Xavier: Tommy, would you like to hold one of the babies?
Tommy: Okay
Xavier: *hands Bailee to him*
Tommy: *holding her like a football* YEET-
Xavier: tOMMY NO

***

(At the petting zoo)

Teddy, age 3: *sitting around with baby chicks*
Eliza: Aw, they think you're the mommy!
Teddy:
Teddy: *picks one up and tries putting it in her mouth*
Eliza: tEDDY STOP

***

Cole: There's a monster under my bed!
Cole: It's the most hideous monster I've ever seen!
Callen, on the bottom bunk: Why do you hate me

***

Auggie: Hey, do you wanna see a butterfly?
Clary: Please no-
Auggie: *yeets butter*

***

Michael: So, how's the world's most handsome man doing?
Dawson: *barely glances at Michael*
Dawson: *casually* I don't know, how're you?
Michael:
Michael: *voice cracks* I'm fine-

***

Bentley: YOU'RE SO ANNOYING, I CAN'T BELIEVE I MARRIED YOU!
Kalvin: /I'M/ ANNOYING? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CHEATED!
Bentley: WELL YEAH, BUT YOU CHEATED FIRST!
Bella: I think we're done playing Monopoly for tonight-

***

Eliza: Alex? It's 4 am, why are you making a cake? And why are there decorations and desserts on the table?
Alex: I'm celebrating the death of my sleep schedule and sanity. Want a cookie?

***

Kalvin: Are you gonna be okay?
Bentley: *tearing up while standing on the other side of a LEGO covered floor* Yes..
Kalvin: Do you need me to carry you?
Bentley: *quietly sobs* Yes...

***

Jules, with her arm in the door of a vending machine: I am the smartest, most engineered person in this place.
Cole: Are you stuck in that vending machine?
Jules: I paid for my Doritos, I'm getting my Doritos.

***

XJ: *calls Allen* I had the craziest dream that you married me.
Allen: I did marry you. It happened 3 years ago. Also, it's like three in the morning right now. Stop calling me when we're right beside each other.

***

Ari: Hey can you hold this?
Callen: This is just your hand.
Ari: Yeah.

***

December, trying to teach Candy how to be more intimidating: Okay, let's say Angel stole your ice cream, what would you say?
Candy: Hey! You stole my ice cream!
December: Great! Now let 'em have it!
Candy, smiling: You can have it!
December:
December: *facepalm*

***

Cole: I just did something really great.
Cole: I saved a fish from downing.
Cooper:
Cooper: Are you okay-

***

Khalin: *screaming* IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII FIXED IT!
Presley: What did you fix?
Khalin: EVERYTHING.
*loud explosions in the back*
Khalin: ...except that.

***

Dawson: That's ridiculous. Michael doesn't have a crush on me.
December: Yes, he does.
Zaida: Yes he does.
Angel: Yea he does.
Michael: Yeah I do.

***

Michael: Where are you going?
December: To get coffee or commit a felony, I'll decide in the car. 

***

Ari: I'm super responsible!
Callen: Didn't you set your room on fire last night?
Ari: There was a spider-

***

Cashier: Hello, how're you doing today?
Alex: I'm sorry, this is my 87th interaction today and I just can't.

***

Auggie: Here you go Clary, a nice hot cup of coffee.
Clary: But it's cold.
Auggie: A nice cup of coffee.
Clary: It's horrible.
Auggie: A cup of coffee.
Clary: Is this even coffee?
Auggie: Cup.

***

Teddy: Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
Schuyler: Please never become a surgeon.

***

Nico: Tomorrow's garbage day.
Tommy: I can't believe they made a whole day dedicated to you.

***

Dawson: Why is my hand so shaky?
Michael: Your skeleton is ready to hatch.
Dawson: This is so ominous, thank you.

***

Cole: I'm sure Callen's last words are gonna be, 'Don't worry, I got everything under AAAHH!'

***

Kalvin: So cute..
Bentley: Aww thank you!
Kalvin: I was...I was talking about..*points to the little ball of fur in Bentley's arms* the kitten.

***

XJ: Mark the day Allen. May 18, 4:00.
Allen: Oh honey, we're WAY into October.
XJ:

***

Eliza: We're not going to burn it.
Teddy: C'mon mom, you never let me burn anything!

***

Bentley: We have a Category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis!
Kalvin: A Category 55 Emergency 55 Doomsday Crisis?
Bella: Sorry, but what is a Category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis?
Bentley: It's nothing, it's a tiny little inconvenience. Bella dear, could you take us to a private room where no one can hear us even if I yell very loudly out of fear?

***

Xavier: Do you love me?
Eclipsa: ...most days.
Xavier:

***

Callen, laying next to a sleeping Ari: Nice
Ari, still asleep: *cuddles closer to Callen*
Callen, holding back tears: N I C E

***

Dawson: Woah, look at the ocean!
Michael, drunk, looking up: The water's so blue.
Dawson: That's the sky.

***

Eclipsa: I'm scared of the dark..
Xavier: Don't worry, I've got this.
Xavier: *stomps foot in the floor*
Xavier: *sketchers light up*

***

Jules, about to sit down for dinner with Cole: I'm just gonna grab a napkin.
Cole: *looking at Jules's fries*
Jules: /Don't/ even think about it.
Cole:
Cole:
Cole: *takes a fry*
Jules: *lunging towards Cole* I SAID DON'T