Books, photos, albums on a shelf
Looking back in time, I miss my old self.

Carefree childhood, shone in school
Studies, activities, games, my days were full.
Parents' pride, teachers' pet
I worked hard to gain that epithet.
That innocence, that belief in oneself
That concentration of mind, I miss my old self!

Had a goal in mind, alas, it was beyond my grasp
Changed my choice, made my family gasp.

My major in college was a compromise
However, the Universe is always wise!
Faced with a challenge, I always rise
Mountains and adventures, life was nice!
The courage to adapt, climb, seize the moment
That I'd be successful, I was adamant.

Expedition was successful, medal on my shelf,
More than others, I'd impressed myself!
The perseverance, zeal, the urge to better oneself
That younger version, I miss my old self!

Higher studies, another goal,
This time I won it, not a dole.
Far from family, alone, no friends
Late night studies, academic errands
Slowly and surely, bonds formed anew
Sisters, friends and besties, a few.

Those relations, forged in youth
Still strong, deep, heartfelt in sooth*
Sharing low moments, also our joys,
New jobs, more power and pelf,
Miss my old friends, my old self!

A travelling job to feed my wanderlust
Tribal sunsets, inky forests, magical stardust!
Diverse cultures, many languages
Through native art, many forages
Terracotta, brasswork, carvings on a skelf*
Connoisseur of craft, I miss my old self.

We met one day, fell in love,
Alas, society was against us
We waited, and I integrated
Slowly his family accepted us.

No change was too sudden,
No challenge too difficult
We'd finally be together
No differences to tear us asunder
That boldness, faith, in love, togetherness
I miss that strength hidden in tenderness.

Career or motherhood, it was a tough choice
Chose motherhood, as bade my inner voice
Beautiful kids, intelligent and loving
Enjoyed their childhood, 'twas a second coming
All grown up now, the nest is nearly empty
What now is my role? Time to think aplenty.

The hustle, the demands,
The rush to help a lil elf,
Much-wanted Mamma,
Oh, how I miss my old self!

It's the way of the world, nothing strange
Out with the old, bring in the new
After months of the pandemic
Online's the new dynamic
It's all virtual, whether studies or events
Art, entertainment or market trends.

Those sunny days, those meadow flowers
The dog walks, intermittent showers
Walking down the road,
Stopping to chat with friends
Real world below, offline mode
The sun above it's weary way wends.

All that seems in a lifetime past
Loneliness is real, darkness comes fast.
I miss the gatherings, the crowds,
I miss the meandering, miss myself!

Post covid, new protocol
Don't sneeze, don't cough,
and just don't hug, at all!
While distancing became reality
Internet built relations among absentees.
Dull with despair, what to do next?
On dealing with life I needed a text.

Not anymore, I found my niche
Untamed tales on a microfiche!

Like-minded souls across the globe
Banded together by fan fiction
Mutual is our love of stories,
Never mind our grammar or diction!
We read, we write, we appreciate
We're authors, friends, our minds relate.

The silver lining of my cloud,
Of my new friends I'm so proud
Interesting, clever, eclectic crowd
Excitement, joy, I'm screaming aloud!

This, now, is my new purpose,
I write,communicate, create,
Reach hearts, touch minds
Many issues we like to discuss
Other topics, we often debate
Many kindred spirits thus we find!

For these books, these friends,
This unique Sorority;
Fortunate, I call myself
Today and for all eternity!
Here I'm liked, understood,
Accepted and even wanted!
Here I'm home, here I'm Me
No pressures, no expectations
Nothing gnawing at me.

As this year's almost finished,
I turn, look back at myself,
Now I'm renewed, refreshed -
No more missing my old self!

*******

A/N:

* Sooth: the truth
* Skelf: a sliver of wood

29.12.22