Okay, so this is my very first completed short story. It's a spoof off of the classic "once upon a time..." stories. Constructive criticism is welcome, and vote for this if you liked it!

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Once upon a time there was a distant land with a majestic kingdom ruled by a good old King. This king was blessed with a sweet daughter who grew up to be very beautiful and kind. Not only did she have the beautiful golden locks, fair skin, and the tinkling laughter of most good princesses, she was also very sensible.

When the princess was in her sixteenth year, the king decided it was time to find a husband for her. As is the custom in far away kingdoms like this, in order to win a princess's hand in marriage, a prince must first save her from a dragon.

"Oh father," the princess asked her father, "why must I be rescued? Why can't he just marry me without risking both of our lives? What if he is silly and foolish and gets killed?" The king guffawed, laughing heartily, "Why, that would never happen! You will be saved by a wonderful prince and it will all go smoothly, just you wait. Besides, the dragon in this kingdom is wreaking havoc among the lands and destroying our crops, it's very bad for our economy." The princess frowned at his lack of interest in her safety and went off to ponder this subject more deeply on her own.

Soon princes from all the nearby lands came to try and win her hand. Every day she faced many annoying suitors, offering her jewels and possessions to try to gain her favor. She declined them all. One day she happened to coincidentally bump into a charming young prince. She looked into his charming blue eyes, saw his perfectly gelled back hair, took in the sight of his perfectly tailored golden threaded clothes, and walked away.

After seeing a vast array of fine, and not so fine, choices, the princess had to choose one. So she decided to gather them all in the audience chamber. She called out in a loud voice, "Who here is under 40?" All of the suitors grimaced and hemmed and hawed, but the only one who raised his hand was the prince with the charming blue eyes. So she chose him. She didn't love him, she didn't even like him, but he was better then the others.

The king hoped that his daughter would fall madly in love with this prince and prepared a feast in honor of the prince and princess. Many looked sad, though the festivities were grand, for some believed the prince would not be able to defeat this dreaded dragon. For it was said to be over one hundred feet long and more then fifty feet tall. It could breathe fire and one can hear its invincible metal plates clang when it moved, if they dared get that close. It's wings were as long as several trees' lengths added together and its razor sharp teeth were each as thick as a man's arm.

Everyone shuddered at the thoughts of this dragon, though the princess didn't believe it could be quite such a monstrous beast, the rumors had probably just gotten very exaggerated over the years. "Let us have a toast! To the princess! And to the prince who will save her!" The king roared merrily. "To the princess! To the prince!" The crowd cheered and clinked their glasses together. The princess sat quietly, thinking deeper then the average shallow princess would ever dare to think. She wondered why they couldn't just tie up a sheep or a decoy princess and then kill the dragon. That way she wouldn't have to be chained up at all. After the dinner, a group of entertainers entered and the princess grew bored.

Motioning to the prince, she slipped out onto the balcony, leaving the festivities behind. The prince followed her out and watched as the moonlight struck her face, making her face shine in the night. He thought of wonderful poetic words to sing to her, and he dropped onto one gold clothed knee and placed the princess's gloved hand upon his beating heart as a show of affection. She gently removed her hand and simply looked at him as he stated his love for her.

"I promise that I will kill this wretched dragon and then save you from your bonds, and any other peril that may befall you, princess." At this point, the prince faltered and added, "well, if I kill the dragon. If it kills me, then I will die knowing I protected my love.The princess listened to his sappy words and replied, "Well, if it killed you, wouldn't it simply kill me as well?" Realizing that this might sound rude, she hastily said, "Um, thank you for risking your life for me, that's very sweet. Oh, but would you mind saving me first, and then killing the dragon?"

He looked confused, so she explained how it was silly for her to simply watch helplessly as he fought off the dragon. "I suppose I could, but thats not really how I'm supposed to do it...I'm supposed to kill the dragon, then free you from your chains, then we both ride triumphantly through the land and you tell everyone of how I singlehandedly defeated the dragon." But, he could not deny her a thing, even to continue a tradition. He finally agreed to release her before killing the dragon, and told her he would meet her at dawn. Then he rode off into the sunset on his dusty gray horse.

The next day, before the sun had risen, most of the kingdom came together to say farewell and wait for the wedding that would happen immediately after the prince saved her. The king gave a sorrowful, moving speech that touched many hearts and brought many to tears, and kissed his daughter goodbye.

Then he chained her to a rock in front of the ominous cave where the dragon lived. He locked her securely against the rock and then threw the key into the darkness of the cave. The dragon roared as the key hit its head and the rocks shook. The villagers screamed and fled like chickens back to their homes and locked their doors. The princess stood there feeling quite alone, very uncomfortable, and hoping against hope that the prince would come soon.

Dawn came and went, and she began to feel quite hot against the rock with the chains digging into her shoulders. Sighing, she took out her lock picking kit and within a minute she was free of the burdensome chains. Placing her hands on her hips, she mused, "now where is that prince of mine? I had to rescue myself, now do I have to defeat the dragon on my own as well?"

The princess decided she would wait a little longer for her prince. His pride would certainly be bruised if she killed the dragon and didn't give him a chance to show everyone how manly he was, as all princes like to boast about killing a dragon or two.

