I stood there in front of a wooden hospital door, my hands on the doorknob and my heart 100 ft away down that hallway, behind those white double doors.

He was still inside the operation theatre and my heart was bleeding at the uncertainty that loomed around my mind like a thick black fog. All I knew, by talking to one of the nurses, was that his injuries were much deeper than I had initially thought and that information alone was enough to send me into complete hysterics.

I can't lose him.

That thought was like a mantra to me and I couldn't help but keep chanting it over and over again in my mind. I can't lose him.

Taking in a deep breath, I shook my head to clear my mind and focused on the present. Don't think so much, Evelyn. He'll be okay. He has to be okay. Lifting my eyes to the door, I slowly twisted the knob and stepped inside the room.

My eyes landed on the figure lying there on the hospital bed and a broken sob fell through my lips. He looked so fragile. My big brother looked so weak and beaten up, and it was all my fault.

My eyes trailed over his body and I sniffled back my whimpers. My feet felt like they were frozen and I couldn't bring myself to walk over to his side. Hearing my soft cries, he slowly opened his eyes and tilted his head to look at me. A huge loving grin spread over his lips and I cringed back. I didn't deserve to be looked at like that.

" Evie, " he breathed out and my entire resolve broke down. All the sobs and cries that I had been trying to hold back for so long, erupted out of my mouth. Holding my face in my hands, I let the wave of sorrow and grief hit me completely. I couldn't hold it in anymore.

" Evie? " He questioned in a worried voice but I couldn't answer just yet. My body was moving of its own accord. My feet carried me over to his bed and I threw my arms around him, burying my head in his neck. His arm wrapped around my back and he held me close in his arms. It was in my brother's embrace that I could finally breathe again. Heavy sobs raked through my body as I clutched onto him for dear life.

After what felt like an hour but were probably just 10 mins, he whispered slowly, " I'm okay, Eve. I promise. " I sniffled and nuzzled my head deeper into his neck, " I... I thought I lost you today, brother. You weren't moving. And I was so scared. " I hiccuped through my tears. He squeezed my shoulders lightly and I slowly sat back up. Looking at his bruised face I wanted to kill that woman all over again. It should've been me and not these beautiful people who got hurt.

" How're you feeling? " I asked him in a quiet voice. I was afraid to speak up with the fear that I would break down again. My emotions were all over the place and I just didn't have the energy to pull them back together.

He smiled and put a comforting hand on my arm. " I'm okay, Evie. It's not how bad it looks. I just have a hairline fracture in the right leg and a few bruises here and there, nothing serious. Please stop stressing out so much. " I sighed in relief at hearing his somewhat reassuring words but the clouds of grief and guilt still loomed over my head.

" I'm so sorry, Evan. " I whispered looking down. He squeezed my arm a little and spoke in a stern voice, " Eve. Stop it. It wasn't your fault, sis. " I shook my head and tears fell down on my cheeks, " I should've known better, Evan. I should've never brought you two with me. At least then you wouldn't have been so badly beaten up and Ryan... he.... he wouldn't have been fighting for his life right now! " I cried out and Evan's eyebrows bunched up in shock and worry.

" What did you say? What happened to Ryan, Evelyn? " He asked in a panicked voice. I looked into his dark brown eyes to see doubt, fear, and panic swimming in them. My throat clogged up and tears blinded my vision, " He... he took a glass bottle to his head, Evan. He's still in surgery and the doctors aren't telling us anything. "

He took in a sharp breath and his hand slipped off my arm. Tears brimmed up in his eyes and he turned his head to the other side to hide them from me. I saw his jaw tremble with an overload of emotions and I placed a hand on his shoulder comfortingly. Before I could've said anything else, the sound of jiggling of the knob followed by the opening of the door stopped me. I whipped my head back in the hope to see a doctor there.

However, my shoulders drooped at seeing Rick walk through the door. He noticed this and cocked an eyebrow at me, " So disappointed to see me, Eve. I'm hurt! " he spoke in a mocking tone, placing a hand on his heart to complete the act. I rolled my eyes at his poor attempt at humor and he chuckled lightly.

" Evan, this is Rick. Rick this is my brother, Evan. " Evan sniffled lightly and then turned his head back around to look at Rick. Smiling he weakly held his hand out for him to shake, " Nice to meet you, man. She talks about you a lot. " Rick smiled pleasantly and shook Evan's hand gently, " I hope it's all good things. " I scoffed, " Huh, what good things? "

Rick scowled and pulled me into a playful headlock. For the first time in hours, a small laugh slipped out of my mouth. He chuckled, " Man, looking at the two of you, no one can say you're just half-sibling. You could pass for twins. " I snickered, " That's stretching it too far, Rick. We dont look like twins. " Evan nodded his head in agreement, " Yup, if only we had looked that similar we would have realized we were siblings a lot before we actually did. " I smiled and nodded my head.

" Yeah, well. At least, Eve has two brothers now. One from the same mother and one from another. " Rick smiled at me and I smiled back. I loved this man. " Thanks for taking care of her all these years, man. " Evan choked out and I squeezed his hand affectionately. Rick simply smiled at Evan and nodded in acknowledgment.

" How is Aunt Stella? " Evan suddenly asked in a scared voice. I looked at him with a sad smile on my face, " Don't worry, Evan. She's okay. Luckily the tourniquet I tied over her wound helped and she didn't lose much blood. She's in the room in front of yours but she's heavily drugged so she's sleeping right now. " Evan sighed heavily and squeezed my hand tightly. " Have faith, Eve. He's a fighter. He'll be alright. I know him, he never gives up. " I nodded at his word and smiled through my tears. He'll be alright.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Two hours later I was stood there in that dimly lit hallway, my eyes trained on those double doors, my hand trembling with fear and anticipation.

