"Aaah!" Relishing the taste, I gulped down the amazing drink. "That hit the spot! Simply delicious!"

Which was something that, admittedly, I never thought I'd say about water. I guess a week or two of desert travel changes your perspective on things. After circumventing the oasis at the main entrance to the canyon, it had taken quite a while for us to slip into the canyon unnoticed and find another one. I was parched! Ahh, another sweet mouthful...

"If you enjoy it that much," came my dear husband's voice from behind me, "I can make sure that the drink cabinets in our house are stocked with nothing else."

"You...don't you dare!" I jumped up to stop him. "Don't you—"

When I whirled around, I found nothing but air behind me.

"Mr Ambrose? Mr Ambrose, don't you dare do it! I'm not some inmate in a prison to be fed only bread and water! I warn you, if I find you fiddling around with the drink cabinet or the pantry—"

I raced around the oasis, peeking behind every rock, tree and bodyguard. Once I had checked behind the last one, I scrutinized him with suspicion. "Do you know where Mr Ambrose is?"

The Mohammedan's face remained wooden. "I couldn't say."

"But that doesn't mean that you don't know, does it?"

"I couldn't say, Sahiba."

"You...!" I stabbed a finger under his nose. "Just you wait! I'll find a bodyguard twice as big as you, and then my dearest husband won't be able to pull stuff like that anymore!"

"I wish you the best of luck, Sahiba."

Whirling around, I started stalking away. We didn't have much time. The effects of my "medicine" were probably soon to wear off, and by then, I would prefer to be far, far away from here.

I had to hand it to Mr Rikkard Ambrose—even in hiding, he could spur his employees to work at a frantic pace with his chilly aura alone. Within ten minutes, our waterskins were re-filled and our camel humps were happily sloshing with liquid. It wasn't long before we were all up in the saddle and ready to go. And by the looks of it, that was a good thing, too. Sensing something ominous behind me, I glanced around—and there it was. The thing that hadn't been there before. The thing that, now it was there, I wished would disappear.

The dust cloud. They were coming.

A tenacious grin spread over my face. Reaching down to my belt, I caressed my BBF—Best Bullet Friend. It was loaded and ready to go.

They're coming? Then let them come! I'll be ready to welcome them.

Turning back around to face forward, my gaze fell on some reeds growing at the edge of the pond. A grin spread across my face as I suddenly got an idea. An amazing idea.

Someone dares to disturb my honeymoon? Then they'll have to pay the price for it!

Nudging Ambrose Junior to Karim's side, I directed my charming smile his way. "Say, Karim...would you do me a favour?"

"No."

I didn't let that discourage me. On the contrary, my smile only widened.

"Tell me...you're loyal to my dear husband, right?"

"Yes."

"So, if there is something you could do to help and protect him, you would do it?"

"Yes."

"Even if it were all my plan?"

"Um...yes?"

My eyes sparkled with wicked delight. "Spiffing! Come here, Karim, my boundlessly bearded friend! Let me share my brilliant idea with you..."

Five minutes later, I was riding along alone, whistling, when Mr Ambrose suddenly appeared beside me.

"Where is Karim?"

"Good morning, my darling husband. Wonderful day for a relaxing little ride, isn't it?"

"Mrs Ambrose? Where. Is. Karim?"

"Oh, he's just dealing with a little job I sent him on."

"Mrs Ambrose?" Leaning over towards me, Mr Rikkard Ambrose's icy eyes bored into my very soul. "What did you do?"

I smiled.

"Well..."

***

The thunder of hoofs echoed between the walls of the canyon. It lasted for a few moments longer, then abruptly cut off. The hoofs came to a sudden standstill some way away from the water of the oasis. Only the cloud of dust carried on, billowing over the water.

"Diego!" Creed barked.

"Yes, boss?"

"Take two men. Check the water and surroundings!"

Everyone was quick to comply. They had little desire to repeat the experience from yesterday at this second oasis. Leaping from his horse, Diego dashed forward, followed by two other men. While the two thugs inspected the darkening surroundings, making sure to check behind each rock in the dimming sunlight, Diego knelt in the sand at the edge of the pond and cupped some water in his hand. Lifting it to his lips, he tasted.

"It's clean, Señor!"

Creed smiled. It was not a pleasant smile. "Good. Make camp for the night and set guards around the perimeter. And this time, if you let someone approach again..."

He let the rest of his sentence remain unsaid. But he didn't have to speak out loud. He was Creed. His murder counts spoke for him.

The desperados quickly dismounted and began unfastening the packs from their mounts. With impressive efficiency for lawless brigands, they began setting up barricades with barbed wire, bits of wood and stone. These people might detest nothing so much as obeying orders—but if there was one thing they knew how to do, it was keeping their necks attached to their bodies. And, judging by the way Creed was staring at them, the only way to do that was to hurry the hell up. Soon, the camp was set up and surrounded by an impenetrable barrier.

"This time, I shall expect the guards to be very attentive. Let nothing in from the outside! If you fail me..."

