///this vent is really bad, so you may not want to look at this. Just leave. Idek why I'm submitting this but here I am.//

Have you ever just thought about what's to come or your future and started dreading it or just wanted to die?

Yeah
Same

I just, I want all of this to end
I want my mourning for my suffering to end.

I want to push pass all of this and be genuinely happy

I don't want to fake it
I don't want to look dead and then flash a smile up to a "friend"

Speaking of friends
I want all my friends to come back
I feel soo lonely and I'm scared of that. I'm scared of being lonely.

My friend got grounded and I'm hoping he hasn't committed suicide because of some bullshit someone blamed on him.

Every day I get home from school, change my clothes, and go in my room. I asked if anyone has done anything or at least cooked. My mom is always in her room on her bed because of her twisted ankle. My baby sister is always either sleeping or crying for absolutely no reason. My grandmother is just... There. My brother is outside being a normal kid, playing. And then I'm in my room either dancing around listening to music because my day was Okay, or crying and saying how much I want to die because my day was shit as usual.

I'm soo fucking tired of crying.
I'm tired of caring, I just don't want to care at all. If I'm going through shit I don't want to feel it.

But here I am, feeling it
Ha.

Waving Through A Window makes me cry
Even just thinking of the lyrics makes me cry

I'm such a crybaby
I'm soo soft
I break down behind shut doors where no one can see
But I'm still a crybaby

Life fucking sucks
I want to die

Every time I think about Highschool I die inside and sometimes even cry because I'm a fucking baby.

I don't want to
I don't want to be around grownups who are on the edge of making me snap

I hate them all
I don't want to, I just don't want to

I want to be free I want to be away from idiots
I want all my friends
I want to be surrounded and having fun with my friends
I need my friends back

I've stopped hurting myself and I want to keep it that way but fuck
I can't
It's too much
I DONT EVEN THINK IM GOING TO POST THIS
BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE I WANT ATTENTION BUT I JUST NEED TO VENT

I FUCKING HATE LIFE
I WANT TO DIE
I WANT TO KILL EVERYONE BEFORE I DIE

I WANT TO BE USEFUL
I WANT MY DREAMS TO COME TRUE

I WANT LIFE TO LOVE ME
STOP FUCKING PICKING FAVORITES AND HELP ME OUT

STOP SHAMING ME FOR WHATEVER SHIT I'VE DONE IN MY PAST

I CANT FUCKING CHANGE IT
LIFE PLEASE, IM BEGGING YOU I'VE CHANGED
PLEASE
JUST PLEASE

I want my dad
He loved me
And he left me
He left us

He won't even fucking pick up the phone for us but he said he loved us
He fucking lied

He doesn't even say happy birthday to us
He doesn't do anything
And then my biological dad is just... Off the rack. I don't even want to talk to him
I act fake
He doesn't know me
He doesn't know anything about me

Just that I'm smart and sweet according to what I fake

I want my perfect life, I don't want money or headphones or whatever for Christmas

I just want my perfect life
I was the greatest sweetest kid ever and now look at me

I'm tired

I was supposed to have a great life. I wasn't bad, I listened, I was an A honor roll kid! What did I do?!

"No slipping up, if you slip away. So I've got nothing to share. No I've got nothing to say. Step out step out of the sun if you keep getting burned. Step out step out of the sun because you've learned because you've learned. On the outside always looking in will I ever be more than I've ever been Cause I'm tap,tap,tapping on the glass. Waving through a window. I try to speak but nobody can hear, so I wait around for an answer to appear while I'm watch watch watching people pass. Waving through a window. Can any see, is anybody waving back at me?
We start with stars in our eyes, we start to believe that we belong. But every sun doesn't rise, and no one tells you when you went wrong. "

I'm not going to try to kill myself, unless my friend killed himself
Then I'm going to flip and say Fuck life

Also if you're bothered by my profanity

I'm sorry
I'm just really fucking tired of life

Sorry

This is soo long
I'm going to bed
Don't worry about me
I do this shit all the time

I'm just a little... Off
As in most likely Bipolar
And depressed
but i'll be okay

At least I'll be okay for you guys