Chapter Eighteen

•••

HYUNJIN

The second day of senior year for Uni went by faster than I realized, going through all three of my classes without any problems. Last night was another restless one, and I wanted to get back home to finish the painting I started. Ever since the breakup, I hadn't touched a paintbrush until a few months ago. It was almost as if my body was refusing the desire to color a canvas, a true sign of inner turmoil I couldn't help but allow myself to feel.

However, that sullen feeling was instantly broken when I took notice of Felix in a photoshoot with the male I now knew to be named Juyeon at the beginning of summer. Witnessing the two plastered on a cover of a magazine, their chemistry radiating off the page with a natural sense of a deeper connection that transcended further than just a simple snapshot, shook something within me. Despite hearing small whispers of how he was through San from Wooyoung recently, I couldn't help but feel the regret hit tenfold all over again. Ever since then, the nightmares never stopped and I honestly didn't want them to.

Consider it my punishment and I'm atoning for it all...

Making my way toward my car, the sun was beginning to set as my phone began to vibrate in my pocket. With a soft sigh, I pulled it out to see Seonghwa calling me. Placing to my ear, I answered. "What's up, Hwa?"

"What are you doing right now?"

"I'm about to head home...," I paused, raising my eyebrow skeptically, "...why do you ask?"

"Stop by my place before you go home, and no, you have no choice...Bye."

He abruptly ended the call, causing me to scoff. "Aish...I swear he thinks he runs things because he's older..."

Reaching my car and stepping in, I tossed my backpack in the passenger seat before revving up the engine. My mind wondered what could be so important for him to want me to come to his place, but I figured that it had to be urgent for him to create such a demand so suddenly.

Whatever it was, I prepared myself for the worst as I pulled out the parking spot and began my drive to his apartment as instructed.

•••

Seonghwa and Hongjoong's apartment wasn't too far from my own and the University, as the drive only took about ten minutes. Upon arrival, I noticed three other cars in the driveway, cars that I didn't recognize at all.

"What the hell...?"

Parking behind one of them, I stepped out and made my way to the door. I could feel irritation beginning to rise in me, my mind thinking that Seonghwa wanted to have some type of conversation in front of people I didn't want knowing anything about me anymore. Other than Seonghwa and San, I haven't truly talked to the other people that used to be in our joined friend group since the start of Uni.

And I wasn't in the mood to start now...

Standing in front of the door, I knocked twice before it opened to reveal Hongjoong. He granted me a small smile before opening it wider, revealing not only Seonghwa, but Chan, Changbin, Lisa, Han, and Wooyoung.

Wooyoung instantly stood up from the couch and scowled. "Hwa! You said he wouldn't be here!"

"Woo, calm down...this isn't the time..."Han sighed, pulling the male back down onto the couch.

I raised my eyebrow toward Seonghwa as I made my way inside, ignoring the raging male who was staring daggers into me. "Nice to see you too, Wooyoung...So Hwa...what the fuck is this? This is what you wanted me to come to?"

"Hyunjin, just come in. You're gonna want to hear this..." Seonghwa said reassuringly, gesturing for me to seat in the empty couch. "Trust me."

Lisa nodded with a smirk. "I think you'd better sit and be a good boy for at least a few minutes, kay?"

Still the same sass as ever I see...

Reluctantly, I took a seat as told and looked around. "So, what was so important for me to come here and be caught in what seems to be an ambush?"

"It's not an ambush, Jinnie..." Chan laughed. "We just wanted to tell you guys what happened last night."

Wooyoung chimed in with irritation laced in his voice. "And you had to come in order for them to tell us, which means we all had to wait for the prince to make his grand arrival."

Hongjoong sighed. "Ignore him please...Now that you're here, we can start."

"Well, the three of us,"Changbin started, pointing to himself, Lisa and Chan, "went to Lixie's house to eat and we met a certain male..."

"His name was Juyeon and based on how close the two were, I could see instantly that the two are more than just friends. If anything, I wouldn't be surprised if they were dating." Lisa added nonchalantly. "Especially how Juyeon looked at Felix all night, practically radiating 'lover boy' energy."

"Well, based on what Lix told me, they are just friends." Wooyoung clarified, but a soft smirk grew on his face as he looked toward me. "Although, I would support it if they did start dating. He deserves to be happy, after all."

Changbin flicked Wooyoung's forehead and scowled. "This is why I didn't want to bring you here, you pabo. Shut up or else..."

"Why are you all telling me this? I met the guy already since we all share a class...?" I asked quietly, ignoring the pain that was hitting my chest at the thought.

Hongjoong spoke up next. "Well, we know Felix...and despite whoever this Juyeon guy is...he's not happy. Everything is a facade, and it's painfully obvious."

"Hyunjin, we're telling you this because we want things to be fixed. You two are miserable and ignoring this idiot beside me," Han rolled his eyes at Wooyoung, "things between you two need to be resolved."

Seonghwa nodded. "Plus, what I told you yesterday about a certain thing with my internship is starting next week...things could actually be fixed...it's really on you."

"Do you want him back? ...Do you still love him?" Hongjoong asked gently.

Everyone in the room had their eyes glued onto me, patiently awaiting my response to the one question I had no doubts about answering. No matter how much I wanted to accept him moving on from me and finding someone new, deep down I knew that my heart longed for him. Everything about him was perfectly made and I found no faults in him, he was the true definition of someone made to complete my soul. After all these years, my heart was still his without a question.

I loved him...so much it hurts...

However, the fear of my father harming my mother came back to the forefront of my mind. I was no longer only in charge of myself, but also my mother and even Niki, who had been completely understand of the entire situation. I couldn't help but feel a sense of uneasiness at the possibility of breaking things off so soon without a secure backup plan in place.

It's too risky...I can't hurt them by being selfishly happy...

After a long moment of silence, I closed my eyes and sighed. "I never stopped loving him...but I can't do anything about it..."

Turning my head to Seonghwa, I shook my head while fighting tears that threatened to spill onto my cheeks. "Even if I wanted to have faith in your idea, it's not secure enough for me to let go of my arrangement.... Plus, it's not fair to Felix to be dragged into my self-inflicted mess..."

Standing up from the couch, I looked at the group who all had remorseful eyes, slowly granting them a forced smile. "I appreciate you guys trying to help me, but I think I'm stuck in this for good...but keep looking out for him for me. That's all I ask....he'll be fine without me..."

Not bothering to wait for a response, I quickly made my way to the door and walked out, ignoring the hanging feeling of regret as soon as the words left my mouth.

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My apologies for the long gap in updates, life been crazy but I'm back!

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