." The longer I spoke, the more concerned the others became, and the more I felt as if I were digging myself into a hole.

   "Then that's all the more reason to have my friend investigate it," Gwynden said. "If it's a Relic, then that could be its effect on you."

   That didn't make sense, however. "Why me, then? If Aedia had this stone before, I never saw it. I never saw it in her room, it wasn't in her pockets when I washed her clothes, it wasn't anywhere. What makes me so different?"

   Gwynden winced, now growing hesitant. "I-I don't know. I just wanted to help you with this, I don't want to see you break how I almost had after Evalle died..."

   Now I felt nothing but awful, but I still clung to the stone. "I don't know if I can trust those who work at the guild," I muttered. That warranted more silence, and Melva looked at Llyr.

   "Has he been sleepin' fine?" she asked, and Llyr shrugged.

   "He's still having nightmares, though that's sadly commonplace now, as we all know," he replied. Melva frowned.

   I was nothing but shocked and almost offended. "I-I'm right here!" I exclaimed. "I told you all that I wouldn't lie to you any longer, why would I lie about this?" More silence, and I found myself at a loss for words.

   "We just don't know either, kid," Melva said. "Grievin's a weird thing, but what you're doin' isn't anythin' I've ever seen."

   "She's... admittedly right," Llyr agreed, twisting his hair around his fingers. "That's why I asked about the connections before, I don't understand why it's not something like the Crystal Compass or that bracelet you got for her. I-it's a replica of a human heart made of stone, it's eerie. I-I'm sorry, but it is!"

   "You're saying that like you think I'm crazy..." I said numbly. At that, Llyr frantically shook his head. He was about to say something else, but Melva spoke up, which visibly relieved Llyr.

   "We don't think that at all, don't worry. "We... just don't know. An' maybe we could find someone to help ya. I don't want ya to think we're not doin' enough." Llyr and Gwynden nodded in agreement, but I merely felt my despair deepening. They were doing more than enough, it was me who was refusing to move on and push forwards like I promised them. But how could I when there was such a clear disconnect between us, that Aedia was so clearly here when she shouldn't have been... Unless that truly was all in my head.

   I didn't say anything for a few moments as I continued to eat, not even sure how to respond. "You're doing more than enough, and I'll be forever appreciative of that. But... I-I don't know if I need help in the way you think I do." I made myself finish my food not long after, hating the awkward silence. "I'll consider the appraisal, Gwynden, thank you. I'm still wary about guild members because of what happened."

   "That bastard was off his rocker, it ain't all guild members. But we won't make ya if ya don't wanna do it, right?" Melva looked pointedly at Llyr and Gwynden, and they both nodded, though Llyr still looked hesitant.

   "Thank you," I said simply. "But I'll take care of the ashes soon. I need to finish sorting out my thoughts first." They seemed more receptive to that, to my relief, though it merely implanted more thoughts I knew I wouldn't be able to rid myself of any time soon.

   I awoke yet again in the late hours of the night a few days later, holding back terror and panic. However, I ignored Llyr's soothings and requests to go back to sleep. What was the point of sleeping again? I was just going to fall back into more horrors, and I was beyond sick of it. I knew I shouldn't be having that mindset again, but it was only for tonight.

   As I fought to get up, I was nothing but frustrated. All I could think to do was draw like Aedia had told me to do, and I would. I refused to fall back into old habits, to seek out that bit of red cooking wine I knew Llyr had bought and was hiding downstairs under the bed of the patient recovery room. I'd promised Aedia that at the very least. At the last second, I decided to take the white stone with me. It wasn't because I couldn't stand for it to not be near me, like Llyr and the others had given me looks for. I needed a reference for something like this, it was merely for that, nothing more!

   My pencil spilled more than drawings of disembodied eyes that night, attached to figures I knew well now. Aedia's lifeless eyes, the fearful eyes of the guild worker, my own eyes, blank and tired. I was just so tired... "Your worth," "your worth," "your worth." What was my worth? Nothing, I had no worth.

   My mind started to spiral down the more I drew. I was dragging everyone down as well, even if they said I wasn't. I kept asking the same things, kept begging for validation I felt I didn't deserve. What was I even doing? Why was I really pushing forwards? Something heaved deep in my chest, and my throat grew tight. Why was I still alive?

   The pencil lead snapped, the sound sharp in the dead silence of the house. I didn't react, staring at the image of the white stone that now had a black scratch across it from the lead breaking. My eyes stung, and I rubbed at them, only to find my hand damp with tears. Even though I'd tried to put the pieces of myself back together, I was an utter mess... No, I wasn't putting them together, I was falling apart yet again.

   I took hold of the stone, and yet again Aedia's presence washed over me. Why was it so unmistakable? It was truly like she was right there, that I was holding her hand. Except it was cold, oh-so cold. What did her hands feel like again? It was already fading away after only three weeks, but I could recall the slight calluses on her fingers, the scar on the back of her hand from when she'd sliced it open by slipping up with a scalpel. Her hands had been made for operations and other procedures...

