Chapter 35: Turning Back I See Him There Under The Dim Lantern Lights (2)

That night, I had a continuation of my last dream in which I was a popular singer signed with a company owned by Cheng Yujin.

It was Spring of 2021. (Tianquan.)

Due to the recent appearance of my name on Weibo's hot search list, I was summoned back to the company for a meeting with Gao Yi and Cheng Yujin. The three of us sat in Gao Yi's office with an iPad on the table between us, displaying paparazzi snapshots of Zhang Youwei, an uprising young actor whom I met on a variety show, and I taking a leisure walk through the mall.

"We really are not in a relationship. We are purely friends," I explained exasperatedly. "I don't know how the rumour came to be! We were only walking around the mall to kill time before the dinner gathering with other friends. Look at the pictures—we aren't even holding hands or behaving intimately."

Gao Yi scrutinised the photographs taken by the paparazzi again. "It's not that we don't believe you. It's just that if it was a dinner with a group of friends, it wouldn't be hot search worthy."

I held my hands up to my head in frustration and shot him a pained expression. "Gao-zong, even if the paparazzi caught Zhang Youwei and I having dinner, just the two of us, it doesn't mean that we are in a relationship! How can anyone spin such nonsensical tales about us from the short forty minutes that we were alone? It's ridiculous!"

"Isn't there a possibility that the rumour came from Zhang Youwei's end?" Cheng Yujin interjected, his voice calm yet firm.

I looked at him in disbelief as a distasteful thought surfaced in my head. "Cheng-zong, you mean to say that Zhang Youwei's team got the paparazzi to snap photos of us and then spread dating rumours of us online?"

"That's what Gao-zong was trying to say," he clarified, before glancing over at Gao Yi who nodded quickly in agreement.

"You mean to say I was exploited?" I gasped, my heart dilating with anger. It had appeared like a harmless coincidence when I ran into Zhang Youwei at the lift lobby of the basement carpark. As we were early and no one else from our group had arrived yet, we decided to walk around the mall aimlessly to work up an appetite.

Gao Yi interlaced his fingers and brought them up to the tip of his nose. In a low voice, he admitted: "His manager contacted us to sound us out on whether there is any room to cooperate since both of our artistes will benefit from the publicity."

"What did you say?"

"Of course—our trusty Cheng-zong turned her down immediately, and even told her off saying that our Yujuan doesn't need to resort to such marketing strategies."

I looked over at Cheng Yujin and beamed with gratefulness, but recalling about how Zhang Youwei had described his manager previously, my smile faltered. "But, I heard that Zhang Youwei's manager isn't someone to be trifled with... Will we be alright?"

Gao Yi scoffed. "We aren't people to be trifled with either. Even if the sky falls, we still have Cheng Yujin here to hold it up. Anway, you don't have to concern yourself with it. We just wanted to tell you to be careful when you are out there making friends—you'll know the person and his face, but you won't know his heart. If you are dating anyone or intend to date anyone, please inform the both of us beforehand."

I frowned at him. Even if he was my boss, I shouldn't need to report my love life to him.

But seeing how both Gao Yi and Cheng Yujin were looking at me with concerned and anxious expressions, I reluctantly agreed. "But only if you guys also tell me if you are in a relationship with anyone or intend to pursue anyone."

They exchanged uncertain glances.

"But I'm already married," laughed Gao Yi.

"What about Cheng-zong?" I asked pointedly.

"I'm not seeing anyone now," answered Cheng Yujin placidly, to which Gao Yi enthusiastically exclaimed that if Cheng Yujin were to start dating again, he would definitely inform me. Cheng Yujin said nothing in response, but when prompted by an impatient look on Gao Yi's face, he nodded and murmured under his breath that he would provide me with advance notification.

I dipped my head slightly as a triumphant smile formed on my face. "Then I'll do the same."

After the meeting, Cheng Yujin offered to walk me to the basement carpark, where my assistant was waiting in the car.

Seizing the opportunity where there was only the two of us in the lift, I turned to him with reddening cheeks. "Cheng-zong, I must confess that I actually plan to date someone."

Taken aback by my sudden frankness, Cheng Yujin asked me to repeat myself.

I laughed softly as a burning feeling crept up my neck towards my ears. "I'm saying that I plan to, but the other party must be willing to date me as well."

