CHAPTER FOURTEEN || REMEMBER

tw:
sexual assault in flashback
torture in flashback

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Alex walked back to her cell after arriving back at the prison, exhausted and emotionally drained. She couldn't bring herself to look at her reflection or think about what had happened. She needed Eli, he's the only way she got through it before. but now he was gone.  She just wanted to crawl into bed and forget everything. She trusted her uncle to take care of the group that Carl had saved while they were gone. She could barely face herself let alone another group.

As she laid in bed, Alex's thoughts drifted to Glenn, being patched up by Hershel. grateful that he was okay, but she couldn't shake off the horrid memories of her past, The memories replayed in her mind like a broken record, and she could feel herself being pulled back into the darkness. She tried to push them away, but they were too powerful. She felt helpless, alone, trapped in her own mind. Eli was the only one who could level her out. 

> Flashback 3 years ago<

Alex couldn't breathe. water filled her nasal cavity. opening her mouth desperate for oxygen only to be met with more water. ice cold water. it filled her throat. thrashing against the table she was tied to. her heart raced. her lungs burning for oxygen. her eyes shut tight. as the violent pouring of water over her face stopped. Gasping for oxygen. violent coughs shook through her chest. Shouting filled her ears as water flooded her sinuses again. She begged. Her eyes screwed shut. Her chest violently burning. Water flooding her lungs she gagged. She would've done anything for it to stop.

"stop.." Alex muttered weakly the burning in her lungs still evident as she stared at the man in-front of her. her vision blurred by tears. Blood poured from her lip as he raised his fist again demanding to know where the rest of her regiment were hiding. when she didn't answer His fist smashed against her face again, Agony consuming her as her head weakly hung forward.

his hands. they lingered on her body. Bile rose in her throat. nausea consuming her. his hands exploring her body as she begged him to stop. begged him to get off of her. His weight was suffocating. a feeling she'd never forget.

"Alex" his body pressed against hers. She screamed. begging him to stop. to get off of her. She couldn't breathe. his body weight pressed her each one of her senses amplified as she screamed for it to stop.

"alex!"

"Alex! You're okay Lex, breathe. come on breathe with me. im here you're safe. "  tears filled her eyes. her chest constricting. Eli. His bright blue eyes filled with concern as he pulled Alex out of a ptsd flashback, for the 5th time that night. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she clawed at her own chest. trying to take deep breaths she felt as if all the oxygen had been pulled from the room.

"you're safe Lex, breathe with me" He took her hand in his as he took deep breaths coaching Alex to breathe with him. She copied him. breathing with him. squeezing his hand tightly as he grounded her. his concern-filled blue eyes stared into hers as he brought her back to reality.

"there you go. you're okay. I've got you. I'm not going to let anything happen to you again" he praised as her breathing began returning to normal. Alex gripped his hand. Staring into his ocean eyes as she rubbed her chest. her breathing slowed, taking in her surroundings. she wasn't in Afghanistan anymore, she wasn't being tortured for information. She was in her apartment, the apartment she shared with her best friend. her comfort person. the only man she trusted. Eli Moore. He noticed her breathing even out as she came back to reality. He pulled her into his arms, his hand cradling the back of her head as she sobbed into his neck, her arms tightly wrapped around his muscular frame as he held her.

"i'm sorry-" she sobbed gripping hold of his shirt. He shook his head, rubbing her back holding his best friend close. doing anything he could to ground her.

"Don't be sorry Lex. You can't help it. you're doing better, we didn't need to count that time.. I'm proud of you." Eli held her close as she nodded into his neck as she sniffled slowly pulling away and looking up at her best friend. His blue eyes consumed with worry as he rubbed her back making sure his hand didn't come into contact with any scars that lingered on her skin. 

>flashback over<

a tear slipping down her cheek, She couldn't let herself get like that again. fear consumed her, she couldn't let that trigger anything. She couldn't. but it already had. The only person who ever helped her through it. the only person who could ground her was gone. Eli was gone. she couldn't do this without him. he was gone. Lori was gone.  she couldn't grasp while she was still alive. 

"fuck!" she exclaimed sitting up and wiping her tear-stained cheeks. She hated this feeling. being weak. vulnerable. guilt consuming her as the memory of kissing Glenn came back, She'd lowered her guard too much. this group. she hated it, but they were her family now. Getting up from the bed she left her cell, walking past the other Cells she caught sight of Glenn. Hershel sat in front of him tending to his wounds. Glenn's eyes met hers, the swelling on his face more evident. they shared a look of discomfort and pity before Alex walked away not wanting to think of the situation again.

