(Past)

It's been years of me and Peter trying to search for the heart of the truest believer but no hope. It meant having at least twice as many boys as we did before to see if any of them were him.

My dream of having girls come to the island quickly faded as Peter was solely focused on finding the boy in the picture and claimed he didn't have time to bring them to.

In reality, part of the reason he didn't want to is because he didn't really like girls. I know I'm a girl but I was 'different to the rest of them', whatever the hell that means.

Peter would say that girls were 'annoying' and 'girls talk too much' and 'they're so whiny' and many other things that were definitely not true.

Truth is, he had a sexist attitude and I don't know when it started to develop because he definitely didn't use to be like that. But it was irritating.

He'd talk about them like they're objects and people to be messed with but not me. Strange. Maybe because I was seen to be strong and brave by 'boy standards' and he thought girls were weak and timid.

I noticed that a lot of the lost boys took this approach towards girls as well. I hated it. I tried to remind them that this isn't true but being isolated on this island and away from soviet doesn't help.

Obviously I challenged this ridiculous notion. Being around a bunch of sexist boys wasn't a luxury by far. Still, I stood by his side. He was my oldest friend and I loved him.

But this was exhausting. He was becoming more and more agitated by the day trying to find this heart. More aggressive, ruthless and violent in his search and so had the boys. Perhaps that's why they had developed this obnoxious attitude towards girls.

I got why he was acting like this but it still wasn't right. He was worried we wouldn't be able to find him but I knew we would eventually, it was just hard for now.

I'd hope things would go back to normal after we get the heart, whatever normal is nowadays. I was still enjoying myself though, Neverland was still fun and I got on with almost all the boys, well expect from one...

Felix. The second in command. We didn't really get along, even though he was Peter's closest friend and alley. We didn't talk much at all, he doesn't seem to like me but I never asked why.

He was always blunt, seemingly grumpy, barely ever talked and would sometimes give me death stares. I didn't understand him, Peter did though. That's what confused me.

"What are you doing?", someone asks, grabbing my attention.

"Just thinking", I respond, realising that I've been out of it for a while.

"You were completely silent for ages", Peter says.

"Day dreaming", I respond simply.

I was still thinking about the thing with Felix. It bugged me so much and I couldn't understand why. Perhaps it was time to actually do something about it, try to talk to him properly, I don't know.

I look over to him slowly, only to see he is staring right back at me coldly whilst the other boys are having a good time. He looks down and away from me quickly, carving something.

It doesn't take long for him to stand up suddenly and walk over to Peter and I. I'm a bit caught of guard, does he know what I was thinking? Of course not.

"I'm going to get more firewood", he says bluntly, whilst walking into the woods.

"I'll come", I say quickly.

Felix stops immediately and turns back, trying to hide his surprise. His emotionless state doesn't let me know if he feels positive or negative towards this information.

"I need to stretch my legs anyway", I add.

Peter just nods, not thinking anything of it. He was kind of oblivious to anything that didn't include that stupid heart. Felix shrugs and continues to walk as I quickly stand up to follow him.

We walk for a couple of minutes, him in front of me with only his back on show, and he hasn't said a word. This is too awkward, I need to spark a conversation with him pronto.

"How much do you need to collect?", I ask him.

"Dunno", he says in a dull tone.

"A lot", he continues.

Okay. That's accurate.

"Do you need the help then?", I question.

"Not really", he replies.

He starts picking up different sized logs from the forest floor as we walk along. He seems to be taking his time, not really caring and picking them up slowly.

"I could use my magic if you want", I explain, trying to speed up the process.

"I'm fine", he responds.

I can already tell I'm annoying him. Or am I? He's so emotionless I can't tell what he's thinking at all. I just wish I could get to the bottom of why he doesn't like me.

"I get it, I'm probably the last person you want to be doing this with, but can't we have a civil conversation?", I snap slightly. 

He slows down immediately after what I just said but still with his back turned towards me. Without turning around he speaks.

"This is why I do this alone. There's no conversation to be had, nothing against you", he responds, still picking up logs from the floor.

"Look, I know you don't like me but-", I begin but am almost instantly interrupted.

"What makes you think I don't like you?", he asks, fully turning around to face me.

