Chapter 35: Peace After Chaos

I was not prepared for his sudden appearance, nor did I expect to bump into him this soon after we parted a while ago. The disappointment and frustration I felt before and after he left didn't falter just yet. But I remained composed and seated.

Be composed.

It was disheartening watching him comforting someone else after he wreaked my hopes and expectations havoc. Maybe it affected me so much because he had shown me enough reasons for me to trust him, not just with his words but actions too. I saw it, and I believed in him.

Just disappointing.

"I-I'm sorry, but I am not asking for money," Kristan said after Kath offered him compensation for the heroism he had shown just to save her life. "Just like I told you, I did what I had to do. I just came here to check on you."

Hinawi ni Kath ang luha sa pisngi. She's been crying since he came in. I could still sense the fear in her weary eyes. She almost died. If Kristan had not shown up to help her, she could have been buried there alive. She's still more fortunate than me, after all. A piece of me was left and buried there.

"I owe you my life," Kath sobbed. "I want to give you something in return. Please let me do something for you. Anything. Just name it, I beg you."

"You could ask her for a sports car," Hestia butted in, shrugging her shoulders as if they needed her opinion. "Or a cape."

"Do you want that?" tanong ni Kath.

Kristan just shook his head. I hate the fact that I know nothing could persuade him into accepting the reward even though he could ask for a thousand things that would make his life better now that I don't think he has a place to stay in. This was just simply an act of kindness for him.

As though that realization just hit me. Now that he's not with me, where is he going to stay? Is he even familiar with this busy city? Where is his cat? Why would he do that? Why would he hurt me with truth if he could just simply lie? Why is he like this?

Why am I like this?

"Please, Kristan..." Pinatong ni Kath ang kamay niya sa itaas ng kamay ni Kristan na nakapahinga sa kama. "I'm sure you are struggling on one thing. Say it, I will try to help you."

I fucking hate that. I hate that comforting someone comes with physical touch. What's next after holding hands? They are done with hugging. What's worse that could happen in this hospital room?

I leaned on my chair, crossed my legs, and languidly watched them. Nanatiling nakatayo sa gilid ko si Hestia. Sina Kristan at Kath naman ay nakaupo sa kama. I don't even know if I am needed here.

"There's one thing..." he mumbled, finally giving in.

That put a smile on Kathlysse's face. She looked relieved now that he was willing to accept her help. I had all the time in the world to stay and listen as I was curious why it took him this long to decide, but he couldn't say it. At least, right now.

"I-I want this to be just between us," he said.

My burgundy red pride flashed before my eyes. I knew where this was heading to. Before they could even ask us to leave, I stood and prepared myself.

"We should go now." I hugged her for the last time.

"Thank you for visiting me for the second time," Kath smiled at me. I was starting to hate it again. "You too, Hestia. I know you two are both busy, so I really appreciate it. Please be safe."

"I hope for your faster recovery," I said.

Naunang lumabas si Hestia. Sumunod ako.

I slowly closed the door and heard the last thing he said.

"I'm sorry..."

Hindi ko alam kung kanino niya ba 'yon sinabi. Kay Kathlysse ba dahil nahihiya siya sa kanya o sa akin dahil... dahil hindi niya ako nagawang piliin?

I feel perfectly fine, but something has been off with me since the burning building incident. It felt like I lost a piece of me there and another piece of myself in that hospital room.

I'm losing a piece of me in every place I leave without him.

He would not take advantage of the situation and ask her for ridiculous favors. I knew him as a gentle and respectful man. Maybe that was the reason why losing him was such a big deal to me. He was rare.

I looked straight at the long, dark, empty corridor leading to the backdoor. This hallway seemed so fun to walk through. I loved long and opened pathways. I tend to take my time walking through it as if walking down the red carpet.

It was enjoyable. I should enjoy it now.

I sighed, smiled, and stood straight before taking the hallway. It was in the middle when I realized something was wrong— walking with confidence was my thing, and not walking away. I was walking away.

"Nathalia?" Hestia stood at the end of the hallway, looking at me with confusion. "Kanina pa kita hinihintay sa parking. Are you okay?"

Hanggang sa makalapit ako sa kanya ay nakatitig lang siya. Nakakunot ang noo niya.

"I don't need him," I said, which I thought was unnecessary.

Does saying I don't need him will make my situation less embarrassing? It was embarrassing that I got tricked by a man again. Akala ko ba natuto na akong kumilatis ng bulok sa mabubulok pa lang?

"Men come and ago. They don't stick around. Only their promises," I said in a bitter tone.

