The small sanctuary was flooded with voices raised in worship. Some slightly off key, others clearly singing to their own tune, and a rare few blending in perfect harmony. Starling closed her eyes and waited for the peace she always found sitting in her grandmother's tiny Baptist church, but it never came. Thoughts of the previous week kept pushing it out. When the song ended, the pastor called for a dismissal prayer, and she bowed her head and prayed for a way to come to terms with the circus that was now her life.

"Ready to go," Nana asked, slipping a worn hymnal into the back of the pew in front of her.

Starling nodded and gathered her things, waving to the people who called her name as they made their way down the aisle to the front of the church. Pastor Trey shook hands and hugged those who passed by, his wife catching the few he missed. She caught bits of conversation as they waited for their turn. Most of it was the same as every other week. Prayer request updates, lunch plans, and what so and so was bringing to the next potluck. But from time to time, she heard her brother's name fall from someone's lips, either in reverence or distaste, and she was reminded of the secret she carried into the Lord's house.

"Why Mrs. Gertrude, you're looking just as pretty as a picture today," Pastor Trey said, capturing Nana in a solid embrace, his meaty arms nearly doubling around her frail frame. His wife, Laura Catherine, pulled Starling into a much less aggressive side hug.

"Well, you do know how to turn an old woman's head, Pastor," Nana said, patting her well sprayed head of gray hair. "But I appreciate the compliment all the same."

"And how are you doing Starling? I hear you've had a hectic week." He and Nana shared a look, and Starling looked over her shoulder to see how many people were waiting. As luck would have it, they were the last ones. She'd wondered why her grandmother had gone so slow this morning- not, that the woman was ever in a hurry to leave church, but she'd walked at half her usual pace, letting others cut in front of them.

"I told him," Nana said, patting Starling's hand. "When you first moved here, I wanted someone to confide in, and with everything going on, I'm glad I did."

"You know we're here if you ever need an ear," Laura Catherine said.

Wondering what all her grandmother had actually said, Starling just nodded. "I appreciate it, but he's going to keep everything quiet, so hopefully things won't change too much."

"It can't be easy, having everyone on edge at your school. Especially, it being your senior year and all. I heard Gillian Shaw is attending as well, and according to the news, another celebrity might enroll before the week is out."

Pastor Trey rubbed his clean shaven jaw. "I can't believe the school is allowing all of this to go on. I sure hope it's not affecting the education y'all are getting." Their twins were freshman at the school.

"I'm sure the school is receiving a lot of money for allowing them to come," Laura Catherine said, her tone much softer than her husband's. "If that means we can afford new band uniforms next year, then I'm okay with a little chaos."

"Yes, well..." Starling hooked her arm through her grandmother's as a group of people she'd missed joined the line. "Thank you for checking up on me."

When they were in the car, Nana folded her hands over her Bible and fixed a hard look on her granddaughter. She said nothing, and Starling knew the older woman was waiting for her to speak first.

"Nana, I can't look at you while I'm driving."

"That was a little rude, rushing us from the church like that."

"There was nothing else to say, and Annabeth Stein was standing right behind us at the end. You and I know that woman can spread gossip faster than gasoline spreads a fire. I don't want anyone knowing about Griffin, alright."

Nana sniffed. "I agreed to keep it a secret when you moved in, and I'll continue to keep it."

"I sense a but there."

"I wish you would just tell me what happened that made you run, Starling. It might help, and truth be told, I'd like a chance to get to know my grandson again. I won't have many chances left."

Starling rolled her eyes and gripped the steering wheel tighter. Nana might look like a delicate little old lady, but the woman was healthy as a horse. She participated in 5ks regularly, and despite growing up in a generation that believed everything could be fried, the doctors said her heart was in better shape than most half her age. Nana wasn't going anywhere soon.

"Don't think I didn't see that, Starling Anderson. Your eyes will get stuck that way."

"Nana," Starling replied, turning her car down a narrow street, doing her best to avoid a large pothole, "they'd be stuck by now if that was true."

Her grandmother giggled. "Well, you might be right about that. Lord knows your daddy put it to the test when he was a youngin."

The mention of Starling's father made her chest tighten and tears burn at the back of her eyes. She'd been ten when he died of cancer, but there were times when certain smells and sounds brought him back to her so strongly it could've been just yesterday she watched him walk out the front door with his signature grin sprawled across his tan face. Nana must've sensed the pain-it was a good hurt- her words had triggered, and she patted Starling's knee. That was Nana's way of comforting others. Patting. And Starling treasured every touch.

"D-do you think Daddy would've approved of what Mama did?"

"The acting business?"

Among other things. "Yeah."

"Well, y'all were acting before he died, and he didn't ever seem to mind."

"Yeah, but we only started doing commercials and movies to help pay for his treatments. I don't know that he would've wanted this life for Griffin."

"What makes you think Griffin's life is bad?" Nana asked.

They pulled into the driveway, and Starling shrugged as she unbuckled. Neither of them moved to get out of the car. "Everything is handed to him. Because of a pretty face and a good voice. That's a good way to end up in trouble."