Well, I didn't expect that response.

"Thousands of reasons", I state like it's obvious but he looks slightly confused.

"You ignore me, avoid me, scowl at me, you're blunt with me...", I list off.

He stares blankly at me for a second, like he's trying to gather his thoughts and feelings, before he turns back around, collecting fire wood again. Like nothing happened.

"That doesn't mean I hate you", he finally speaks, still not looking at me.

"Then what the hell does it mean?", I question, slightly angered. The way he's going about this so casually, like he doesn't really care pisses me off.

"It means there's a reason", he explains.

"Then tell me it", I demand, getting in front of him. I've had enough of talking to his back and him not facing me. I need to know what's going on.

"It's better if you don't know", he responds, trying to get past me.

"What's that suppose to mean?", I ask, trying to stop him.

"Nothing", he says bluntly, successfully walking past me.

"Felix please. I need to know why", I question again, teleporting in front of him. I'm not wasting my time chasing him by foot when he just pushes past me.

"Avoiding you is what's best", he states, avoiding eye contact.

"Why?", I push.

"I just can't be around you", he insists, looking straight into my eyes this time.

"What? Because I'm a girl?!", I yell.

"Because you remind me of her!", he shouts back.

All the anger that's built up washes away for the both of us. He looks shocked by what he's said, like he wasn't suppose to say it. He looks away from my gaze.

"What?", I ask, in a quieter tone.

"Who?", I press, louder this time.

"No one!", he snaps back.

"Alice just go back to camp or something", he demands.

"Not until you tell me", I argue.

He looks at me like he is having a battle with his mind on whether to tell me or not. He then takes a deep sigh.

"You're not going to let this go, are you?", he questions.

"No", I explain.

He gives up, knowing he has to tell me. He plops down on the floor behind him, leaning against a tree as he lifts his head up to the sky. I can tell this is going to be hard for him to say but what could it possibly be about.

"Where do I even start", he asks, but it sounds more like a question for himself, rather than me.

"Tell me who you were talking about", I semi demand, placing myself on the floor also, right next to him.

"My sister", he states.

Sister?

"You look so alike. Dark brown hair, green eyes, height, everything...", he explains.

"You have a sister?", I ask curiously.

"Yeah", he says simply.

"I used to", he adds.

Oh.

"What happened to her?", I question.

"My father, he was abusive. That's how I got...", he explains, vaguely pointing to the scars on his face. I always wondered about them, but never asked.

"Looked exactly like her too. I hated it. She was so pure and innocent, yet she was the spitting image of that monster. Unlike me and my mother with our blond hair", he explains.

"He would hurt all three of us but one day, he hit her so hard that he killed her", he says sadly.

I'd never seen this side of Felix. I thought he was so grumpy and blunt, emotionless really. But there's so much more to him then I thought.

"I'm so sorry", I say solemnly.

"I guess we all have pretty shit parents then", I continue.

"You could say that again. My mother left me the day after it happened, left me alone with that beast", he explains.

"But then Pan saved me. He got me away from that hell hole", he continues.

"And then you became the first lost boy", I finish him off, him nodding in response.

"I owe him my life, my loyalty, my everything", he replies.

"When he brought me to this island, he allowed me to forget about my past and problems, that is until I met you. I couldn't believe how similar you were", he pauses.

"Every time I look at you, I see her and I'm constantly reminded of how I failed her. If I did something sooner, I could have saved her", he claims.

"You don't know that", I argue.

"Don't blame yourself", I add.

I get it now. I get why he avoided me. He didn't want to see his sister in me. He wanted to forget the past and move on, but I was his burden.

"But it is-", he begins, but I cut him off.

"No. It was your father that did that", I insist.

I pause and there is a brief silence between us, trying to process everything that had just occurred. I can't believe I known Felix for years but never knew the truth.

"Look, I'm sorry...about everything. I didn't understand but now I think I do", I continue.

"I should have told you sooner", he responds.

"It doesn't matter, you've done it now. That's what's important", I argue.

"You've got to know that on this island, you're not alone anymore. We all have each other", I try to comfort him.

"I guess so", he replies simply.

"Now that I know the truth, maybe we can start to get along better", I state as a half question.