I wanted to see him as just one of those men. Baka sakaling mas maging madali sa akin ang pagtanggap. Baka sakaling matanggap ko na hindi siya ang inakala ko.

"I know. You taught me that," Hestia whispered. Hinawakan niya ang balikat ko saka hinaplos. "Why is it so hard for you to let go of him, then?"

My best friend looked at me with confusion and worried. I couldn't blame her. Ito ang unang pagkakataon sa matagal na panahon na nakaramdam ako ng ganito sa isang lalaki.

"Men are all the same, Nathalia. You also taught me that." Kumawit siya sa braso ko saka na rin kami lumabas. "Naiintindihan ko naman na mahirap pakawalan si Kristan. Akala ko nga rin..."

"Akala ko rin..."

Maybe my expectations for him were not that high after all. The bar for men was just too low that even the bare minimum effort was often considered rare. I just wanted him to stick with his words of oath to me. He couldn't even man up.

Ayokong umuwi para madatnan ang mga basag kong gamit kaya nagpasya akong sumama muna kay Hestia sa apartment niya. Hindi naman simpleng apartment ang tinitirahan niya. Malaki rin at may swimming pool sa likod.

We decided to throw a pool party just exclusively for both of us. This also served as a celebration of the success of the recent event—just me and the only woman who could stand me.

I was entirely naked, crossed-legged, sitting on the sunlounger, and casually sipping my wine while staring at the clear blue water in the pool. The sky got darker and darker as time passed by.

"It's been a decade," Hestia yawned after the long silence. "This is the longest time you have spent in a single world. I cannot blame you. I enjoy it, too."

"It's been a decade..." That thought put a smile on my face.

A decade ago, I recklessly decided to venture into the world that a vampire like me was not supposed to take— the world of humans. This world has been good to me, and I must say that this was my favorite one so far.

"I wonder what's next?" she asked, hopeful.

Nakangiting tumingin ako sa kanya. "I have no idea. It's your turn to decide."

She looked at me, lips slightly parted.

It was my decision to take this world, and even though Hestia was so against this idea, she still joined me. She's always up to whatever comes into my mind. This time... I want her to decide for us.

Jumping from one world to another was not hard for me, knowing I had her. I always have her.

"Hindi ko pa alam..." aniya. "But our recent worlds have been a disaster. Maybe I want something peaceful for once? No war. No ranks. No chaos. No cameras."

Tumango na lang ako. That idea sounds bland, but she's right. We need peace after the chaos. It may not last longer than our previous world, but we still needed peace.

"Wait. Are we really talking about this?" gulat ang kanyang mga mata habang nakatingin sa akin. "I'm confused, Nath. Don't tell me you are planning on... leaving soon?"

I just shrugged. I still enjoy this world, but I know to myself that cannot stay here long. Mabilis na akong masakal ng kwintas na ginagamit ko. Ayoko namang maulit ang nangyari sa building.

Hindi ko hihintaying masira ang pangalan ko bago pa ako makaalis. Gusto kong iwanan ang mundong ito nang mabango ang pangalan ko at tinitingala.

"Yeah. I want something peaceful..." I said, leaning my back on the chair.

Tumayo si Hestia saka sumiksik sa akin sa upuan. Niyakap niya ako. Hindi na lang ako nagreklamo. Minsan ko lang naman siyang hayaan na maging ganito. Saka alam kong nalulungkot lang siya gaya ko.

"I will miss this world..." bulong niya. "I will miss your chaotic character as a supermodel."

I will miss it, too.

"Enough of this drama. Magtatagal pa rin naman tayo rito!" singhal ko.

It's pointless to be sad about the possibilities in the future. Just live in the moment and have fun.

"Right. But this party is too quiet," Hestia complained. "Let me blast the music."

Nakatitig lang ako sa tubig nung biglang sumabog ang malakas na tugtugin. Sa sobrang lakas no'n ay napansin kong gumalaw ang tubig sa pool.

"Is that enough?" sigaw ni Hestia.

Nilingon ko siya. May hawak pa siyang isang speaker na sa tingin ko ay idadagdag niya kung sakaling makulangan pa ako sa ingay. She almost bombed my head.

"Ano?" natatawang tanong niya.

Inirapan ko lang siya. Binitiwan ko ang baso ng alak saka tumayo. Nag-inat ako ng katawan bago sumuong sa tubig. Sinisid ko ang pinakailalim nito at nagtagal doon sa ilalim ng ilang minuto.

Pag-ahon ko ay kulay pula na ang pool. Ang buong akala ko ay dahil lang sa ilaw, pero iba ang amoy nito. Malagkit din sa katawan. Pag-angat ko ng tingin ay nakita kong nakatayo si Hestia sa gilid ng pool. Umaagos sa kanyang dibdib ang dugo.

