I would write for this story every minutes of everyday if I could and I would repeat the process for every single one of my books, I should probably make clones... Yeah, I'll work on making clones of myself!

Jin's POV

Once inside their apartment, a little calmer than earlier and my breathing evening out, I remove my shoes and follow behind Hoseok when he motions for me to go with him with worried eyes, I must look red in the face, puffy eyes impossible to hide as I keep Y/N cradled tightly in my hold, herself completely oblivious to her surroundings as she sleeps peacefully.

It feels like my whole world crumbled down around me, the discovery that what we hoped was for her a healing time, one in which she could finally accomplish her goal of being clean even if it happened without us, ended up being worse than anything we could imagine.

It makes me regret so many things, most linking back to that day, that nightmarish day. If only we'd clung to her more, if only we'd insisted.

We could see it on her face that if we did, she would waver but we thought we were doing the right thing by respecting her wishes, we cried and we whimpered and we begged but in the end, we let her go because we thought we were showing her that we respect and love her that much, no matter how painful it was, we truly thought it was the right thing to do but didn't we fail her instead?

If we had insisted, would she have opened up about her cancer before trying to leave us again? She wouldn't have had to fight alone then.

Y/N would always tell us everything, it was in her nature, she doesn't like lying, she doesn't like hurting and worrying the people she loves so she tends to keep to herself when it comes to her own pain but with encouraging pushes, with soothing caresses and gentle kisses, she would always end up spilling the truth to us.

Why couldn't we do the same that day? Instead of soothing her, instead of taking care of her because she was clearly distressed, we let her do what she thought was right and that ended up being our biggest mistake.

She was distressed, in no state to make a decision of the amplitude she made with a clear mind yet we let her go, we let her alone to face such a terrifying monster, we were her shields and we pulled back when she needed us the most, I can never forgive myself for that one, never.

"Please don't start hating yourselves for what happened, that's one of the reasons why she didn't want you to ever find out about this if you were to meet again, she made every decisions herself and she knew you would believe that everything is your fault, that you should've done more, she didn't want that for you so please don't do that" the man tells me as he opens a door, his eyes attempting to be comforting, they barely reach my broken soul but I nod anyway, I appreciate that he tries.

Right now, I feel like a sinner and I need to make it up to her if I want to keep my head held high. It doesn't matter what others say, she must have resented us at some point, Namjoon and I, she must have hated us for never following her.

In her biggest pains, she must have hated us so much, a painful mix of hate and love, I can hardly believe that she even tried to go looking for us when she recovered, what have we done to deserve her? We must have saved the country in a previous life.

When I enter her bedroom, feet careful as they step over her round fluffy carpet in the middle of the room, I momentarily freeze at what I see, a sight that makes me want to burst into tears all over again, heart clenching and threatening to burst as I gaze at her bed, oh Y/N, my sweet baby...

On it rests a blanket, the kind that you personalize online before receiving it in a box a month later, a large blanket that is in fact a picture of Namjoon and I, a picture I remember she had taken exactly one year after we started dating.

Her favourite picture, I know that without a doubt because it was her phone's wallpaper for the longest time and she would always unlock the device from time to time just to gaze at it before looking at us with even more warmth, like she couldn't believe that we were right there by her side, that we were hers.

"That was one of the first things she got when she left the center. She was scared of forgetting your faces if too much time passed by without seeing you so she ordered this blanket online after spending hours trying different arrangements of sizes and pictures, she was vehement about getting it and her face was everything when she finally held it in her hands for the first time" Hoseok explains softly while pulling it back to free up the space on her mattress, pillows and plushies pushed aside so I can settle her on the bed whenever I feel ready to let go of her, my eyes burn with unshed tears at his words.

"Whenever we'd see her walk around home with it wrapped around her, we knew that it was her way of silently crying for you, it was her silent way of telling us that she was in pain, it would take one hug, one simple hug and she would break down in our arms. It was hard at first, she missed you so dearly, she could barely handle it".

I breathe in deeply through my nose to keep the tears away but I can't fight the wobble my bottom lip does before I press a kiss to her forehead and when I hear a sniffle, I look back to find Namjoon and the other man in the doorway, my boyfriend's cheeks wet with his jaw clenched tight, it's terrible to hear that her nightmare extended for so long because of us.

