Aboard the Falcon again, Leia had barely spoken a word to Han as she broke away from him and hurried to her small cabin room. Only a few seconds prior, she would have never wanted him out of her sight again, but now all she wanted to do was look herself away for a while, shame washing over her.

She knew the others were worried about her, especially Han, but they didn't call after her as she locked her cabin door. She just needed time away from anyone, it had been too long since she had that luxury, what with every hour being in the syndicate palace always surrounded by people with no privacy whatsoever.

Her cabin on the Falcon was small, Han had always apologised for the space, but she didn't mind that. It was comfortable, if a little crampt, not unlike the quarters she usually slept in on various Rebel bases. As much as Han had teased that it wasn't exactly fit for royalty, Leia had never really cared for frivolous things so the cabin was fine in her mind, the bed wasn't particularly uncomfortable, the heater worked properly and the light wasn't too strong or too weak for her eyes, it had all the basics and she was fine with that. Then, of course, there was the fact it was was right next to the fresher.

Leia all but ripped the gold and red costume off as she stripped down. Throwing the wreched thing at the wall opposite her with a huff of anger, Leia rifled through some of the boxes where she had left a few pairs of basic clothes, for emergencies just like this. Taking off the gold jewelry and throwing it aside as well, Leia wrapped herself in a long towel and took up her new clothes in her hands before she opened the door to her cabin and tentively looked out.

Hearing voices talking in the main living area, Leia took no time in slipping out from her cabin quickly and ducking into the fresher door. Locking it behind her, she sighed heavily as she slumped against it.

Unbrading her hair and hanging up her fresh set of clothes, Leia pulled off her towel and setting into the shower, letting the scalding water hit her. She barely even flinched at the temperature as she simply closed her eyes and let the water wash over her.

She lasted a minute, perhaps two, before she had turned a deep shade of pink all over and she was forced to reduced the temperature. She had always liked that initial bust of scalding hot water from the Falcon's shower, all the Rebel bases started of ice cold and only really ended up standard room temperature. Han had deduced that there was probably a faulty water pipe someone on the ship that always preset the fresher to its hottest, bit Leia didn't care.

No matter how stressed she often became at her various duties, no matter how tired she felt or how many hours she had just finished, Leia always stayed up long enough to have that well received shower. Knowing her schedule was usually packed and in Rebel bases, water was limited, Leia had managed to average her showers at three of four minutes, just long enough to call her but not enough to interfere with her busy life.

But now, as she stood there in the Falcon's shower, Leia let the minutes pass her by. She scrubbed away, taking off the layers of grime all over her, as she did, she was left alone with her thoughts.

Why hadn't she kissed him? The journey from Jabba's wrecked sail barge to the Falcon had been nearly an hour's journey, in all that time, why had Leia not down the one thing she had been longing to do for so long?

All that time dancing for Jabba, she wished Han was in her arms and his lips were on hers. Their last kiss shared just after he was free from the carbonite had been hurried and sloppy considering Han was literally a twitching mess.

Well they had finally been reunited and he was back in her arms, safe and alive, just as she had wished. In that hour, she had held him close, but with every minute, she finally came to accept that this was not some sick dream that she would wave up from, this was real, he was real. It would have easy and probably welcomed by Han for her to just lean up and kiss him the way she wanted to, but she hadn't.

The first time she had danced for Jabba, she noted that she didn't feel beautiful, even if others would disagree, she felt dirty; she felt like she had been tossed in a vat of tar that would never wash off. And part of her felt guilty at being in Han's arms again because it was almost as if she was contaminating him. He didn't need to carry that burden, she didn't want to kiss him whilst the feeling was still fresh in her mind.

In her mindless wanderings, Leia had scrubbed every part of her body at least three times, and with each minute she continued to think and remember, she would scrub harder. It wasn't long before her skin became inflamed and sore as she had scrubbed it raw in her attempt to clean herself - though that feeling of heavy tar she doubt would ever lift.

Leia knew she would have to apologize for using so much of the Falcon's water supply for just a shower which took up too much time, but they would rendezvous with the Rebel fleet soon, and she would personally have the supply replaced.

For now, she pulled on her new set of clothes, relishing in the feel of something that covered much more of her body than it revealed. Back in her cabin, she stared at the gold bikini that she had thrown at the wall and was now crumpled by the edge of her bed. A foul taste prickling her throat at the sight of it, Leia quickly stuffed the costume into one of the storage units in her cabin to deal with later. With that, she crawled into bed and pulled the covers tight over her, as though she still had an audience which she was trying to escape from.

***

The next few days had flown by. Luke had left on his X-Wing to go and complete his Jedi training. The Falcon had rendezvoused with the Rebel fleet and Han's hibernation sickness had finally passed after a few hours with the medical droids.