Finally she heard him galloping up. When he came over the horizon, she had to shade her eyes because his silver armor was so bright she couldn't see. As he tried to jump off his horse his chain mail got hooked on his saddle, and the princess had to help him down. He babbled loudly as she untangled his chain mail, "Oh princess, I apologize for being so late! It took longer then expected to choose the perfect dragon slaying outfit. And then there was traffic and--". He stopped talking and looked at her, then at the pile of chains on the ground and then at her again.

"How did you get free?" She waved off his question and pointed at the ominous cave still looming ahead of them. "Remember? We, I mean you, have a dragon to slay." The prince nodded, his face growing serious and tense. He snuck towards the cave entrance as quietly as any knight in shining, clanking armor can. He motioned for her to stay back, then raised his sword high and charged forward.

Just then, his steel encased toe tripped over a rock and he lurched sideways, his helmet's visor clanking over his eyes and he blindly careened into the the rocks, then fell to the ground in a loud clash of silver. The princess ran over to him and dragged him away from the cave, for she was a fairly strong princess. She checked his pulse, and being reassured that her prince was indeed still alive, she turned back to the cave and marched straight up to it.

She decided she would try to talk to the dragon, for she could talk to animals, as all lovely young princesses could. Being one with nature could maybe help her find a peaceful, non violent way to get the dragon to leave their homes alone, or at least, to distract it before she had to kill it. Being sensible, she realized that singing and dancing, and calling to the birds, would not help, so she took a more straight forward approach.

She shouted loudly, sounding braver then she felt. "Mr. Dragon, Sir, I really don't wish to kill you, and I doubt I would have the strength to anyway, and my heroic prince is knocked out right now. If you could either wait until he wakes up to do battle, that would be very generous of you, or else maybe we could find a nice compromise.

A loud rumble vibrated through the cave and the princess took one shaky step back. Out of the darkness a deep growl, almost building to a roar, echoed from within. The princess shivered as the rough voice spoke. "I don't want you. You princesses are all tough and chewy and small. Besides, one princess would not be enough to satisfy me." The princess winced and covered her ears with her hands. She shouted hesitantly into the dark, "Mr. Dragon, could you maybe talk and roar a little less loudly please?" "I will if you will," the dragon replied. "You silly little human. My species is much more evolved then you. I have very fine hearing, so you needn't shout at me. "

The princess blushed, embarrassed at her mistake and said in a normal voice, "I'm sorry about that. So as I was saying, would you take something besides a princess to appease you? Then would you leave our towns and cities alone? I have many jewels and pearls at the palace that you could have." "Not that I don't like shiny objects, but I have plenty of my own. But...that prince of yours smells of grease and he might be good, once that armor is taken off and he is sprinkled with some salt..."

The princess gasped as the dragon gave a booming laugh that almost knocked her over. The princess retreated to the rock where she had been chained and puzzled over what to do. Obviously she couldn't give herself to the dragon, and it would be bad for the kingdom if she gave the prince to the dragon, but she wished she could help him, he didn't seem like a bad dragon.

Then she had a brilliant idea! She turned and rifled through the prince's saddlebags and finally found two small white objects. Clutching them, she ran back to the dragon's cave and held them out timidly. "These are a speciality of the kingdom. They are fried buns stuffed with onions and meat and have fiery spices in it. Onions will satisfy your hunger more then a scrawny prince. And I can deliver some every year if you like." She tossed them into the dark and the dragon snatched them out of the air. He gulped them down and sighed contentedly. "Those are pretty tasty. Bring me two dozen of those things every year and I'll never bother the kingdom again."

The princess happily agreed. She went back to the prince, who was still laying uselessly on the ground, and used smelling salts she just happened to have with her to revive him. He was very confused, having been unconscious this whole time. The princess told him all that had happened. At first, the prince didn't believe her, but after the dragon calmly informed him that it was indeed true, and after another fainting spell, he believed her story. The prince and princess decided to make it sound as though the prince had been the one to do the negotiations with the dragon, for it was not proper for princesses and no one would believe that a princess could have done such a thing.

Then they rode triumphantly into town and made a very bright and flashy arrival at the palace. The people lined the streets, throwing flowers and whatever else they had on hand and clapped wildly at their hero's arrival. The king was overjoyed to see his princess alive and well and was thrilled that the prince had thought of negotiating with the dragon instead of killing it. The prince humbly accepted the people's praises and stood very straight and tall while the princess smiled and waved. The king married them that night and there was much rejoicing throughout the kingdom. The princess did not fall in love with the prince, but she grudgingly admitted that he wasn't too bad for a silly prince.

After the king had died, the prince and princess, now the king and queen, ruled the land together graciously. Though in reality, it was the queen who ruled, whereas the king was merely a figurehead, who's head got to be on the coinage. The queen remained very sensible all of her days and when the king was tragically killed in an epic battle, she refused to get a new husband and ruled the kingdom alone for many years. The sensible queen also decided to make it a law that you could not feed any princesses, or anyone for that matter, to any dragons. The majestic kingdom in the distant land prospered and there was peace for many years.