"It's better to feel pain, than nothing at all
The opposite of love is indifference..."

✧✧✧

"Evelyn Adaline Sable, get your ass out of bed."

"Adaline?" Evelyn said, cocking an eyebrow at Jerome, who just entered her room. "How do you even know my middle name?"

"Your mom's chatty," he said with a shrug, taking a seat at the foot of Evelyn's bed.

"She brought out the photo album, didn't she?" Evelyn asked, but was positive she knew the answer.

"Hell yeah, she did. I had no idea you were such an artist with your baby food. Very impressive."

Evelyn chuckled. "I was a mini Michelangelo, wasn't I?"

"Absolutely."

"What are you even doing here? It's Christmas Eve. You should be with your family."

"Don't worry. I told them I was doing charity. Which is true. You are kind of a charity case," he teased with a sad sigh, but the wind was knocked out of him when Evelyn hit him with one of her pillows.

"If my mom asks, I'm just gonna say the bruise came from a hobo at the soup kitchen."

Evelyn hit him with another pillow.

"Jesus. Women and their pillows. There are like twenty seven!" he said.

"Don't be dramatic. There are six," she said.

"That's so much better. You know there are starving children who don't even have one pillow, let alone six," he said.

"What does starving have to do with not having a pillow?"

"Uh, you burn more calories when you lay flat?" he offered.

Evelyn let out a laugh. "You're awful."

"You love me."

"I tolerate you."

"Well then tolerate me while standing up. We have places to go, people to see, things to do. Chop chop," he clapped his hands as he stood up.

"Jerome, I'm not going anywhere."

"Au contraire, I got permission from both your parents and I can take you out today, so if you're not up and dressed in ten minutes, I'll come back and drag you out of bed by your hair."

"You wouldn't," Evelyn said, narrowing her eyes.

He grinned. "It's your scalp that will suffer if you try to call my nonexistent bluff, dear Evelyn. Now 10 minutes, not a minute more."

Jerome left her room to give her privacy and though she'd felt like a shell of herself since she broke up with Tristan, Jerome had been a silver lining she hadn't expected. It was true that every time something bad happened, something good tended to happen with it. And vice versa. She'd never expected to lose Tristan, but gain a new friend in the process.

She did as he asked and got dressed, though it only took five minutes, not ten.

"Alright, Evelyn. I know you just put them on, but get ready to have your socks knocked off," Jerome said as they left her house and got into his car.

"You're very exuberant," she pointed out.

"It's Christmas, Evelyn! Of course I'm exuberant."

"It's Christmas Eve, technically."

"It's Christmas Eve, technically," he mocked in a high-pitched voice.

Evelyn snorted. "I don't sound like that."

"No, you sound like the love child between the Grinch and Scrooge, so enjoy your Christmas Eve, because it's only once a year, or I will personally get the ghosts of Christmas on your ass," he said and she couldn't help but laugh loudly, though the sound was cut off by him turning up a radio station which was playing nothing but Christmas music.

For a while, they drove around, just belting along to the best, most popular Christmas music. Evelyn was pretty sure Jerome hadn't really planned ahead getting her out of bed, but eventually he stopped.

...In front of a lake.

A frozen one.

With people on it.

The ice skating kind.

This was a no-go.

"Alright, well, I had a blast. Thanks for bringing me. Time to go home," she said with a grin as Jerome unbuckled his seat belt.

"Nice try, Sable, but you're not getting out of this one."

"I'm not getting out of this car," she said and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Wanna bet?" Jerome asked when he opened her door, the cold hitting her skin.

"No, I wouldn't want you to lose your money."

"Very confident coming from a girl who stands at, like, two feet and weighs six and a half pounds."

She narrowed her eyes at Jerome. "I take offense to that."

He didn't respond, he simply unbuckled her seatbelt for her and stood for one more second.

"I'm giving you a choice again. You can either get out or I'll throw you over my shoulder."

"You wouldn't."

"Wouldn't I?" he said with a sweet smile, but Evelyn saw right through it. In the end, Evelyn conceded and hopped out of the car, only speaking again when she laced the shoes.

"How did you even know my shoe size?" she asked.

"Mama Sable, obviously," he said and rolled his eyes.

"Oh lovely, my shoe size, my middle name, my baby photos. Next thing I know, you'll probably know which colleges I applied to," she said and saw the sheepish look on his face as he looked away.

"She told you that, too?"

