34: ADELAIDE

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There are a lot of things I'd change about my life, but the past six months have included none of those things. The past six months have had their difficulties – with the trial drama, police and lawyers asking for stuff non-stop, and a few visiting orders for me, Fletch and his mum – but on the whole, it's been quiet and happy.

I walk into my house after agreeing to move in with Fletch and find Harrison packing. He moves into his own flat next week after selling his Australian home and getting a job over here, too.

"Hey! Everything okay?" Harrison asks.

"Went to see Fletch. I, uh, he asked me to move in with him, and I said yes," I admit.

He grins. "Yes! Finally! Don't know what the hell you two have been waiting for. Next comes the ring and a kid."

"Oh, fuck you, Harry."

He shakes his head. "No, no, that's not how this works. You—"

"Don't do it! Don't make me hit you!"

He chuckles. "But honestly, I'm really happy for you both."

I shrug. "He's gonna give his place to his mum. Katrina still hasn't admitted there's a new guy involved. But that leaves us either moving in here or somewhere new. Honestly, I think a new home might be nice. Like a fresh start for both of us. It feels a bit... weird to still be in a place where I lived with Sophia. Though your presence has helped with that."

He touches my arm. "I think a new start would be good. Hell, even find somewhere out of this city."

I shake my head. "We're at home here. His mum will be here and so will you. If Sam gets sent down, he'll be going to a Category A prison, probably. So Cambridge or London. He'll be away from us for a long time."

"That's if he's found guilty."

"I know. I'm trying not to plan for the opposite. But if he gets released, I'll get a restraining order. Problem is, Fletch is famous, so I can't exactly ask to get put on police protection with a new identity or anything. Nor can he. Well, I don't know if we could do that if Sam's not convicted."

"Now you're getting ahead of yourself. I mean, prepare, but I don't think any jury will find him not guilty. Armed robbery, hostage taking, murder, attempted murder...he's deranged and jealous."

I shrug. "We're doing all we can, I suppose."

He puts a tea in front of me in the kitchen where we've gravitated to. "Are you happy to move in with him? Fletcher, I mean. Are you ready for all of this? After Sophia, after Sam and everything you both went through?"

I take a second to word my answer. "Yeah. It's not that I'm nervous, I just think it's a big step. Last time I moved in with someone, she died not long after. I feel like I'm ready to move out of this house and in with him. Fletch told me to think about what we do and let him know—take it slow and all that. But once you're out, I think I'll put this place on the market."

"You sure?"

I nod. "I will never erase Sophia from my life, but I think I need to move somewhere new."

Harry smiles. "Good. You've really come a long way over the past six months, especially since you started counselling."

"It's been good for me. The trial is making me wobbly, but I knew it would. I found out earlier that the woman who helped Sam do the bank heist was the woman who fucking served me that morning."

Harrison snorts. "Of course he had help."

"Well, I knew that, but my point is, it just...hit me harder than it should've. Like, I knew he had help because he said so in there, but the fact in black and white hit me. Talking about that period of my life where I was screwing him and it was just...awful. Then I get home and it's just so much better. I don't know. Part of me still thinks I don't deserve this."

He puts both his hands on my shoulders and looks into my eyes. "You deserve all the good stuff, Ade. The wonderful boyfriend, the nice home, the good job, the good friends...all of it. Stop thinking you don't. This is what being around Sam Ward does to you; affects your mental health. I told you that when it happened, and I'm telling you now. He's where he belongs."

I nod. "Sorry, I know. It's just so hard sometimes. I'll get through it. Glad I booked an extra counselling session this week. I need it!"

"Okay, now is the perfect interlude to tell you my news," Harry says before sipping his coffee.

"You have news? I am all ears." I sip my tea.

"So...I have a date tomorrow night."

I put my mug down as my lips curve into a grin the Cheshire Cat would be proud of and clap like I'm wearing cymbals.

"Oh my god, Harrison! Yay! Who is she? How long have you known her and why haven't you told me yet?"

He laughs. "Her name is Natalie, and I met her in a coffee shop. I bumped into her by accident and knocked her coffee all over the floor. So I bought her another one, and we got chatting in the queue. Exchanged numbers and...here we are. I'm taking her out for a drink tomorrow."

