ELLE

Most humans wouldn't fully grasp how precious time was until they barely had any left. Elle Harper was living proof of that statement. Well, according to the doctor, she would become non-living in about six months.

As she trudged out of the office, clutching her medical report, she bit the insides of her cheek. Stage four brain tumour. Her prognosis was six months, and while she had always thought that was a lot of time, all of a sudden, that felt like such little time. She clenched her fists so tightly that the edge of the envelope had crumpled and her knuckles had turned white.

Six months. Those two words echoed in her head, and a cold chill ran down her spine. Who knew that a length of time could sound so scary?

Elle had two choices: One, receive treatment and hope to recover. Two, enjoy the final days of her life and leave with no regrets. Neither sounded nice, but with death hanging above her head – well, inside her head – she hardly had a choice. Regardless of how unfavourable the options were, however, they were still choices to be made.

Just then, her phone screen lit up, and she glanced at the notification that said that Euan had texted her. Elle bit her lip as she unlocked her phone to look at the message.

Euan: Hey! How did it go?

Elle: It was fine. We picked up a lot of rubbish.

Euan: Good job! Is movie night confirmed?

Elle: Yeah.

She chewed her lower lip, guilty about the lie. Euan Golding was her best friend since they were in diapers, yet he knew nothing about Elle's condition. Nothing. No one did. Elle had made it a point to hide it from everyone. She had turned off her SMS notifications in case someone noticed the messages from the hospital. She would make up events to cover her doctor's appointments. She had brushed away her symptoms as something mild and common, all the while taking strong medication to suppress them. She had even chosen to use the hospital in the next town in case she bumped into people she knew at the nearest hospital.

Today, Elle had struck gold when her doctor's appointment had fallen on the same day as a beach clean-up, one that Euan couldn't attend because she had given her excuse long after the sign-up form for volunteers was closed. It was the perfect excuse, especially when it had fit her so well. Ever since she was old enough to meet the age requirements, Elle volunteered as much as she could in her free time. She had stopped doing it as frequently once she joined the workforce, but it still wasn't surprising for her to do ad-hoc volunteer work once in a while.

Six months.

Elle gulped. She only had this little time left in this world. Glancing at the time displayed on her phone, she sighed. There were still four hours to her movie night with her best friend. It was a long-standing tradition from the time they started middle school to maintain their close bond despite being assigned to different classes.

My best friend. She gulped yet again as her nails dug into her palm. What would happen to Euan after she was gone? They had known each other from the moment they were born, as they were neighbours and their stay-at-home mothers were best friends. After almost thirty years of friendship, Elle couldn't imagine a life without Euan, and she knew he felt the same too. Tears started welling up in her eyes upon that dreadful thought.

She was going to die, and her loved ones would have to live with that.

Images of Elle's family and friends flashed before her eyes. What would happen to them if she were gone? Who was going to have weekly movie nights with Euan? Who was going to take her grandmother on her daily evening stroll? Who was going to watch her parents' cat whenever they went on a trip? Tears that had been threatening to fall finally streamed down her cheeks. Why did it have to be her? She was only twenty-nine years old. She was too young to die. It was so unfair.

What was death like? What would happen after cancer took her? That thought sent her chills. Elle didn't want to die. She wanted to live. She wanted to beat cancer. However, money was a huge issue. The chance of beating stage four brain cancer wasn't that high either. By this stage, the tumour had already metastasised and spread throughout the body. The doctor had outlined the treatment plan, which included chemotherapy. It was going to cost an arm and a leg. Insurance could barely cover it, and she didn't want to be a burden to her family. Even if she recovered, there was always a chance of relapse. One couldn't cure cancer, only treat it. They could only get rid of the cancer cells, but the root of it would never be resolved. Treatment merely bought her time. It wouldn't magically cure her and bring her back to her worry-free days. She would have to spend even more money on remission. Cancer not only destroyed a person's body, but it also burned their bank account.

And Elle sure as hell didn't want to give her loved ones financial problems. She didn't work hard to earn money for her parents to lead a comfortable life, only for her to spend it all away and even drain their retirement funds. Even if they didn't mind, she sure as hell wouldn't agree to it. It was such a huge gamble.

Tucking her medical report in her bag, Elle heaved a deep sigh. If she decided not to have treatment, then she had to make the most out of her remaining days. She knew she had to hide her condition, as everyone would try to convince her to take up the treatment no matter how illogical it was.

Elle wanted to spend her final days living a normal life. She wanted the last facial expression she saw on the faces of her loved ones to be warm smiles. She also wanted those smiles to stay forever, never dimmed by her demise. For that, she had to leave behind the illusion that she was still living. And she had to keep the illusion running.

