Final edits on: 14th January '17

If I could be the rain that connects Earth and heaven that won't ever meet in whole eternity, could I also be the one to bind two people's hearts together?

– Inoue Orihime (Bleach)

Mornings. I used to hate them, but it's been almost a month since that girl Regina barged in. Blake had a long time talking with his father about what happened which only made things worse with their relationship—not that I thought that it could've gotten any worse than it already was. Regina tried to get back to Blake so many times after that incident using all kinds of seducing schemes, but failed every time. Even after I tried to convince myself that I didn't love Blake, every proof I used made me think otherwise.

I found many new things about him, except for the one I really wanted to know: what happened to his sister. By the looks of it, I came to the conclusion that something also happened to Melissa. She never talked about Amy's father which I found very confusing. Not only that, but whenever I asked her, she'd completely shut down, saying how she didn't know who he was. One-night stand apparently, but Max always looked at her with saddened eyes whenever she'd say that.

At first, I thought that it was probably him who was Amy's father but he wasn't so attached to her as one father should be, and when I confronted Blake about that, his reply was: "No, why the hell would you even think that?" Since his answer didn't hold any secret, I dismissed the idea not so long after. So, I came to the conclusion that she was either telling the truth or hiding something painful. But I decided not to press her any further. If she wanted to, she'd tell me one day. There were some things we couldn't voice out, I guessed.

Blake and I's wedding was scheduled for Valentine's Day, or in two weeks, but I knew that even though his mother was glad that I opened and fixed Blake somehow, she was still a bit wary of me. I couldn't blame her, it's not like your billionaire son decides to marry someone of low status every day. I guess, you never actually knew. It was a natural assumption that I was using him. It was the way the world worked nowadays. People are going to judge you either way, so at least do what you want. That's how I decided to live and is probably one of the rare things I could say I didn't regret.

"What are you thinking about?" Right, to get back to my point.

Waking up, I always hated that part of my life, but now that more than a month passed since I saw Blake again and decided to marry him, I came to like waking up in his arms. Not even once did it happen after Christmas that I woke up alone and I was grateful for it. It was rare, but I used to have nightmares of that night I lost my parents and even of that night with Blake, to make it worse they'd come to haunt me at the same time. But surprisingly, they stopped when I was sleeping with Blake. It's not that we did anything together, we just shared the bed.

Was that what they meant when they said that those who hurt you become the only ones who can help you move on?

"I was just reminiscing about what had been happening through the previous month," was my shy reply as I hid in the base of his neck. I liked being next to him, for some strange reason, it was really nice and comfy. Was it because of me liking him, I wondered? I wasn't sure, all that love deal was still a strange subject to me.

Maybe I should've done some research on the Internet about it, if nothing else helped. Since it was so strange and complicated for me, why did I have to fall in love, when I never even liked anyone much? I wanted to learn it slowly and safely, not for it to simply barge into my life!

For a man I once thought I'd always hate and never see again, at that matter. Love was odd, that's the one thing I was sure of.

"A lot has happened, right?" Blake chuckled. "I hope that you don't plan on giving up on our wedding." He joked, but I could feel a hint of seriousness in his voice.

"As if you'd let me," was my sarcastic comment, but even if he did let me choose, I doubted that I was going to reject and leave him alone.

"But, if I let you choose, would you still say yes to me?"

My eyes widened. Did he just say that out loud? "I . . ." I was at a loss for words. I didn't know how to answer his question when he approached me like that. There were some things one could or couldn't say. What was wrong with him? Didn't I already say yes once on my own volition?

"Never mind, it's fine. Not like I would let you go." That little . . . But it seemed like it was a forced answer he just used. Almost as if he was, how should I put it, maybe afraid of my answer? I shook my head, ever since my oh so proclaimed love for him, I tried to find some indicator that those feelings were mutual, how stupid from me. I was pathetic for even trying, like he could seriously love someone like me.

He and I were like earth and heaven. He was rich and very successful while I on the other hand was poor and not so smart. I only had high school, if we're being honest.

"Shall we go to eat?" It was his raspy voice that brought me back to Earth as I nodded my head. I wanted to tell him, but if he's been wondering about that, then he probably wanted to get rid of me. Facing the reality, he didn't even have sex in the last month, and it was obvious that he was a man with his needs which I, apparently, couldn't satisfy.

That was a really terrifying thing for me. I didn't think that I would be able to take it if he left me. Just the mere thought of him sleeping with another girl was sickening and unacceptable to me. I hated it. I really loved him, didn't I?

