❛014❜

THEY STOOD IN THE SHADOWS of valencia boulevard, looking up at gold lettered etched in black marble: doa recording studios.

underneath, stencilled on the glass door: no solicitors. no loitering. no living.

it was almost midnight, but the lobby was brightly lit and full of people. behind the security desk sat a tough-looking guard with sunglasses and an earpiece.

percy turned toward them. "okay. you remember the plan."

"the plan," grover gulped. "yeah. i love the plan."

annabeth said. "what happens if the plan doesn't work?"

"ergh, don't think negative." percy's suggestion sounded more like a question.

"for sure," ivy said. "we're entering the land of the dead, and we shouldn't think negatively."

the son of poseidon took the pearls out of his pocket, the four milky spheres the nereid had given him in santa monica. at his worried expression, she took a deep breath.

ivy put her hand of percy's shoulder. "no, percy. i'm sorry. the plan will work. it'll be fine."

she nudged grover and annabeth.

"oh,right!" the satyr chimed in. "we got this far. we'll find the master bolt and save your mom no problem."

the daughter of athena nodded. "yes, yes. the plan is athena approved."

percy managed to give him half of a smile before he slipped the pearls back in his pocket. "let's whoop some underworld ass."

they walked inside the doa lobby.

muzak played softly on hidden speakers. the carpet and walls were steel grey. pencil cactuses grew in the corners like skeleton hands. the furniture was black leather, and every seat was taken. there were people sitting on couches, people standing up, people staring out the windows or waiting for the elevator. nobody moved, or talked, or did much of anything. out of the corner of her eye, ivy could see them all just fine, but if she focused on any one of them in particular, they started looking... transparent. she could see right through their bodies.

the security guard's desk was a raised podium, so they had to look up at him.

he was tall and elegant, with dark-coloured skin and bleached-blond hair shaved military style. he wore tortoiseshell shades and a silk Italian suit that matched his hair. a black rose was pinned to his lapel under a silver name tag.

ivy tried to read the tag, but gave up when she realized it was in english.

percy looking bewildered asked, "your name is chiron?"

he leaned across the desk. ivy couldn't see anything in his glasses except her own reflection, but his smile was sweet and cold, like a pythons, right before it eats you.

"what a precious young lad." he had a strange accent– british, maybe, but also as if he had learned english as a second language like gabriel's mom. "tell me, mate, do i look like a centaur?"

"n-no," percy stammered.

"sir," he added smoothly.

"sir,"

he pinched the name tag and ran his finger under the letters. "can you read this, mate? it says c-h-a-r-o-n. say it with me: care-on."

percy repeated. "charon."

"amazing! now: mr charon."

"mr charon."

"well done." he sat back. "i hate being confused with that old horse-man. and now, how may I help you little dead ones?"

percy looked like he swallowed a hairball, his gaze shifted to ivy for support.

"we want to go the underworld," she said.

charon's mouth twitched. "well, that's refreshing."

"really?" ivy asked.

"straightforward and honest. no screaming. no there must be a mistake, mr charon." he looked them over. "how did you die, then?"

before ivy could come up with a lie, grover said, "um... drowned... in the bathtub."

this is why they leave the lying to her. always leave the lying to her.

"all four of you?" charon asked.

they nodded.

"big bathtub." charon looked mildly impressed. "i don't suppose you have coins for passage. normally, with adults, you see, i could charge your american express, or add the ferry price to your last cable bill. but with children... alas, you never die prepared. suppose you'll have to take a seat for a few centuries."

"oh, but we have coins." percy set four golden drachmas on the counter, part of the stash he'd found in crusty's office desk.

"well, now..." charon moistened his lips. "real drachmas. real golden drachmas. i haven't seen these in..."

his finger hovered greedily over the coins.

they were so close.

then charon looked at percy. "here now," he said. "you couldn't read my name correctly. are you dyslexic, lad?"

"no, i'm dead."

ivy had a hard time keeping her poker face.

charon leaned forward and took a sniff. "you're not dead. i should've known. you're a godling."

"we have to get to the underworld," percy insisted.

charon made a growling sound deep in his throat.

immediately, all the people in the waiting room got up and started pacing, agitated, lighting cigarettes, running hands through their hair, or checking their wristwatches.

"leave while you can," charon told them. "i'll just take these and forget i saw you."

he started to go for the coins, but percy snatched them back.

"no service, no tip," he said.

charon growled again– a deep, blood-chilling sound. the spirits of the dead started pounding on the elevator doors.