Just then, she received a call from her mother. Wiping her tears with her sleeve, she composed herself before picking up the call. "Yes, Mama?"

"Ellie! I made some brownies and thought I could give some to you and Euan for your movie night. How do brownies sound?" chirped Anne from the other end of the line.

"That sounds great! Thank you, Mama," replied Elle, who was biting her lip to stop herself from bawling there and then. "See you later." She hung up the phone and let her tears fall free-flow. She was going to miss her mother's baking when she was gone. In about six months, she would never get to taste her mother's cooking again, her favourite cook from the age of three.

Elle had to change her priorities now that her life had been put on a timer. Time was ticking, and hers could run out anytime. She had to cherish the most beautiful parts of her life that she had to savour for the last time and push away the things that she didn't need as much, such as work. She was going to miss the amazing people she met there, but she needed to spend her final days with the most important people in her life. She also had to fulfil her bucket list, which she had been adding to for years but never completed. She needed to make time for herself.

Pulling out her phone and opening her notes app, Elle decided to add some items to her bucket list.

        ▢   Find Euan his dream girl.

        ▢   Be Euan's best man... woman?

        ▢   Resign and tell my colleagues I won the lottery.

        ▢   Give Mama, Dada and Nana my "lottery money".

        ▢   Sell my apartment because I won the "lottery".

        ▢   "Go overseas" with my "lottery money".

As she stared at the lines in her notes, Elle chewed her lip. Would everyone believe that she had won the lottery? What if they asked for the winning ticket? Would they believe it if she said she'd thrown it away? Sighing, she rubbed her temples. Planning her own disappearance was harder than she had thought. Nonetheless, she had to do it. She couldn't bear to see their faces if she ever broke the news of her imminent death. She could already imagine the crestfallen looks on their faces as they suggested different ways to save her life. She already knew that they would want her to live, and that was enough for her.

A throbbing pain pierced through her head, and Elle winced. She had been enduring it for months, only deciding to get checked when the pain grew increasingly worse to the point that it was unbearable even with painkillers. Grabbing the packet of pills that she had included in the list of items to bring out ever since she started getting headaches, she popped out one and swallowed them with a huge gulp of water. The doctor had prescribed medication to reduce the pain, but Elle had no reason to put her own painkillers to waste.

Groaning, Elle forcefully licked her teeth to get rid of the bitter taste in her mouth. She lamented the fact that she had to endure this torture until her last breath unless she chose to be tubed up and given morphine in her final days. Elle shuddered. Her dream death certainly didn't entail lying in a hospital bed – not that she dreamed of dying, but she knew that wasn't the way she wanted her life to end.

With a few hours to spare, Elle decided to slow down her steps and look at her surroundings. Being away from the city where she worked, everything looked much more peaceful. Being away from the place she grew up and still lived in, everything looked novel. From the buildings to the greenery, she finally noticed the beauty of this town despite this not being the first time she had travelled to this area. She wondered how much of her country or even the world she had yet discovered.

Surely, she wanted to spend the last few months of her life exploring the large and beautiful world instead of resigning to the misery of treatment after treatment.

Elle sat on a bench that she found after strolling in the park. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The air wasn't the freshest, but it made her wonder how much she had missed in life from focusing on studying in childhood and working in adulthood. She had spent her youth putting so much pressure on herself and not taking care of her body.

And she deeply regretted that.

Had she had regular check-ups, she could've discovered the brain tumour earlier and gotten rid of it before it metastasised. Her chance of survival would've been higher.

"Sheesh," she murmured. Pain still radiated in her head, but it was getting more bearable as the effect of the painkiller started to kick in. She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. It was too late for regrets.

With a bounce, Elle pushed herself off the bench and made a beeline to her car. She started her engine and drove to her destination. It was time for her to check off her improvised bucket list.

Stopping outside her best friend's house, Elle mustered her best smile. She had a mission to accomplish. She needed to make sure that Euan would have a happy and comfortable life even without her in the picture. She needed to find Euan his dream girl. As much as it pained her to picture Euan with another girl, she knew that her condition didn't allow it to be her. Taking a deep breath, she unlocked the door.

"Hey! You're here!" Euan greeted Elle with a bright smile and open arms as he always did. Reaching in for a hug, she savoured the warmth of his embrace. Tears welled up in her eyes at the mere thought of never feeling his warm hugs again.

Elle knew she would never get to have her dream life with this ball of sunshine she had loved from the beginning of time, and she regretted not cherishing time more.

***

A/N:

Yeah... I haven't been writing throughout February, so this is actually the progress I have after 1 month. Cheers! :P