Somewhere in between these two hours, the doctors had informed me that the injury in Ryan's head had caused a hemorrhage in the side of his brain and his right optical nerve was partially damaged. For the last hour or so, they were inside the O.T., removing the clot from his brain.

My mind was a mess at the moment. Several worse-case scenarios were swirling in my thoughts and the air around me felt heavy with anxiety. I was barely aware of Rick's protective presence behind me. He had been my only source of comfort and support in this uncertain time and I was so grateful for him.

Suddenly a soft hand touched my shoulder. Sniffling my tears back, I turned around only to meet with the pair of sea green eyes that I was too guilty to be looking into right now. Tears were pooling under her beautiful lashes and I quickly dropped my gaze to the floor in shame.

She curled a finger under my chin and lifted my face to make me look at her again. " I... I'm...so...sorry, " I whispered in between my soft whimpers. Her eyes softened further and without saying anything she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly. I gave myself up in her motherly embrace. " It wasn't your fault, Evelyn. Please don't beat yourself over it. " I sniffled, " It was all my fault, Moma. And I dragged your son into it too. "

She pushed me back gently and held me at an arm's length and looked at me with a small smile, " My son is absolutely in love with you, Eve. If there's anything you're responsible for, it is that you brought him back to life after Clara's death. Please stop blaming yourself because you know Ryan wouldn't like that, now would he? " I shook my head slightly and wiped my face with the back of my hand.

Another hand was placed gently on my head. I looked up to see Alex looking back at me with a sad smile on his face. " How are you holding, sweetie? " He asked in a gentle voice. I smiled at him sadly and just shook my head. That was all I could manage. Both of them engulfed me in a hug and my heart skipped a beat at the warm feeling that coursed through my body. They didn't blame me. They don't hate me.

" How did you guys get here? I didn't even think of informing you guys about all this, " I spoke in a slow tired voice. Luna smiled at me but before she could have said anything, I was pulled into another set of arms. I immediately recognized the warm embrace of my godfather and closed my eyes in solace.

" Oh Jesus, are you okay, Angel? Are you hurt anywhere? What happened? " Michael rushed out in one breath. I smiled and held his face in my hands, wincing a little as I had to lift my wounded arm a little too much. " I'm okay, Uncle Mikey. " He breathed out in relief and his eyes watered, " I was so scared. " He whispered. " Where is Evan?" The panic was back in his voice. I pointed over to the door of Evan's room, " Room no. 204. He's resting right now. Aunt Stella is in 201, she's up, you can meet her. "

His eyebrows bunched up, " And Ryan? " My hands fell back at my side, " He... he's still in surgery. His head injury is a little severe. " Michael's breath hitched, " What? " I nodded my head defeatedly.

From the corner of my eyes I saw movement at the end of the hallway and turned to look properly. I saw all of my friends rush down the hallway towards us. Jenny ran straight up to me and threw her arms around my neck. I caught her and held her close in my arms. Sophia threw her arms around the both of us and Mia placed her head on my shoulder.

The half of my heart that I had with me filled up with the feeling of love and warmth but the other half that was still only beating for him, cried out in agony. I didnt deserve to be happy. I didn't deserve to feel loved. Not when he was suffering because of me. Not when he was fighting for his every next breath. Not when I was slowly losing the other half of my existence.

" Where...where is he? " Jenny choked out. I rubbed her arms reassuringly, " Breathe, Jen. Evan's okay. He's resting in that room over there. " I told her soothingly. Strangled sobs broke through her lips, " I... I thought... I... lost him, Eve. Throughout the flight...all I could think...was that I can't live without him..." She sobbed desperately. Her words hit deep into my soul. " I know the feeling, Jen. " I whispered slowly.

Her eyes widened in fear and Sophia and Mia took in a sharp collective breath. Noah and Aiden who had been walking up to us also halted in their track at hearing my words. " What... what do you mean, Eve? " Noah was the first one to ask.

Sighing softly I simply gestured over to the operation room. I was too weak to keep repeating the dreadful news for everyone. They understood my actions and their eyes filled up with worried tears for their best friend.

Just then, the red light over the O.T. room stopped blinking and my breath hitched. I quickly snapped my eyes over to the doors and a few moments later two doctors stepped out from inside the room. Without even thinking, I rushed over to them, my heart thumping in my chest in apprehension.

" Miss. Johnson? " The female doctor called out in a polite voice. Wiping my tears with the back of my sweater's sleeves, I stepped forward and held my breath for whatever news they were about to deliver us. Their polite professional smiles were giving me anxiety because I was incompetent in reading them.

" Miss. Johnson, the surgery was successful. Mr. Matthews is out of danger now. "

My eyes widened and my breath got stuck in my throat. He was okay. He was out of danger. My chin trembled as a huge wave of relief washed over my body. My legs gave way under me and I collapsed back onto a hospital bench.

He was okay. My Ryan was okay.

That was when my entire heart finally started beating again.

********

• Author's note •

Oh my....this was fucking emotional. Oops, sorry for cursing....hehehe. But yeah, jokes apart, I hope you liked this chapter and I hope you drop a vote too.
Have a wonderful day, my beautiful readers!

Much love

M :)