So umm, this'll be another vent cause you can never have enough of those lately. But anyways I just wanted to talk about how hard I'm trying to be a good person. I try to be friendly and nice. Yeah sure, I'm a pushover but that's only because I don't like violence. I don't like bullying and threats. But I know no matter how hard I try the effort of a quiet lonely girl just won't do anything. But you think that'll stop me? No. Never, I'll keep trying. I'm trying my utmost to be the change I want to see in the world. I try to get good grades, I try to be nice and friendly, I try to make my parents finally proud of me, see? I try. And guess what? I'm succeeding. I'm doing my school work and getting good grades. You know what I got for trying? I got into the honor roll. I try to be nice and friendly. You know what I got? The best friends a girl could ask for. I try to make my parents proud. You know what I got? Their love and kindness. My efforts are paying off. I'm getting what I've always wanted. Success. Something I could have never gotten if I didn't try. Sure, I'm not impressive. I'm a book-obsessed, nerdy, lonely, girl who has noodles for arms and an unhealthy addiction to anime and hoodies. But I have friends who I love with all my being, loving parents, a possibility to go to Votech, everything I could ask for. I don't need a phone or popularity to be happy. I need love and success. But you can't get success if you don'try. I always thought I'd get terrible grades and no friends and parents that were too invested to work to pay attention to me. And I had that. No friends. Bad grades. Parents that didn't pay attention to me. I had all that. The feeling of utter lonelyness was all I had for most of my childhood. It was depressing. I always thought I had to fend for myself. I thought I didn't need friends. I thought I didn't need my parents love. That was untill I got a friend. It was like I had actually had someone I could trust and share my interests with. Then I had more and more friends. And I was so so very happy. People who had time to laugh and have fun with me! But even happyness has an experation date. I had to move. I lived in a trailer. Two bedrooms, one bathroom, a living room, and a kitchen. Mind that we had 13 pets. 4 people including me. We had little money. No extra space. It was hell. But it was home. I never had friends over. I was so alone. I was invisible. No one ever really noticed me. I was way too young to learn what lonelyness was. But I adapted. I don't want anyone else to learn what lonelyness is. When I moved I felt so bad to have left my friends behind. I felt so depressed that I started hurting myself. I regret it now but back then I wanted to actually feel something other than lonelyness and emptyness. When school started I kept to myself and did my work. I always wore a black and yellow Hufflepuff bag. A nice, very beautiful girl said she liked my bag. I asked her what Hogwarts house she was in. She was a Slytherin. And just then I knew I found a friend. I quietly tagged along with her. Then what do you know. I got another friend. And before I knew it I actually had friends. People I could love. People I could actually talk to. People I could trust. People who actually cared about me. They made me feel better and the depression started going away. I felt like I needed to be a good person to keep them. I know how it feels to be betrayed. So I started working harder for them. I was so desperate to keep them and give them all my effort and love. It payed off. I got good grades. That then made my parents notice me. I was so happy I coulda cried. Imagine the people who helped bring you into this world focus on their jobs and your older sibling if you have one instead of noticing you. It hurts. It hurts so fucking bad. So once they congratulated me I felt amazing. I tried. I never gave up. I started out with bad grades, no friends, parents who never noticed me but now I have awesome grades, all the friends I could ask for, and parents who finally noticed me. I'd never have any of that if I just gave up. I'd never get this far if I'd killed myself. It's all because I tried. I became a good person with people who love me for who I am. I try to help people and try to make friends because I'd never wish the lonelyness that I lived with for my childhood on anyone. I hope you have friends and a family who loves you. Hold onto them for your life. You never know you had something untill it's gone. If you don't have friends then talk to me. It fills me with hope to get another friend. It makes me feel like I'm doing something good. So try. Never give up. No matter how hard life gets. I know it's hard but that's life. I learned that at a very young age. As Nick Valentine from Fallout 4 said: Chin up. I know the night just got darker but it won't last forever. Anyway sorry for just dropping like my whole life story on you. But what I'm trying to say is keep trying. You'll never go anywhere if you just give up. Please don't commit suicide. Keep going. You have people who love you even if you don't think so. Don't let your efforts go to waste. You matter. Keep the people you love with you. Trust me. You'll feel better. Go for your goal. Never stop trying. Please. Don't make the mistakes I made. Please. If no one will care you you then I will. If no one will love you then I will. I'll try my best to keep you safe. I'll try to make you proud. I'll try. And I hope you'll try as well. For your family. For your friends. For your lover. For your sake. For me. Just try. You won't regret it. I know I don't.