Hey, everyone. Updates have been slow, huh? I'm really sorry about that, I just.. I've been really depressed. This isn't one of those "Oh boohoo im sad look at me and feel bad 4 meeee" things, it's legit.

I was blessed with the wonderful thing that is Major Depressive Disorder.

(That was sarcasm, BTW. MDD sucks.)

I'm really, really struggling right now. I'm behind on schoolwork, my friends all left me, my parents are forever angry at me, and I'm so darn hormonally confused. (I'm 17, but the mental aspect of puberty just hit me like Thor's Hammer to the face.. Help.)

Do I like this guy? Or this guy? Or both? Can you have two crushes? Is that normal? Should I be concerned? IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?!

(Doesn't really help that guy A is addicted to LSD, and guy B was in Juvie for two years because he was part of the Latin Kings gang..)

Anyhoo, I'm just so freaking.. Everything. Every emotion in one, all at once. It's getting to be a bit-and-a-half too much for me. I feel like I'm going crazy. I just don't know what to do anymore. My life is kinda in fragments at this point.

I'm not going to do anything stupid, trust me. That'd be undoing everything Mark did, wouldn't it? Plus, I know that people care about me. Maybe not people I've ever spoken to, but someone cares. I can feel it.

What I've been trying to do is this: Head down, mouth shut, tears in, fists out. I'm a fighter, ("Phenom" is my ring name) so I just make sure I don't get hurt. Dodge. Block. Evade. Retaliate.

No wonder my friends got bored of me. The only thing I was good for was having a sketchbook open, allowing them to draw genitalia all over my art. (That, and my friends became a lesbian couple, and I was just a third wheel) Regardless, I'm really feeling alone.

Alone to the point where I'm honestly considering moving in with guy B's family. Awkward fangirl as a gang member. That's something you don't see every day.

I'm getting off topic again, I'm sorry. It's just that it feels nice to vent a little. I'm completely silent at school, and I'm not allowed to speak at home. Typing is kinda all I have.

Even so, I haven't been typing the right things. I should be typing the next two chapters of NN, but nooo~ I just stare at my iPod notes, sigh, and close the app. I have no inspiration for a happy story right now.

Updates will be slow, and mediocre in content, but I will do what I can. Right now, I need my main focus to be making it.

I can't be my usual Hange Zoe-esc self all the time.

I'm about to fall asleep, so I'm gonna end this cluster*fun* of many topics here.

I'll update once my shite is somewhat gotten together, okay? Alright. I'll catch you later. See ya! ~Lauryn