Once again, he did not finish the sentence. The menacing threat in his eyes said more than a thousand words.

The desperados shivered. Deep inside, they made a mental note to keep a very close watch on the surroundings tonight.

A few hours later, when darkness had descended over the land and the crickets were chirping in the grass on one side of the pond, something began to stir. The guards around the perimeter were staring attentively out into the darkness, making sure no one got inside—all the while completely unaware of the small reed peeking from the pool of water. If someone had bothered to notice it and held his ear next to the reed, they might have heard the sound of regular breathing.

Time passed. The guards changed, and they took up their comrades' post, staring even more fervently out into the darkness, on the lookout for intruders. They didn't seem to notice the large hand that slowly emerged from the pond, emptying a bottle into the water.

A few moments later, a large, bulky figure slid from the water silently. With stealth and grace you would never have expected from such a massive figure, it moved along the wall of the canyon and, hiding in the shadows, slid under the barbed wire of the barricade and away into the night.

***

Once we had set up camp for the night, Mr Rikkard Ambrose listened to my explanation. It took a while for me to finish. Then, silence finally descended over the land.

And more silence.

And more silence.

"Mrs Ambrose?"

"Yes, Sir?"

"Pardon me, but my ears must have misled me. What did you just say you had Karim do?"

"Err...execute my brilliant plan?"

"I see. Well, from what you have told me of your brilliant plan, I venture that, when he returns, he would like to do some executing himself. Preferably with a double-bladed axe."

"Oh, come now! You're exaggerating! I'm sure he wouldn't go so far as to—"

"You! Śaukīna!"

The roar echoed between the walls of the canyon. Moments later, a slightly familiar, mountainous figure approached out of the shadows and stomped into the camp. As to why the figure was only slightly familiar?

Well, because normally, it wasn't soaking wet and covered in algae.

"New look?" I enquired, inspecting the bodyguard's hulking figure and beard (from which several bits of algae were dangling). "Don't take this the wrong way, but...I think you need some fashion advice."

"I. Hate. You."

"Don't worry." Beaming, I patted his algae-covered shoulder. "I've got a feeling you're not alone."

***

"I hate her!" Brass growled clutching his stomach. "I hate her, and I'm. Gonna. Kill. That. Bitch!"

Resurfacing from behind the rock he'd been hiding behind, a green-faced Diego glanced over at his fellow desperado. "What did you say?"

"I said I'm gonna—aaagh! Bluurgh! Blaawrk!"

"Si, that's what I thought you said."

And Diego dived behind the rock again. Moments later, sounds of retching rose into the fresh morning air.

Well...actually not quite so fresh now, anymore.

"Well, look on the bright side," Diego wheezed. "At least it can't get any worse than this."

Just then, a chill seemed to descend over the desert. Turning around, the two caught sight of Ellard Simeon Creed, who somehow managed to look more menacing than the grim reaper himself, even with a greenish face and vomit spatters on his shirt.

"You...!" Creed breathed, his deadly gaze boring into them. "I believe the two of you were on guard duty tonight?"

Brass turned his gaze on Diego. "You were saying?"

During the next few minutes, that night's guards experienced the most terrifying ordeal of their entire lives. By the time Creed was done, he had successfully vented his anger.

Well, about five percent of it.

Now he only had to figure out what to do with the remaining ninety-five percent before he exploded with rage! And he had a target in mind.

"You...you're behind it this time, too, aren't you?" His handsome face suddenly didn't seem so handsome anymore as he gazed off into the canyon. His eyes were blazing a ghostly blue, like those of the reaper himself. "Whoever you are, you're dead! Do you hear me? Dead!"

***

We had just set out and started down the canyon again when I abruptly felt my nose itch.

"Hm...I have a sudden feeling someone is complimenting me."

"Indeed?" His camel coming up beside me, Mr Ambrose leaned over. "What reason could they possibly have?"

"You...!" Punching his shoulder, I sent a glare his way—then inconspicuously hid my hand behind my back to massage my knuckles. "You can't say such a thing to your wife!"

"Evidently, I can."

Sometimes, Mr Rikkard Ambrose really made me want to strangle him. But, honestly, I was still on too much on a high to bother. The mere fact that, for several consecutive days, I had not vomited once, was enough to plaster a constant smile onto my face. Getting to watch Karim trying to untangle algae from his beard didn't exactly worsen my mood, either.

"I've got a hair brush," I offered with my customary kindness. "Would you like to borrow it?"

"There are vultures flying above. Would you like me to turn you into their dinner?"

"Now, now, grumpy face. There's no need for that."

Reaching up, Karim pulled another bit of algae off his beard. "I think we'll agree to disagree on that."

During the following days, we continued our journey through the desert canyon, and our friends the vultures continued to follow us. They weren't the only ones, either. Despite my best efforts to put distance between a certain group of desperados and us, I was apparently not having much success. Glancing back, I caught sight of a familiar dust cloud rising from between the walls of the canyon.

"Drat!" Spurring on Ambrose Junior, I caught up to his humanoid namesake. "Did you see—"

"I saw it, Mrs Ambrose."

