"Rainier Laurent"

"Rainier"

"Psss"

It was happening again. In my head. My body was being projected violently in a closed compartment before the plunge came. There was a splash, seconds before my body was immersed in water the bottom of which was too dark to make out anything. I hit the steering wheel forcefully and the airbag deployed. I scrambled to get it away from me, feeling like it was suffocating me. I wanted to breathe, but I knew I couldn't. I turned to my right and saw something I had never wanted to see, or imagined I would see. A body lay limp in the water-flooded car pressed on the front passenger seat against the dashboard, even though it was still secure in the seat. I raised a cold hand to touch it, my movements slowed by the water around. It didn't respond to my touch. I gripped hard on the shoulder and shook vigorously. Panic was setting in, my brain had activated fight-or-flight. We had to get out of there. The person turned then. I gasped in horror. There was blood flowing from the eyes I loved. Though we were in water the streams were uninterrupted. The face looked distorted.

"I hate you", the person said with venom in every word, bubbles forming around his mouth.

It was apparent he could breathe in water with no problems and I couldn't, because I suddenly started spluttering water after the gasp. With each splutter I inhaled in more, filling my lungs with water.

"Rainier!"

I caught my breath, and realized I wasn't drowning. I wasn't in a car deep in water. I was in a classroom and my friend had just whispered my name vehemently.

"Uh...present!" I said quickly, after registering that the teacher was taking the register.

"You've only just walked into my class and you are already zoning out?" the teacher reprimanded looking at me closely.

"I'm sorry sir", I said clearly.

"Juliette Laurent", the teacher called out.

I sighed and almost zoned out again. Had it not been for the person behind me, I probably would have.

"Rainier", she whispered.

I turned to look into eyes like mine. They were the color of violets, unusual and distinctive. Juliette Laurent was a beautiful girl with fair skin and a charming smile that would make many melt. Her light brown hair fell in waves down the sides of her face; framing the face I loved seeing. Her subtle pink lips parted.

"What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing", I said swiftly.

Julie couldn't know what I was thinking about. I didn't like admitting that I was failing miserably at something. I couldn't tell her I was relapsing. She would be crushed. I told Julie everything. She was my twin sister and best friend. The bond between us was that of unconditional love. That meant she felt everything I felt, even the pain. If I told her about my pain she was going to carry the burden of it for the rest of the day.

"It was something. You tensed", she said.

"Julie, it's nothing. Stop worrying", I said.

"Are you having those dreams again?" she asked tentatively.

I stayed quiet. I couldn't lie to her while she was looking at me like that. She was already worried.

I heard the door of the classroom open and I turned. I was glad about the interruption, even though I knew that wasn't the end of the conversation.

I looked at the person who opened the door as they walked in. They hadn't even bothered knocking, and Mr. Calloway was particular about that. No one took up his time without asking for permission to do so.

I think everyone focused on the guy who walked in. He was tall and handsome, a little rugged and muscular. He spotted golden-brown hair. I couldn't see his eyes from the distance. He was wearing loose jeans, a military green tank-top and was carrying a schoolbag behind him. Was he a new student? Substitute teacher? He looked a little older than I was.

"Sorry to interrupt. Is this chemistry?" he asked. His voice was thick yet sweet. Honey?

"Yes. You must be Ryan Cyrus", Mr. Calloway said.

The guy nodded and stopped before Mr. Calloway.

"You are late. Take a seat", Mr. Calloway said.

The guy moved in long strides to my left. The seat there was empty so he sat and placed his schoolbag on the floor.

I felt Julie's hot breath on my neck when she leaned over to whisper something.

"Hot".

I chuckled slightly, nodding. "Just not my type".

"Open page 65 of your textbooks. Today we'll be doing Acid-base equilibria", Mr. Calloway said.

Everyone did as asked, except one person. We bought our textbooks at the beginning of the school-year at the school, so I presumed the absence of a textbook on the new member of class's table meant he didn't have one.

I turned towards him to offer sharing mine.

"Hi"

I doubt he heard anything because he didn't turn.

"Ryan, hi! Do you have a textbook?" I heard a voice. It did not come from me. "We could share mine", it continued.

Ryan smiled at Rosaline Parker who was sitting in front of him. I noticed then he had dimples. Rosaline turned slightly to share her book with him, her fiery red hair slapping the side of her face as she did.

"Thanks" Ryan mouthed. He exchanged a couple of words with Rosaline. I moved my eyes away from them and focused on my textbook.

"She's flirting with him!" Julie said in disbelief.

I turned to her. "What's that got to do with me?"

Mr. Calloway started talking, but Julie wasn't done.

