It was exactly a week after the battle of Hogwarts when I was discharged from St. Mungo's, cleared with a clean bill of health.

A week of no one seeming to know where Draco was.

Time for me stood still. I couldn't mourn for those who had died until I knew what had happened to Draco.

"This isn't healthy, Neve," Gran said, as I sat at the kitchen table on the morning of Tonks and Lupin's funeral and declared I wasn't going. "You need to say goodbye properly. You can't put your life on hold for the Malfoy boy. Andromeda tells me that Remus and Dora asked you to be Teddy's godmother; he needs you, Neve!"

"HIS NAME IS DRACO!" I yelled, making Gran flinch at my unexpected outburst.

I never shouted, least of all at my gran.

But I wasn't the same person I once was. Even though I had Gran and Trevor back; I had lost everything else.

And I wouldn't rest when there was still a glimmer of hope that I could get the one thing back I needed the most.

Draco.

Despite what Harry said, Gran seemed intent on believing that Draco had in fact done a runner ("He's nowt but a coward, just like his father!").

But I knew he wouldn't have done that. He loved me and I knew he would never willingly walk away from me; least of all his parents.

Something happened in that explosion, something that had made him disappear; because no one had seen him since that moment.

And I knew that wherever he was, he needed me to have faith that I would find him.

"We're doing our best," Harry had assured me when he came to visit with an update. "We've interrogated all Death Eaters who have had a connection with him under the use of Veritaserum, but so far no one we have asked knows a thing. We'll keep searching; he was a war hero, Neve. We won't give up on finding him."

Harry had been surprisingly supportive in my quest to find Draco. It was him that convinced me to go to the funerals in the end ("He would have wanted you to mourn them, Neve. If it was me I'd want Ginny to go to the funerals. Wherever he is, I'm sure he's fighting to come back to you. No matter what.").

So I went, and I cried. I cried for Tonks and I cried for Lupin. I cried for Teddy who I couldn't even bear to hold in my arms, despite the promise I'd made to Lupin.

"In your own time," Andromeda had assured me. "Whenever you're ready to be a part of his life, I know it is what our Dora would have wanted."

But I wasn't well enough in my head to do that; I could barely look after myself.

When it came to Colin's funeral, I had to be sedated.

I couldn't bear to think of his body going into the ground. I thought of every conversation we had had, every time we laughed together and got one another through those months in the Room of Requirement. I blamed myself for his death. He wanted to fight by my side and I had let him down; I should have had his back. But I didn't. I allowed him die.

As far as I was concerned there was nothing victorious about this war. The loss was too much and too devastating to contemplate.

I was a mess. And I needed Draco so much. I needed to know that he was okay; it was the not knowing that was killing me.

The fact that there was no body was the one thing I was clinging on to.

I even went back to Hogwarts and I stood on the spot we had last been together in the hope that it would give me some clue as to where he had vanished to.

But nothing.

"Draco, where are you?" I sobbed as I sank to my knees in despair. "Please come back to me. I need you."

*****

Six months later

"Neve, I'm afraid I've got some grave news and I think it's best that you sit down."

I looked up at Harry who had turned up in my kitchen unannounced as I was shakily making a morning pot of tea.

"Where's Gran?" I asked, figuring it was she who let him in.

"I'm here, pet," she said, hobbling slowly through the kitchen door behind him, pain etched on her face through the effort of walking, "put the kettle down love, what Harry has to say is important."

My heart instantly raced in my chest as I looked from Gran to Harry. They both looked extremely sombre.

"Draco-?" I started to ask, the sound of his name on my lips hurting me. It'd been a long time since I'd said it out loud.

However, Harry instantly shook his head, abruptly cutting off any hope.

I felt my heart shatter all over again.

"It's about Teddy," he said, beckoning to the table; a silent order for me to sit.

Shakily, I lowered myself down onto a chair, placing my palms flat on the table surface for support.

"Is he okay?" I breathed, fear making my heart thud like crazy.

Every single time someone walked through that door I prepared myself for bad news about Draco. I never even considered there could be other things going on with other people.

And in that moment, I felt horrendous. I had made a promise to a dying man that I would take care of his child and I had let him down. And now something had happened to him and it was Colin all over again - it was my fault.

"Teddy's fine," Harry assured me and I felt my whole body sigh in instant relief; I hadn't let him down, after all; I'd been given another chance.

"It's Andromeda," Harry continued, his expression suddenly darkening. "She passed away in the early hours of this morning. It was a heart attack."

"Merlin, no," I breathed my hand flying to my heart which was already so sad and broken. "And Teddy...?"

"Teddy is currently in the care of Ginny and myself," Harry said, coughing slightly as he shifted in his seat. "But we're not in line to be his appointed guardian."

He paused, looking at me carefully as I took this news in. "Neve - and I know there has been no initial ceremony to officialise this - but you and I both know it was Remus and Tonks's wish for you to be godmother, and I would like you to consider this when it comes to appointing Teddy a new guardian."

"You- you want me to take him in." I stated.

Slowly, Harry nodded. "I know you are still struggling with the disappearance of Draco, but it's been six months now, Neve, and not a single trace of him has been found. I think- no I know - it's time to move on. Teddy needs you, Neve."

I closed my eyes, allowing the tidal wave of agonising hurt to engulf me. I felt it in every inch of my being; from my fingertips right down to my toes. I felt it in every beat of my heart and each breath that filled my lungs; the grief of losing Draco.

And, as I let it wash over me, I realised I had to accept that it was time for me to live my life and be there for Teddy.

I had to accept that Draco was gone.

*****