Karusa's POV

"Who are you?" The owner of this place asks us in a paranoid tone. He's probably tripping on something.

I don't move. It might freak him out and make him shoot. I just stay calm and state the reason for our visit.

"I'm here to pick up the acid," I tell him in a calm voice.

"You with the feds? Huh?" he interrogates us.

I shake my head but he's not convinced. He points the gun at Malice and threatens to shoot her!

Big fucking mistake, dude! I'd love to kick his ass but I'm unarmed so that's not smart.

I position myself between the gun and Malice to give her some kind of protection. Although... I don't think my body could actually stop a goddamn bullet if this bastard decides to shoot us.

"We're no cops," I tell the guy.

But instead of believing us, the fucker places the muzzle of the pistol against my forehead. The cold, heavy metal gives me chills but I don't move.

It's weird... I'm a little freaked out on the inside but at the same time, I'm pretty calm about the whole thing, like I'm cool with this being the end or something. I'm probably just high. It's like a mix of fear and acceptance, and that's freaking me out even more.

"Can we just get the drugs?" I say annoyed. "We just want some acid and then we'll leave."

"For real?" The guy looks at both of us, then he suddenly lets out an ugly laugh and finally lowers the damn gun. "I got you, my dude. Follow me."

When he goes back inside, I take a breath and shake my head in annoyance. What a fucking moron. I check with Malice to see if she's okay. She looks a bit startled but doesn't stop me from entering the house so we follow the guy to the living room.

We get to a dim-lit living room without any furniture other than some couches and a TV with a brocken screen and a fireplace filled with crushed beer cans. Home sweet home.

"Take a seat," the host points his gun at one of the sofas.

I take a look around while the man gets us the acid. There are three other guys and a couple of girls in the room. One of the girls is shirtless and smiles at me when we take a seat across from her on the sofa. Malice scoots closer, holding on to my arm.

"I don't want to stay," she whispers to me.

"I know. Don't worry, I won't let anything happen to you."

I'm not really eager to stay either but we do have to wait for the guy to give us the stuff.

We hear a knock on the front door. The host hears it too and leaves the room to answer it. Whoever knocked on the door is not getting the heartfelt gun-to-the-head welcome treatment that we got, because it only takes a few seconds for the host to return to the living room while having a friendly conversation with another visitor.

As they return to the living room their voices echo becomes clearer and I catch what the new customer says to the host. "Sometimes, but mostly I play by myself." He looks like a gay parrot with all his stupid tattoos. It almost makes me laugh out loud.

Malice doesn't seem as cheerful. She instantly tensed up and hides behind my body again. I don't feel scared at all, just impatient. We got here first so we should be served first.

"I play an instrument too, look!" The host laughs and shows Zazu a guitar case filled with guns. When he looks at me for a reaction, I give him a fake smile and nod. "Oh shit, I almost forgot about you guys," he laughs and finally hands me the bag with the acid. About fucking time.

When I pay him, he invites us to stay and take a hit from his bong but I decline. I don't even hide the annoyance on my face when I get up to leave. I came here to buy drugs not to exchange friendship bracelets.

"Ready to go?" I ask Malice, who's focused on the host and the other customer, or should I say the pirate and his funny looking parrot.

She nods at me and gets up to follow me out. She doesn't say a single word, and when we're back in the car and I let out the laugh I've been holding in ever since the second guy showed up. "That guy's tattoos made him look like a walking graffiti wall."

Usually she laughs at my dumb jokes but I guess she's not in the mood. I offer her weed to relax but she doesn't want any.

"Where to?" I ask. "Want me to drop you off?"

"Not yet."

"Um, okay. Where do you want to go then?"

"Anywhere."

"Wanna go to your place?" I've only seen Ganondorf's house from the gates. I've been so curious to see the inside of his mansion.

"Not a good idea," she says. "I'd rather just go to the dorms. Or the frat house is fine too."

"Eh," I shrug. "The party was lame and the dorms suck. If somebody smells the weed, they'll call the RA."

"Then where do you want to go?" she asks me annoyed.

"I don't know? You're the one who wants to go somewhere."

"It doesn't matter where we go, I just want to take acid," she flings back at me.

"Fine, let me drop you off then?"

"That's–" She hurls a confused look at me. "That's even more lame than any previous suggestion!"

"But I don't really need to take acid right now, I'm just chilling," I explain.

"I don't care about the acid!"

"What? You just said–"

"Jesus Christ, take a hint, dude! I want to be with you!"

What? I look at her with so much confusion on my face. Why's she frowning at me with that puppy face? She's killing the vibe! Her eyes are practically begging to come home with me. Desperate much?

What am I gonna say to her? Fuck me! I'll have to turn her down!

"I don't know, Mal..." I start but she instantly cuts in.

