Chapter 7: Wishing Stars Fall When You Appear (2)

The solo trip to the washroom turned out to be a twenty minutes long affair thanks to the long wait for a vacant cubicle. When I returned to the spectator stand, Du Shanshan was sitting in a small circle with a group of familiar-looking people. Approaching them hesitantly, the gears in my head spun quickly to place their names to their faces. The young man dressed in a brown furry coat, beside Du Shanshan, wasn't that—Cheng Yujin? Weren't these people from Mobius Band?

"Shen Yan! Over here!" Du Shanshan waved at me when she spotted me.

Grinning at me knowingly, she scooted slightly over to her left and patted the ground with her right hand. I hurried over with a trembling heart, my cheeks growing warm from getting stared at by three strangers and Cheng Yujin himself. As soon as I sat down, I felt some sort of intense pressure radiating from my right. Keeping my posture straight and my muscles tensed, I dared not turn my head to look at him. This was the closest I have ever been to a celebrity in terms of physical proximity, albeit he wasn't actually a celebrity at this point in time.

"Everyone, this is Shen Yan, who is also from the Vocal and Opera Department and was our roommate until she recently moved back to live with her family," said Du Shanshan who had taken it upon herself to introduce me with much enthusiasm. Then she started politely gesturing towards the strangers who were observing me with reserved smiles, starting with the person who had one arm wrapped around Tan Qing's shoulder. "Shen Yan, that is Liu Haowen—the one we've told you about. Beside him is Gao Yi, Tao Xiang and Cheng Yujin."

My eyes swept across their faces, barely taking in their distinctive facial features. As an introvert, I had never really liked to be at the centre of attention. Having the attention of four handsome young men on me simultaneously was too much for me to accept.

Flushing, I plastered a smile on my face and simply said 'hi'; and before I knew it, Tan Qing had already steered the conversation back to the topic they were on before my arrival.

Several conversation topics arose and many jokes were cracked. Mostly were inside jokes related to their student life experiences which I was not privy to as a transmigrator. Having learned social skills in my past life, I knew the general rule to smile or laugh along even if I could not comprehend what the group was laughing about.

Fiddling with the half-drunken can of cola in my hands, there was a nagging agenda on my mind which I felt determined to accomplish by the end of this social activity. That was to sustain a conversation with Cheng Yujin without passing out, notwithstanding that it may only be a couple of sentences long.

Having observed him surreptitiously the entire time, I noticed that he would often silently listen to what the louder ones within the group—such as Gao Yi, Du Shanshan and Liu Haowen—were saying, but when it was time to deliver the punchline, his wit never failed to disappoint. His longer moments of silence meant that I had the chance to branch off into a side conversation with him. Now was especially a good time as he had just picked up a skewer of meat after a brief discussion with Tao Xiang about which piece of food was the most charred.

Opening my mouth with a mind-blanking nervousness, I was about to call out to him when Gao Yi's lamentation suddenly disrupted my plans. "Whether we'll disband or not next year is up to A'Jin. He's the callous one who wants to become a piano teacher after graduation."

"What? Disband?" gasped Du Shanshan. "Aren't you guys doing quite well now and even gaining a fandom? Don't you want to sign on to a record company and become a professional band?"

"To him, this is just a little gig to pass the time during his college years. Apparently making music isn't his passion and his true passion lies in being a music teacher. He has already accepted a job at this prestigious music academy," Liu Haowen chimed in, a hint of bitterness in his tone.

Beside me, Cheng Yujin calmly took a sip from his cup without even blinking. "It's not true that I treated Mobius as a little gig to pass the time. I was serious about writing songs and making music. But after graduation, I do have other plans. Even without me, Mobius can still continue on—there are so many talent keyboardists out there that can replace me. Gao Yi is also a good songwriter—it wouldn't have much of an impact on Mobius if I stop writing songs," he said in a resolute tone, yet at the same time he wasn't defending himself from his bandmates seemingly accusatory remarks. Did it mean that what they said was true?

"You're not intending to work behind the scenes in the entertainment industry anymore?" I blurted out carelessly, before letting out a gasp while covering my mouth with one hand.

