"Say yes sweetheart." Maya's father told her but she sat there rigidly. She tried to open her mouth to answer the maulvi but no words were coming out. Her throat felt constricted. She couldn't do this. 

The past week had flown by and before she knew it here she was sitting at her own nikah. She was wearing a traditional maroon dress with intricate embroidery at the hem of the shirt and jewelry adorning her neck.

She wanted to get out of this and just refuse but she couldn't humiliate her family. She couldn't do this to her parents.

She didn't have a choice. She wished she hadn't agreed to this in the first place. She wanted to run away and never look back.

The maulvi repeated the question and she managed to croak out a yes this time with a quaver in her throat. She was surprised they could even hear her voice.

Maya dreaded what would happen next. She really hoped that Zayan wouldn't agree too. She didn't want to get married.

Maya waited with baited breath to hear Zayan's reply as they asked him. 

Zayan couldn't even focus on what was going on around him. He kept zoning in and out as his mind went back to when he had been his nikah the first time. He had been so ecstatic at that time that his happiness was not contained. 

This time around, however none of those feelings were there and there was only the fact that he had to do this that he replied in the affirmative. He didn't know how life would be from this point onward. The uncertainty of the future scared him more than he would ever admit. Would he able to give Maya the rights she deserved as his wife? What did she think of the fact that he had been married before this all? He didn't know the answer to all that.

All he could comprehend was that they were married now. Now he had to move on whether he liked it or not. Had he committed a mistake?

Maya sat there frozen. 

Why did he say yes?

Her soul was aching, her heart was crying, and her mind was blazing.

She wanted to let out all her emotions. She wanted to cry her heart out. But she couldn't. Her throat had tightened and when a few ladies congratulated her no words came out.

She was taken to the stage and Areesha helped her get on the the stage and made her sit beside Zayan. She tried to move away from him. But there was no space. She sat their stoically as guests came and went congratulating them. She didn't know if she had smiled at the guests. She tried to smile for the pictures but she didn't now how they had come out. In all the pictures her head was bent down as if out of shyness. Everyone else didn't know that she was trying to control the tears from overcoming her.

Everyone around her had a smile plastered on their faces and the atmosphere was on of joy and delight as they celebrated the wedding. It was ironic how everyone one else was happy but the real people who were supposed to be happy were far from it. Toddlers and young girls run around and wires of the camera men snaked around the banquet hall as they clicked away pictures. 

Strings of light decorated the hall and the atmosphere was of festivity. If it had been a normal wedding Maya would have been the loudest girl teasing the bride and groom. She had always been free spirited like that but now everything had changed. She couldn't remember the last time she had been happy. 

The hall was bustling with noise as she tried to drown out the noise. The loud gossiping voices of the ladies were competing with the giggles of the children.

On a side of the hall, a buffet composed of a wide array of desi dishes was arranged and when the food was served, everyone rushed to the buffet as if they hadn't eaten for days. If there wasn't food in wedding no one would probably even show up. 

Maya was supposed to eat too but she couldn't swallow a single morsel. She was painfully aware of Zayan's presence beside her. Her heart was crying, shedding tears of blood.

Soon the guests came on stage and offered them a piece of sweetmeat. She smiled rigidly at a few relatives she recognized as they fed her the sweetmeat. She wanted to throw up and the sweet taste in her mouth.

Before she knew it, the night was almost over and it was time for the rukhsati. 

There was joy, sorrow, glee, anticipation, stress and excitement hanging in the air to escort her to a new journey of life. 

A journey she dreaded to start.

Her parents and Areesha hugged her one by one. 

Then it was Fawad's turn. She looked up at her brother's face. She expected him to walk away without a word and not even look at her the way he had been for the past few days. But instead he approached her and hugged her patting her back.

She wanted to break down in her brother's arms and plead him to not let her go but the words ceased to leave her mouth. He wouldn't care.

The faraway look in his eyes hurt her more than anything. She hugged him with all her might and wouldn't let go. A few tears had managed to escape her eyes as she shut them tightly.

Please don't make me go. Tears flowed and her heart bled. She was not ready for all of this.

Could someone please stop all this? Her heart ached. There was a heaviness in her chest that she couldn't make go away and it was swallowing her whole.

"Take care." Her brother said to her softly and let go of her. He softly held her hand and placed it in Zayan's.

