Until you make it, you will always be a failure.
Until you make it, everyone can say whatever they want.
Until you make it, you have no voice in the matter.
The only thing that would matter is: will you make it?
Not too long ago, I wrote a long post about how much I've grown, that I am no longer be affected by others' words. But today, after all the time, I've come to the realization: I am not that hard-headed and single-minded as I would like to believe. In fact, even after so much effort I've put in it, I am still that easily let down and taken in girl who is scared of getting out of her own world and entering the real one.
Tonight, I made a phone call to an elder cousin who is working in the tourism industry to ask for some advice on dealing with the visa process. She was literally mad at me and told me off for being so careless and ignorant. And it wasn't until hours after our phone call that I realized she was about to tell me to refund the air tickets and gave up this trip as I'm APPARENTLY unable to make it. But the good thing is, she reminded me how difficult all these things can be.
I've learned more about "the human" from this phone call than I've managed to grab from books and movies. As I have always been very tolerant towards those around me, as well as they will always do the same to me, it didn't feel good to realize how harsh the world can be to an individual. I guess this is the generation gap people keep talking about, she would suggest me give up, while I am more the go with the flow type. I would book the tickets and manage to find my way through things. She would measure up things carefully before even lifting a foot.
I guess they are right, you should sink yourself into the pool until you know how to swim. And apparently, I'm not ready to jump into the water. I'm young and still full of myself, it takes me too much time and effort to take the criticism. But hey, it is also my strength. I am young and hardly take any warnings as a sign to give up. I see them as momentum which would put me forward. I know that until I make it, I'm nothing. So next time when I encounter a criticism, I would remind myself that they are right. I'm a failure, but it's just because I have YET made it. And when I make it, they would need to revaluate themselves.