It breaks my heart in so many different ways, it's painful to know that she had to find comfort in a blanket, that her only way of feeling close to us was to make it a picture of us, yet it makes me love her even more because she never stopped thinking about us, did she?

She won't need that blanket anymore from now on, Namjoon and I will make sure of it.

I lower her down the bed, blanket drawn over her body before I tuck her in carefully, pillows under her head so she can be more comfortable and when I look up towards the edge of the bed against the wall to see the plushies she has, it's to find many different styles of mainly two animals, a koala and an alpaca, the two animals Namjoon and I always preferred.

I sigh and bring them to her arms, watch as they naturally curl around the soft creatures before she sighs in her sleep, it's definitely a habit of hers to sleep with them. She tried to get everything she could to find some sort of connection to Namjoon and I, she wanted us to find her, she wanted us to be whole again, it's unmistakable.

I look up once more to the wall in front of me to find two short strings from which hang different little pictures, pictures of Hoseok and Yoongi, and some with only Namjoon and I.

She never really liked the pictures she was in, she didn't believe she belonged with us in terms of appearance no matter how many times we'd tell her that she was the only one who could ever look perfect by our side, it pains me to see that she still feels that way even after all these years.

My favorite pictures all include her, Namjoon and I look incomplete without her and I know he feels the same. Her self-love has always been low and it makes me want to cry knowing that it's still as low as before if not worse.

Her best friend sighs and looks down at her before sliding the back of his hand over her cheek softly, I can't even feel jealous of the way he looks at her, it feels so... protective, that's what it feels like, doesn't it?

He's her protector, both him and this Yoongi, they did their best to help and take care of her when we couldn't.

"She regretted so much leaving you two behind. When she arrived at the center to start the treatments, she realized that she'd signed up for a fight that wouldn't even allow her back to you because in her mind, there was no way she was staying with you only to let you see her die one day or another. You were her reason for living and she had gotten rid of that single ray of light in her life, she felt like trying to survive was a whole waste of time, it was hard to see".

I hear feet enter the room before Namjoon wraps his arms around me from behind while the other man, Yoongi, stands in a corner of the room like a shadow, a shadow with a heart of gold, his eyes show that much as he gazes at her.

Namjoon's muscles are tensing much more than usual, he's still struggling with the revelation and I can't blame him, we weren't expecting something of the extent but it does explain her behavior, the no junk food, the panic attack when she'd nearly exposed the truth earlier, when she begged for us to not leave her, she must be scared of losing us as much as we are of losing her, the past years scarred us all.

Hoseok continues, his eyes unable to look away from her sleeping face, we can see the adoration in his orbs, in his small smile, he looks tired but it's so obvious that he would do anything for her, we all would.

"From the first moment I'd seen her in that recovery room after our chemo session, I knew that I wanted to stay with her and be a support to her, I felt that pull within me, a voice that made me swear to be by her side at all time. I didn't hesitate, it felt obvious to me, this young woman who was all alone... she needed to be kept safe".

He sits on her bed by her waist to run a hand through her hair with so much gentleness that my heart weeps. It's a weird feeling, it comforts me because she had someone that loving by her side, yet it pushes my guilt to claw at my skin because it wasn't me, it wasn't Namjoon and I.

"Yoongi didn't really like her at first, or was it that he didn't care? He would always ignore her when he'd come visit me" Hoseok chuckles softly and the man grumbles, he was an ass at first, he knows that.

(Five years ago)

"Yoon!" Hoseok exclaims happily when the door opens to a man with long, messy dark hair, a bag in hand as he closes the door with the other, he barely spares a glance for the stranger in the room before he makes his way to his boyfriend.

Yoongi finds it weird that his room is shared with someone else now, he thought all of them would be individual but he doesn't waste too much time on that thought, he's here to take care of his ill boyfriend and he doesn't really care much about anyone else if he's honest.

He just needs Hoseok.

"Y/N, this here is my boyfriend, Yoongi, I told you about him yesterday" Hoseok chirps towards the stranger and Yoongi clicks his tongue, why is he talking with someone else when he came all the way to the center with food? He worked all morning on these dishes.

