• This story part contains events showcasing self-harm. Please read-only if you are comfortable reading such topics. Your mental health is of utmost importance :) •

I gasped and sat up in a panic.

My breaths were raged and soft dry sobs shook my whole body. My vision was blurred and my head was pounding. I moved my shaking hands over my face to see that it was wet with tears.

Same nightmare every night. I saw this same nightmare every damn night.

Bringing my knees up to my chest, I lied my head on them. Couldn't someone just make them stop! Quiet sobs broke through my lips and echoed in the empty room. With trembling hands, I tried to wipe my tears away harshly but they weren't stopping. Frustrated at my pathetic self, I took the pillow from behind me and hid my face in it to muffle the sounds I was making.

Clenching my jaw tightly to stop my pathetic sobs, I leaned my head back on the headboard and stared at the ceiling. I wanted to close my eyes. I wanted to go back to sleep. But I couldn't. I didn't want to see that horrible scene again. I hated to be so weak and pathetic.

You're so weak Evie! It happened so many years ago! Get over it. They're gone and they're never coming back. You're alone! Get used to it! You don't have any family! Accept it! Stop crying, you pathetic excuse of a human. You're a disappointment.

Stella's cruel words rang through my ear and I almost screamed out in agony. Holding the side of my hand between my teeth, I bit down hard to control the urge to shout. I clenched my eyes in pain and let out a small weak shout around my hand but I didn't stop biting down until I tasted my own blood.

Please make this stop.

Ryan. The thought of him made me quickly jump out of the bed and rush down to the kitchen. I wanted to be close to him. I needed to be close to him.

I entered the kitchen to find Ryan leaning on the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee in his hand and his phone in the other. He looked up at me and his brows immediately furrowed at my appearance. I tried to give him a fake smile, but he obviously knew better.

His features softened and a pained look settled in his eyes. " Another nightmare? " He whispered slowly. I lowered my head. What if he thinks I'm pathetic too? What if he tells me to get over it too?

"Come here, " His voice was barely over a whisper but I heard it. I looked up and through my blurred vision, I saw him take a step in my direction with his arms stretched out.

Before I could stop myself, my feet carried me over to where he was standing with his arms wide open and I fell right into them. He wrapped his arms around me and rubbed soothing circles on my back.

All the sobs and shouts that I had so desperately tried to keep in, came out. I shouted and cried into his chest, my voice muffled by his shirt, but he didn't say anything. He didn't stop me. He didn't tell me to suck it up. He didn't tell me to get over it. Instead, he said something I had never expected him or anyone to say.

" You're not alone, Sunflower. You have me now. " He said while rocking my trembling body in his arms.

You're not alone.

Three little words.

These were the words I had craved to hear my entire life. These were the words I had wanted someone to say to me after I lost my parents. These were the word I had wanted to hear every morning when I woke up screaming.

I tightened my hold on him as fresh tears ran down my face. "Thank you, " I whispered. I meant that little phrase with everything I had in me. He squeezed me in response. A small smile appeared on my face. He said I'm not alone.

Pulling away from the hug, he held my face in his large hands and wiped my tears away. His ocean eyes searched my green ones with such intensity that it felt as if he was looking right into my soul in that moment. Unconsciously I lifted my hand and placed it over his.

His eyebrows scrunched up suddenly and he snapped his eyes over to my hand. I looked at him with a confused look. He took my hand in his and gasped loudly. I looked down to see that my left hand was covered with blood where I had bit it earlier. I quickly tried to pull it back but Ryan didn't let go. He was holding my hand in both of his and his silence was scaring me a little. " Ryan? What are you doing? " I whispered.

He looked up into my eyes and I gasped. His eyes were filled with tears. " Evelyn. " The way his voice sounded, I knew looking at my hand had triggered something in his memory.

"Why? " He whispered, his throat choking up with emotions. I averted my eyes to the floor. It wasn't something I was proud of but I didn't know how to stop it. " I'm sorry. " I whispered in a broken voice.

He brushed his fingers softly over my cheek, " Eve, look at me. " I looked up. " You're not alone, baby. Not anymore. Please don't do this to yourself ever again. " I nodded while wiping my tears away roughly. " Promise? " He asked in a small voice. " Promise. " I choked out.

He sat me down on the coffee table and brought a small first aid box to clean my wound. Tears were still falling down on his cheeks as he wrapped a bandage around my hand. " What are you thinking, Ryan? " I hooked my finger under his chin to make him look at me.

His eyes looked a little bloodshot. " I..... I don't want to see you like this Eve. I'm right here, you can talk to me. You can tell me anything you want. I know you're a strong woman. Please don't ever let this get to you. Please don't ever let this break you. Please don't..hurt yourself. Please don't ever..... " His voice broke out. I knew what he was thinking. " I would never do anything like that Ryan. " I quickly interjected. I had gone down that road too once, attempted to...take my own life, but never again was I even gonna think about it. 

He slowly skimmed his fingers over my cheeks and whispered, "Good. " There was something that he was hiding. I could see it. Something about this had triggered him, but why? Did he ever... No! Why would he? Right?

Give him time, Evelyn.

"Did you check up on Jack? " I asked Ryan in an attempt to change the topic. His eyes widened and he shook his head, " I had come down to make coffee for us. But then I forgot all about him. I'm sorry. " I sighed, " It's okay Ry, you make coffee for us and I'll go check on him. " He leaned forward and placed a small kiss on my head. My heart skipped a beat at the sincerity and affection in that small innocent kiss. I smiled at him to reassure him that I was fine and made my way to the laundry room.

However, when I reached the door of the laundry room, I saw that it was already cracked open. I gasped loudly and yanked it open to find that the room was empty. What the fuck? I let out a stream of curses as I uselessly looked around for our hostage.

He was gone. But how?

My foot landed on something hard and I looked down to find that it was a knife. Of course, he had a knife and used it to get out of here. How could I be so stupid! And now he had seen Ryan and everyone else too! Fuck!

"Ryan! " I shouted to get his attention. "Ryan! Come here! " I was panicking. He knew where I was and he had also seen the people who were helping me. There were all at risk now. All of Ryan's friends. All of my friends.

Ryan came rushing into the room. He looked at my panicked expression and realized what was going on. "Oh shit, " he gasped. I gripped at my hair and let out a frustrated cry.

Ryan came over to me and gently gripped my forearms, " Hey, it's gonna be okay, just calm down, " he said softly but it didn't have the desired effect. " Calm down? I can't calm down Ryan! He played us. He played us all! And now he knows who you are. They'll know who you are, " the last part came out as barely over a whisper. " I'm so stupid! Why is my life such a mess?"

I couldn't even imagine the amount of danger I had just put him and everyone else in. "No, you're not stupid, Eve. It wasn't your fault. We didn't know that he would trick us like this, " Ryan said still trying to calm me down. I looked up and nodded slightly.

This was the worst possible start to a day.

**********

• Author's note •

This made me tear up while writing. Everyone who's reading this, please know that it is okay to share your problems with others. However small your problem might be, don't ever think that you're weak or pathetic.

You are beautiful in every sense of the word and talking about your fears will never make you any different. Self harm is never okay. Love yourself first. You are perfect. You are the best version of yourself and never let anyone tell you differently. ❤❤

Much love

M :)