"Now, listen here. Your brother has worked hard to get what he has. I may not always like his work, but I know how much he does work." She grew quiet before pointing at the flowers in the front yard. "You see those two flower beds? You see a difference in them? Is one better than the other?"

"No," Starling admitted after examining them and finding them to be equal.

"That bed on the left was the one I put in when your grandfather built this house. I used a shovel and my hands. The one on the right was one I put in after your daddy went to college. Your grandfather had died, and I wanted something to keep me busy. I rented some equipment to make the work easier. It went a lot faster that way, and it was easier on my old body."

"Where is this going?"

"I still have to tend the flowers in the bed. Fertilize them. Weed them. I don't treat the ones on the left any different from the right. I don't resent the left just because they were harder to get started, and it doesn't make the ones on the right any less beautiful because I had better equipment. And nobody knows unless I tell them."

"Okay, Nana." She put her hand on the door, but Nana reached out to stop her.

"Maybe Griffin got where he is because he was a cute kid- better equipment so to speak, but I know for a fact, he is respected for his talents now. That kid tends his flower bed, mark my words. Your flower bed can grow flowers every bit as pretty as your brother's, but you're so focused on the things that make his life easier than yours. You resent him for something he can't control, and that's no better than people ignoring your talents because your body doesn't match some beauty stereotype."

Starling frowned but didn't speak. Nana spoke truth, but it wasn't so simple. Her grandmother hadn't been tormented, turned into a laughing stock, because she didn't possess the same good looks as her brother- as the other girls going out for the same roles. It didn't matter that Starling could out sing and out act ninety-eight percent of them. She wasn't pretty enough. Skinny enough.

"I see those wheels turning baby girl. You're looking for a way to argue, and I'm not saying what you're thinking doesn't hold any validity. But- and this is the last thing I'm gonna say- you think about this. You're so busy thinking about how you're judged by that world for your looks that you don't realize you're just as bad as they are. Cause you're judging all of them for being too pretty."

Nana heaved herself out of the car and walked into the house, leaving Starling staring after her like a fish out of water. Shame crept over every inch of her, making her squirm in her seat. She wanted to pound the steering wheel and shout that it was different. Nobody pitied the powerful because people envied them.

She stepped out of the car and clicked the lock button. Two short bursts of sound filled the air as she walked to the house, carefully choosing her steps on the uneven path. The heels Nana insisted she pull out for Sundays pinched her toes, and she couldn't wait to kick them off once she stepped inside.

"Star, wait up."

The sound of her brother's voice startled her, and her foot slid into a crack between the stones, making her wobble. Griffin jogged to her side, catching her by the elbow. He held on until they were on the porch, and when he let her go, he shoved his hands into his pockets.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. The usual venom she reserved for her brother was absent, replaced instead by exhaustion. Nana was right. No matter what went on between Starling and Griffin, the elderly woman deserved to see him.

"Nana invited me over for Sunday lunch," he answered, studying her from beneath the bill of his baseball hat. With his nondescript t-shirt and ripped, faded jeans, he looked like any other boy from town. "You don't have to worry. I parked over at the Save-A-Lot, and walked through the neighborhoods. No one followed me."

She was touched by his thoughtfulness. The boy she knew wouldn't have cared who saw him come and go. He would've been pleased with the attention. 

Or maybe that was the boy she'd turned him into with her insecurities. Nana's lecture in the car continued to wheedle into her conscience, making her wonder if what she thought she knew of her brother was based on their personal history or what she read in the tabloids.

"It's pot roast," Starling said, opening the screen door and gesturing inside.

Griffin's face split into a wide grin- their father's grin- as he entered the house, tugging off his baseball cap. Nana didn't tolerate hats in the house. "Man, I can't remember the last time I had pot roast. It used to be my favorite. Probably still is."

"Mine too."

"Thanks for being cool with this."

"Do I have a choice?" Starling asked, pulling off her shoes. The smooth hardwood was cool against her bare feet, and she almost sighed audibly as she wiggled her toes.

Her response earned a furrowed brow from her brother. "Cool, Star. I thought maybe we could at least act like adults today."

Starling delved deep inside, searching for the anger that seemed to have vanished with Nana's talk. She needed that anger to anchor her, to give her a way to navigate her relationship with Griffin. It had been their foundation for so long, she didn't know anything else.

"That's what you're good at, right? Acting?"

Her brother snorted, and when he replied, a hint of an accent colored his voice. "If I seem to remember correctly, you were even better than me. Once."

"Y'all ready to eat?" Nana called from the kitchen.

"Yes ma'am," Griffin shouted back, his eyes never leaving Starling's.

She broke away first, starting up the stairs to drop off her shoes and change out of her dress. The disappearing anger had returned in full force, and she clung to it like a life preserver.

"Star."

"What Griffin?" She stood at the top, not turning around to look at him, hoping he'd walk away without saying anything else.

"You don't have to worry about Gillian saying anything."

She whipped around. "You're sure? You talked to her?"

His handsome face was unreadable. "It's taken care of."

And then he did just what she wanted. Walked away, leaving her to wonder exactly what that meant.