Trigger warnings: War, PTSD and dealing with the aftermath of suicide

~Maybe in another life, I could find you there.

Stop, I think, every time that song starts to play,

the one that makes me think of you.

But, I can't ever bring myself to turn it off or skip it.

~Pulled away before your time, I can't deal, it's so unfair

You've been gone for over a decade now;

you'd think I'd be done mourning the way that I do.

But I'm not. Sometimes it bites like it was yesterday.

~And it feels, and it feels like

And, although you didn't die in action,

I still blame the war, the Army,

for your death.

~Heaven's so far away

Probably because I need something

or someone

to blame other than you.

~And it stings, yeah, it stings now

I know that you were injured over there

and that you struggled to get to your doctor appointments two hours away once you were home.

And, yeah, there was a lot of other shit, too.

~The world is so cold, now that you've gone away

But, damn it, did you have to? Did you really?

Of all things, that?

I know the answers, but I still ask the questions.

~Leaving flowers on your grave, to show that I still care

I never did visit your grave.

After I saw your obituary,

I just couldn't.

~Black roses and Hail Mary's

I know, I know

you bought those bullets

with the money I gave you for gas.

~I can't bring back what's taken from me

And, I'm just so angry about the whole thing

And I feel such heartbreak at the thought you're gone.

~I reach to the sky, And call out your name

I know that you just wanted it to stop.

That's all anyone who does this wants... just for the pain to stop.

I get it, probably better than you ever realized.

~Oh please let me trade

I'll never wished to trade that pain with you.

Why does that make me feel...

so guilty?

~I would.

I think you were likely the most beautiful soul I've ever seen.

And, even in that short amount of time,

I fell for you.

~And it feels, and it feels like

It feels like my heart was ripped out.

It's healed, mostly,

but it's scarred up and beaten.

~The world is so cold

I still miss you so much.

~Now that you've gone away.

Don't stop.

~~~

Song: "Gone Away" by Five Finger Death Punch on And Justice for None

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIQK4-9YFW0