"And who is that party?" he asked, staring at me with grave eyes. "As a public figure, you have to be careful about the men who approach you. You must ensure that they can be trusted."

I held his gaze and focused on his deep, black eyes. "I have been watching him and have liked him for years. I know a lot about him—his personality, character, family and interests. But what I don't know is whether he will like me back."

"Do I know who he is?"

"Yes," I said with a smile. "Cheng Yujin, I like you. Will you consider going out with me?"

My unexpected confession startled him. I watched him intently as he clenched his jaw and swallowed. Lips trembling into a smile, he said with a slight stammer: "I—I see you as a younger sister."

I brushed a few stray strands of hair away from my face, and plastered a smile on my face. Having expected such a response from him, I had thought that I would be unbothered; but there was still a feeling of slight disappointment.

The smile on my face grew wider as I held firmly onto my face (dignity; appearance; image). "You know—years in this industry has thickened my skin and increased my level of confidence. I don't believe that you only see me as a younger sister. And even if you really do, we aren't related by blood. If you aren't interested in any other women, why don't you consider me as a women?"

The descending lift came to a stop and the doors rolled open. We stood motionless, looking at each other with uncertain eyes. As the doors began to close, I shot out a hand to press the open button.

Without waiting for a response (which I knew was never going to come), I stepped out of the lift and waved at him coolly. "You don't have to send me any further, Cheng-zong. I can go by myself. See you soon."

That evening, I met Cheng Yujin sooner than expected when he came rushing down to the hospital to see me. He had received a call from the hospital informing that I had gotten into a road accident. Seeing that I was sitting on a bench looking physically alright and only suffered bruises on my knees, he sighed in relief before bending down to pull me into his arms.

"If anything happened to you, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself," he whispered beside my ear, arms tightening around me.

I raised my hands to place them on his broad back furtively. "Cheng-zong, it was just a minor accident," I said with a breathless laugh. "I only bruised my knee because of the airbag. My friends who were also in the car, Ruan Dan'ni and Ling Yin are also fine—I'm waiting for them to be treated."

Returning to his sense, he released me abruptly while apologising.

"You must be a very very loving older brother," I laughed, and meaningfully added: "Because my older cousins definitely don't treat their young sisters this way."

"I also don't treat my younger cousins this way," he said in a quiet tone as his lips twisted into a grimace for a quick second. Then gazing at me with flushed ears, he added: "It's good to see that you're not badly hurt."

***

4 April 2023 | kaiyang

I stood behind an elaborate microphone in the live room of one of MBD Records' recording studios. Separated by a window, Cheng Yujin and an audio engineer sat behind a mixing console in the control room. Watching Cheng Yujin engaged in a serious discussion with the audio engineer, the contents of their conversation I was not able to hear, existential questions started forming in my head.

I was neither a singer nor did I ask to be here. So, how did I end up agreeing to record a song for Cheng Yujin?

After yesterday's lunch, seeing that I had no plans for the rest of my trip, Cheng Yujin offered to take me someplace fun. The fun place turned out to be a recording studio decked with professional-grade equipment and musical instruments. Just when I thought that I was going to get an in-depth tour of the studio, he took the opportunity to exploit me by talking me into recording a song which he wrote. When he claimed that he had written a song for me years ago and had always hoped that I would sing it, my heart fluttered and I was not able to refuse him.

Having learnt the song yesterday and recorded some parts of it, our agenda today was to complete the recording of the entire song. In any case, the recording had to be completed today as I was returning home tomorrow.

It was my first time being in a live room, but the new experience felt oddly natural. As Cheng Yujin gave directions and feedback from the control room, I connected this familiar feeling to the scenes I had seen in my dreams.

During a short break, I decided that it was time to search for answers.

"Cheng-zong, have you ever written a song called 'A Wish in Summer'? It goes something like this—" I hummed the chorus, a heart-wrenching tune which haunted my dreams. "I tried finding the song online, but there is no such song."

Cheng Yujin choked on the water he was drinking and began coughing uncontrollably.

I waited for him to recover before adding: "I also seem to recall that you wrote another song called 'Thousand Year Ballad', but I couldn't find this song online as well."