"Maybe", he smiles slightly.

*****

(Present)

Sitting on the floor of that cell, the only thing I could think about was my past memories on this island and how much has changed.

It took a while, but me and Felix did become closer with time. Eventually, I stopped being the image of his sister and my own person. He healed but he never forgot her.

It's hard to think about Felix in a friendly way after what happened in the curse. Nothing was ever going to be the same, I had to accept that.

The heavy footsteps of someone approaching catch my attention almost instantly as the caves had been silent for so long.

Unsurprisingly, Felix appears out of the blue. I knew I was bound to see him again at some point but I didn't think it would be in here.

"I wasn't expecting any visitors", I comment, remaining on the floor.

"Why are you here", I continue bitterly.

"I need to check up on you", he responds.

"You wanted to see if I had escaped yet?", I say, semi sarcastically.

Truth is, I tried.

Multiple times.

No, thousands of times.

"You can't escape this one. Running from your problems is what got you here in the first place", he

Nice to see him being loud and clear.

"You need to let me out", I half demand.

"I can't", he states.

"You should be thankful really that you're not in a cage", he continues.

"Oh yes because it is so wonderful in here", I respond in a sarcastic tone.

"I can't believe you went against him", he says in a slightly angry tone.

"If you're here to lecture me, then save it", I state in annoyance, knowing the impending rant that's coming.

"I warned you Alice, why didn't you listen to me?", he asks with disappointment.

"I made the right choice", I insist, ignoring the question.

"Yes I ended up in here but it is better than being out there, on Pans side, helping him to hurt everyone I care for", I add.

"But you betrayed him! Not only that but you betrayed me and the boys too", he raises his voice slightly.

By this point, I stand up from the filthy floor and walk towards him. Ignoring the bars ahead of me, I confront him.

"No you don't get to be mad at me! If you actually understood being in my position, you would do the same", I insist.

God. I've been locked away for hours and the first person to see me is having a go at me for not helping them kill a child.

Well I'm sorry.

"No, I would never betray him. Not like you did", he comments coldly.

"Did you think I was just going to hop over to different sides, just like that? You should have known it wouldn't have been as simple", I argue.

"You know that you still have time to change your mind", he mentions, in a softer tone.

"But I don't want to and if I could I would do it all again, exactly the same", I reply.

"Suit yourself", he says bluntly.

Without another word, he turns around and begins to walk away. He can't go yet, he's the only way I'm getting out of here.

"Wait!", I shout out.

I'm surprised to see him stop. I know he's incredibly mad at me but he did it anyway. He turns around with an emotionless look on his face.

"Felix, I know you can't understand my choices but you must understand that I can't stay in here. I've been locked up one way or another for years. I can't be confined anymore", I explain.

"I told you, I can't do anything", he responds, trying to hide his emotions but I need to get through to him.

"Please, I'm gonna go insane in here. Just get him to talk to me. That's all I'm asking", I plead.

"I know things are weird right now and we've never even talked about what happened in the curse but that doesn't matter at the moment. I'd like to think that we're still friends, despite it all. We took so long to get to that stage and I don't want it to disappear. I need you right now, I need your help", I continue.

He doesn't answer for several seconds. Even though he doesn't tend to show it, I can tell a million thoughts are going through his head, like a battle in his mind.

"I'll see what I can do", he replies simply and continues to walk out.

*****

More and more hours go by, but they feel like years. This is torturous. My hate for Pan grows more and more by the minute.

Mary Margret must be so worried. I wish I could tell her she doesn't have to be, that I'm safe. That she shouldn't waste her time on me. I can't even begin to imagine what Hook must be thinking of me.

And it's all Pans fault. He's keeps screwing up everything good in my life. I wanted to scream at him and make him understand what he's done but I couldn't.

"Got to say, I was surprised to hear that you wanted to see me", a voice says, interrupting my thoughts.

I tilt my head up and see Pan actually inside the cell with me. He stands on the other side, looking way to pleased with himself.

I want to slap him, hit him, whatever but I don't. I don't move, I don't do anything. There's no point. He would stop me. So I just sigh with aggravation.

"Have you calmed down now?", he smirks.

"The only reason I wanted to see you, is so you can let me the hell out of here", I state, ignoring his last arrogant comment.