"What are we going to do?" Eyes flicking from left to right, I looked for something, anything that could help us slow them down. The poison trick wasn't going to work again. But what else could we do? What else—

Just then I saw it. A small ledge jutting out of the canyon wall, far above our heads. Slowly but surely, a smile spread across my face. What an amazing idea. But it would require help. Hm...

My gaze fell on a certain bulky form.

"Karim, my dear friend!" Beaming, I nudged my camel towards the bodyguard's. "You know what?"

"No! Not again! Go away!"

"I've just had a wonderful idea."

"Not again! No!"

"Don't worry." I patted his shoulder. "I've got good news for you. This time, I'm going to help personally."

***

The horses were moving along at a fast trot. The only reason they weren't galloping anymore was that they had been doing exactly that for the last half hour, as had their spares before them. The mounts and men were near exhaustion. But none dared to voice any objections. One look at their boss's face, and any such thoughts went out the metaphorical window.

"How long?" Creed demanded, not taking his eyes off the horizon for one second. Or what passed for a horizon in the winding paths of the canyon. "How long till we catch up to them?"

"We've been pressing forward like this for over three hours. We should catch up with them any time n—"

Bam!

"—Ow!"

Diego's hand shot up, clutching his arm. When he pulled his hand away again, they all could see a bloody graze cutting through his sleeve and skin.

"Well," Wolf commented. "That settles that."

"Back!" Creed bellowed, whirling his house around. "Back, everyone!"

They raced back the way they had come, keeping as close to the wall as they possibly could. Still, that didn't help much.

Bam! Bambam! Bambam!

"Frigging hell!" Brass cursed. "Where are they shooting from? There ain't anybody around!"

"Look again," Wolf grunted, pointing upward.

"What do you mea—"

Bam! Bam!

"Shit!"

"No," Wolf kindly corrected. "Bullets."

"Shut it, Wolfy! This isn't funny!"

"It isn't?"

"I said shut i—"

Bam!

"Aaagh!"

***

"Two!" I exclaimed in triumph.

"This," Karim informed me through gritted teeth and took aim again, "is not a competition!"

"Isn't it?"

"No!"

"Can we make it one?"

"N—"

Bam!

"Yay, three! Try and top that, sucker!"

"I. Do. Not. Suck."

"Not even on your favourite lollypops?"

Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam!

I grinned as I watched the outlaws below scatter under Karim's concentrated, rage-fuelled fire.

Yay, success! How to Motivate a Bodyguard 101.

"Four! Ha! What do you say to that?" he shot back, challenging.

Bam! Bam!

"Five," I answered with my most innocent smile.

"How splendid," he squeezed out between clenched teeth. "Now that you have demonstrated your maturity, do you have any more brilliant ideas that might help us to get out of here? After all, as effective as this delaying tactic is for the others to get away, it has one big drawback: the two of us are still stuck here!"

I put on a sombre, stony expression. "Indeed."

"You...! This is no time for jokes! What are we supposed to do?"

"Well..." Grinning like a Cheshire Cat, I reached into my pocket. "I borrowed a little something from my darling husband."

I pulled out something long and tube-shaped. A little hint: it had a fuse at one end.

"No. No, don't you dare to—"

My grin widened. "Yes. Oh yes."

And, before he could stop me, I lit the fuse and hurled the dynamite down into the canyon.

KA-BOOM!

The entire gorge was rocked by the explosion. Dozens of boulders came sailing down, followed by hundreds of smaller stone splinters, all piling up in a massive barricade at the bottom of the ravine.

Karim turned to glare at me, his beard bristling. I noticed that by now it was algae-free. "If you had that all along, why didn't you do that in the first place?"

I stared at him oddly for asking such an obvious question. Patting his shoulder, I gave him the look of a connoisseur trying to explain art to a philistine. "Because then I'd never have gotten to shoot at them, of course!"

Then I grabbed the rope tied to a nearby rock and slid down from the ledge towards my waiting camel.

It took quite a bit of time to catch up with the rest. Apparently, our little distraction had been quite successful at putting distance between my fellow camel riders and our pursuers. If I could have done so without twisting myself into a pretzel, I would have patted myself on the back. After all, who wouldn't congratulate me for such a job well done?

"Welcome back, Mrs Ambrose," a smooth, spine-chillingly familiar voice entered my ears. The very same voice that commanded my body and soul in the bridal chamber. "Would you mind explaining to me where you and my dynamite disappeared to?"

Oh crap.

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My dear Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen,

When this chapter was being proofread, my editor pointed out that the word "lollypop" sounds awefully modern for a historical novel, and she was right. It first appeared in the early 20th century. However, the idea of sweets on a stick has existed much earlier than that, as far back as the Middle Ages.

Funnily enough, I was unable to find out what people called such a thing before the word lollypop came into use. Did the Victorians simply call it sweet-stuff-on-a-stick?

If any of you know the answer to this etymological mystery, please let me know! :)

Yours Truly

Sir Rob

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GLOSSARY:

Śaukīna—Punjabi for "fiend".