He hears her say something, but he doesn't waste time responding as he opens the bag on the table nearby to get some containers out, he doesn't miss his boyfriend's sigh though.

"Sorry about him, he tends to be... difficult to approach, he's not a bad guy, I promise".

"Oh, it's fine, I get it. I'm getting in the way of your moment together, I'll just go for a walk around the park, take your time".

"Y/N, don't be silly, you can't even walk five minutes without becoming out of breath! Just stay here, he won't mind".

Yoongi doesn't hear a response, all he knows is that someone gets out of bed and he can't deny that he feels relieved when the door opens and closes, a look behind him showing that they're now completely alone.

But then his eyes fall on Hoseok and he sees the frown on his face.

"Yoongi! Damn it, Yoon, can't you be nice to at least one person that's not me for once? Y/N is going through a very hard time right now and she has no one to take care of her" he scolds him, Yoongi huffs before shrugging, arms crossing over his chest as he stares at the door.

"She doesn't look like she needs someone taking care of her, she can handle herself, why are you even sharing a room anyway? You had one alone the last time I came to see you".

Hoseok groans and throws his pillow at Yoongi who barely catches it in time before getting smacked in the face.

"You stupid man! She's alone trying to fight lung cancer stage 3, stage 3 Yoongi! There's no one to keep her going, she left the only people she loves because she's sure that she's going to die, why the hell would I leave her alone when she's not only suffering physically but also soul-broken? I can't leave her alone, I promised her I wouldn't so you're going to get out there and you'll bring her back, am I clear?".

Yoongi will do what now?

The man scowls at the door, what the fuck is going on? Why should he care about that girl? He doesn't want to care about anyone else than Hoseok, it's been working great so far with just them two, so why now? It annoys him.

"Now, Yoongi".

With a grumble, he storms out of the room, no idea where to start to find the bothersome girl, he just wants to spend time with his boyfriend, yet here he is on a hunt for the one person he couldn't care less about.

So what if she's fighting cancer alone? Yoongi is now living alone, surrounded by strangers he hates while working his ass off to cover everything as well as saving money so he can give his boyfriend a better home to come back to, he doesn't have the energy to spend on anyone else.

Still, because he can't ever say no to Hoseok, he starts making long strides down the corridor, eyes looking around to see if he could find her anywhere, she had mentioned a park, hadn't she? There's got to be one nearby.

He's about to turn a corner when he hears a wheeze, it sounds so painful that Yoongi's heart can't help but clench in shock, eyes looking behind him to find... that's the girl, isn't it? Why is she crouching on the floor like that?

Unhappy, he makes his way to her and stops in front of her as she tries to recover her breathing, a hand over her chest before her eyes raise to meet his, she tenses when she sees him glaring at her, such a waste of time.

Still, now that he's looking at her from up close, he can see that she's not doing so good. Her cheeks are hollow, eye sockets so deep they might as well be empty holes, even her skin complexion is all wrong, he doesn't believe she'll live long at this pace.

"Hoseok wants you back in the room, he won't stop pestering me until you're in your bed so just come so we can get this over with".

She huffs and looks away from Yoongi, something that irks him, he's usually the one having that reaction, what the hell?

"I'm clearly not wanted by a sulky man and it would only spoil my mood, I don't feel like utter shit today and I'd like for it to continue so just go back and tell him that I don't want to be there with you".

Yoongi clenches his jaw, god damn it.

"Hoseok wants you there, if you know him a minimum, you know he's going to come looking for you himself if you don't come with me" he grumbles and she rolls her eyes at him, she fucking rolls her eyes!

"Then keep him busy and leave me alone! I don't want to see you two be all cute and shit with each other" she growls but Yoongi has enough, he picks her up by the arms and starts pulling harshly back to the room despite her protests and struggles.

"You tell him that yourself, I don't give a shit".

"You... little shit! Let me... go! Yoongi!".

(present day)

I turn back to the shadow man with narrowed eyes and he looks down, did he really have to act that way with her? Namjoon rubs my arm to calm my rising anger, it was five years ago, he's clearly not the same anymore with her but still!

She was in pain and he just... ugh!

"He was so frustrating but there was no changing his mind, he didn't want anything to do with her, I guess they were just... too similar in one way, they both hated each other's guts" Hoseok chuckles softly, Namjoon and I can only nod at that, she can have some character when she's not happy, we know that very well.