"I can't let that happen", he replies, his grin fading.

"Why not? Do I threaten you Peter Pan?", I say with cockiness.

I stand up and get close to him, so he can see the grin on my face properly. I'm going to do anything to get under his skin.

"Please", he huffs, rolling his eyes.

"No, that's the reason, isn't it? That's why you're keeping me locked up", I say, knowing it is.

"You can't control me and it scares you. It scares you because I'm the only person you can't have power over and you can't change that by fear or intimidation like you can with others because that won't work on me. You're scared I'll interfere with your plans but you can't stop me from doing so unless you lock me up. You could kill me but, well, we both know you can't", I explain.

"God you hate your father so it's much but you don't even relise your exactly like him. You do what you want, whenever you want, no matter who it hurts. You're so selfish! You've let revenge consume you and now you've turned into the monster you always feared. What would your mother say if she saw you like this?", I complain.

On that last sentence, his expression completely changes from one where he is pretending to not care to one where he most definitely does. I can tell I hit a nerve.

Good.

That's what I wanted.

"Don't speak about her", he growls.

"Why? Because you're ashamed?", I question.

Deep down, I know he is. He believes everything he is doing is right and for the best. But I've got to believe that a part of him, the real him, knows it's wrong.

"You need to confront what you've done", I add.

I long silent pause echos through the cell. I don't speak, neither does he. I've said my piece, more like ranted but it's done. He continues to think on what I've said, with a stern face until it suddenly turns to a grin again.

"I've changed my mind", he announces.

What is he talking about?

He turns around, moving his hand in front of the cell door, opening it. Before turning back to me like he didn't just give me my ticket to freedom, just like that.

"You can leave", he reveals, very casually may I add.

"Is this some kind of trick?", I ask suspiciously.

"No, you can go", he shrugs.

I got under his skin. I undermined him, accused him of being afraid of me. It got to him. He wants to prove me wrong. But that doesn't mean he doesn't have a plan for me once I'm out there.

"What's the catch?", I question.

"No catch", he states.

"But there is. There always is. You don't do anything without a specific reason. What do you have planned for me when I leave these caves?", I ask.

"My word isn't enough?", he sighs.

"Your word means shit all. I don't trust you. Why would you let me go?", I press.

"Believe it or not, I don't want you to hate me forever", he explains.

Don't you think it's a little bit to late for that?

"I know it's more than that", I state.

"I realised I don't need you in here. Without your magic there's no way you'll be able to catch up with Emma and the others by foot, or me for that matter. Even with your knowledge of the island, it won't be enough to find Henry", he reveals.

So he's letting me go so that I can aimlessly walk around the woods, knowing I won't be able to save anyone. And he wants me not to hate him?

"I will find them Pan, that's a promise", I challenge

"Perhaps but maybe you shouldn't", he warns.

"What's that suppose to mean?", I ask.

"Things are about to change around here. You'll start to see each other for who you really are. Friends will then become enemies. It will be chaos", he chuckles.

"You're going to turn us against each other", I state.

"You don't need me to do that. Let's see what happens when the secrets start to come out", he smirks.

If we don't work together then we'll fall apart. We need to work as a team to be successful. Emma was right, we need each other to find Henry. Our secrets will destroy us if they come to light. That's what Pan is counting on

"I won't let it happen", I insist, shaking my head.

"I don't think you have much control over that", he chuckles.

On instinct, I raise my hand up to him. But he stops me. Of course he stops me, grabbing my wrist. I'm not even surprised. I was so angry it was just a natural reaction to seeing his smug, arrogant face.

"Remember Alice, I'm always going to be ten steps ahead of you", he grins.

Just like, I'm out of the cell. The cloud of smoke around me slowly disappears to reveal a random part of the jungle. Pan no longer has his grip on me, I'm alone.

A/N: THANKS FOR 15 and 16k!!!!!

Sorry for the late update! I will do better in the next ones xx

Let me know your opinions on the story and any ideas that you have. There will be regular updates, so stay around if you like the story so far. Vote if you really enjoy the story it will be very much appreciated.

Stay safe and well everyone ❤️

Thanks for reading :)

Written - 26.01.21

~A.M