I froze in terror and shut my eyes.

Fuck, no. What the fuck?!

"Nathalia?"

Pagmulat ko ng mga mata ay nagbalik na sa dating kulay ang tubig. Nakatingin sa akin si Hestia na naguguluhan. Ayos lang siya. Walang dugo sa kanyang dibdib.

"What happened?" tanong niya pagkaahon ko.

I walked passed her and sat on the chair. Hindi ko na nagawang magsalin ng alak sa baso. Diretso na akong uminom sa mismong bote. Nakalahati ko agad 'yon.

What the fuck was that?

"What's wrong?"

Sa sobrang higpit ng paghahawak ko sa bote ay nabasag ko ito. Umagos sa kamay ko ang alak at halos maligo ako rito. Nanatiling nakakuyom ang mga kamao ko na may hawak pang bubog.

Not Hestia.

If something happened to her, I don't think I could ever forgive this world and everyone. I don't think my wrath could fit all in the palm of my hands.

Hestia hugged me. "You are shaking..." she whispered.

I couldn't utter a word.

But then I realized... this was not the first time my eyes deluded me like this. This was not the first time I had foreseen Hestia bathing in her own blood. I've seen this one before.

"I am worried," she whispered.

I cannot lose her.

I cannot lose the woman who has been there for me through my ups and downs. She has suffered enough for sticking with me. Mas madalas pa nga siyang mapahamak dahil sa akin. Gano'n pa man ay hindi niya ako iniwan.

"I noticed that you have been axious lately..." puna niya sa mahinang boses. "You can tell me."

I just stared at her.

"Tell me..." she dared.

"S-someone might..." I gulped. "Someone might come after you because of me. Don't worry. You are safe with me. Just stay close to me, okay?"

Nagbago ang expression ng mukha niya. Tumayo siya saka tumingin sa akin. Nakita ko ang pangingilid ng luha sa kanyang mga mata. Bago pa man bumagsak 'yon ay tumalikod na siya saka naglakad palayo.

"Hestia!" Hinabol ko siya. Hinawakan ko ang braso niya pero tinulak niya ako. "You have nothing to worry about."

Hinarap niya ako. She's crying.

"Hindi ito ang unang pagkakataon na nakita mo ito, Nath," aniya saka pinunasan ang mga luha. "Ayokong mangyari ulit ang dati dahil sa akin."

"What do you mean?" kumunot ang noo ko.

She smiled. "Maybe this is bound to happen to me."

"To die?" I arched a brow.

"You see, Nath." Lumapit siya sa akin. "Nangyari na ito dati, hindi ba? Someone tried to kill me—"

"Because of me!"

She shook her head. "A-ayoko lang na gawin mo ulit 'yon. Ayokong pumatay ka ulit dahil lang sa akin. It feels like I am making you evil!"

"I am naturally evil. What do you mean?" I smiled.

She chuckled.

"It's fine, Hestia. I will protect you."

"There's one thing you need to know..." Suminghap siya ng hangin.

"What?"

"Alam na ni Terrence na hinahanap mo ang libro. Alam na niyang gusto mong makuha 'yon para tuluyan na siyang mabura sa mundong ito."

I see. This would make my job of ending him a bit harder, knowing he knew my intentions. If I couldn't find that book, then I would just kill him and worry about him returning after. For now, I just want him gone.

"Are you okay now?" she asked.

I nodded. "I hate this party so much."

She chuckled. "This is the saddest party ever."

Nagpahinga na si Hestia sa kanyang kwarto. Ako naman pagkatapos maligo ay lumabas ako ulit. Hindi ako makaramdam ng pagod. Sa tingin ko rin ay tatagal ito nang ilang araw.

I lit up a ciggy and sat on the edge of the pool with my legs dipped on the water. I lost the track of time. Hindi ko alam kung ilang oras pa bago sumikat ang araw.

I got lost in my thoughts that I didn't realize that a cat had approached me. She rubbed her white fur against my bare legs. I immediately looked around just in case. But... it's just a cat.

"Hey, Lilly..." I put down the ciggy to carry her in my arms. "How did you find me?"

That question was stupid, knowing it was impossible for her to find me this far. She didn't come here by herself. She was not alone. Someone brought her here.

"Lilly..." I called her name again.

I put her on my chest and hugged her.

I hate him for choosing her over me, but I suddenly wish I had just tried to understand him so that he won't leave.

I was ready.

Fuck!

I had already prepared to leave this world with him and start a new world... with him.