Chapter 29: The Reunion Special (Segment 5)

BODIES OF WATER
S1 E30 - Reunion Special
Close Captioned • Recorded Live

*COMPLETE TRANSCRIPT OF TELEVISION BROADCAST*

[Cora and Jamie sit together on stage on the sofa. Danna Morton stands across from them, rubbing her hands together gleefully.]

HOST: Our fact checkers have been busy! Cora, would you like to find out what they learned about our dear Jamie here?

CORA: [Nervously] I don't know, but I'm guessing you're going to tell us.

HOST: Let's review, shall we? Remember these?

[Danna walks across the stage and turns around an easel to reveal three white cards.]

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FACT
Son of a former British intelligence officer.
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FACT
Attended an exclusive boarding school in the Swiss Alps. (Bonus: While there, once qualified to compete in a World Cup skiing event.)
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FACT
Highest Educational Degree:
Doctor of Philosophy in Comparative Literature and Film.
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JAMIE: [Whispers something inaudible to Cora]

HOST: What was that, Jamie? I'm afraid we couldn't hear you.

JAMIE: I said whoever wrote that rubbish must suffer from an overactive imagination.

HOST: These so-called facts came from the bio you supplied to us yourself when you applied to be on this show.

JAMIE: [Shifts uncomfortably] I didn't realize it was going to be shared.

HOST: The viewers never saw this last card but we got the gist of it from your conversation later that night. We're dying to know, Jamie. What is your highest degree of education?

JAMIE: I never said I had a doctorate. I don't know where that came from, but it wasn't from me.

CORA: Wait. Wait a minute.

HOST: Did you really go to Oxford?

JAMIE: I never said that.

CORA: What are you talking about?

JAMIE: I never breathed a word about Oxf—

CORA: Not you! I'm talking to her. [To host] What do you mean, the viewers got the gist from our conversation that night? How would they...

HOST: [Claps her hands] Good question! Now we're getting somewhere. Your fans have been speculating for weeks! But of course, we've kept our lovers away from social media. Would you like to see some tweets?

[Without waiting for an answer, Danna points to the screen behind Cora and Jamie, displaying a slideshow of tweets from random fan accounts.]

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CORA AND JAMIE ACT SO DIFFERENT AT NIGHT WTAF?

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😳😳😳
Cora doesn't come across like an exhibitionist but here we are.

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Cora: I have never told this story out loud to anyone.

Also Cora: *tells story out loud to 30 million viewers on national TV*

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Is it possible she doesn't realize she's on camera inside the bungalow????

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No way in hell. Like hidden cameras?

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Those are infrared night vision cameras they're using after dark. Probably hidden in the light fixtures to keep them out of the shot. The only question is whether Cora knows they're there.

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They wouldn't dare show this stuff without consent!

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Hello. Can we say lawsuit??

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Unless she signed a big stack of legal waivers and didn't read the fine print...

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Jamie would tell her!

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He's not a gentleman. He only plays one on TV 😏

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[Studio audience murmurs restlessly. Cut back to Danna Morton]

HOST: The bungalows were fully wired for video and sound of course. And just to be clear, we never made a secret of it. All of our love birds explicitly consented to round-the-clock coverage in their contracts. Cora, my love, you did read your contract, didn't you?

[Cora covers her mouth with her palm. Jamie puts his hand on her forearm.]

JAMIE: Danna, I think it's about time we went to commercial. Don't you agree?

HOST: [Laughs] Ah, and then we have Jamie! My good friend. Such a gentleman. Always ready to lend a hand and help me do my job.

CORA: [To Jamie] You knew?

HOST: Not to worry, my dear. Our friends at the FCC wouldn't let us show anything too explicit. But you have no idea how riveted we all were by some of those nocturnal conversations.

[Danna points to the screen again. It displays a blurry black-and-white image of Cora and Jamie lying in bed beneath the covers. Audio is whispered and subtitles are provided for unintelligible portions. Fade in as the scene begins to play.]