"She has a boyfriend. She probably has boyfriends", she said.

"Julie, I'm sure she's just being nice. And besides, why does it bother you? You don't like him, do you?"

"What? No. Jordan is all the man I'll ever need", she said smiling widely.

Julie and Jordan had been going out for 3 years. Julie genuinely loved Jordan; he was to her the greatest man to have ever set foot on earth, besides our dad and me of course. You couldn't flaw her for feeling that way. Jordan treated her like a princess. I believed he felt the same way about her as she did about him. They were perfect together.

"Laurent, stop whispering!" Mr. Calloway reprimanded. He was looking at me, though Julie had whispered the last words.

Even though I couldn't see Julie, I knew she was grinning. She always managed to get me into trouble.

"You know what, Laurent, Cyrus, switch places. Divide and conquer", Mr. Calloway said.

I started standing up when he said. "Not you, Juliette", he said. It was almost as if he knew Julie didn't want to say a single word to Rosaline.

"Sir, Ryan and I are sharing a textbook", Rosaline said.

"I'm sure Laurent wouldn't mind sharing his book with Cyrus", Mr. Calloway said.

Ryan moved from his seat and so did Julie. She winked at me when she passed, and I had no idea what that meant. I had assumed she wouldn't be happy about being moved closer to Rosaline but she didn't seem bothered. Hm, maybe she was going to tell her how she felt about Rosaline flirting with Ryan. I saw fireworks before class ended. Mr. Calloway might just regret his decision.

When Ryan was seated I turned to him, placing my textbook between us.

"I'm Rain by the way", I said.

He gave me a stony look. "Hippie much?"

I was caught off-guard. No one had called me hippie before. I had been called a couple of things but not hippie. Did I look hippie?

"Your name is Rain. Let me guess, you have a sibling named Rainbow? Moonbeam maybe?" he said.

I shook my head slightly, realizing what he meant. "No, it's short for Rainier", I said. "French", I added.

"So you are French?" he asked in a bored monotone.

"Uh, not really. My dad is French and my mom is American. I was born and raised here", I said.

There was silence as we listened to Mr. Calloway. I stole a look at the person sitting next to me. He intrigued me, and I didn't quite know why. He was an enigma, like a closed book of secrets with an impenetrable lock.

"I'm Ryan by the way, and it's short for...Ryan. I think it's English, I don't know", he said out of the blue.

I looked at him and smiled, then turned back to the teacher.

"Do you understand a word he's saying?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Well then you must be very smart".

Mr. Calloway was watching me closely, I could tell. I didn't feel like being reprimanded again, but I didn't want to be rude and not say anything. So I picked up my pencil and wrote in the textbook so he would see.

"I don't think I'm that smart".

There were two 'i's in the sentence and I dotted them the same way I dotted them every day: with a heart. It was just something I liked doing and had gotten accustomed to. I didn't do that when I wrote school stuff, but if I was too relaxed, my gayness showed more than it normally did.

Ryan looked at what I wrote, specifically at the 'i's. It dawned on him what I was. I hated saying 'what' but it was how many people saw it. To many it was a disease or temporary insanity, it wasn't who we were. I was out of the closet. Everyone knew I was gay and I didn't try to hide it. But it was always weird for me when someone who didn't know discovered it. Their perspective of me changed immediately. They were either disgusted and publicly showed it, or were disgusted and ashamed of their disgust such that they overcompensated by being sickeningly nice.

"You dot your 'i' with a heart?" he asked. "That's something little girls do". He stifled a laugh.

"And apparently me", I said briefly.

"Rainier, would you like to solve the question on the board?" Mr. Calloway asked.

He wasn't really asking. It was a hidden demand. I stood up from my chair and headed towards the front of the classroom. The teacher handed me a chalk. I scribbled a couple of things on the board quickly. I really wasn't the smartest person, not in terms of mathematics, logic and reasoning anyway. I wasn't bad either; I grabbed concepts easier than most people. Art was more my thing. I could draw and paint and I loved it. I could also play the guitar and sing, but I hadn't done that for a year, for reasons that were painful.

I turned to Mr. Calloway. "Is it okay?"

He nodded. "It's amazing what you can put in that head of yours when you don't even listen".

I shrugged and went to take my seat.

*

Julie asked me about Ryan when we left class to go to the cafeteria for lunch. She had seen me write the message in my textbook and thought it was a lovely-dovey message. She didn't believe me when I told her what I wrote so I had to show it to her. She seemed disappointed. I knew what she was hoping for. Ever since the events of 23 December the previous year she hoped I would heal quickly. She thought that maybe if I got a boyfriend I would heal, hence she threw every eligible bachelor my way. She didn't even care if they were gay or not. She wanted to see me happy. It wasn't going to take a guy for that to happen. And besides, what guy wanted to deal with the baggage I would bring?

