If you struggle with depression, I'm sorry to hear that and wish for you to seek help weather it's needed therapy, a family member you trust and so on. I write poems about depression and all that comes with it to cope with my own mental health. If you get triggered in any way or don't like such topics, then be so kind as to skip ahead to the next chapter. Be safe.

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New poems are always the last poems, this is a way to cope for me, enjoy...

"Crying, screaming, in my bed,
Broken voices in my own head,
Reaching never getting far,
Questioning, now who we are,
Hiding pulling far away,
Shutting eyes,
Forget today,
Joy I thought that I could find,
But life just isn't quite that kind,
Back now to the haunted house,
Back now to all the darkened doubt"

***

"What do I do when I start to cry?
What do I do when I want to die?
What do I do when I need to help,
Even if I'm holding back a yelp,
I want to be your stable rock,
But all this pain has left me in shock,
Cursed I do believe I am,
Causing pain to every human,
That one sick and that one gone,
This has crushed me far too long,
All I want is to end up dead,
Or cut my skin to cure my head...

***

"Apologizes for the commotion,
I acted without any notion,
Of what it all would do to you,
And how it would turn keys for me,
I thought that I no longer needed,
To stay in this world,
Even so I pleaded,
Silently into the void of time,
And now I'm here making up a rhyme..."

***

I really feel bad,
Feels like I've lost all I had,
Like I've slipped back into darkness,
Looking up with a blank stare,
Not really knowing how I got there,
Trying to find a way back,
Not knowing how to get back,
Tick tock, tick tick,
Time passes by and I start to think,
That I'll probably,
Be stuck here a while,
Back to strained bones,
Fake smile,
Trying to read the truth but I can't,
Words melt together and fall through my hands,
Like the sand through an hour glass,
I need to find the truth before I wake up,
And decide that it's my last sunrise,
when the sun dies that day-
And I'd be lying If I'd say,
"Hey, I'll see you, tomorrow, okay?"

***

It's in these times,
I want to cry,
It's in these times,
I want to die,
It's in these times,
Pain seams like the only way,
I can stay,
Without causing a wreck,
Without being a mess,
cause...

I'm cursed, I'm broken, I'm bruised,
Tired of being used, by the voices in my head...
I'm cursed, I'm broken I'm bruised,
So what's the use?
Of being anything but dead?

Cause I can not see, the light in the tunnel,
Cause I can not see, my futures is in pieces

I can't do anything about my curse,
When I get close, I make it worse,
Please stay away from me,
Unless you want to be... another cursed soul,
Cause it will take it's tole,
I don't believe in bad luck,
but I'm fairly close to the darkest cat, you'll see, crossing the street,
Crying softly on it's knees,
That's me...

Run me over,
Make it stop,
Run me over,
I can not,
Run me over,
I am broken,
Run me over,
I don't want to live,

Cursed prints I leave,
So why not do yourselves a favor?
Wipe me from the pages,
Erase me from your memory,
And maybe you'll be safe,
Maybe you'll be safe,
I pray that you'll be safe... from... me

***
I can't connect,
These thoughts in my head,
I can't connect,
"I'd be better of dead",
I can't connect,
"I'll get killed instead",
I can't connect,
I'm chilled to the bone,
I can't connect,
My heart is stone cold,
I can't connect,
I crave the pain,
I can't connect,
I'll die if I feed it,
I can't connect,
Why do I indulge,
In all these thoughts,
In all these bad habits?
I can't connect,
I can't connect,
Can I connect?
"Hello?"

***

"I want to die, I want to cry,
I'm tired of feeling hurt inside,
I want to run, I want to flee,
But darkness has it's grip on me,
I want to try, I want to hide,
I'm sorry but I'm out of pride,
I want to break, I want to holler,
I really can't take this much longer..."

***

Latest update:

I may wanna drop my plans,
Hop out the window,
Plant a seed,
But never watch it grow,
You're on your own,
I'm leaving,
Cause I couldn't care less,
I'm drowning in my selfishness...

But tell me what's the point of telling you?
It's not like I'll bother pulling through,
But tell me what good would it do?
To tell you if I didn't really care, for you?
Or your opinion dear?
Or your opinion my dear?
Would it matter if I were still here?
It doesn't matter what you say it's not clear,
"But I'm broken, so don't blame me,"
How many times haven't we all heard that line?
"It's all their fault, I'm a victim,"
It makes me role my eyes, leave out a sigh,
I think I need to sleep for a long time...

Then again I'm dangerous,
Don't give me what I want,
I'm flavorless,
Stay far away,
Stay away!
Staple it as a front,
I'm a disaster just waiting to happen,

Stone cold and indecisive,
Selfish,always pessimistically depressive,
I'll choke my dreams and watch the flowers burn,
Consider it,
My personal burial,
I couldn't care less about my health,
As I lie in self pity with a weapon for myself,
Watching the blood drip,
"Self-sacrifice",
Are you kidding me?
Sound more like "feed me lies",
And I scream with bloodshot eyes,
Planning the murder of my enemy.
Trying to kill the worst part of me...

Don't tell me I'm not a monster,
Don't tell them that I don't bite,
Don't tell me I'm not a monster,
I know my soul,
Is Filled with pure despite,
I stare into, the reflective mirror,
"Get this beast out of my sight!"
"Out of my sight!"

I'm loosing sight of the little things,
Like butterflies,
And an evening sky... 

Doesn't help that I'm hungry and can't eat,
Doesn't help that I have lungs but can't breath,
Doesn't help that I smile but not happy,
Tired but can't sleep,
As I'm crushed beneath anxiety,

It's a tragedy,
Every part of me,
Stuck in a fantasy,
Where is reality?
What is reality?
It's such a tragedy,
Peace won't you cover me?

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