iii; marcus's inner thoughts after getting drunk, the end of november, three in the morning, boys' dorm.

marcus.

Marcus often felt like he was floating outside of his body. He always had a hair tie or sometimes pinched himself too hard to snap out of the thinking and be like, yeah, he's still exist, he's still here and nothing bad happens yet. The hair tie worked like the string and he was the balloon, one letting go and he'll disappear into the pitblack sky, then nobody could find him again because he's now, gone for real.

They had this very similiar quote from The edge of seventeen, 'Oh hey, this line is so you, Marsy', Charlotte told him that when they're watching the movie together. Yeah, floating outside of the body and looking down for the above, he did hates what he saw, because he couldn't see any changes even though he tried so, so much lately. His father's look, his father's attitude, his father's thinking, everything he got was from his father, who he despised with every bones in his body, every cells in his veins. His house became so much worse because of the man (and it had been terrible from the beginning, trust him he knew this). His mother just simply didn't care, and his brother was too good for him anyways, but his Father, Dad, was this sickening disease that had eaten up his body since his birth, was the curse that he could never truly get out of. Even though now he's happy at Wellington, happy to be around his friends and his Dandelion, he always saw his father's face and voice and the horrifying shouting of him wherenever he went. It was terrifying, like he was trapped inside this spider's web and would rot in there 'til his death.

I would never got better, he afraid so, soon I'll grow into my father and plant the deed into my own kids because, the curse would never be broken, it'll haunt me for days and years and ages that the only way I could get rid of it is hanging myself from the chandelier.

Life is terrible for Marcus, innit?

But now he could hear William's bloody fucking loud snoring, Charlotte's leg over his stomach as she slept with a weird posture (it was like a star fish, with her left leg on Marcus's stomach and right hand right over William's eyes), Dandelion's soft and steady breathing, curled up next to him. At least they're here now with him. At least he's not alone at the moment, and he's really sleepy right now so why didn't doze off to shut these inner thoughts before it broke his brain completely? Yeah, he would do that.