   I couldn't help but close my eyes, rubbing my thumb against the stone's smooth surface as I tried to imagine the feel of her hands again. And in a flash, I felt warmth beneath my thumb, and a faint hum sounded in my ears. It was almost like the tone of an instrument, except it had a more-than familiar voice entwined with the sound. 

   "Addy..?" Her name slipped from me without thinking, but that was what I'd thought, only for confusion to flood me. I swore I'd felt heat as well, even if there was still the solid stone beneath it instead of skin. I took hold of the stone with both hands and again rubbed it. I didn't expect anything to happen, but it actually did. There was definite heat, and that hum...

   A small laugh escaped me. Just what the hell was this? This had to be just a strange dream or hallucination, something my subconscious created to make me feel better. But it only made me feel worse. Why was everything working to pull me further away from reality? No, Llyr and the others were the ones in the wrong, even if they all along with the shopkeepers and the crematorium workers who held the stone didn't say anything about sensing Aedia. They couldn't ignore something so unmistakable?

   It was like I was punched directly in the chest by Ozen then as it all hit me. What the absolute hell was I thinking? I was thinking they were all wrong, yet I refused to believe what the guild worker was saying was wrong as well? That in itself was pure hypocrisy, and yet I waffled between the sides. Even if spirits did exist, it just didn't make sense that Aedia would be attached to the stone instead of something more meaningful, hell, even her ashes. But she was there, dammit! She was there, yet nobody believed me except for that man! My heart sank deep into my stomach, despair filling the figurative void in my chest.

   Was I really going crazy?

   My despair grew deeper, my mind racing. I had to do something before this got worse, before I spiraled even deeper into the sheer hopelessness that had been crushing me for weeks now.

   I grabbed the stone and went downstairs, entering the old examination room. I placed the stone on the counter while I searched the storage room for the toolbox that was kept there. It didn't take me long to find what I was looking for: the hammer. If that man was so wrong, then I should be able to smash this stone with no issue. If Aedia wasn't in the stone like he seemed to imply, then I could do this and assure Llyr and the others that I was okay.

   Those thoughts raced through my mind as I stood back up and raised the hammer, preparing to bring it down on the stone. But then my hands started to shake, doubt and utter dread flooding me. Why did it feel like I was about to bring the hammer down on a newborn baby? Not even that, Aedia herself. That truly sent a chill down my spine, but I gritted my teeth. I needed to pick a side, and dammit I wasn't crazy!

   For a moment, I vacated all my thoughts. I let my arms do the motions without thinking, and the hammer's head swung down onto the stone. There was a definite crack, reminding me of when I used to smash through rocks with my pickaxe.

   Along with the crack, I swore I heard a scream. It was gut-wrenching, making me utterly sick as my ears rang with the high-pitched keen of my beloved sister. I couldn't help but scream as well, dropping the hammer to clutch at my head as I was caught utterly off-guard. Guilt hit me like a tidal wave without me thinking, and I started apologizing profusely, wanting to be sick over what I'd done. The stone still laid on the counter, though now there was a definite crack in its surface, little slivers of white flecking the counter's surface around it.

    As I struggled to pull myself together, I swore I heard somebody coming down the stairs, and my heart dropped. No, he couldn't see this! But then the door swung open. Llyr rushed into the room, though he quickly stumbled to a halt. I didn't even have a chance to say something before he saw me, and his eyes widened. I could almost see his thoughts processing as he looked from me, to the hammer on the ground, and then the cracked stone on the counter.

   "Llyr, I-I can—!"

   "Wh-what are you doing?" His voice shook like an autumn leaf clinging to a branch, and the rest of him trembled slightly as well.

   What was I doing? "I wanted to make sure I'm not crazy" was what I would've said if I didn't want to maintain any control over this conversation. "I was... trying to see if there was more to it." Those were the first words I said, and I was going to have to stick with them no matter what.

   "You could've just given it to Gwynden, then," Llyr said, baffled.

   "I-I know, but I wanted to see for myself first. I don't want to trust the guild right away," I said, picking up the hammer. Llyr seemed to flinch a bit when I did so, and I paused. "Llyr?" Why did he react that way?

   "I still don't understand why you won't give it to Gwynden, b-but okay," Llyr said shakily. "Still, y-you could have not done it now, so... J-just come back to bed, please!" He looked at me pleadingly, and my heart melted a bit. While reluctant, I agreed. I couldn't say no to him like that... But the moment I replied, Llyr ran from the room. Not walked, ran. I stared in shock after him, my mind racing.

   When I finally managed to pick myself up, I put the hammer away and headed back upstairs. I was sure Llyr wanted to forget this ever happened, and seeing the hammer there if I'd left it would've made things worse.

   Llyr was seemingly asleep when I returned, though it was difficult to tell since he was facing away from me. I wanted to say something but decided against it, placing the stone cracked-side down before getting back into bed. That guilt still flooded me, but for a different reason. Just what the hell was Llyr thinking of me now? Because from all angles, even with my lie, it looked as if I wanted to outright destroy the stone. And all for what? To prove I wasn't crazy when the results seemed to prove otherwise. But after what had happened, that awful scream and my reaction...

   Perhaps I truly was.