For the first time this evening, Cheng Yujin turned in my direction to make direct eye contact with me. Beneath his thick eyebrows that slanted upwards curiously were a pair of red phoenix eyes that were like two pools of clear water shrouded in thick mist. There was a kind of thoroughness that shone through his guileless gaze. Staring straight into my eyes, he questioned suspiciously: "Since when have I ever said that?"

Flushing, I could only stared at him wordlessly as his full lips pressed together in a straight line, awaiting my reply. My gaze slid from his eyes, to his tall nose and down to the ground as I hastily stuttered, "I—I may have dreamt about it?"

"Classmate Shen has dreamt of our A'Jin before?" asked Gao Yi teasingly, grinning from ear to ear as he wiggled his brows at Cheng Yujin, who ignored him with another sip of his drink.

Not missing an opportunity to play cupid, Du Shanshan merrily hopped onto the bandwagon despite the warning glare I shot her. "As you guys already know, our Shen Yan got into an accident recently and is currently suffering from amnesia and is unable to recognise people or recall any past events. But what I didn't mention earlier is that even though she couldn't even remember her parents, she actually recognised Classmate Cheng Yujin!"

"You must be A'Jin's number one fan," laughed Tao Xiang. "Maybe you were the president of his fan club before you lost your memories."

"No, no. I daren't claim those titles," I rebuffed, waving my hands furiously in front of me. Recalling my encounter with Layperson Cheng Yujin which was the reason for my current plight, I added: "What I meant was that I have the impression that most students from your department tend to venture into the entertainment industry or to work behind the scenes, so I thought that you would also go down that path. In fact, I thought that you would still be a member of this band for at least two year more or so."

Without giving Cheng Yujin a chance to respond to me, Gao Yi interposed with gratefulness and confidence, as if he had long been waiting for someone to speak these words: "Hear, hear—I know that you will make a great music teacher, but are you really going to give up your dreams of becoming a singer-songwriter? Don't talk about Mobius, but yourself—haven't you already come so far? Can you really bear to give up what you've already accomplished?"

"What the world doesn't need is another ordinary singer-songwriter like me," answered Cheng Yujin. His unexpectedly terse and disparaging reply seemed to have caught everyone by surprise. But why did it sound so familiar?

Reading the uncomfortable silence in the air, I knew that it was now or never. I had spent the last few nights thinking over my predicament.

One day, I had woken up in a world that I did not recognise—a world where Celebrity Cheng Yujin did not exist. To satisfy my curiosity, I ended up dying in a freak accident when I went searching for him. But the heavens gave me a second chance to live and I transmigrated into the past and became Shen Yan. By some strange fate, it turned out that Shen Yan and Cheng Yujin shared the same circle of friendship.

Even though I still didn't know how Celebrity Cheng Yujin became Layperson Cheng Yujin overnight, or why he had chosen to stay out of the limelight after travelling back in time (if my conjecture was correct), for me to return to my original world—a world where Celebrity Cheng Yujin existed and where I wouldn't have died—I had to guide him back to take his place on stage as a bright and shining star.

I had also wondered if I should look for my younger self and caution her against going to that broadcasting center to look for Cheng Yujin in the future; but all factors considered, for me to live, the current Cheng Yujin had to follow his original life's trajectory and become a professional sing-songwriter.

Mentally discarding the self-awareness that I was in no position to utter the words that I was going to speak next, I broke the silence with intense earnestness. "That's not true. Maybe you will become a professional singer-songwriter one day, writing hundred of songs and publishing albums every year, and performing on various stages and even on television—your music has the potential to change the lives of millions of people for the better. I know of many people who have gotten through the toughest of times with the help of your music."

"Even without me, these people will find other musicians who can produce the same quality of music. The entertainment industry churns out so many singers and idol-singers every year. You'll see that idols are all easily replaceable. It doesn't matter if I no longer stand up there on the stage with them," Cheng Yujin retorted swiftly.

Pausing, I considered his words for a brief moment. What he had said was a realistic depiction of fans. Guo Jialiang was the best example—in a world where Celebrity Cheng Yujin didn't exist, he had turned into a fan of Deng Zixuan. However, Deng Zixuan was not Cheng Yujin and can never be a replacement no matter how outstanding a singer he is. Deng Zixuan only had a chance because Celebrity Cheng Yujin didn't exist!