I melt on the spot. That's so freaking sweet. "Oh, I love it! How adorable! Harrison, you've been back for a few months and already settling down—"

"Don't jump the gun, Sunshine! Might not work out. But I am enjoying being back in England. It feels way more like home than Aus ever did, in reality. Mum and Dad are coming down this weekend again."

"Come here!" I open my arms and we both hug it out. "This sounds bad, but part of me is wondering if the heist did more good for me than bad. Fletch, you, all of it. It just seems like good came out of it."

He smiles. "It feels like it, now the worst thing is over."

I sit back in my seat. "Fletcher mentioned to me ages ago how he was wary because when you left for Australia when we were eighteen, we agreed to try being a couple when you came home."

Harry laughs. "Yeah, that's what he punched me about. I mean, I thought about it a lot on the plane back home. But the fact is, I fell out of love with you while I was over there. That sounds cruel, and I don't mean for it to be."

I shake my head. "It's not cruel, Harry, it's life. I fell out of love with you...honestly, I think the moment I met Fletch."

He sighs. "In another life, it would've been us, but we were kids. Literal children when we got together. We didn't even know what love was until...well, for me, it wasn't until we had sex for the first time. Looking back, I don't know if I did honestly love you until I hit sixteen."

"Really?"

He nods. "I had this warped view that sex meant love, and I remember distinctly when we went to prom at sixteen and when I saw you in that dress, that was when my mind clicked that it was more than just, well, lust and best friends. But I needed to leave and find a life out there. I didn't want to be stuck in university and then just coasting along."

"That's fair. I think we were always destined to just be best friends. For me, it was love...I think I grew into loving you because we kissed all the time, and it kind of conditioned me into it. You were everything to me, so it felt natural. Harry, you helped me work out who I am and my whole identity and I'll never, ever forget that. I love you, but as my best friend."

He grins. "If you hadn't met Fletcher, I think I may have come home earlier and made it work, because you met him while I was still in love with you. But we were always supposed to just be friends, and this works. I love this. I love you—just not romantically."

We both grip each other's hands across the table. "This whole new thing I'm trying to be honest with people seems to be fantastic."

He laughs. "You are a ray of sunshine these days. I like this new you. Fletcher has done you the world of good."

"Do one! I worked on this new me all by myself."

He gives me a raised eyebrow look that says 'really?'

I giggle. "All right, with Fletcher's and your help."

"How's the writing going?"

I nod. "The planning is going well. I told Fletch a little bit about it. Not the idea, but that I'm coming up with bits and pieces."

"When are you gonna tell him what it's about?"

I sigh. "Not sure. Maybe when I start actually writing chronologically. I have this idea for the first chapter, so I might get that down and get myself back fully into writing before I mention it."

"You never know, he might hook you up with a publisher or whatever. It's never what you know, it's all about who you know. When it gets out that Fletcher Ward has a girlfriend, people will lap it up. I'm surprised the press hasn't caught you both out yet."

I groan. "It won't be long. They'll probably catch us when we go to the movie set, or when we go out and start looking for houses or something. The press aren't allowed too close to the court, so we'll get away with it tomorrow and if we go back."

He drinks his coffee before cocking his head. "Tell me you're not going to sit in there. Sunshine, Sam will be there."

I wave him off. "I'll be fine. He can't get me. Fletcher refuses to admit it, but he wants me there for moral support. I can walk in, sit in the middle of the gallery and then walk out once he's finished. Sam'll be behind the glass in his dock with handcuffs on. He can't hurt me anymore."

"If you're one hundred per cent sure about this, then it's your decision. After watching you today, it's not pretty."

"I can do this."

He nods and squeezes my hand. "You've come so far, Ade. I'm fucking proud of you."

I smile. "Thank you. But I'm more interested in you and Natalie! Harry!"

He rolls his eyes, but can't hide the smirk. "Shut up! I knew I shouldn't have told you!"


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Fletcher's telling me all about asking his mum about moving houses a few hours later. Neither of us can sleep, so we're whispering over the phone as if we're teens all over again.

"I can get in the car and come over for a cuddle if you want," Fletch says.

I snort. "You're across the city, Fletch. It's the middle of the night."

"And I just offered. Neither of us can sleep. Why not?"

I take a second before grinning. "You sure?"

"If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't have offered."

"Then come over!"

He blurts goodbye and hangs up. I get up from the bed and check my outfit. I'm in pyjamas, with my hair in a ponytail, but nothing seems too out of sorts.