"it's a shame, too," percy sighed. "we had more to offer."

he held up the entire bag from crusty's stash. taking out a fistful of drachmas and let the coins spill through his fingers.

charon's growl changed into something more like a lion's purr. "do you think i can be bought, godling? eh... just out of curiosity, how much have you got there?"

"more than we can count," ivy said, catching percy's drift. "oh, i bet hades doesn't pay enough for such a hard worker like you."

"ph, you don't know the half of it. how would you like to babysit these spirits all day? always please don't let me be dead or please let me across for free. i haven't had a pay raise in three thousand years. do you imagine suits like this come cheap?"

"you deserve better," percy agreed.

"a little appreciation," ivy added.

"respect."

"good pay."

with each word, percy and ivy stacked another gold coin on the counter.

charon glanced down at his silk italian jacket, as if imagining himself in something even better. "must say, lad, you're making some sense now. just a little."

percy stacked another few coins. "i could mention a pay raise while i'm talking to hades."

charon sighed. "the boat's almost full, anyway. i might as well add you four and be off."

he stood, scooped up their money, and said, "come along."

they pushed through the crowd of waiting spirits, who started grabbing at their clothes like the wind, their voices whispering things ivy couldn't make out. charon shoved them out of the way, grumbling, "freeloaders."

he escorted them into the elevator, which was already crowded with souls of the dead, each one holding a green boarding pass. charon grabbed two spirits who were trying to get on with them and pushed them back into the lobby.

"right. now, no one get any ideas while i'm gone," charon announced to the waiting room. "and if anyone moves the dial off my easy-listening station again, i'll make sure you're here for another thousand years. understand?"

he shut the doors. he put a key card into a slot in the elevator panel and they started to descend.

"what happens to the spirits waiting in the lobby?" annabeth asked.

"nothing," charon said.

"for how long?"

"forever, or until I'm feeling generous."

"oh," the daughter of athena said. "that's... fair."

charon raised an eyebrow. "whoever said death was fair, young miss? wait until it's your turn. you'll die soon enough, where you're going."

"we'll get out alive," percy said.

"ha."

ivy got a sudden dizzy feeling. they weren't going down any more, but forward. the air turned misty. spirits around her started changing shape. their modern clothes flickered, turning into grey hooded robes. the floor of the elevator began swaying.

she blinked hard. when ivy opened her eyes, charon's creamy Italian suit had been replaced by a long black robe. the floor kept swaying.

grover said, "i think i'm getting seasick."

when ivy blinked again, the elevator wasn't an elevator any more. they were standing on a wooden barge. charon was poling them across a dark, oily river, swirling with bones, dead fish and other, stranger things– plastic dolls, crushed carnations, soggy diplomas with gilt edges. she recognized the river immediately.

"the river styx," ivy murmured. "it's so..."

"polluted," charon said. "for thousands of years, you humans have been throwing in everything as you come across– hopes, dreams, wishes that never came true. irresponsible waste management, if you ask me."

mist curled off the filthy water. above them, almost lost in the gloom, was a ceiling of stalactites. ahead, the far shore glimmered with greenish light, the colour of poison.

panic closed up her throat. what was she doing here? these people around her... they were dead.

searching for something alive. anything. ivy's hand found someone else's, she realized it was percy's. under different circumstances, she would've pushed him away but ivy needed reassurance that somebody else's heart was beating on this boat. percy seemed to understand that, maybe needing the same, he squeezed her hand.

ivy found herself muttering a prayer, though she wasn't quite sure who she was praying to. down here, only one god mattered, and he was the one they had come to confront.

the shoreline of the underworld came into view. craggy rocks and black volcanic sand stretched inland about fifty metres to the base of a high stone wall, which marched off in either direction as far as we could see. a sound came from somewhere nearby in the green gloom, echoing off the stones– the howl of a large animal.

"old three-face is hungry," charon said. his smile turned skeletal in the greenish light. "bad luck for you, godlings."

the bottom of their boat slid onto the black sand. the dead began to disembark. a woman holding a little girl's hand. an old man and an old woman hobbling along arm in arm. a boy no older than she was, shuffling silently along in his grey robe.

charon said, "I'd wish you luck, mate, but there isn't any down here. mind you, don't forget to mention my pay raise."

he counted our golden coins into his pouch, then took up his pole. he warbled something that sounded like a barry manilow song as he ferried the empty barge back across the river.

they followed the spirits up a well-worn path.

ivy wasn't sure what she was expecting– pearly gates, or a big black portcullis, or something. but the entrance to the underworld looked like a cross between airport security and the jersey turnpike.

there were three separate entrances under one huge black archway that said: you are now entering erebus. each entrance had a pass-through metal detector mounted with security cameras. beyond this were toll booths manned by black-robed ghouls like charon.

the howling of the hungry animal was really loud now, but ivy couldn't see where it was coming from. the three-headed dog, cerberus, who was supposed to guard hades's door, was nowhere to be seen.

the dead queued up in the three lines, two marked: attendant on duty, and one marked: ez death. the ez death line was moving right along. the other two were crawling.

