Some of the most common reviews of the play centered on one of the following complaints:

It was simple. It was sterile. It was vapid. It was shallow, weak, and predictable. It had no heart. It lacked creativity. It lacked cleverness. Where was the charm? Where was the whimsy? The wonder? The depth? The dimension? The Britishness? There was nothing new. Nothing special. Nothing interesting. They made Harry Potter less immersive, less impressive, less magical. They made Harry Potter embarrassing. The play relied on the contradiction of canon, the play nullified foundational components of the world, the play relied on the overused sci-fi trope of the "mirror universe". The play was dramatic for the sake of drama, awkward, forced, and poorly conceived. It stretched and it reached so often, it left us in need of a shoulder massage. At times, it was an insult burrito, filled with flawed plot devices, far-fetched scenarios, misconceived characters, contrived storylines, confused motivations, undesired plot twists, undeveloped scenes, manufactured authenticity, and stunning cliches. It was a cardboard cutout of the franchise we love, diminishing the original series, and not at all a worthwhile read. Ultimately, it was forgettable.

But beyond all these justifiable criticisms, my biggest grievance is that the play lacked a fundamental connection with logic and was oblivious to its own shortcomings. Here are a few instances.

(I'll try not to get too angry...)

Theodore Nott and Amos Diggory

Scenes Five and Six of Act One introduced the discovery of a hidden Time-Turner and the interest our characters may have in such a device. Harry's cheek is bloody in this scene. The raid on Theodore Nott's home just took place. No one knows about this Time-Turner, it's not common knowledge, and yet we learn soon after (like, later that night) that Amos Diggory is desperate for Harry to use time travel to go back and save Cedric. He brought his niece, Delphi, along for the ride to the Potter house.

This is strange because they begin by describing how often Amos has been trying to contact Harry Potter and was constantly denied. For two months, in fact. We know that since "the Hogwarts Express is about to depart for another year", Amos must have been eager to connect with Harry that summer. He was apparently interested in a memorial for Cedric, but now it's to use Nott's Time-Turner to correct the mistakes of the past and save his son from death. How does he even know about this Time-Turner??

Whatever. The real reason this is so confusing is because of Delphi. The play establishes in later scenes that Delphi, who is not Diggory's niece, had been living at St Oswald's Home for Old Witches and Wizards with Amos and confunding him for a while. Arguably, she is part of the reason why he was so eager to get in contact with Harry Potter in the first place. But what *exactly* was Delphi's plan before Harry suddenly found a Time-Turner? What was her motivation for confunding some random old dude? Why would she be using Amos Diggory for months, with the purposes of saving Cedric to fulfill a prophecy to "rebirth the Dark", when imagining such a plan was dependent on the discovery of a Time-Turner... WHICH JUST HAPPENED HOURS AGO! The timeline and Delphi's motivations defy logic completely.

The Extraordinary General Meeting

Scene Twelve of Act One opens on a frantic meeting at the Ministry of Magic (an Extraordinary General Meeting), where Hermione is so instantly impatient with the crowd while attempting to call order that she decides to pull a wand and "conjure silence" from them. First of all, this seems like a huge abuse of power and an invasion of personal will. Like, she's smothering their voices? Or removing them? Why? Just because they were talking when she wanted to speak? Mmmkay. TOTALLY in character for Hermione... C'mon, Jo.

Her abruptness to overpower them seems off, but wait... they set up this meeting as if there was already a disaster. I mean, everyone was going nuts about it beforehand. But, no... There is no leadup to this scene. No development. No crisis. Hermione starts by saying they've had 22 years of peace "until now". Which means the crowd shouldn't have been in a frenzy.

On top of that, the evidence they provide for Harry's "until now" is that trolls are migrating, giants are "starting to cross the seas" and they've lost sight of the werewolves. Really? That's all...

Obvious Ingredients

HARRY: So we're asking - if anyone has seen anything? Felt anything? If you could raise a wand, we will hear everyone speak. Professor McGonagall - thank you.

PROFESSOR McGONAGALL: It did look like the potions stores had been interfered with when we returned from summer break, but not a huge amount of ingredients were missing, some Boomslang skin and lacewing flies, nothing on the Restricted Register. We put it down to Peeves.