"But even his very limited loving heart couldn't resist her for long, what made you change your mind about her, Yoon? You never told me" Hoseok asks his boyfriend and we all turn to stare at the man once more as he sighs, body leaning against the wall as he lets his eyes fall on her form.

"When she talked about two men. I overheard you two once before entering your room and... it hit home, I guess? The love she was missing so greatly, I could feel it through each and every raw sobs that left her, the longing that could be heard in her pain... I guess I could finally relate to her in some way?

Her suffering, I felt the same whenever I'd think about you not making it out alive and... it made me understand that her and I, maybe we weren't so different after all. We were absolutely obsessed with our chosen people and that was it for us, there would never ever be anyone else. I felt bad for her because she'd purposefully left hers for their sake".

Namjoon's hold on me tightens, I can feel him inhale deeply before he rests his forehead on my shoulder, I squeeze his hands over my stomach as tears roll down my cheeks, that silly girl...

"I realized after starting to be nicer to her that she was in pain, constantly in pain and after a while, when I would make you food, Hobah... her ill complexion would fill my mind as if it was haunting me and if I didn't make her something to give her strength, I simply couldn't sleep the following night.

Watching her self-destruct became painful to watch and I knew I had to help you in helping her, I guess I kind of liked her fighting spirit when we'd argue and I didn't want to lose that? It took a little wavering from me and she was suddenly making her way stumping into my heart, there was no letting go of her after that, she became my little bunny ever since".

Hoseok looks like he's beaming at his words, his eyes filled with tears and love, he wipes his cheeks before nodding his head, attention brought back to Y/N where he then kisses her nose before standing up from the bed, these two are literal angels, they're Y/N's angels, they have to be.

"We should go to the living room for now, we wouldn't want to wake her up when she needs her rest, I'll reboil the water to make some tea" he tells softly our way before heading to the door and Yoongi follows behind in silence, leaving my boyfriend and I alone with her sleeping form.

I just want to join her side and cuddle up to her, I want to lock her into my arms again and never let go of her, I want to gaze at her beautiful face all night and welcome her with a kiss when she wakes up in the morning and it hurts that I can't.

Hearing about how hard it was for her, how much she cried for us has my heart twisting and shaping into inhumane proportions, we really failed her, that's all I can think about but Namjoon gently tugs on my arm to lead me out of her bedroom so we can leave her to rest and I keep my gaze locked on her until he closes the door.

"Come babe, she's not going anywhere, let's join the others for now, we can see her again soon" Namjoon murmurs, he finds it just as hard as I do to walk away but there's nothing else we can do, we're guests here and we can't just do as we want.

I nod my head and reluctantly, we both walk to the kitchen where Hoseok is getting four cups out of a cupboard, tea bags dropped in each ones before he pours the water slowly, Yoongi clears his throat from the living room and motions for the couch while he sits on one of the two bean bags when we look his way.

"Come sit, Hoseok will be fine, he's used to carrying stuff from his job at the coffee shop. He's stubborn about it so even if you offer help, he won't accept it".

"He has two jobs?" Namjoon asks, he doesn't know why he expected the ten hours to happen at the restaurant, but he realizes now that it doesn't really make sense considering it's open only four hours a day, we both frown lightly because that means our baby also has a second job.

"Yeah, Y/N and I work together in both jobs, we have a four hours pause in between so we usually nap before getting ready to head to the restaurant, it's been going well so far" Hoseok explains casually as he walks past us to set the cups on the coffee table with expertise, it gets Namjoon and I moving as we sit on the couch while the man sits on the remaining bean bag.

"That can't be good" I mumble as I watch him lean forward to grab one of the cups to sip slowly, he shrugs a little while Yoongi purses his lips, he doesn't seem to like it either but his eyes lets us know that they don't have many other options, Hoseok settles the cup on his knee before smiling lightly.

"We don't really have much of a choice, the debts won't pay themselves and we're trying to get ourselves a small cushion of savings in case anything happens, it's hard work but we look out for each other, maybe one day we'll be able to drop both jobs and do something we actually enjoy, but for now, we do what we can. At least Yoongi enjoys his, it's a small consolation".

