I fuckin hate bottling up my feelings. All the time. "I should be happy" or "life gets better". Its all a fuckin lie. Dont lie to me, or your self. it ends out no where. And I hate having depression. I hate it with a passion. Cuz I can go from feeling fine one day, to feeling like shit in one minute. And I'm not gonna lie. There is one person I blame this on. And most people trust and love their parent, and dont tell them about their depression because they dont wanna stress them out. But me? No I dont tell her because she is the cause. Shes the reason I have felt the need to hold a knife to myself. Felt the need to steel a certain substance from her. Felt the need to run away. I hate her. She is manipulative and abused me mentally. I can't take this shit no more. But I dont have the heart to tell her. Cuz the first time I tried, she dismissed it. Told me "it ok" and "you'll get better " and then NEVER even acknowledged it again. She acted like it never happened. So I act like it never happened. And in turn, I got worse. Bruising turning into burning. And burning turned into cutting. And then I gave up. I stopped trying at school. And my mom always blames shit on me. And I dont mean that i didnt do the dishes and she got mad at me, i mean she got in a car crash and had the audacity to blame me, when I was at school... so to say the least I'm done with life. It only got worse. And at first I thought I was ok. But then everything came back. But for now, I'm tying...