i can not believe that :after a long term struggling, i am still here. or it just is a circle of history, some thing need to repeat again to reborn the new one. we call that is "revitalization". i do not have reason to give up , while i have too much reason to keep going. but  some  part in me, always try to find out negative sides in every thing around me. i assume that  is the consequences of failure sequences i get over 2 years period.  i just tell about my self that enduring this period  of time with engaging adtitute and then this world will be gentle with me. to be honest, my  soul is as blank as a believer losing their faith about god. i feel lost in the infinity of knowledge sadness