Things seemed to have gone back to normal, back to schedule. Leia fell back on her old philosophy that work would solve any problem in time, so she held herself high and continued about her duties as though nothing had happened. All those months of heartbreak since Bespin had just been a blot in her memory and that was it, Han was back, why shouldn't things go back to normal?

But it was not normal, of course it wasn't.

Leia was back to her usual duties again, but she seemed distant, as though she was unable to focus. Work had always been great at distracting her but for some reason, it was no longer effective and she didn't understand it. No matter what she was going through, Leia had always been able to thrown herself into her duties without a fuss, but even those around her seemed to notice how distant she seemed to be lately. When they asked, she would just chalk it up to a bad nights sleep or skipping a meal or two.

And whilst these excuses were true, they weren't exactly new. Leia had grown up into a very busy life with barely any time to stop, she had always powered through even if she didn't sleep well or skipped meals, she was always able to function normally. That was just how she lived, she was unstoppable.

Most people who inquired about her believed her when she told them these excuses, but those that had known her the longest could tell there was something wrong. Chewie had been, well, Chewie about it, he had said he would rip the arms off of anyone if she wanted him to, she had chuckled at him but she suspected it was only half a joke. Mon Mothma and some of the other Imperial Senate defectors who had known her since she was still just her father's apprentice, trailing after him, they knew something was bothering her and didn't believe the excuses she would give.

Then there was Han.

He had slipped back into routine easily, but then again, in his mind, Bespin had only been about two weeks ago for him and so it had been easy. He went about his day, helping out with ship repairs down in the hanger bays and helping out with battle strategies where he could. But every spare minute, he would find Leia, just as he usually would.

He'd find her in the mess hall for lunch, he had been around her often enough to know when she usually stopped to eat and what days she skipped certain meals. He would sit with her like they usually would with perhaps Chewie or Lando for company sometimes.

But she always seemed to be in a rush or wouldn't talk much, like she was actively trying to avoid him. She had tried to avoid him before on Hoth when she had not wanted to confront her emotions about him, but Han knew this was different. She could barely make eye contact with him anymore.

Han had found it strange that during their entire journey from Jabba's sail barge to the Falcon, Leia had just stood there and hugged him before running off in such a hurry. He had not questioned it at the time because he knew she needed space, even if he didn't know why. He had an incline it had something to do with the clothes she was wearing, or lack there of. He hadn't seen much because of his temporary blindness, but it had found it puzzling as to why she would be practically half naked, it was obviously not voluntarily because he knew her well enough.

But since their reunion with the Rebel fleet, Han had assumed things between them would return to normal - well as normal as things got for the Rebellion. Han hadn't exactly expected her to rush into his arms and kiss him at every opportunity, that would just be wishful thinking, but Leia seemed to be actively avoiding him. In the week before Bespin when things between them were perfect - apart from the fact they were being chased from the Empire - Han had loved their small exchanges of kisses and the occasional hug, but now there was nothing and it was effecting him more than he cared to admit.

Though he hid it well, Han had began to worry about what had happened in the months he had been frozen in carbonite. He had thought his years of second guessing his friends was behind him, but it was just an unstoppable habit, and he found himself doing it now.

Perhaps Leia didn't love him, and it had taken her those months to realise it, he had been used to some men and women throwing themselves at him without a second thought only for them to be gone by morning; she could have just gone a little head over heels and had picked herself up from then. If that was the case, she could have just saved him because it was the right thing to do, and not because she loved him, but then again, after he had been freed, she had told him she loved him and had kissed him...

Maybe she had gotten over him and found someone else in those few months of his absence. He had been 'dead' for several months and Leia was probably the most admired leader of the rebellion and there would be many out there that would jump at the chance to be with her - she herself had said she liked nice men, perhaps she had found a nice man to replace him. But Leia had never been the type to bounce from one relationship to the next, hell, she wasn't even the type to have a relationship at all, Han had just told himself he was the exception, but perhaps he was wrong. She could have found someone else after him like a rebound, Luke maybe, they were close and good friends, or perhaps Lando's flirting had finally gotten to her.

Han barely slept that night as he tried to understand why she was acting like this, but with every new theory, it just got worse and worse.

Neither Han or Leia had quarters assigned to them yet in the large Rebellion ship, so they were stuck with their cabins on the Falcon. So close yet so far.

Leia was in two minds about this predicament. On the one hand, she didn't have to find her way through crowded corridors to her room and she now had access to the Falcon's scalding hot shower. On the other hand, staying on the Falcon meant a painful proximity to Han and the looming fact that in one of her storage units in her cabin, she had stuffed the gold bikini, the reason she could barely look him in the eye.

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