She hated her brother now for making her go. She glared at him through her tears but he didn't react. She would never talk to him again, she thought. He didn't care about her anymore.

It was like someone had ran a dagger through her soul when she realized this. Her brother really didn't care.

She cringed when Zayan held her hand and led her to the car. His touch sent shivers down her back. She wanted to snatch her hand away from his but she didn't for the sake of the guests watching.

"Zayan, take care of my sister." Fawad said to him but anyone could here the underlying warning. Zayan nodded and involuntarily squeezed Maya's hand in a silent promise.

A new fear crept through her. What did Zayan expect from her? Here she could not take him holding her hand. How was she supposed to be a wife to him? He really didn't deserve someone like her.

She sat in the back seat in the car with Zayan driving and his mother was sitting in the passenger seat. 

Fawad stared at his little sister leaving. He didn't realize that he had been crying until a tear dropped from his eye and landed on his cheek. He swallowed the lump in his throat. Their home would be so different without Maya, so empty. 

He prayed that his sister would be happy as fears crept in his mind. Areesha squeezed his hand trying to reassure him but he didn't pay any heed. All he could see was his sister leaving him. The car moved taking her away. He stared at it rounding the corner till it became a small dot and disappeared from his view.

Maya stared at her family as the car turned the corner and they were finally out of her view. She ignored Zayan when she caught his eye in the back view mirror. She quickly looked away dropping his intense gaze as if it would burn her. 

Zayan's mother made some conversation with them but except for that there was silence in the car. 

After half an hour they reached the apartment complex. Zayan's mother helped her get out of the car and led her to the lift. 

She felt like she couldn't breath. The dress was choking her. After a long time or so it seemed the lift stopped and they entered the apartment. 

She couldn't breath properly. Her mother-in-law told Zayan to take her to his room.

Zayan placed his hand on her back and guided her to her room. Her breaths came as pants now and her chest heaved up and down. She really needed oxygen. She needed to breathe. She tried to take a deep breath and fill her lungs with air but she couldn't. She felt so light headed and nauseous. She felt like she was going to have a myocardial infarction.

Zayan turned the lights on and she gripped his arm unconsciously to steady herself. Her legs were giving out now and she could see dots blurring her vision.

"Maya? Maya are you okay?" 

She could hear Zayan's voice but it felt like he was very faraway from her. He was shaking her but she wasn't able to respond. She wanted to open her mouth to speak but she felt her control on herself to be slipping. She told herself to breath like she told her patients but she couldn't take in air. It was very painful for her. 

"Maya breathe. Take a deep breath Maya." Zayan told her panicking as he tried to steady her in his arms but her eyes were rolling upwards.

What was wrong with her?

He knew she needed to breath otherwise she would faint but she seemed not to be able to hear him. Memories from the past took over and Zayan panicked. He had lost Leya like this too. He wouldn't let it happen again. Sweat collectef in his hands as he frantically told her to take deep breaths but it eas as if she wasn't listening to him.

He carried her to his bed and placed his mouth on hers and deeply exhaled in hers. She seemed to be catching his breath slowly. He could almost taste the peppermint flavor of gum from her mouth but he quickly withdrew. His lips were feeling so tingly and his heart was beating so abnormally fast. 

He shouldn't have done that.

But she is your wife. A voice from his subconscious said. He felt guilty as if he was doing something bad by touching her so he quickly straightened and tried to help her. He wouldn't let anything happen to her.

"Maya, p-please inhale through your nose." He instructed to her as his heart drummed wildly in his chest. He tried to stay calm but the fear was building inside him. Would she be okay? What was happening?

Slowly, her breathing got better. He could see her chest rising up and down slowly. He rubbed her back trying to calm her down. She looked so pale and depressed as she tried to breathe. Her chest heaved up and down as she felt difficulty taking in oxygen.

"A-are you okay?" He asked her gently after a while.

She nodded her head slowly. She felt so embarrassed. Why was she so weak?

"Thank God you are alright. Never do that again, I was so worried." He said as his heart calmed down a little. What if she had stopped breathing? What if she had died? He shuddered as his mind made up negative things.

"I-I am sorry." She said and put her face into her hands. Zayan stared at her at a loss of words. Was he supposed to comfort her? How was he supposed to do it?

"Nothing to be sorry about..." He said softly and trailed off.