"what do you figure?" percy asked.

"the fast line must go straight to asphodel," ivy recalled all the reading she did years ago. "no trial to go through. they don't want to risk judgment from the court, because it might go against them."

"there's a court for dead people?"

"yeah. three judges," annabeth said. "they switch around who sits on the bench. king minos, thomas jefferson, shakespeare– people like that. sometimes they look at a life and decide that person needs a special reward– the fields of elysium. sometimes they decide on punishment. but most people, well, they just lived. nothing special, good or bad. so they go to the fields of asphodel."

ivy prayed that her father was in elysium. one day, hopefully when she was old, she could see him again.

percy didn't seem to want to ask the next question."and do what?"

grover said, "imagine standing in a wheat field in kansas. forever."

that definitely wasn't the eternity ivy wanted for her dad.

"harsh," the son of poseidon grimaced.

"not as harsh as that," ivy muttered. "look."

a couple of black-robed ghouls had pulled aside one spirit and were frisking him at the security desk. the face of the dead man looked vaguely familiar.

"he's that preacher who made the news, remember?" grover asked.

"oh, yeah," ivy replied. she remembered seeing him on tv a couple of times at yancy academy. he was this annoying televangelist from upstate new york who'd raised millions of dollars for orphanages and then got caught spending the money on stuff for his mansion, like gold-plated toilet seats, and an indoor putt-putt golf course. he'd died in a police chase when his lamborghini for the lord went off a cliff.

percy said, "what're they doing to him?"

"special punishment from hades," grover guessed. "the really bad people get his personal attention as soon as they arrive. the fu– the kindly ones will set up an eternal torture for him."

the thought of the furies made her left arm ache. ivy realized she was in their home territory now. old mrs dodds would be licking her lips with anticipation.

"but if he's a preacher," the black-haired boy said, "and he believes in a different hell..."

grover shrugged. "who says he's seeing this place the way we're seeing it? humans see what they want to see. they're very stubborn– er, persistent, that way."

they got closer to the gates. the howling was so loud now it shook the ground at her feet, but ivy still couldn't figure out where it was coming from.

then, about fifteen metres in front of them, the green mist shimmered. standing just where the path split into three lanes was an enormous shadowy monster.

ivy hadn't seen it before because it was half transparent, like the dead. until it moved, it blended with whatever was behind it. only its eyes and teeth looked solid. and it was staring straight at her.

percy's jaw dropped open. "he's a rottweiler."

ivy had always imagined cerberus as a big black mastiff. but he was obviously a purebred rottweiler, except of course that he was twice the size of a woolly mammoth, mostly invisible, and had three heads.

the dead walked right up to him– no fear at all. the attendant on duty lines parted on either side of him. the ez death spirits walked right between his front paws and under his belly, which they could do without even crouching.

"i'm starting to see him better," percy muttered. "why is that?"

"i think..." annabeth moistened her lips. "i'm afraid it's because we're getting closer to being dead."

the dog's middle head craned towards them. it sniffed the air and growled.

"it can smell the living," ivy realized.

"but that's okay," grover said, trembling next to percy. "because we have a plan."

"right," annabeth said, her voice sounding small. "a plan."

they moved towards the monster.

the middle head snarled at them, then barked so loud her eyeballs rattled.

"can you understand it?" percy asked grover.

"oh yeah," the satyr said. "i can understand it."

"can you translate?" ivy asked.

"i don't think humans have a four-letter word that translates, exactly."

percy took the big stick out of my backpack– a bed post he'd broken off crusty's safari deluxe floor model. he held it up, and tried to channel happy dog thoughts towards cerberus– alpo commercials, cute little puppies, fire hydrants. the son of poseidon tried for a smile like he wasn't about to die.

"hey, big fella," he called up. "i bet they don't play with you much."

"growwwllll!"

"good boy," percy said weakly.

the black-haired boy waved the stick. the dog's middle head followed the movement. the other two heads trained their eyes on him, completely ignoring the spirits. percy had cerberus's undivided attention. ivy wasn't sure that was a good thing.