"What don't you know?" She spits.

I try to think this over. I don't want to mess up the friendship but we're both adults here, right? Maybe this can be like a one time thing. I don't think she's looking for a new lover or anything, she's probably just been lonely since Ganon's arrest and needs to get off.

"If I take you to my place... I mean..." I have to make sure we're on the same page here. "It'd just be this one time, right?"

"Yeah, just tonight," she nods.

Are we really doing this? Ganon is gonna kill me if he finds out I slept with his ex.

"What's there to think about?" she complains. "I'm your friend!"

"Exactly! We're friends." Maybe this isn't such a good idea after all. "Look, it's not like I haven't thought about it but... Ganon is my best friend and you two used to date so..."

"Used to? We're still together!"

"Well–then–what the fuck? I'm not doing this if you're still with him!"

"I'm not trying to sleep with you, moron! I just need a place to crash."

Oh? Wait... What? Is she having mood swings? Women are a different species, I swear!

"I'm not into you!" she clarifies as if I didn't get it the first time.

"Got it," I huff. "Same to you."

"I just need a place to stay for the night," she mumbles, looking at the skyscrapers in the distance. "So can I stay with you?"

"No," I shrug annoyed.

"Why not?"

"Do I look like a fucking bed and breakfast?"

"You look like a jerk," she scoffs, now giving me the death stare. "Just say yes, for fuck's sake."

"My dorm is too small. There's not enough room for two, you know?"

"Apparently enough for a fuck!" She crosses her arms. "Asshole."

I won't even deny it. "I'm just saying... My bed's pretty small and I'm a tall guy."

"I'll sleep on the floor then, shit! I don't have anywhere else to go..."

"For real? What about Ganondorf's house? I thought–"

"I left."

Oh shit. "Why?"

"I left when Ganon got arrested."

I had no idea she left Ganondorf's house but it makes sense with her boyfriend gone and all. Still, she could be living in a mansion for free right now, why give that up?

"Where are you staying now?" I ask her.

"Friends."

She sounds sad. She may be a killjoy tonight but she's also my friend and I don't want her to be homeless or anything. "I'm sorry."

"Whatever."

"I really am."

She doesn't say anything in return, she just stares out the window. She's probably pissed at me and pissed at the world. And I wish I could take better care of her but, shit, the dorms are really small and I don't ever let girls spend the whole night.

"Just drop me off here," she says depressed.

"Here? On the side of the road?"

"Yup."

Is she being for real right now? I groan, "You can crash at my place. But only for tonight, okay?"

"I wasn't planning on moving in."

She's being such a bitch tonight, what's up with her? She really does need some acid to help take the edge off.

I try to think of ways to help her out but I can barely keep myself from going broke, there's not much I can do to help her get out of her situation. I don't have a mansion, I don't even have a mini fridge in my dorm room.

"If you need a place to stay, I could ask some people." That's all I can think of at this moment.

"It's just for one night," she tells me again.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. It's fine. I'm just too tired to find a place to stay for tonight. I'll have a place to stay tomorrow."

"Alright, just let me know if you want me to ask around."

When we get back to campus, Malice is quiet again and hesitant to follow me into the dorm room. She looks nervous when I unlock my door. Maybe she's scared of getting caught? I leave the lights off for her but when I close the door behind us, she flinches.

"You good?" I laugh and she nods.

"I don't like closed doors," she says.

"Well, it's a dorm room. So..."

"Yeah, I know. It's fine," she shrugs.

I take a seat on my bed while she keeps standing there like a statue. I ignore her weird behavior and remove the acid from the bag.

"Here," I hold the tabs out for her and she doesn't hesitate to swallow them. Damn, someone's been on withdrawal.

"About the money..." she fumbles with her hands.

"Don't sweat it," I say.

"I'll pay you back."

I open the window before I light my joint to keep the smoke out. "You don't have to." Clearly, she needs it more than me.

"I just have to pay off some other debt first," she says.

"You got debt? How much?"

"Uh..." Now she's avoiding my eyes. "Not that much. Don't worry about it."

"Who do you owe?"

She doesn't answer. This girl's dealing with some shit, I can tell. So I grab some money from my nightstand. She doesn't comment on the stuff in my drawer but she definitely saw it because her eyes got big before she looked the other way.

I hold out the money. She doesn't take it but she finally sits down next to me on the bed.

"I can't take your money," she says.

"Why not?"

"It's yours..."

"It's cool. If I go to prison, I won't have much use for it anyways," I say.

"Don't joke about that!"

I raise a brow. "Do you see me laughing?"

"I'm serious!"

"So am I."

"You really think you'll go to prison?" she asks. I just give her an unbothered shrug. "You can't leave me! I need you here with me. With Ganon gone, you're the only person I trust. I'm not close to anyone else. You're the only one I feel comfortable with!"