"Thank you for... helping me." She said sincerely. It was almost like he had kissed her. She felt heat creeping at the base of her neck at that thought. What must he be thinking of her?

"Maya, do you need to see the doctor?" He asked worriedly oblivious to her embarrassment. 

"No, I am fine." She said awkwardly not wanting to meet his eye out of embarrassment.

"Are you sure?" He persisted.

"Yes Zayan. It was just a minor panic attack. I don't know what would have happened if you weren't here." She said looking at his face. He seemed so worried.

I don't know what would have happened if anything happened to you, Zayan thought but didn't say it.

"Er.. do you mind if I change?" She asked him. What did he expect from her? Would he mind? "Actually, this dress is getting very heavy."

Zayan scratched his neck awkwardly. He would do anything to get away from here. His own room was suffocating him. How ironic was that?

"Sure. I need to take a shower and you can change here. Your bag is in the wardrobe." He said plastering a polite smile on his face to appear courteous. 

He took his own clothes from the wardrobe and quickly headed to the washroom himself. He bolted the door as soon as he entered the washroom.

Why did he think he would be able to marry someone else? He didn't know how to talk to her properly. What did she expect from him? With Leya everything had been so easy. They could read each other expressions so well that there was no room for any kind of awkwardness.

Why did she have to leave him? 

Hadn't he loved her enough?

Why couldn't they stay together like all other couples?

What had he done wrong to deserve this? His throat tightened and he swallowed deeply trying to keep his feelings at bay. He wanted to scream and yell.

He hunched over the sink with his hands tightly gripping the edges as he tried to control himself. His knuckles were turning white as his grip tightened. Tears were forming in his eyes and he furiously wiped them away. He wasn't supposed to cry like a fucking pathetic person.

It was very hard for him to put up that happy face when he was crying inside. He didn't know if he could give Maya the love she deserved when he was stuck in his past relationship himself. He didn't want to compare between her and Leya. He was so scared that his past would ruin this relationship as well and he would be alone once again. 

The way Maya had gotten that panic attack earlier had shaken him. She clearly wasn't over everything and with all his heart he wanted to help her. Help her get back to her old self and move on.  He was determined to help her through all this but not because she was his wife. He felt some weird connection with her.

But what scared him was that would he be able to pick up her pieces when he was so broken himself. Would he be able to cherish her and love her like any girl deserved? He didn't want to regret this decision of marrying her. He hated how he was crying over the past. He wanted to be happy too, he wanted to move on. Leya would love that. It had been her dying wish that he should move on and he couldn't even do that for her. He had accepted the past but he didn't want to let it go.

He knew he would not be able to love Maya like he loved Leya but he would still try to be a good husband to her.

With this newfound determination fueling him, he took a quick shower to calm his nerves and headed out of the washroom. He would prove it to Leya that he wasn't weak. To this day his love for her had helped him go through life. If he still didn't give up it was because of her. She may be physically gone from this world but she would always be in his heart.

Maya was standing with a hijab around her head and the prayer mat in her hand with a thoughtful expression on her face as if she was trying to figure out something.  She had quickly changed in fear that he would come out. Her clothes were so heavy that she had been torn between calling someone for help but calling his mother would be too awkward and she simply could not ask Zayan to help her. She had struggled a little but finally got the dress off and then she quickly changed into another dress. She had been so scared that he might come out but she heard the sound of the shower running and thankfully he had taken his time.

Zayan stared at Maya for a second before he realized that she was trying to find the direction of the qiblah.

He almost chuckled at that. She did look funny standing in the side with a confused look on her face. She could have asked him too.

She flinched and turned around.

"You scared me!" She gasped with a hand on her heart.

"What are you doing?" He raised an eyebrow at her trying to appear calm and collected when he was far from it in reality.

"Trying to find the qiblah direction." She said in a duh tone.

"You could have asked me." He said in the same tone.

"So what is it?" She asked.

He pointed to the direction and she set the prayer mat on the floor.

"Have you prayed?" She asked before she could stop herself. Was she allowed to ask him anything like that? She waited with baited breath and when Zayan politely replied she let out a sigh.

"Yeah we prayed at the mosque before the nikah."

Thank God he didn't mind, Maya thought. She nodded and fixed her hijab and started praying feeling a tad bit awkward that he was in the same room but she tried to focus on her salah.

