Not A Monster

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Tom is a monster. A large, intimidating creature that could kill you with the swipe of his claw. A force to be reckoned with. So much energy and strength contained in a body that is normally so small in comparison.

Tom wasn't always able to be this hulking monster. No, he was as small and weak as everyone else. He liked being that way more. It was much nicer. He found that while in monster form he couldn't quite control himself. He'd hurt people he didn't mean to hurt, kill people he didn't mean to kill. It was a bad feeling, the feeling of not being in control of your actions. He didn't like being that monster.

Unfortunately, he didn't have much choice. His shifts were triggered by his emotions, another thing he couldn't control. If he were to get too angry or panicked, he'd shift into that creature he hated being. For this reason he tried to keep away from others. What if he were to shift and hurt someone he cared for? Tom wouldn't let that happen. If he's not around people, he can't hurt them.

And then Tom met Edd.

He couldn't quite recall how. He vaguely remembers being drunk. That's probably why he can’t clearly remember what had occurred. He remembered being happy, too. The next morning he swore it was a dream. The man he had met must have been a figment of his imagination.

He wasn't. Tom learned the next time he went to drink his worries away that Edd worked part time at the bar he frequented. Edd remarked how pleasant he was to talk to, even if he was drunk. They had another conversation. Later that night they exchanged numbers.

Edd was nice. Tom liked him, quite a lot. He enjoyed talking to Edd more than he had ever liked talking to someone. Edd was funny and interesting and creative and just _wonderful_.

Which was precisely why Tom couldn't hang around him anymore. Sooner or later he'd ,hurt Edd. It's best he quit while he could. Tom could feel himself falling for Edd every moment they were together, and if he kept this up he knew he wouldn't be able to leave.

Despite telling himself he needed to go to a different bar next time, that he needed to start ignoring Edd’s texts, he didn't. He went nearly every night to the bar Edd worked at and they soon became good friends. Too good of friends, Tom thought. He needed to go, to stop.

Soon they started hanging out outside of the bar. It started with Edd inviting him over to his apartment for lunch. Tom found himself nervous and almost shifted more than a few times, which reminded him the whole time that he shouldn't be there.

It became a regular thing, and Tom became comfortable in Edd’s home. He forgot to worry. There was no reason to. He wasn’t angry or anxious. He was fine. This was.. fine.

And then, Edd asked him on a date. Tom couldn't believe it. A _date!_ He couldn't comprehend why Edd would ask him of all people. But he was very greatful. He seemed to glow with happiness when he got off the phone with Edd.

As soon as Tom came down from cloud 9, anxiety replaced the happiness. He was a monster. An accident waiting to happen. What if he… He didn't want to think about it. He wanted Edd to be okay. Maybe he shouldn't go.

He went. Tom was anxious the entire time. The smallest things made him jump. He partially shifted several times. It was nothing noticable: his fingernails would sharpen briefly to a point, or his head would hurt as horns would begin to grow only to never emerge. It was stressful but Tom enjoyed it nonetheless. Edd was there and that's all that mattered.

They continued dating. They were happy.

But Tom found the more time he spent with Edd the harder it go to hide. Tom was a monster. A mistake. A bomb ready to explode if he got mad enough. He loved Edd. He wanted to be sure he didn't hurt him. If there was even the slightest chance he would shift Tom would excuse himself to calm down. It was better safe than sorry.

Edd was becoming suspicious and worried about Tom. He was acting odd. Almost like he was hiding something. Edd wasn’t one to press. He let Tom do his thing for a while, but it was getting hard to ignore. What began as an occasional thing was getting more frequent, raising more of an alarm for Edd.

He decided he was going to ask. They were pretty open with each other about things. Shouldn't be a problem, right?

It was a problem. Oh god it was a problem. Tom couldn’t tell him. He should have left Edd when he could have. He was a monster. He isn't worth Edd’s time. All he’ll do is hurt him. What was Tom doing? He led him on.

He broke down, right in front of Edd. He was a mess whimpering out apologises as much as he could.Tom felt terrible. Edd sat confused next to him. What was he sorry for? Had he done something? He patted Tom on the back telling him that it was okay. Whatever he did, it was okay. Tom insisted it wasn't. He was a monster, he said. A monster.

Edd didn't get it. A monster? Tom was nothing but nice to him. Sure, he could be gruff sometimes, but a monster? Not nearly. He assured Tom that he wasn’t a monster. He was lovely, if you asked Edd. There was no reason to be sorry.

Tom continued on. No, an actual monster. He’ll hurt Edd if he stuck around. He was going to.. to hurt… Tom felt his fingernails sharpen and his horns begin to peak out. He was so scared of hurting Edd that he had triggered his own shift. In front of Edd. His downward spiraling thoughts only spurred on Tom's shift.

Soon Tom's horns stood prominently on his head, his claws sharp enough to kill, and his tail beginning to emerge. Edd had pulled away, looking at his boyfriend in both fear and awe. Tom was begging himself to stop, stop now before he hurt someone. He didn't want to hurt Edd. He didn't want to hurt Edd. His anxiety pushed him to fully shift, growing in size and his eyes merging to one.

Edd was scared. Who wouldn't be? A creature several feet taller than him was standing in front of him where his boyfriend once was. He had pushed himself away, against a wall, looking up wide eyes at the monster before him.

The monster let out a noise that can only be described as a pathetic wail. He sounded distressed, upset and angry and scared all at the same time. It looked like it was trying desperately to form words, but for some reason it couldn't. The scene was pitiful. Edd found himself less scared as the initial shock began to wear off.

It was turned away from him, as if trying to ignore the presence of Edd, and it was visibly shaking, whimpering from time to time. Feeling a bit brave, Edd moved to look around the creature to see it feebly clawing at the door. It was trying to escape.

Edd couldn't help but laugh, both because it was funny and the ease his nerves. It was kind of cute. Definitely his boyfriend. He took a step closer, and called Tom's name. The monster looked back at Edd for just a moment before turning away again quickly, almost like it was embarrassed.

Cautiously Edd put a hand on the monster’s back, calling Tom's name again. It's clawing became more desperate, letting out more noises of distress. Edd laughed again. He very slowly hugged the large creature. It hadn't shown any signs of aggression, and besides, Tom wouldn't hurt him.

The monster looked at Edd, anxiously swatting Edd off. It wasn't meant to be hard. Tom really hoped it wasn't hard. He just wanted to get out of here before he did something terrible. He was a ticking time bomb. A mistake waiting to happen. A monster.

Edd was just fine. He called Tom's name again. “It's alright,” he said. Edd found his voice shaked a bit more than he'd like.“I still love you, Tom,”

It looked at him, clearly surprised. The monster shook less now, beginning to calm down. It made a noise that Edd could only guess meant “really?” Edd laughed again, hugging the monster. Yes, really.

Edd could feel the creature begin to shrink in his grasp. Its rough skin changed to soft cloth and it's horns and tail disappeared until Tom stood in its place. He was crying, Edd noticed immediately. Before he had time to notice much else Tom hugged him tightly, sniffling into his shoulder. Tom was repeating thank you over and over. Edd squeezed him.

“I love you, no matter what, okay?”

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