"I'm not really close to anyone else either," I tell her with a smile. "That being said, I'm glad you're not living with Ganondorf anymore. I'm sorry about Ganon and all, but living with him and his dad wasn't good for you."

"Living on my own isn't easy either though..."

"Think you'll go back?"

"Hell no. I'll die before I go back to that house."

"Why? I thought you liked it there."

She chuckles sarcastically. "Let's just say Ganondorf and I didn't exchange our new addresses or loving goodbye hugs when I moved out. I sorta just ran away without him knowing and I'm pretty sure he's looking for me now."

"Looking for you? To bring you back?"

"That, or... to make me disappear for good."

I'm assuming she's joking. But just in case she's not, I place the money in her palm. "Don't let him find you then."

"Thanks, K."

She looks fucking depressed. Hopefully the drugs will kick in soon so she can forget about all the shit going on in her life. I want her to have a good time tonight. But in order for her to feel good, she has to stop being so tense. She looks super uncomfortable. Probably because she's wearing a jacket when it's 90 degrees out.

I hold the joint between my teeth so I can use my hands to take off her jacket. I thought it'd relax her but she's getting even more tense for some reason. She seems terrified and I don't know why. Wait, what the–

I grip her arm and pull it closer. Her whole body jolts and she looks scared shitless! She better be! I hate it when she cuts herself. And these cuts look recent!

"Stop doing that to yourself," I yell at her in frustration. I never understood why people cut themselves. How does slicing your skin with a blade fix anything at all? I know she doesn't do it for attention because she always tries to hide it, so what's the point of doing this to yourself?

"S–sorry," she says.

Well fuck, now I feel bad for yelling at her. Clearly she's going through something and yelling won't help. I gently place my hand flat on her skin to cover her wounds. It seems to calm her down a bit, which calms me down too.

"Ganon told me to take care of you while he's gone. If he sees you with new cuts, he'll kill me."

"He'lll kill us both," she says, finally showing a smile. "Karusa... You wouldn't hurt me, right?"

"Never," I say without hesitation. "I want the opposite, actually. So stop cutting yourself."

Why'd she even ask me that? I've never hurt her or made a move on her. Ever! Is she scared of me? Fuck, is that why she looks so terrified? Is she nervous because of the conversation we had earlier about Zelda? Malice needs to chill the fuck out. I'm not a goddamn rapist!

"I saw the track marks, too," I tell her arrogantly. "Be careful with that shit."

"Yeah... I know."

"Do you? Heroine's not a joke. If you shoot up regularly, it can really fuck you up bad."

"It's cute how much you care about me. In a way, you're like a big brother to me, even more so since Ganon's arrest."

"Then why are you scared I'll hurt you?" I ask and blow the smoke out the window so my dorm room doesn't smell like weed.

"I'm not."

"You've been tense ever since we got here. You didn't even want to sit with me and flinched when I took off your jacket."

"Sorry."

"Sacred I'll rape you?"

"No! Of course not... I'm just stressed." She's lying, I know it. "You're really the only person I can stand these days and I know you wouldn't hurt me. You take care of me. That's why you left the room with me when Ghirahim put his hands on me."

"Obviously," I shrug. "Does what we talked about earlier worry you?"

"Which part? The stuff about you and Zelda?" I nod. "No, it doesn't worry me. It doesn't change how I see you."

"I would never hurt you, Mal. I care about you, okay?"

"I know... Even though I may not know everything that happens between you and every girl, I know that nothing has ever happened between you and me. And that's all I need to know."

I appreciate her answer but I still feel the need to defend myself. She makes it sound like I've been with a million girls and did stuff against their will. But I know she means well, so I don't read into it. This makes me think of something she said in the car though...

She said I'm a good person.

I don't think I'm a good person. I don't give enough shits to actually care about people's feelings or their tragic life stories. I do me, they do them. I take what I want and if anyone has a problem with that then that's for them to figure out and deal with. That's how I've lived most of my life and it seems to work out just fine.

Not everyone agrees on my way of life. People have called me all kinds of names and I'm fine with that. Zelda even told me I'm sick. She said I don't understand what hate is. And maybe I don't but what good would it do me to feel something negative? If I can live a life of highs without facing the lows, I have nothing to complain about, right?

Does that make me a bad person? And if so, do I really care?

I know I've hurt people before, but I don't really feel bad about it. It's just a part of who I am, and even if I could help it, I don't see the point in trying. I don't really understand why people get so upset about things anyway. You don't see me complaining about getting insulted or harassed, or abused. It all seems so trivial to me. I move on and do whatever I think will benefit me the most. Maybe that's because I lack empathy? Sometimes I do wonder if I'm missing out on something by not being able to connect with others on an emotional level. Seems to me that all those emotions just give you drama and self-loathing. And who needs that? I don't need to feel regret or guilt. Or hate. If that's what it takes to be empathetic, I'm better off not feeling anything at all.

