a letter to the one who got away...

last year, i had a taste of sweet perfection when it came to love. we had butterflies in my stomach, slow dances, and inside jokes. my emotions were on mount everest, because they conquered me more than i conquered them. i remember that at one school dance we took a group picture, and you wrapped your arm around my waist. that was probably the only moment in my entire life that i felt my heart skip a beat. however, the picture ended up being blurry, so with great reluctance, i deleted it. little did i know that i had also somehow deleted your feelings for me. for the next few months, i felt like i was making miles of progress with you. we spoke more and more, and our conversations were getting clearer. however, that was all due to the fact that i was scooting farther and farther into the friend zone. during the next school dance was probably one of the most heartbreaking moments in my life. i walked in, and you were dancing with someone else. you were that boy and i could've sworn i was that girl. i smiled, and darted off with some friends, but behind the grin was someone who was truly dying inside. and it hurt me a lot, and i hope you know that. that night, i found out, that things aren't always the way they look. there were tear stains on my cheeks, and tear stains on my pillows. if i had said no to that first slow dance, i would've never had feelings to begin with. i was in love with you, and i was young and dumb, so i took this way too far. but now, i can't  get you out of my mind. you have embedded yourself into my skull, and now, i'm stuck with a hopeless crush on you. i've been telling myself, "look, but don't touch," but it's hurting me. and i hope this letter comes across to you like i am dying, because those were the plain intentions and that's how i feel when i see you lovingly looking at her like you used to look at me. and you are not a heartbreaker, but a heartbreaker couldn't do anywhere near the damage that you've done to me. now, i don't even want to look at myself in the mirror, i don't want to take selfies, and I feel so self conscious about my smile. maybe those are the long-term effects of having your heart smashed into a bunch of tiny pieces from afar. so my final words for you: i don't want you back into my life even though i do, and have a great day.