**

"you two okay?" Hershel asked, Glenn sat in front of him. bloodied tissues to Hershel's left from cleaning Glenn's wounds. Glenn only stayed silent unsure of what to say, unsure of what even happened between them, a wince slipping past his lips as Hershel cleaned yet another cut that littered his body.

"Rick's thankful for you looking out for her. we all are" Hershel added looking toward Glenn hoping his words would make a difference on Glenn's outlook on the situation, despite how hard Glenn tried to disguise his feelings Hershel could read him like a book, he could feel the guilt that radiated from the young boy. Hershel got up, and using his crutches he left Glenn to his own thoughts. hoping some time alone might help the boy reflect, yet Glenn's mind was only consumed with what the Governor had done to Alex. What had happened to her while he was in the room next to hers, The events replaying over and over again in his mind as anger burned in his chest. his mind drifted to them sat against the wall in that horrid room as he saw Alex for the first time, the look on her face when she entered the room one he would never forget. 

then his mind wandered to the desperation of their lips. he couldn't deny it. the way he felt about her. the protectiveness he felt in those moments, unlike anything he'd felt before, the pure rage toward the Governor. He knew he couldn't hold what had happened to her, with what she'd been through with the Governor. he didn't think she felt the same.

**

"Alex" She turned to see Rick walking toward her down, the stairs leading to the courtyard of the prison, Alex had come outside needing some air needing a distraction she knew her thoughts were going to drive her crazy, the walls of her cell were suffocating... The prison almost as suffocating as the room she'd been locked in. Rick walked up to his niece, a look in his eyes she wasn't familiar with.

"how's Glenn?" Rick asked as he lent against the railing of the stairs looking out into the courtyard, she shrugged the pity that laced ricks voice causing bile to rise in her throat, the feeling of Deja vu washing over her. 

"okay, i think." Rick nodded his hand going up to scratch the stubble that laid upon his chin. he sighed hesitating, unsure if any words he could say could make the situation better. 

"are you gonna tell me what happened?" Rick questioned, his voice laced with worry and anger as he thought about the things that could've happened to her while he was at the prison following ghosts. it was all too familiar they'd had this conversation before yet that time Alex was laid in a hospital bed.  Alex's chest constricted as she processed what he was asking, looking out into the prison yard, the growling walkers in the distance making the lingering silence less daunting.

"Merle beat the shit out of Glenn." Alex shrugged stating the obvious, Rick sighed. He knew there was more, Glenn had given it away with his little explosion. and she knew Rick knew, she they all knew. but admitting it, that made it all too real. 

"Alex.." Rick sighed, his police brain coming to light for a second not wanting to press further and make Alex uncomfortable. He didn't want to make assumptions, but he had an idea of what happened. and it made his blood boil just as it had before... he had failed to protect his family again. 

"don't shut me out, don't shut anyone out. not like last time.." Alex's jaw tightened as she looked out into the yard avoiding eye contact with her uncle. She hadn't seen this side of him in a long time. the cop, the caring uncle. the man who took over the role as her father figure. Rick pulled his niece into a side hug, his arm going around her shoulders. She wasn't one for affection although her recent actions didn't support that. Maybe it was the pure lack of human affection she'd suffered, or maybe it was something else. but she accepted his hug, her head going to his shoulder as he rubbed her arm in a comforting manner. Rick kissed the top of Alex's head before she broke the hug and Rick went to leave to go check on Glenn. but before he walked to far he turned back to face her, pushing his own grief further down so he could prioritise his niece for a moment.

"Glenn really cares about you, Alex. don't push him away." Rick said, his voice laced with worry before walking off leaving Alex to her thoughts. Her aunt.. now her uncle. and what happened back with the governor with the Korean boy. lori's words again lingered in her mind. 

she couldn't. there were no happy endings.

**

a/n - i've been posting fanfic edits on my tiktok. i made a tiktok account purely for that which will include my other stories on this Wattpad account like street racers.

i really don't know if anyone is actually interested in this story because Glenn isn't the most sought out character do Glenn stans still exist? 😭

but if you do like it i really appreciate comments and feedback. i love talking to you guys in the comments.

I've rewritten this chapter still think its shit but oh welllll