It's not like I don't have any feelings at all. I care about Malice. Making sure she's safe and healthy makes me feel good in some way and I don't even expect anything in return. I don't want sex or money from her, or drugs, or praise or acceptance or anything. I just want her to be okay.

I wonder if anyone else has ever thought that way about me. I don't think anyone really cares about how I feel, so why should I bother caring about them?

"Can I ask you something?" I say and avoid her eyes when she looks at me. "Do you really think I'm a good person?"

She shakes her head and shrugs. "What even is good? I don't think good people really exist."

"That makes no sense," I say.

"I'm not a good person, neither is Ganon."

"Shocker."

"But neither are Zelda and Link," she continues. "The concept of 'good' is a social construct, created by humans in order to establish moral norms and guide behavior. It's literally just there to control our inner demons. It's there to keep us from showing the world the monsters we truly are. The fact that there is such a thing as 'good' only means that there is something bad that needs a neutralizer. I can't think of anyone who's really a through and through good person. Some people try to be but they're just as bad inside as anyone else. We all have bad habits, addictions, desires, mean thoughts... People steal, people lie. Some kill. Some rape... Some do drugs, some drug others... The world's fucked up but at the end of the day, we are all sinners."

I try to think of a response but end up saying, "I'm too stoned to process this level of philosophy."

"Let me dumb it down for you," she mocks. "I think that you're loyal and caring. And I think you have regrets like any of us."

"Thanks, but... Do you think I'm a good person or not?"

"Why does it matter what I think?"

"Because... I don't think I am," I mutter.

She lays down next to me and puts her head on my chest. "Why not?"

"Because I've done stupid shit."

"So? That makes you one of seven billion."

"Yeah but... I... You're right, I have taken advantage of girls and... I start a lot of fights... And–"

"You had your reasons," she says. "We always have reasons. That's what makes us human."

"That doesn't change anything Malice! I don't even feel bad for half the shit I do until someone tells me how to feel about it! Until someone calls me a monster! And even then I barely care what they think!"

Somehow me yelling at her made her scoot closer. I don't need her to comfort me, I just want to know what she really thinks of me.

"I don't know who to blame for the baseball brawl in February," I say. "I blame Link for most of it, but some of it was Zelda's fault. Then again, Ganon and his dad took part in it too. Honestly, if Link wasn't a fucking martial arts fighter, I probably would've been the one to put him in the hospital. I could've ended up in prison just like Ganon if Link hadn't beat the shit out of me in front of everyone. That thought makes me hate Link. But to think that he almost died because of me makes me hate myself more."

"Link ending up in the hospital... That wasn't your fault," she says but she's wrong.

"I started it."

"No, Ganondorf started it."

"Malice... I have free will. I could've said no to his orders."

"No, you couldn't have. We both know that there is no disobeying when it comes to Ganondorf."

"Yeah... He's definitely got power. Which allows him to be a messed up coach." Shit, I just realized that soccer season is starting soon. "Is Link playing for the Eagles in the fall?" I ask.

"Doubt it. He got expelled."

"Thank god."

"So much for feeling bad," she mocks.

"I never said I felt bad. I honestly don't know how to feel about any of that. I feel like it's everyone else's fault but in the end I can't blame anyone but myself. It seriously sucks. I'm just glad I don't have to play against Link again. It's his fault I got suspended!"

"Is it though?"

"He took the first swing," I shrug with a smug grin.

"I wonder why," she teases.

"All I'm saying is that I'm glad he's off the field. He annoys the hell out of me."

"I think it's the other way around," she laughs. "Link's just minding his own business."

"Why are you taking his side?"

"Why are you so jealous?"

"Oh shut up. I'm not jealous."

"Got a little crush on Zelda, huh?"

"Fuck no! I learned my lesson with Hyrule chicks." My eyes fall down and back up her body. "No offense."

"Let's not talk about that school. I took acid to feel good not to talk about Ganondorf and Hyrule."

"Right, sorry. Let's change the topic then." I stub out the joint and lay back down on my back. "I like what you did to your hair."

"Really?" She sounds surprised.

"Yeah. I kinda hated the black and pink."

"Thanks," she says sarcastically.

"Just saying... brown suits you much better."

I catch a glimpse of her smile. "The only reason I colored it back to my natural hair color is so that Ganondorf won't recognize me on the streets...  he hasn't seen me with brown hair before. But I'm glad you like the new look."

I feel a sense of closeness and connection with her that I haven't felt in a long time. It's nice. Really nice. And the weight of her head on my chest is weirdly soothing. I feel tingly and numb at the same time and I think the drugs are finally kicking in.

------

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