Last night I saw you, you were my lover, my boyfriend. I could call your name out loud, not just think of it. I said your name and I could feel the love deepened in my voice. I was in love with you. Or perhaps I'm still in love with you, both consciously and unconsciously. 

And you were in love with me too. Or did you? I doubted it even in dreams. But others said that you loved me. And I believed them, cause that was what I wanted to hear. But I saw it in your eyes, when you looked at me. You loved me too, but you just loved your freedom and your life more. 

But even that was better than my reality. And then, when I woke up and realized it was just a dream, I cried. Not physically but mentally. Reality makes me hurt. Cause I know, I will never be able to see you again in this cruel, lonely world of mine. 

But at least I still can you in my dreams. And this vague, surreal happiness is what can keep me alive through this dark time. Cause you were my sunshine. You still are and will always be.