I wake up to Peeta pushing me off and holding me down. His eyes are wide and there are red marks on his throat. I'm screaming and he loosens his grip on me a little, looking at me and looking like he's about to cry. I look at my bloody fingers and then back at his neck.

"Did I?" I whimper and he shakes his head, one of his hands coming to push the sweaty hair from my face. 

"It's okay," He says and I shake my head. I start crying and he just sits there. Stroking my hair, he leans over and kisses me. I hear Luna crying and I look over at the crib and shake my head.

"I'm a monster," I whisper and he shakes his head again. 

"You're okay, Katniss," He says. 

"I hurt you!" I wail and he shakes his head.

"It was a nightmare," He says softly. "You didn't know where you were, who I was. It's okay that you were scared." He looks at me a moment and then kisses my forehead. "I'm gonna get the baby, okay?" I nod and he releases me, getting up off the bed. I stare at my shaking hands and he walks over, with the crying baby. 

"How could you possibly even look at me after doing this twice?" I ask and he sits down, looking at the baby.

"I'm not afraid of you," He says simply. "I know you are still in there. It's your first night in a new place. You had a nightmare. You didn't intend to hurt me. You haven't been violent." He looks at me and shakes his head. "You've been raped, Katniss. You woke from a nightmare next to a man. Of course you'd want to defend yourself. " I sit up and watch as he carefully hushes the baby. 

"You know?" I ask and he nods. 

"Johanna told me after the first night here," He says. "Besides. You won't let me touch you. It doesn't take a scientist or a doctor to put the pieces together. "

"It wasn't your fault," I say.

"It should have been me," He replies and Luna starts slowing to a babble. "All of this, it should have been me. Why did everything have to happen to you, and I get to sit here and live through it, having everything I had ever wanted in my grasp and you have to lay awake at night thinking that you're crazy. What kind of screwed up world is this?" 

"The one we have to raise a baby in," I say flatly. "It's exactly why I never wanted to bring a baby into this world." He looks at me and shakes his head. 

"I'm sorry, Katniss," He whispers.

"We both crawled into the at bed together on that train," I say. He looks at me and lays the baby back down on the bed. 

"Do you, you remember that?" He asks and I nod. 

"It's been coming back in bits and pieces after the blood transfusions," I say. 

"The train though?" He asks and I close my eyes, nodding. 

"You've never forced me into anything," I whisper and he sighs, reaching out his hand to gently touch my shoulder. 

"Let me put Luna down and we can talk, okay?" He says and I nod, pulling myself up so I can watch him. He lays the baby in the crib and comes over to me, sitting back down on his side of the bed. 

"What exactly is it?" I ask and Peeta looks at me. "That you want to speak to me about." 

"What all do you remember, about that night on the train?" He asks and I lay my hands on my chest, playing with the necklace around my neck. 

"My ribs hurt," I say. "The dress was stiff, with these feathers all over it. I couldn't breath and you unlaced it. When it fell, I saw my leg and felt disfigured. You made me feel pretty again." I look at him and sigh. "We didn't need to talk. We just knew." 

"We did," He says softly, "I still do. It meant more than words." I look over at him and touch the forming bruise on his neck.

"How can you look at me like that?" I ask. "When I'm so broken like this? How can you dress the wounds on my back and get into be next to a monster, as ugly on the inside as I am on the outside?" I ask and he shakes his head, leaning over and kissing me, soft and gentle. He pulls away from me and leans his head against mine. 

"I wouldn't let anyone else call you ugly," He says. "You won't either." I nod and feel like crying as I move a little closer to him. His hand slides over me and as carefully as he can and he pulls me against him. I let him and kind of sink into place against him. I take a deep breath and hold onto him, trying to calm my racing heart and ease my breathing.

"No one else ever held me," I say and he carefully brushes my hair from my face. "They always just left me crumpled on the floor or on a bed. You always held me, made me feel safe." He smiles and keeps his arm around me, kissing my cheek.

"I'll always be here to hold you like this," Peeta whispers. "And we'll just lay here, controlling your breathing until you are ready."

"Ready for what?" I ask.

"To face the world and try to change it again," He says simply.

"What if I can't?" I ask and he shakes his head.

"You will," He says. "You just need time and I don't care if you take all the time in the world."