I choose one of the cups and brings the edge to my lips to drink out of respect, I'm not really thirsty but it would be a shame to waste the tea after her friend made it for us, Namjoon does the same but he drinks more than I do, he needs the soothing it can bring him, he feels like he's going to be sick later.

It's silent as we try to process everything that we heard, the night one filled with good surprises and bad ones, I'm thankful that they don't urge us, they give us the time we need without looking impatient about it.

"What's... what are the chances of the cancer coming back?" I finally ask, I need to know what to expect from this, would she try to flee a second time if she ever had a relapse?

Where Namjoon and I both expect a tensed body and evasive eyes, we instead get a small smile, hopeful, slightly concerned but hopeful nonetheless.

"The odds are actually not that high, although we've been warned that it's possible that a cancer grows somewhere different from the first time. We have appointments with a doctor every six months to make sure there's nothing new and we try to be careful with what we eat, we try to exercise as much as possible and to not stress unnecessarily as well, Yoongi is a huge help for that, he keeps track of everything for us. Y/N and I honestly would be pretty pitiful without him".

Said man blushes lightly at the praise, he looks down at his cup with a small shy pout. "It's nothing much, I just don't want you two to have to go through the same thing again... watching you suffer for months once was enough".

I can't say that the answer is one that soothes my mind, she could end up with a relapse at any moment or it could never happen is what this means, it only solidifies my need to remain by her side, she's not leaving us again, no matter what happens in the future, we're never giving up on her ever again.

Hoseok sighs softly and gazes at us with kind orbs. "I know it's nerve-wracking to not know what the future looks like but Y/N wouldn't want you to worry about it. She's much more positive about it than she was at first, her cancer is gone and she beat the five years she was given with her head held high, she's healthy and she's doing well now, that's all that matters, there's no point worrying about what we can't know for sure".

Namjoon and I nod our head, he's right. Whimpering about the past won't change what happened, but we can change what the future looks like, we have a say in at least that.

While nothing is quite ideal, the two jobs, the ten hours of work a day, it's absolutely shocking to us - it doesn't matter that Namjoon and I do the same - , we'll definitely see how we can help the trio... the simple memory of her face when she saw me in the kitchen earlier, our shared hugs, the kisses, her clingy sleepy self, that's what we need to focus on right now.

When I saw her for the first time after five years at the restaurant, I found her absolutely beautiful and glowing, she was bright like a star and her smile just as wide and dimpled as before, she didn't strike me as ill, that ought to say something about her current state, right? She's healthy and she does her best to keep it going.

Yoongi looks at the time on his phone and sighs. "Look... as much as I hate to do this, it's getting late and we need to get all the sleep we can get, tomorrow is another long day for us. I'll give you her phone number, you know where we live and you have Hoseok's number too so if there's anything, you know how to reach us.

I wish I could do more but Y/N is a grown-up and she can handle the rest on the matter concerning you three, we've already said too much behind her back and I know she'll be heartbroken if she ever learns that you two know everything without her consent. Please pretend like you don't for now, we'll ease her into the truth when it feels right".

I feel my soul drop at his words, being reminded that she didn't want us to be part of that period of her life and then being kicked out and away from her feels as if I'm going to lose her once more, I know it's not the case but I can't keep myself from shaking my head pitifully before Namjoon hugs me to him.

Gosh darn it, after all this time, we find her and now we already have to part?

"It's not the last time you'll see her, it's only the beginning, you know that right? You can call her in the morning, she wakes up at seven because we start working at eight, call her during that time and she'll be thrilled, she wants this too, I promise you she does" Hoseok adds, he wants to give us strength, Namjoon nods softly at his words.

"We'll call her... thank you, the both of you, not just for answering our questions and telling us about her but also for taking care of her for all these years... you were there when we weren't and I'll never forget that, we owe you so much".

"Oh please... we do it because we love her, we owe her that much. It's time that she thinks about her own happiness again and we know it can only happen with you two, please take care of her and cherish her a whole lot, she needs it".

Namjoon and I both smile at them, hearts throbbing at the possibility of being able to show her our love after all this time, and while her request to take it slow rings loud in our mind, the kiss that we shared lets me know that there is hope, we'll get what we had before and this time, this time we'll do everything in our power to give her the life she deserves.