Clearing his throat, he swivelled around on the chair and stared at me wide-eyed. "Where did you hear those songs?" he asked.

I shook my head, regretting my question. I couldn't possibly tell him that I had dreamt that he had written and I had sang those songs in a previous lifetime. "Never mind, ignore what I just said."

The door to the recording studio opened, interrupting Cheng Yujin's protest that he couldn't ignore it. I was expecting to see the audio engineer returning from his toilet break, but Gao Yi appeared instead with a huge, dazzling grin on his face. He looked about the room, as if searching for something and upon seeing me, he strode over in just a couple of steps. As he approached, fully intending to speak to me, I rose from the sofa, preparing to hold out my hand for a handshake.

"What are you doing here?" Cheng Yujin's voice with an underlying tone of annoyance sounded out just as our hands were about to touch.

Gao Yi smiled warmly at me and gave me a quick handshake before he turned around towards Cheng Yujin excitedly. "I heard from the employees that you brought a young women for a recording today. I wanted to meet this new talent."

I looked from Cheng Yujin to Gao Yi and smiled sheepishly. "No, I'm not a singer. I'm just—doing Cheng-zong a favour," I clarified.

"Yujuan, you don't have to be bothered about him. He is Gao Yi, just another artiste in our company," said Cheng Yujin coldly, as he casually walked over to stand beside me.

"Nice to meet you," I said politely, with a little bow. "My name is Lu Yujuan. I previously worked with Ai Ju'an-laoshi as a lyricist."

Gao Yi gasped, quite exaggeratedly. Lowering his hand from his mouth, he pointed at me and sucked in another breath. "Lu Yujuan? Are you the Juan that A'Jin has been pining for?"

From the corner of my eye, I caught Cheng Yujin glower at him.

I laughed nervously and waved my hands profusely. "Certainly not. I daren't take the place of Cheng-zong's 'goddess'."

Cheng Yujin raised his chin in the direction of the exit. "If you have nothing important, we'll have to get back to our recording. Yujuan is flying back tomorrow, so we need to finish up recording quickly."

Gao Yi sneered at him. "Ok, ok. I'll leave now," he said, turning to leave; but not before giving me an encouragement in the form of a 'fighting' hand pose. "All the best with recording, xiao-Juan."

The next day, Cheng Yujin fetched me from Tan Qing's place and dropped me off at the airport. As the airport was a place with many people, he apologised that he could only see me off from the car.

I stood by the side of the car, as Cheng Yujin rolled down the car windows to remind me to drop him a message when my flight arrived back in Shanghai.

"Do I still contact Ai Ju'an or do you have another number you would prefer me to contact you at?" I leaned into the car to ask. My question was intentional yet subconscious. I wanted to sound out whether now that we were acquainted as Cheng Yujin and Lu Yujuan, would he want to maintain some distance from a layperson like myself; but it was a Freudian slip.

Cheng Yujin looked at me quizzically, but he smiled through his confusion. "My phone number is the same. It's my personal number. You can contact me anytime."

"OK, then I'll change your contact details to Cheng Yujin," I said with a smile, making a mental note to update the information in my phone.

"By the way," Cheng Yujin continued, prolonging our farewell. "I have been wanting to ask you—why do you call me Cheng-zong?"

I raised a brow at his question. Yea—why have I been calling him Cheng-zong? Was it because of my dreams that my subconscious mind ascribed him such a term of address? "Then, should I call you Mr. Cheng? Cheng-laoshi? Yujin-ge?" I proposed with a short laugh.

Echoing my laugh, he made a counter-proposal. "How about just 'Yujin'? We're supposed to be friends—don't forget that we've been internet friends for many years."

"It's nice to finally be able to meet you after 7 years, Yujin—my internet friend."

"Likewise. We have to meet up the next time I'm in Shanghai, alright?"

"Sure," I said with a perfunctory nod, internally shrugging at the customary polite greeting exchanged between people who are bidding goodbye. Taking a step away from the car, I added with a faint smile: "Once again, thank you for all your help. All the best in your pursuit of your 'goddess'."

I wasn't sure how Cheng Yujin responded, or if he had even reacted to my words. I simply grabbed my luggage and headed into the airport, mentally rationalising that I had to hurry off to catch a flight.

Farewell, my internet friend. We will likely never meet again.

***