i have been ignorant a lot.

two: you dont need to tell me anything

_my life is a mess_

M: to not be vague she is going to have exams and her family and school stresses her out a lot. and she's been pretty busy~
figuring out things.

I fucking created another thing to keep me company bc im lonely with my frens.

but it feels better when they're there for instead of real people because they can bend to my ways and control me while i control them.

i keep myself distracted. away from stress and other problems bc i know i cant face them.

rn im scared enough to not talk to anyone.

i want to get sick again.
i want to know if anyone cares.

i wake up everyday with absolutely no hope whatsoever but then i think of the love yourself album.
and BTS
they at least help me to keep me alive
and make me feel the happiness no one else can.

i pretend a lot. when i think its wrong.
i think its wrong for me to love.
i [dont and]want to.
wrong to feel sad or anger. thats how no one minds me.

im good as long as i dont express myself and bend to how they want me to feel.

no matter how i feel. they dont notice.

i want help.
but i want everyone to stay away except one person.
the only one i want to talk to.
but im too ashamed and scared to.

fuck this. fuck me. im sick and tired of repeating every fucking thing again and again.

me to self: just why cant you fucking stop and be normal. it doesnt matter just shut up.

Alright now im calm i feel great ! ^_^
i need to study for my exam tommorow

it hurts again tho.

fuck i cant cry. i dont want to.

alright. *takes deeeeep breaths*

i forget a lot ! sometimes ! no actually everytime lmao.

im sorry if i bothered you with this chapter but im gonna have to write all this down before i forget.

thankyou Rolumisa ! Tokidori
i honestly never expected that much from you. i really looked up to you.
id agree with everything you say even if that is wrong. even if it would have hurt me.
but you are not that kind of a person.
you nice and better than anyone else active in this community atm.
i thank you very much.
i am not to be loved but i am very very grateful for you to express that emotion.

if youre leaving because of anything anyone else said then im probably going cuss on that person bc ofc i wont do much heh. thankyou anyways.
i l y t o o < 3

ADMIRATION
to me, if i admire someone.
id follow them blindly and trust them no matter what. no matter they are right or wrong. i would do anything they say.

but it hurts that no one will ever or did ever notice me.

thankyou to everyone here including the people i dont like

if you werent here. i wouldnt be how i am.

i wouldnt makes mistakes and regret them to become a better person.

i wouldnt be me.

i am a little too twisted tho.