Like a teenager not wanting to wake their parents, I creep out of the bedroom, seeing Harry's light off, so I walk down the stairs quietly.

After fifteen minutes, my phone vibrates in my hand with a message from Fletch. I silently open the front door to see him standing there in jeans and a t-shirt with a grey hoodie over the top.

"Hey," he whispers. His hair is unkempt, and he hasn't shaved, so he's got a bit of stubble, but it suits him perfectly.

I usher him in the house, closing the door and locking it.

"Oh, I'm staying, am I? I was just coming for a doorstep cuddle and then going home." He's got a small smirk on his face.

I go on my tip-toes and plant a kiss on his lips. "Oh, you're staying. Better get in practice for when we move in together, right?"

His arms snake around my waist, a smile still on his lips. "I don't think I need practice, but I'll take it all the same. I need to be home to get changed before court."

"We'll set an alarm."

He nods and we creep up the stairs together. When we're in my room, I close the door just as my phone vibrates.

'The only thing I politely request is you be quiet.' A text from Harrison.

I giggle under my breath and show Fletcher.

"That makes me really badly want to fake sex noises to see if he notices," he whispers.

Before I do anything else, I kiss him. He tastes like mint and smells like freshly sprayed deodorant. It's rather enticing.

"Don't, because now I know he's awake and I do not want to hold back if I fuck you," he whispers before taking his hoodie, jeans and top off. "Though I do want to fuck you."

"Now you're torturing me," I whisper. We both get under the duvet.

"All part of the plan, Ades," he jokes.

I curve myself around him, my head on his chest. "I was thinking earlier that I think moving into a new home would be the best way to go. In a way, as much as I love this house, it's got Sophia's touch still, and I think a new start is what we both need."

Fletcher nods. "I thought you'd think that. If that's what you want, we'll do that. We can put the house up whenever you want."

I rest my chin on my hand and look at him. "We could get a house just outside the city, or a big penthouse at the marina, or one of those townhouses by the sea."

He laughs. "I mean, aiming high on the budget there."

"Hey! You're rich, Mr Hollywood Movie with a bestseller book!"

He winks. "All right, caught me out. All within budget. You can have whatever you want within a decentprice range."

"Oh, I've already had a look at a few I like—it's called distraction before you say anything."

"I wasn't going to say anything, but we can sort the house out after court tomorrow if you want. We'll take this as slow or quick as you want, Ades, all right?"

His words send something darting through me, and within a few seconds, I'm straddling him under the covers.

"I love you," I whisper.

"You're treading a fine line here," he warns.

I lean down and kiss him. Our tongues explore each other, my hands holding me in position over him. Within seconds, I can feel his growing erection under me.

"I love kissing you," I whisper as a tease.

"Trust me, I love kissing you. You're in debt, by the way. Three years' worth of kisses," he jokes.

I grin. "That's... how many?"

"I'd say a million, give or take."

My eyebrow arches. "That's a lot of kisses. But a million seems too little for how much we kiss now."

"Okay, I was lowballing it. I'm owed all your kisses. All of them in the present, and the future."

I chuckle. "Oh, really?"

"All the past kisses that weren't me? They're erased. All of your kisses are mine now."

"Fletcher," I whisper. "I love you."

"I love you too. You better be fucking silent," he whispers.

"A better way to say that, author, is that I can fuck silently," I tease. "And you have all my kisses forever, don't you worry."

"You're too perfect."

There may be a lot in my past that I regret, but something I've realised is that while a lot of my mistakes I wish I could erase from my mind, I also don't think I should be able to erase them from my life. A lot of people say they would go back in time if they could and change a lot of things, but despite the varying awful decisions I made, I don't think I would. Every mistake I made and every poor decision I made has given me a lot of perspective and teaching moments. If I hadn't made those mistakes, I don't think this present with Fletcher, or with Harrison back in England, or the mature me would be happening.

Sure, if I could go back and erase the various mistakes, Fletcher and I might have stayed together and been married with kids by now, and the heist wouldn't have happened, and everything might have turned out okay. But the bad things have to happen to make us learn and grow as adults, and they may have given Fletcher and me trauma, but it's that trauma that acts as glue to bind us together and make us better people as we've grown, and now we can grow together.

So I wouldn't erase anything in my life, even those awful things, and the bad person I used to be, because it's those terrible things that have shaped me into the person I actually like now.

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