Zayan lay down on the bed and went through his phone. He read the emails he had gotten from work. He was so engrossed in typing a reply that he hadn't even noticed that she was done praying.

He looked up and saw that she was brushing her hair. His fingers stilled on the key pad as he stared at her hair in awe. She looked beautiful with her hair down. He might not harbor any romantic feelings towards her but he could appreciate her beauty.

"What? Its nothing you haven't seen before." Maya said uncomfortably when she noticed him staring at her. She had been so conflicted as to whether or not to take her scarf off even though he was her husband but she decided it was fine as he had already seen her without a hijab that day at the hospital.

"I like the color of your hair." He commented without thinking.

"Its just a brown color." She said looking at him weirdly as she tied her hair into a pony tail.

"But its nice. It suits you." He replied honestly.

"Thanks." she said awkwardly. He turned back to his phone when he remembered.

"Oh by the way, before I forget I bought you something." He said and looked through his side table drawer.

"Really? What?" She asked trying not to look excited. She loved gifts. She was so curious as to what he might have brought. It was a surprise that he brought her something in the first place when there was a mutual understanding between them that this relationship was just a compromise and nothing else.

"Wait a second. I'm sure I put it here somewhere." He said rummaging through his drawers.

Did he lose the present?

"Don't tell me you lost my gift!" She blurted out before she bit her tongue. Where was the filter between her stupid brain and mouth?

"Hold your horses! Ok found it." He said with a victorious smile.

"I am not going to close my eyes or anything." She said as she eyed the box curiously.

"I wasn't going to tell you to." He chuckled.

"So what is it?" She asked. Did she appear too enthusiastic? Oh God! Where was her brain when she needed it?

What if he thought that she was greedy? She bit her tongue and opted to stay quiet now.

"A sari. I was passing by a store and I knew I had to buy this. Here look." He said handing her the shopping bag she hadn't even noticed him hiding. His mother had told him that he was supposed to buy her a gift and when he saw this sari he really liked it.

She quickly opened the bag and took out the sari. It was a light pink color with intricate embroidery and pearl sequences all over it. There was a matching hijab inside it too.

"This is so beautiful!" She smiled but then her face fell. "But there's a problem."

"What?"

"I don't know how to wrap it around and everything." She muttered dejectedly. The last time she had worn a sari was on her graduation ceremony and that time too her mother had helped her pin it up.

"Well I do." Zayan said as he remembered how he had once helped Leya wear it when they had gone to a desi carnival in their university.

"You wear a sari?" She said mischievously.

"No. But I will help you pin it up." He said hoping she wouldn't ask him how he knew. It had taken a lot of YouTube videos that he had to watch with Leya when he had finally gotten a hang of it. He smiled slightly as he remembered how Leya would first see the video herself and then let him see it in case there was any skin showing off the lady who was doing the video. She was possessive like that.

"Deal." Maya said smiling. She felt a little better that they were talking about casual things. This got him out of the past and he realized that he shouldn't be thinking about it at this time.

"You must be tired. Do you want to sleep?" He asked now that there was nothing to talk about between them.

"Yeah." She said uncomfortably. How the hell was she supposed to sleep in the same room as him and there was no couch here either.

"Anything wrong?" Zayan asked when he saw her looking around the room worried.

"N-no nothing."

"Okay." He said as he stifled a yawn and went and lied on one side of the bed and pulling the comforter over him. He was so tired today.

"Maya come on there's nothing to be worried about." Zayan said as he noticed she had made no sign to come to the bed. She was his wife. It might take time getting used to sharing a bed with her but he knew he had to help her get over her insecurities when it came to him.

"I-I'm coming." She replied.

After she turned off the lights she made her way to the bed in darkness and carefully laid down on the bed and tried no to move. It was a spring mattress and when she moved only a little the whole bed moved. It was so uncomfortable sharing a bed with someone and on top of everything a stranger who happened to be her husband too.

After a while she glanced at Zayan and noticed he was asleep or at least pretending. She willed for sleep to come to her but she had a feeling that she might not be able to sleep the whole night.

****

Took me so long to write this chapter!!! And it is long too so I expect more votes and comments!! ;)

Do tell me if it is going according to your expectations! Do you find any place where I could improve? If so, feel free to comment!!

Remember me in your prayers!

Salam!