"But don't you think that every person is unique?" I insisted. "Your name is Cheng Yujin. You're not just any other idol. You have your own value that no one else can replicate."

"What's in a name?" Cheng Yujin continued staring pointedly at me, his dark black pupils shaking slightly as his tone turned critical. "The entertainment industry—no, even this school alone is saturated with talented people who can produce all kinds of music every single day. There is no need for me to join in the fray."

I drew in a deep breath with a frown, my emotions heating up. "What I meant was that those songs that you have written—can another unique individual compose the same tune, write the same lyrics and sing in the same voice as you do? No! That's not possible. Think about it, with your talent and capabilities, you can produce popular songs that will one day become enshrined as classics."

"Even if I'm the most talented and popular singer-songwriter with a large fanbase and songs that top the charts for consecutive weeks, it doesn't matter to me. I don't want that kind of life any longer."

"You're saying that you want to give up your dreams of being a singer-songwriter?"

"I'm saying that I don't want to have anything to do with the entertainment industry! Anyway, what has my future got to do with you? I have the right to decide on my own future. Please just stay out of my business." Cheng Yujin rejoined, suddenly raising his voice. Catching himself, he squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his forehead with clenched fist. With a loud sigh, he pushed himself off the ground. "Sorry, I'll excuse myself for a minute."

After Cheng Yujin had moved out of earshot, Du Shanshan cautiously prodded the unnerving silence which had settled over the rest of us. "Is he angry?"

"Well," Gao Yi said with a grave smile, straightening out his legs before tucking them back beneath him in a cross-legged position. "I've been trying to speak to him about his sudden change in attitude towards songwriting, but I've not been able to. No one else has dared to say these words to him before; but it's what he needed to hear. Just leave him alone for a while, he will come back."

"Even so, he didn't need to be so harsh—," Tan Qing broke off, and turned in my direction. "Shen Yan, are you ok? Get her some tissue."

"I'm not crying," I said in between small sobs, hot tears rolling down my cheeks. The cold wintry air brushed against my wet face. Dabbing my stinging eyes with a piece of tissue paper, I forced a stiff smile unable to hide my embarrassment of losing control of my own emotions. "It's just that the weather is cold."

"Don't mind him, he has been acting somewhat differently for a few months now. He must have been triggered because of his break-up," said Tao Xiang in a combined attempt to be comforting and to draw everyone's attention to a new subject-matter.

"Oh, what I heard was that that girl was disdainful of his dream of becoming an ordinary songwriter as she thought it would be unprofitable and wasn't dignified, and had hoped that he would walk down the path of academia, like his parents have," said Tan Qing. "Not sure if academia would be a better choice."

"But I also heard that it was him who wanted to break-up first," Du Shanshan offered; and Liu Haowen responded in a manner which suggested that he had more insider information than what was already disclosed: "Of course he would initiate it—who wouldn't after being cuckooed?"

"Zhou Biting cheated on him?" Tan Qing turned towards him in disbelief before gritting her teeth. "How am I only hearing about this now?"

"Hold on, so the rumour that she cheated on him with a trainee from some entertainment company is true? Haven't they been together since high school? Why would she do that?" Du Shanshan's eyes widened with great interest at the sound of tea being spilt.

Gao Yi shrugged and scoffed. "You would be surprised to know that they have only gotten as far as holding hands. Zhou Biting probably couldn't stand that prude anymore."

While the rest were enjoying freshly served melons,[1] I remained silent. If this had been any other occasion, I would have enthused over such insider information about Cheng Yujin's love life. However, right now I had unintentionally upset Cheng Yujin. Before I found a way to dispel his unfavourable impression of me, I was regretfully unable to appreciate the melons.

***

Author's Note:

[1]: This is from the Chinese internet slang 吃瓜 (chi1 gua1), which literally means eating melon. "Melon" here is used to refer to hot news/gossip or other people's private business. Therefore, to "eat melon" with other people means to share gossip.