"Let's go." He got up as I followed slowly behind, tugging on his shirt. "What?" It was anger that laced his voice and my eyes widened, not understanding why. Did I do something wrong to anger him? If I did, then what was it?

"Umm, nothing," I said as I headed for the doors.

"Sorry, what's wrong?" The way he asked that half-heartedly made my blood boil for some unknown reason. I had no idea, up to this day, what made me turn around and throw everything at him. The way he's been acting rude, the way he'd ignore me sometimes, the way . . . I don't know, the fact that he didn't have those feelings and I was the only one suffering because of them.

"That's what I would like to know, why are you so angry and jerky all of sudden?" I yelled, even I was surprised by my voice. Why did I even care?

"Me? Look who's talking." His voice came back heavier, no calmer than mine.

"At least I wasn't snapping at others like you did after waking up!"

"Snap? You think I snapped? I'm much worse when I snap. I was acting all normal until you started changing your mood all of sudden for me asking you a single, fucking 'what!' "

"If you had asked me nicely what was wrong with me, maybe I could have not snapped back at you and told you nicely what I had on my mind! But no, you acted like I was a bother to you instead!"

"Shut up, you stupid girl!" I flinched at his tone. His yelling was nothing compared to this one he just used. "For all I care now, you could go, you don't even have to marry me, I'll take care of the baby! If you want, I'll give you enough money to live your life peacefully and away from us!" And with that he stormed out of the room as I tried to think over what had just happened.

Dread couldn't even compare to the emotion I felt when I realized that my fears were confirmed. He's gotten tired of me and decided that he no longer needed me, that's why our wedding didn't matter to him anymore.

I fell on my knees and suddenly felt the thick cold substance rolling down my eyes. I was crying.

Not only did his decision hurt me, but his words as well. He thought I was stupid. I knew, I knew, I fucking knew I never went to the universities I wanted and all that, but did he seriously have to rub it in my face?

I cried even harder.

I was just a teenager crying out loud. I had to take care of Ayden so he didn't have to suffer at a young age! I didn't want him to feel what I had! It was not like I chose this life myself, it was not like I wanted to be like that! I couldn't go to the damn university because I didn't have money and I had to take care of my little brother. No, I was not blaming Ayden, he was not wrong. He did nothing wrong. It was my fault Mom and Dad died in the first place, so if someone were to blame here, then it would definitely be me. Blake was right, I was stupid and thus worthless. And the worst thing was that I only brought problems in the lives of other people.

Blake would have probably been much, much happier if he continued with his bachelor's life and I just came in bringing him the burden of becoming a father. How stupid I was. I could have used some pills for that night knowing what was going to happen, but no. I was stupid! Ryan had to take care of my parent's funeral because I killed them which brought him a problem with his budget! Why? Because, once again, I was stupid!

Of course Blake wouldn't have wanted to be with me! He could have any woman on this planet, and I was just a naive, plain, and stupid me! He and I were never meant to be together. We were too different to even have a chance for a relationship. If I had to say, even Regina was a better choice for him!

My breaths soon became heavy and I had a feeling like I was suffocating. It wasn't long before black spots appeared in my sight as I finally fell down in dumbness. The last thing I remembered were heavy footsteps running towards me as someone's voice called out my name. Numbness. Darkness. How stupid of me to faint after confronting reality.

I didn't know how long I'd been out. I didn't want to know. I didn't even want to wake up from the overflowing numbness that was my only comfort out of pain. In the end, even the voice that brought me back didn't belong to the one I cared for. To the one I loved.

The one that didn't love me back.

"Kaley, how do you feel? Does anything hurt? Are you alright?" questions came to me as soon as I opened my eyes, nasty smell that brought back my consciousness was no longer under my nose.

"Yeah," I replied. I didn't really want to talk. Was I going too far? No, it was the only way I knew how to cope with it.

"Let's check on you," Max said. I recognized his voice. "First, do you feel any pain in your belly?"

I shook my head. Words seemed mundane here. And then it hit me. Pain? Why would I feel pain in my stomach? Nothing happened, right? Frantically standing up, I placed my hands on my belly, looking for something, for proof that my child was still there. I knew that the bump didn't grow much, but I just prayed.

"Don't worry, it seems like nothing happened, but I have to check something else, so lay down and relax," Max assured. I could only nod back at him before laying down again.

"Do you need some water?" It was him. Blake.