HERMIONE: Thank you, Professor. We shall investigate.

The next moment of that meeting in Scene Twelve shows a previous Hogwarts professor listing out how two of the essential components for making Polyjuice Potion had gone missing to an intelligent woman who would pick up on that detail instantly, since the brewing of that very potion was key to her young development as a witch.

"This is the most complicated potion I've ever seen," said little Hermione in book 2, when she was freaking twelve... before they had to steal the ingredients from the student store-cupboard. I'm quite sure that everything involving the secret brewing of a complicated potion in an abandoned bathroom at the school, with the purpose of breaking into the Slytherin dormitories, would stick with you in life. Especially if it was, you know, that one time you turned into a cat!! And also the way a super evil dude was able to scam his way into Hogwarts and teach your lessons for an entire year. And ultimately be the reason Cedric Diggory died...

But no, none of the Golden Trio took notice. None of the various people in the room who have made Polyjuice Potion before seem to find any significance in the mention of these key ingredients. And clearly, they didn't investigate... because if they had investigated... UGH!!!

The passing comment from McGonagall is meant to signal to the readers that *this* is how Delphi, Albus, and Scorpius got their hands on Polyjuice Potion and, thus, were able to sneak into the Ministry and steal the Time-Turner from Hermione's office. But it only raises more concerns. Like... a significant amount of the plot hinges on this meeting!!! Good effing thing no one flagged this and instituted tighter identity restrictions at the Ministry. That would've thrown a wrench in Delphi's elaborate plan to steal the Time-Turner.

Elaborate plan. Wait... hang on...

We know that Harry had *just* discovered the Time-Turner. And that Delphi is manipulating Amos Diggory into convincing Harry to use it. But... it's Albus and Scorpius who decide to use Nott's Time-Turner. Delphi COULD NOT have orchestrated that! WHY? Because we know she didn't confund them or control their actions. She admits to only using words at the end of Act Three to manipulate them.

"And that is the first spell I've had to use on you. I thought I'd have to use plenty more. But you're far easier to control than Amos - children, particularly male children, are so naturally pliant, aren't they?"

WHAT WAS DELPHI'S PLAN AT THE START OF THE PLAY!!!???? The plot hinges on her convincing others to use a Time-Turner... that she didn't know existed before confunding Amos. More of the plot hinges on Albus and Scorpius using that Time-Turner to fulfill the prophecy, but their actions were out of her control and it just... happened to work in her favor??? How convenient!!

But the most insane of all is that before any of this, OVER THE SUMMER, before the Time-Turner was discovered, and way before Delphi knew that she would need to take it from Hermione's office at the Ministry with Albus and Scorpius, Voldemort's daughter was sneaking into Hogwarts to steal potions ingredients for Polyjuice... to make all that possible. WHAT THE CRAP AM I READING???? The lack of narrative logic is astounding.

This doesn't even account for the fact that she was even able to sneak into Hogwarts undetected over the summer, or that she was somehow able to snare bits of Harry, Ron, and Hermione at some point in order to complete the potion.

And, biggest sin of all, the writers are using this as an opportunity to show the audience that Harry was completely unaware of what was going on without his knowledge... when he was Head of Magical Law Enforcement.

WAIT! THERE'S MORE...

The scene escalates when Hermione outs Harry by revealing to the crowd that his scar started hurting again!!!!!!! Oh, of course! Voldemort is back!!

NO! No no no no no no...

I have to step away before my brain explodes from the non-canonness!

Mike, just talk about the absurdity of how the scene ends. That'll make you feel better.

But... I wanted to do a whole post on the pointless parts of the play script.

Ease up on the alliteration and stop your whining.

Fine...

Wrong Way, Dummies

The scene ends when they are all leaving the grand meeting room in protest because Draco thinks Harry is just using this to get his name in the newspapers again. Then Hermione calls out, "That's not the way..." implying that everyone in attendance has never been in the grand meeting room at the Ministry of Magic before and... are... leaving through the wrong exit!!

Wow. Just...wow. At least the stupid pointlessness of forced comedy made me feel better. Thanks, me.

You got it, me.