CORA: And Oxford?

JAMIE: Indeed.

CORA: For real?

JAMIE: If it means I can kiss you again tomorrow.

CORA: I don't kiss people who annoy me.

JAMIE: Forget the truth. Don't you see? We can be whoever we want, for as long as we're here together. And in the end, we'll go back to our real lives, no worse for the wear. No real feelings involved. Isn't that what you wanted?

[They kiss, but Cora pulls away after a moment.]

CORA: No, no lips. Not right now.

JAMIE: The boundary moved again, did it?

CORA: I know it seems arbitrary.

JAMIE: You don't have to explain.

CORA: Listen, I'll play this game with you, but I refuse to fake anything. I need to practice being real.

JAMIE: But reality is so... limiting.

CORA: This is my chance to practice. Here, when there's nothing at stake and no one real to see me. It's almost like rehearsing in a bathroom mirror.

JAMIE: I'm the mirror?

CORA: Your reactions tell me how I appear through another person's gaze. Like, with the kissing thing for example. I've never told a partner not to kiss me in real life. I just faked it and went through the motions.

JAMIE: But why?

CORA: I have a sensory issue. An aversion, really. All bodily fluids are iffy, but saliva is the worst. It always ends up killing the physical attraction sooner or later.

JAMIE: [Ponders for a moment] So that's what you meant...

CORA: When?

JAMIE: Truth or Dare for Cowards, Round 1. I asked why I couldn't kiss you, and you told me it would turn me into a frog.

CORA: Right. Exactly.

JAMIE: But you kissed me tonight. You started it.

[She kisses him again, a quick peck.]

JAMIE: And? Are we doomed? Did I turn into a newt?

[Jamie pats his arms and chest as if to check. Cora laughs.]

CORA: You didn't turn into anything. Yet.

JAMIE: I might at any moment.

CORA:  Please don't take it personally. It's... complicated.

JAMIE: Go on. Explain it to me. As if you're talking to a mirror.

CORA: It's like certain sensations are on the border between pleasant and unpleasant, between pleasure and... disgust.

JAMIE: Hmmm.

CORA: Do you have things like that too?

JAMIE: I'm only a mirror. We're not talking about me.

CORA: You're offended.

JAMIE: No, I told you, I'll be whatever you want me to be. Mirrors included. Do, go on.

CORA: [Sighs] Sometimes I like kissing. Occasionally. But I have to be into it. Like, really intensely physically attracted to someone.

JAMIE: To be fair, I don't think anyone likes to snog if they're not physically attracted.

CORA: I have to be more attracted than most people.

JAMIE: And if you are, then the boundary shifts? The line between gentleman and newt?

CORA: Even then, it's not a fixed line. It fluctuates. One day it's all good. The next day it's totally off the table.

JAMIE: So not a line at all, this boundary. More like a string that vibrates.

CORA: Yes, and my string is set to a different frequency than most people's.

[Jamie gestures for Cora to turn over. He spoons her from behind.]

JAMIE: But surely your partner can tune themselves to you. You only have to communicate and find someone who isn't a complete nob about it.

CORA: Why would they bother though?

JAMIE: Perhaps because they like you.

CORA: [Shakes head] Not when they have other options. Just wait. You'll probably trade me for Camilla the beach babe in the morning.

JAMIE: Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who's the fairest beach babe of them all?

CORA: Oh God. Don't answer that.

JAMIE: [Whispers in her ear] No, I won't. You'll have to wait and find out.

[Cut back to live studio. The audience is hushed. Cora has risen from the couch. Jamie stands and reaches toward her.]

CORA: You knew?

HOST: Of course he did.

JAMIE: No, I didn't— You can't think—

[Cora jerks her arm away from him.]

JAMIE: Cora, I can explain. Can we talk about this later?

[Cora doesn't answer. She removes her mic pack, puts it in Jamie's outstretched hands, and walks off set.]

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