"Yes, please," I weakly mumbled. I was rather thirsty despite feeling numb and it was a good excuse for him to leave me alone. He left fast. It didn't take him long. Maybe he truly didn't want me by his side. I was glad I didn't have to look at him again. I couldn't take it. Once he was done with his checks on me, Max tried to cheer me up, but I just couldn't bring myself to smile wholeheartedly. I wanted to apologize for being unable to smile when he was trying his hardest, but I couldn't even manage that much. What was wrong with me? I didn't know what was fucking wrong with me.

"Oh, c'mon. You know you like them, touch!" he continued, flexing his muscles and I gave him a weak smile, the one to make him stop worrying. Why couldn't I have fallen for someone like him instead? Why wasn't it Max who found out about Ayden first and gave me money instead of Blake?

"Wow." I couldn't stay like that. "I told you that you can mix your cuteness with your manliness, after all," I weakly said before I heard the doors open which meant that Blake was back.

"Here's the water." He said and my smile fell, I couldn't stand to look at his face. I ruined his life too, didn't I?

"Thanks," was all I could say as a single thought passed my mind. Maybe he'd be better off without me.

"Anytime." I barely heard his voice. "Is she fine, Max?"

"Yeah, but please avoid situations for her like this. The first trimester is the most critical considering it's the period all the organs are forming within the fetus, so she has the most chances for miscarriage. Why don't you pick some nice and remote village for your honeymoon? She'll get relaxed and healthy air will help her a lot, plus it's romantic."

I blushed before Blake smacked him on his head, making me go back to normal. So he didn't even want to think about it?

"I'll leave now, I'm going downstairs. I believe the two of you have something to clear up," and with that he headed out of the room. "Give yourselves a chance, everyone fights, but peace formed after fights is what makes your bonds grow stronger. Give it a go, and you'll see it for yourself," he said before closing the doors and I closed my eyes. What chance was there to be given when there was not even a room for it as an option? I had no idea how to even start.

"I apologize for the way I acted. I was a fool and I don't even know why I did it, but believe me, I didn't mean a single thing I have said," Blake said first. There was no need for him to force himself, I knew. Be it that it was up to my hormones or my own damn self, it was probably my fault, wasn't it?

"I'm the one that should apologize, you were right I was stupid," my voice almost cracked and I cursed. I didn't mean to give that away.

"I didn't me—"

"I just stormed in your life bringing you the responsibility of being a father, I'm sorry," I began. "I know that we're like heaven and earth, I'm stupid girl that never finished her education, that managed to get pregnant because of her forgetting to take pills, that killed her parents because of her hard head and made her brother suffer without ones." Tears fell from my eyes before I even realized it, but that was how it should've been. Blake didn't deserve someone like me, I wanted to give him back the life he wanted even if I was not going to be in it.

"That's n—"

"And I came into your life being a burden so I understand why you don't want me as your wife!" I didn't want to let him finish. If I did, he'd only get more tangled in this problem and never be able to get out. It's not what I wanted for the man I loved. Yes, I loved him. Now I saw the truth. But, please be happy without me. "And that is why, if you . . . if you want me to do it, then I'll . . . I'll leave you to enjoy alone, without me burdening you."

But in truth I didn't want to! I disliked the idea of living without Blake, of other women being by his side. Although I was pushing him away, I wanted our feelings to be mutual and for him to stop me and tell me to stay, no matter how mundane I knew it was. There was no way that he'd . . .

In a mere second as I was trying to wipe my tears that simply knew of no end, he had embraced me in the tightest hug I ever felt. Was he thankful that I had given him back his freedom? The mere thought made me cry out in his chest, my cries being muffled by his shirt. I calmed with the fact that it was the last time I'll get to be that close to him.

It wasn't fair. Why was I the only one feeling that way? Why couldn't I be happy as well?

The kiss he planted on my head hit me like a hurricane, telling me just how much he actually meant to me. It was so painstakingly sad how true it was that you only realize how precious things are after you lose them. I didn't want to lose him. I couldn't take it.

"But I don't want you to leave." His voice was like a soft breeze from a dream, his words so unreal like the kindest melody my ears ever heard. "I love you, Kaley Evansville, even if you don't feel the same way."

It was that moment that my present and past crumbled like a glass, allowing the thing called "future" to come in my life.

I had almost given up, wondering if all I've ever done was in vain, that it was nothing but effort which was never going to pay off. But now I see, at that moment I heard him confess his feelings to me, I just knew it.

All the pain and tears I shed were worth it. The future I'd be granted with was all worth it.