"You make me so happy it turns back to sad. There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have. You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad" - Gorgeous, Taylor Swift

If she's got a girlfriend, I'm jealous of her. But if she's single, it's honestly worse. She doesn't want me. She's constantly trying to avoid me and it would be better if she wasn't single. If I genuinely had no chance with her. It's better than this mess I got myself in.

Arora has not even been in my house for twenty-four hours and I'm already going crazy. To be honest, I was already going crazy when she was here for a minute. My crush on her is so strong it's becoming physical at this point.

So I invited her over for a cup of tea in my favorite lounge. You could argue that that's a bad idea, but I already did it now and I just really need to see her. After last night, when she kept avoiding me, I just really want her to know that I really want to get to know her. I've decided I want to approach her as a friend. That's safer than directly getting my crush out there.

I arrived in the Starlight Lounge half an hour early. This really was driving me crazy, I've never been early for something. Arora arrived right on time and she is right on avoiding me again. I suddenly got really anxious.

"So, I invited you over for a cup of tea," I said awkwardly. "I kind of think you're really nice and maybe you would also like to hang out sometimes. You know, I don't really have many friends and you always seem very friendly," I said.

"Oh," was the only answer from Arora.

"But just get some tea first," I offered.

Arora nodded and got herself a cup of tea. She hadn't looked at me a single time, while I was staring her down constantly. Maybe she could feel me looking at her, but I couldn't keep myself from looking at her.

"You know," I started, "I've got a boyfriend, he's older than us and he will be in the club tonight. Doing I don't know what. I thought maybe we could join him. You seem so cool and I think you're a club kind of person," I said.

Arora looked at me, finally. In her blue eyes was a look that screamed 'I hate you so much' at me. To my surprise, she said: "Yes, I will join you tonight. When do we meet?"

"We leave at ten," I said, a little bit shocked. After seeing that look in her gorgeous eyes, I wasn't expecting a yes. "Let's get to know each other as friends," I whispered, more to myself than to Arora.

We drank out tea in silence and then she left. I couldn't wait until that evening to go out with her. Well, I just realized, Damian wasn't even going out tonight.

~

Just after dinner, I sent Arora a note saying that Damian wasn't going out tonight and that my parents didn't want me out without him, but that we could have a drink in my room instead. She agreed and arrived at exactly ten in my rooms.

"Come in," I said. "I already ordered some wine and some stronger drinks, but feel free to order what you like. I was also going to order some food, but wanted to wait to hear what you wanted."

She nodded and came in. "Wow, you have my favorite wine, how did you know?" she asked. That could be the first thing she said to me out of her own will.

"You ordered that one yesterday," I said with a smile. I remembered that for exactly this moment. "Feel free to serve yourself," I added.

Arora seemed impressed that I had remembered her drink and happily made herself a glass of wine. Immediately, she took two big sips of wine.

In the meantime, I made myself a glass of red wine. I really liked wine and I figured it was better to drink than stronger drinks like whiskey. But I may need a whiskey today.

"You seem to have a good taste of alcohol, do you drink often?" Arora asked. I didn't know if she wanted to have a conversation or if she was curious if I was an alcoholic.

"I don't drink too much, but I like to have wine on the weekends and a whiskey when I feel like shit," I answered honestly.

"I don't really like getting drunk," Arora admitted. The way she chugged her wine down - she was already on her second glass - suggested otherwise. "But the whiskey when you feel shit, I get it. I also do that sometimes," she added.

"Being a princess is hard, you probably know," I said. "Save to say I need that whiskey more often than I wish."

She laughed. She tossed her head back and let out a laugh. It was a beautiful sound and I immediately decided I wanted to hear that more often. "To be honest," she said, "this is a night worth getting drunk."

"I agree," I said. While I was playing it cool, I was stressing underneath. Because look at that face, she's so gorgeous I can't say anything to that face without being anxious about it.

So we got drunk, we talked, we ate, we laughed and we both had way too much alcohol. But I didn't care, not anymore. I had fun with the girl I loved so much and that was enough. I could look into those gorgeous eyes of hers. Her ocean blue eyes looking in mine and I feel like I could sink and drown and die.

"You're so gorgeous," I whispered to her. We had gotten close to each other and I could pick up her scent though the smell of alcohol surrounding us both. "You're so gorgeous it actually hurts," I whispered in her hair.

"Your hair is beautiful," she whispered back to me. "It's black like the ink I like to write with, it's black like the darkest night," she said.

"You make me so happy," I said to her. But my thoughts quickly turned sad. I couldn't have her. There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have. I'm so furious she made me feel this way.

"You are happiness," she said. But she also felt the change in the atmosphere, my realization. A moment of clearness in my drunken mess and I backed up from her. She didn't want me and I should stay away from her.

"You're so gorgeous it makes me so mad," I whispered, more to myself than to Arora. I slowly got up from the floor. "Maybe," I started, "maybe it's a good idea that we go to sleep," I said to Arora.

It was like Arora woke up from her drunken trance. "Yes, that may be a good idea," she said.

"I will let you out," I said while I walked to the door. Arora followed me.

She grabbed my arm. "Thank you for tonight," she said. Then she was gone, stumbling home. A part of me wanted to come along, but I forced myself to close the door and take a deep breath. My arm burned on the place she touched me. She should've thought about the consequence of touching my hand in the darkened room. She should've thought about the consequence of her magnetic field being a little too strong. I should've thought about the consequence of what this drunken night would do with me. I didn't think I would ever be able to wash Arora's influence off now and she should take that as a compliment.