"fetch!" percy threw the stick into the gloom, a good solid throw. she heard it go ker˜sploosh in the river styx.

cerberus glared at him, unimpressed. his eyes were baleful and cold.

so much for the plan.

cerberus was now making a new kind of growl, deeper down in his three throats.

"um,' grover said. "percy?"

"yeah?" he replied.

"i just thought you'd want to know."

"yeah?"

"cerberus? he's saying we've got ten seconds to pray to the god of our choice. after that... well... he's hungry."

"wait!" annabeth said. she started rifling through her pack.

uh-oh, ivy thought.

"five seconds," grover said. "do we run now?"

annabeth produced a red rubber ball the size of a grapefruit. it was labelled: waterland, denver, co. before ivy could stop her, she raised the ball and marched straight up to cerberus.

her best friend shouted, "see the ball? you want the ball, cerberus? sit!"

cerberus looked as stunned as they were.

all three of his heads cocked sideways. six nostrils dilated.

"sit" annabeth called again.

ivy was sure that at any moment the daughter of athena would become the world's largest milk bone dog biscuit.

but instead, cerberus licked his three sets of lips, shifted on his haunches, and sat, immediately crushing a dozen spirits who'd been passing underneath him in the ez death line. the spirits made muffled hisses as they dissipated, like the air let out of tyres.

annabeth said, "good boy!"

she threw cerberus the ball.

he caught it in his middle mouth. it was barely big enough for him to chew, and the other heads started snapping at the middle, trying to get the new toy.

"drop it!" Annabeth ordered.

cerberus's heads stopped fighting and looked at her. the ball was wedged between two of his teeth like a tiny piece of gum. he made a loud, scary whimper, then dropped the ball, now slimy and bitten nearly in half, at annabeth's feet.

"good boy." the blonde picked up the ball, ignoring the monster spit all over it.

she turned towards them. "go now. ez death line– it's faster."

ivy said, "but–"

"now!" she ordered, in the same tone she was using on the dog.

grover, percy, and ivy inched forward warily.

cerberus started to growl.

"stay!" annabeth ordered the monster. "if you want the ball, stay!"

cerberus whimpered, but he stayed where he was.

"what about you?" ivy asked annabeth as they passed her.

"i know what i'm doing, ivy," she muttered. "at least, i'm pretty sure..."

percy, ivy, and grover walked between the monster's legs.

please, annie, she prayed. don't tell him to sit again.

they made it through. cerberus wasn't any less scary-looking from the back.

annabeth said, "good dog!"

she held up the tattered red ball, and probably came to the same conclusion ivy did– if she rewarded cerberus, there'd be nothing left for another trick.

the daughter of athena threw the ball anyway. the monster's left mouth immediately snatched it up, only to be attacked by the middle head while the right head moaned in protest.

while the monster was distracted, annabeth walked briskly under its belly and joined us at the metal detector.

"how did you do that?" percy asked her.

"obedience school," she said breathlessly, with tears in her eyes. "when i was little, at my dad's house, we had a doberman..."

"never mind that," grover said, tugging at percy's shirt. "come on!"

they were about to bolt through the ez death line when cerberus moaned pitifully from all three mouths. annabeth stopped.

the blonde turned to face the dog, which had done a one-eighty to look at them.

cerberus panted expectantly, the tiny red ball in pieces in a puddle of drool at its feet.

"good boy," annabeth said, but her voice sounded melancholy and uncertain.

the monster's heads turned sideways, as if worried about her.

"i'll bring you another ball soon," annabeth promised faintly. "would you like that?"

the monster whimpered. ivy didn't need to speak dog to know cerberus was still waiting for the ball.

"good dog. i'll come visit you soon. i–i promise." annabeth turned to them. "let's go."

ivy, percy, and grover pushed through the metal detector, which immediately screamed and set off flashing red lights. "unauthorized possessions! magic detected!"

cerberus started to bark.

they burst through the ez death gate, which started even more alarms blaring, and raced into the underworld.

a few minutes later, they were hiding, out of breath, in the rotten trunk of an immense black tree as security ghouls scuttled past, yelling for backup from the furies.

grover murmured, "well, percy, what have we learned today?"

"that three-headed dogs prefer red rubber balls over sticks?"

"no," ivy told him. "we learned to never let you make a plan again. they're complete shit."

as they waited for the ghouls to pass, ivy comforted annabeth by grabbing her hand. pretending not to see as they daughter of athena wiped a tear from her cheek as she listened to the mournful keening of cerberus in the distance, longing for his new friend.

author's note

i have nothing to say other than percy and ivy are the manipulator duo HAHAHA

thoughts???