Favour
(n.) an act of kindness beyond what is due or usual

There was not any reminder of the upcoming disaster as the day went on like it was supposed to be. Completely drained from all the training sections that she had given to the warriors, the deputy dragged her exhausted self towards the freshkill pile. Her heavy pawsteps left dust flying in the air, earning her a few side glances from her clanmates.

Picking up a squirrel from the pile, she paced to her usual spot under a tall oak tree away from the crowd. Sitting in the shadows, this place truly provided her with the silence she enjoyed. A place where she could finally be herself.

She was so close to the edge. Everything felt as normal as it could possibly be, but the thought of the clans coming to an end still haunted her. There was a voice following her around, messing with her thoughts. She could not help but wonder what it would be like if the disaster happened in the next heartbeat, when everything in front of her eyes suddenly crumbled into nothingness or when the battle call from the enemies' roared like thunder. After one heartbeat, she might lose everything that she had and possibly could have got.

Certainly, watching Cavestorm and Doeheart cuddling in the middle of the camp would not make her feel any better.

Digging into her meal, she enjoyed the juicy taste that lingered in her throat. She swallowed the prey with three big bites and licked her paws with satisfaction. The squirrel gave her renewed energy and prepared her for the rest of her day.

"Citrinemoon!"

The deputy stopped herself from turning around. She knew perfectly well who was calling since the voice haunted her dream every night, the terrifying scene replaying in her vision. Rage gathered in her mind, struggling to take control.

In her eyes, that she-cat did not even deserve air, not to mention how she lost Pecanlight because of her.

Placing a mask of impassivity on her face, she asked with disinterest, "What do you want, Doeheart?"

Her tone was laced with a hint of frostiness. Out of the corner of the deputy's eyes, she could see the identical fawn coloured she-cat flinched slightly at her cold response. Citrinemoon really hoped that the other she-cat would take a hint and leave her alone, but from the small spark of determination that shone in Doeheart's eyes, she doubted Doeheart would give up on the conversation this time.

"What do you want, Doeheart? You broke my family apart. You took my mate's life. What else do you want to take from me this time? Sparrowkit?" Glancing into Doeheart's eyes, Citrinemoon raised her voice, her tone threatening.

The green-eyed queen held her glance, her voice shaking slightly as she replied, "No, Citrinemoon. I- I am sorry for everything. I- I don't think I deserve it but can I please ask you for a favour?"

"A favour?" Citrinemoon's eyes widened with disbelief as she snapped, "Are you sure that I want to do that? You know what I don't want? I don't want to be involved in anything to do with you! Count me out!"

Deep breaths could no longer keep her emotions under control. Boiling hot flame blazing in her eyes, she stood firmly on her ground and narrowed her brown eyes at the shorter she-cat standing in front of her.

A small figure hiding behind Doeheart shivered, clearly frightened with Citrinemoon's sudden outburst. Doeheart broke away from the deputy's glance, her tail wrapping around the small kit. She licked the kit gently and stopped at the part of her scarred back.

Terrifying would certainly probably be a better word than good-looking to describe the pitch black pelted she-kit. Her long fur served as a cool black coat on her body but for her back, different layers of scars replaced the black colour. One of her eyes was blinded while her other green eye shone with something that no one would want to explore. Being in contact with Citrinemoon's look, the kit's eyes widened with terror as she adjusted her position behind her mother in a clumsy way. Her twisted leg was clearly shown as she tried to avoid Citrinemoon's glance.

The brown-eyed fawn she-cat clearly remembered the fateful day when the small kit got her nasty wounds. Citrinemoon got a wound as well, but the difference was that her wound was mental, cut so deep into her heart to a state that it couldn't be cured.

The small kit's wounds healed, but hers would bleed forever, reminding her of what she had lost and what she would have had.

That she-kit might be as beautiful as ever in her mother's eyes, but certainly not Citrinemoon's. In her eyes, the kit was an enemy to her.

And the enemy never deserved any mercy.

Still wrapping her tail around the weak she-kit, Doeheart held her blazing glance and apologized, "I am so sorry for the wrong word choice. I beg you, Citrinemoon. I hope you are willing to be the mentor of Mistlekit. She needs your help to master the skills of being a warrior. You are the best warrior in the clan, and I am sure that you have the ability to help her."

Taking a deep breath, she continued, "Citrinemoon, I know you have hated me since the moment that I have born. I continued ruining your life later on and I deserve your hatred. I know 'sorry' cannot mend what I have done before that hurt you deeply, but I just want you to know how guilty I have felt all along. I promise, if you kindly help Mistlekit for six moons by being her mentor, I will disappear from your life completely and never bother you again."

Citrinemoon blinked as Doeheart's sincere words came off as a surprise for her, but the amazement was soon replaced by fury. The deputy could not count how many cats in her life had thrown her some so-called sincere apologies just to break her apart again afterwards.

She was foolish. She never stopped believing them until reality crashed her like a monster in the thunderpath, leaving her lying on the ground, her soul leaving her body.

She knew she was foolish whenever she chose to forgive, but she could not ignore the small flame of hope in her heart. She could not stop hoping that how much their actions had hurt her deeply and they decided to give her back everything that she once had.

Friends. Family. Love.

She was not foolish this time though. The hope in her heart had died, after being repeatedly stomped by reality. The past could be buried and all she knew was, she would never forgive.

She did not know how she could handle all of these if her heart wasn't broken into pieces already.

"No." Citrinemoon was shaking as the simple word left her mouth. She did not want to further elaborate on the word because she was not sure whether she would be strong enough to do so.

"Please." Doeheart begged, her eyes pleading.

"Sorry. No." Citrinemoon gritted on her teeth as she repeated again. Her mind was a mess.

"P-"

"Just leave me alone!" Citrinemoon shouted. Cats in the camp were looking at her with curiosity but she did not care. Her eyes widened and pierced Doeheart's soul. Doeheart shivered in response as she placed Mistlekit on her back. Without looking back, she ran out of earshot, leaving Citrinemoon behind with ragged breath.

As the two cats left the area, the cats looked away and continued with their regular activities. Noises filled the camp again but silence embraced Citrinemoon instead as she took deep breaths, trying to calm herself down.

This day was a mess. She knew it.

However, what she did not know was that this day would be messed up even more.