"Do you want to order my food for me? I'm meeting with Jordan. I'll be quick", she said giving me a brief hug.

"Are you softening me with a hug?" I asked.

"If it worked, no", she said.

I rolled my eyes. "Where's Jordan anyway? Isn't he eating with us today?"

"No, he's going home. He's sick, my poor baby. He's got a cold".

"Go, before he collapses into a heap of ashes because of a simple cold", I said mocking her.

"Right. The next time you have a cold, please don't even say my name. I won't be bringing you anything. The next time you whine because you can't breathe and your throat is sore, remember this", she said.

"Bye", I said waving.

I went to the cafeteria and ordered our food. Julie and I ate just about the only food rabbits ate. Blame that on our mom. She was obsessed with being healthy and fit. It's amazing what an article about aging can do to women. She decided one day that we were all going to be vegetarian. I didn't mind much, I didn't like meat that much. What I disliked about our diet was the protein combining. I really couldn't care if I ate all the amino acids in one meal, but that was important. Luckily mom did all the combining for us. Did I cheat? Every now and then- a secret that was well-kept from mom.

I picked up Julie and I's food and went to our favorite table. No one was there yet. I took a seat and looked around. I could see a few freshmen scurrying around quickly. Some people were ordering their food and some were taking seats. The popular seniors came in then with the cheerleading squad. Their table was of course empty. No one messed with them. They took their seats in the usual order. I knew all of them. Their routine was really getting old.

Ryan walked in with Rosaline. She invited him to her table, which was the popular table. It was unheard of for a non-senior to sit at the senior table unless they were dating a senior or playing football, but Ryan was the exception. He did kind of fit into the clique, although not quite. There was just something about him that didn't say typical popular guy/jock. He would stick out in any clique you put him in really. But popular was the most fitting.

I thought about what Julie would think of the arrangement. Rosaline brought Ryan to the table where her boyfriend was, so whatever Julie thought she saw, it couldn't be right. Why would Rosaline introduce Ryan to her boyfriend if she was thinking of getting it on with him?

When I moved my eyes from the popular table, a girl and a guy were standing next to me.

"Who on earth are you ogling?" the girl with brown-black hair asked. She looked in the direction where I was looking. "I know you weren't looking at those idiots with oversized egos".

I chuckled. "They may be irritating and arrogant, but they are cute".

"What happened to you?!" she asked as she took a seat at the head of the table. The guy sat next to me.

My group of friends consisted of 3 seniors and my sister. There was Jasmine: a talkative smart African-American girl (senior), Anthony: A not so talkative all around good guy (senior), Jordan: Julie's sweet and handsome boyfriend (senior) and Julie: Crazy talkative caring sister (junior). I completed the group. There was a 6th unoccupied chair at our table. It had belonged to a guy named Tristan.

Our group wasn't the popular group of course, but we were well-known. We stood somewhere between the popular guys and the nerds. No one picked on us and we didn't pick on or belittle anyone. We were probably more likable than the popular guys.

"I'm kidding man. There's nothing there I want", I said.

Jasmine looked at me suspiciously. I didn't even see Julie walk in. One second she was just next to me.

"Your brother is eyeing someone in that group consisting of dimwits", Jasmine said to Julie, pointing at the popular group.

Julie turned and looked at the group. She turned to us with a frown.

"Can't believe Rosaline has claimed a victim already. I wonder what the initiation task will be", she said.

"He's not a victim if he volunteers", I said casually.

"Hey! No one understands your twin code talk...thing. What are you talking about?" Jasmine said.

"The new recruit is in our class. He seemed nice", Julie said.

When had he seemed nice? He had found my creative way of writing funny, mocking me with his laugh. I chuckled mentally at myself. What guy didn't find that funny? Even Tristan had found it funny.

I didn't realize I frowned until Anthony enquired about it. I said it was nothing, and was glad only he had seen. If Julie had seen she would have interrogated me.

"Were you ogling him?" Jasmine asked.

I gave a short laugh. "I don't ogle people".

"He's hot though. He's probably a dick just like the rest of them", Jasmine said. She didn't mince her words.

Julie took a seat and I handed her her food. We talked about Jordan's illness for a while and moved on to random things. The conversation was lively. I looked at Ryan every now and then. He seemed to be getting along with everyone. I didn't know what it was that made me pay him so much attention. It was probably his novelty.