"In her defense, she was just excited," he admitted and then threw an arm around her shoulder. "Plus, I mean, look at how far we've come. From you refusing to get into my car to me knowing your shoe size."

Evelyn let out a laugh. "You're lucky I like you."

"I thought you only tolerated me," he shot back.

"Depends on my mood," she said with a shrug.

"Alright. Less talk, more walking on blades!" he said, excitedly. And, for the next thirty minutes, they really did try, but it turns out an unathletic bookworm and a bulky jock really couldn't glide gracefully. It wasn't long before they were both in Jerome's car and he was sulking.

"I wanted to come out of that with a happy Christmas Eve memory, but I feel like all I got were bruises on my ass," he said and Evelyn laughed.

"Aww, but Jerome, I did get a happy Christmas Eve memory. I saw you fall on your ass. Multiple times," Evelyn teased.

He narrowed his eyes at her. "So much for you being kind."

"Oops?" she said with a smile, knowing he was only teasing.

The next place they pulled up to was just a park of some sort, full of snow that was completely unmarked by footprints, or humanity in general. It sparkled like there was ground up glitter scattered within the pure white, but it was the simple beauty of snow itself. Frozen water was a simple concept, but nature's execution was beautiful.

Evelyn wasn't so hesitant to get out of the car this time, as she ran out of the car and fell into the snow on her back, carving snow angels with her body. Jerome flopped down next to her and made a snow angel, as well. They laid in silence for a while, before Evelyn spoke up.

"I love snow," she said. "But I'm actually terrified of water."

"I've been on antidepressants since I was 15," he admitted.

"I'm on an anti-anxiety for OCD," she offered.

"I act immature because I feel suffocated by the fact that there's no time left in my childhood," he said. "And I have no fucking clue what I want to do with my life."

"I act more mature than I am, because I've always felt like I wasn't allowed to live my childhood."

"What was your moment?" he asked after a second.

"Hmm?"

"I find that everyone who's too mature for their age is that way because of one moment in their life that forced them to grow up quicker than they needed to. So, Evelyn, what was your moment?"

For a moment, she was silent, realizing there were too many moments. Too many times where she'd wait and wait and wait for her father by the window or by the phone, only to have her mom have to wipe away her tears and explain why he wasn't there. Too many times where she'd found herself unable to sleep, worrying about how long it'd been since Alex's last letter. Too many times. Too many moments. And yet, with each, she held a semblance of her childlike hope and wide-eyed innocence.

She knew the exact moment she lost that.

"Car accident. I nearly died," she said, her voice quiet.

"How old were you?" he asked.

"Fourteen, about to turn fifteen."

She heard Jerome suck in a breath and she felt queasy having revealed something so personal.

"Well, it could've been worse," he started, his voice serious and solemn. "You could've never met me."

Evelyn laughed, truly laughed at his words, and felt her body fill with relief. She didn't feel the level of comfort with Jerome as she had with Tristan, and didn't want to go into any details. She wouldn't. She was glad he took the humorous route.

"What's Ashley doing today? Shouldn't you be with her instead of with me?" Evelyn asked with a frown, not wanting to step on Ashley's toes.

"Nah. It was Ash's idea for me to hang out with you today, actually," he said.

"Really?"

"Yeah. She said today was a day you'd probably be even sadder than usual, because it would've been your first Christmas Eve and then Christmas with... well, he-who-must-not-be-named. And judging by the state your sorry ass was in this morning, she was right."

Evelyn laughed, though it was forced. "You can say his name, you know. He's not an evil wizard."

"You're right. Voldemort is better than that jackass," he said.

"Jerome. He's one of your best friends. You don't have to slam him for my benefit. You can be friends and care for both of us," she said gently.

Jerome snorted. "It's not for your benefit. I took your side in the divorce and you have full custody. I haven't spoken to him since you two broke up."

Evelyn shot up at this, looking down at Jerome. "You... what? Jerome, you can't. When I broke up with Tristan, the worst part was feeling like I lost my best friend. I can't be the person that makes you and him lose a friend, it's not fair to either of you. You knew each other well before you knew me."

Jerome sat up, too, sighing at her. "Evelyn, you need to stop blaming yourself. You didn't break up because you did something wrong. You broke up because he did and you respect yourself enough to know when enough's enough. And we haven't stopped speaking because you forced me to choose you or him, but because the second he chose Tanya, he lost both of us. He isn't some victim while we're the villains in this scenario, Evelyn. He's always known how I feel about her and, deep down, I think he knows she's not a good person, either, but won't admit it. This was his decision. Not necessarily spoken directly, but a decision spoken every time he didn't push her away when she got too touchy or every time he took her side, even when I was right. Stop blaming yourself. Just stop."

Evelyn looked at him and then down at the snow, and then back at him. "I'm going to hug you now."

Jerome laughed as she leaned over and hugged him, patting him on the back and thanking him before she pulled away.

"I've never met anyone who announced they were going to hug someone instead of just doing it."

Evelyn shrugged. "I wanted to give you time to pull away or say no if you were uncomfortable with physical contact."

"You didn't care much about my discomfort when you hit me with two hard ass pillows."

"To be fair, you disturbed me when I was in a blanket burrito. And the pillows were soft."

"Details," he said, waving her off, before his expression got more serious. "How are you, though? You don't really talk about how you feel, you just isolate yourself and then pretend to be happy when you can't be alone. How are you feeling?"

"I don't know," she said.

"Evelyn," he said. "No bullshit."

"It's not. It's just... I can't, for one second, settle on a feeling. Every time I think I know what I feel, I feel something else. It's not like I've settled into the sad stage or angry stage. It's that I think of something and I get really sad, but then I think of something else, and I'm suddenly angry, but then I think of another thing and I just feel lonely, or I miss him, or I feel pathetic, or guilty, or nauseous, or like I'm overreacting and shouldn't be feeling anything anymore."

"I'm gonna be real honest. I kind of hadn't thought past asking you how you are and I don't have any advice," he admitted, scratching the back of his neck. "I think I maxed out all my wisdom of the day."

"Really? I thought you'd maxed out your wisdom for the year," Evelyn said.

"Ha ha, smartass," he said with narrowed eyes and she chuckled.

"Is Ashley busy today?" Evelyn asked.

"No, she was supposed to spend the day with her grandma, but her grandma couldn't come, so she's just stuck at home."

"Go see her, Jerome," she said with a small smile. "She'd appreciate the surprise."

"Are you sure? I feel bad leaving you. You're kind of a mopey mess when I'm not around," he said as they began walking back to the car.

"Don't worry, I'm going to do my best to not be a mopey mess the second you leave," she said with a snort as they got in the car.

"Okay, then. If you're not going to mope, what are you going to do?" he asked, thinking she'd have no answer.

"Study for finals."

"S-study? For finals? There's still two weeks of winter break, and another week after school starts before finals week. There are three weeks. Three! Basically a month! And you're studying now?"

"Yes."

"I don't even study until the night before! And even then, I just stick my textbook under my pillow and hope osmosis does its job."

"And that's why I'm going to pass and you're going to fail," she teased.

"I resent that," he said with a glare.

"Can I ask a favor of you?" Evelyn asked as they pulled up to her house. "You're not gonna like it, to be honest."

"I'm scared," he said, eyeing her cautiously.

"One second, don't go anywhere," she told Jerome before she ran out of his car, into the house, and back out a moment later, but this time there were things in her hands. Three things.

"For one, this is for you. And this is for Ashley. I'm fairly sure I won't see you guys tomorrow, so Merry Christmas," Evelyn said with a smile, handing the small gifts to Jerome.

"I feel awful. I didn't get you anything, Evelyn."

"You gave me today. Genuine laughing and fun when I, as you eloquently put it, am a mopey mess. That's a lot. More than anything you could wrap. Plus, you're about to do me a favor."

"Oh, right. The favor."

Evelyn handed Jerome the third and final gift, it was a painting, coupled with a card and envelope.

"I know you're not on speaking terms and it will probably seem pathetic to you, and to him, but I can't keep this in my room any longer, and I can't bring myself to throw it away. I had been planning on giving it to him for Christmas for a while, but our situation—our relationship—changed, obviously, and I can't give it to him myself. I can't. But I can't keep it either. Will you give it to Tristan? Please?" she heaved out in one breath, some of her words melting together as she spoke quickly and quietly from nerves.

"I'll make sure he gets it, Evelyn, but he really doesn't deserve it," he said as he looked at the painting, his eyes sad, yet kind, as he looked back at Evelyn.

"Yes, he does, Jerome. You're just too angry at him to remember why he does deserve a thoughtful gift, even if he's not always as thoughtful as he could be, himself."

"Damn you, woman. You're too nice and if that shit ever rubs off on me, you will be hearing from my lawyer."

"I'm looking forward to it. Now shut up and go see your girl."

At these words, he grinned and revved his car with one last shout of a single, silly word.

"Onward!"