Band: Stray Kids
Ship: JiLix
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Imagine having to be in a world where the love of your life isn't. Imagine having to sit and watch from the sidelines as they slowly break apart.

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Felix sighed once again as he sat on the chair by the window. The smells of the hospital making his nose twitch.  The beeping from the heart monitor slowly starting to drive him mad, but he knows it only means good things. His chin rested on his palm that was perched up on the armrest of the little chair. The uncomfort slowly starting to feel like a 6th sense. The view of the other patients walking around the courtyard with their IV's and doctors, Others with family; birds and bees flying around. How he wish they could be outside enjoying the view together like the old days. Just sitting on a bench smiling and laughing, joking around, hands intertwined; but unfortunately that wasn't possible anymore. He wiped the stray tear that had fallen and looked back at the hospital bed.

The boy laying there as beautiful as ever. His brown hair grew out faster than expected, reaching all the way to his nose. His sickly pale skin, still soft, but so cold. His beautiful eyes that was a blessing to see everyday now was wired shut, shielding the world from its beauty. His now thin frame Felix once called fragile was now exactly that, fragile. One touch and he could break, bruise.

The slow movements of his boyfriends arm brought him out of his thoughts. "lix...?" Voice soft like harps, raspy but still has the slight deepeness that it's always had. Felix quickly got up and held onto the olders hand. "I'm here baby." He says. Jisung looks up at the boy and flashes a small smiles. He interlocks their fingers. Felix nearly sobs at how thin the boys hand had gotten. His fingers were now more slender and boney.

"Can I ask you something?" Jisung mumbles. His eyes were stuck on their hands together and his other hand fiddled with the boys fingers. "Sure." Felix pulled the chair from the desk closer towards the bed and sat down. His other hand brushed through Jisungs hair. "What happens when it all comes to an end? What happens the day my heart stops beating? The day my eyes close unable to open again? What happens then?" 

Felix can't say he hadn't thought about it too. Everyday it was like a voice that he kept pushing to the back of his head ignoring it and saying it was a problem for future Felix to deal with. Only this time he can't ignore it because he is future Felix. He sighed and let the tears he's been holding back fall. "I-I don't know sung...I just don't know..." Jisung sniffles as his eyes begin to water.

"Promise me something...." "Anything Jisung." "When it happens, please stay with me. Don't let me go through it alone." Felix couldn't help it. He tried to push the sob back down but he just couldn't help it. He started sobbing. "I promise baby, I promise I'll stay here for as long as possible. I'm not leaving your side."

They both sat in silence for the next hour, the occasional sniffs being the only thing to come from their mouth. Until Jisung let out a sob like laugh. "You know the day I collapsed.....I was supposed to propose...."

The youngers eyes widened. Jisung looked up at him and smiled, tears falling from his eyes. "I had the whole thing planned out. I'd take you to dinner then we'd go for a walk where Chan and Changbin were supposed to set up the "will you marry me sign?" on the beach and bring the rings. But........we never even made it out the restaurant........ I remember being so nervous and scared as to whether you would say yes or not."

Felixs eyes widened. He was already a crying mess and somehow Jisung managed to make it worse. He let go of Jisungs hand and hugged him. "Fuck sakes Jisung I would have said yes even in my sleep. I would never say no cause no one else could deal with your stupidity like I can."  Jisung let out a laugh and hugged the boy back.

"I'm sorry I can't marry you..." Felix smiled. "Don't be sorry. In my head we've been married the day I started stalking you." Jisung cracked a smile and giggled. "Chan-hyung brought the rings back yesterday. I asked him too." Felix looked at the boy shocked. "They're in the drawer."

The younger slowly let go of his boyfriend and opened the dresser drawer next to the bed. In it laid a black velvet box with the word "Jisung"engraved in gold and written in cursive. He pulled it out the drawer and laid down next to Jisung.

The older snaked his arm around the boys waist and kissed his forehead. "Open it love." Felix smiled and opened the box. Inside the box was 2 rings. One black one silver. He gasped when he recognized the design. Immediately his eyes started filling up with tears.
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"I remember you telling me the story about the knight and his lover. The knight dressed in black armor would ride around on his horse fighting evil and helping the good. One day when he was riding in a meadow, he saw a girl. Dressed in white, the girl loved dragons. He would come back to the field everyday and listen to her talk about dragons and watch as her eyes lit up and smiled. Eventually, he married the girl and moved into a beautiful house he built in the meadow. But unfortunately the girl got sick and it was only getting worse. The night before she passed. She took her husband into the meadow and sat down. "Look at the stars" she said. One day you'll wake up and I won't be with you anymore. I'm going to be reincarnated as the thing I love most and when you look up into the sky, you'll see me. I will be watching over you and will forever love you, remember that." The next morning, the knight discovered his wife had passed in her sleep. He cried and cried until night when he went out into the field and looked up at the sky. To his surprise, he saw a white dragon fly by. The dragon smiled at him and flew off. The knight knew then, that his wife was happy. And it made him happy. The next few years had gone by until the dreadful day the knight died and he was also reincarnated. He was a black dragon soaring over the field he once lived in and he saw the white dragon flying towards him. Looking into its eyes he could tell, that it was his wife. "Welcome Home my love." She said. And they lived happily ever after."

"The silver ring represents the white dragon and the black represents the black dragon. I was going to give you the silver ring and I get the black one. Felix I love you more than I love cheesecake. I always want you to be happy. So put that ring on and keep me in my mind. It's the last thing I want to leave you with."  Felix sniffled and sobbed. "Ji......."

"I love you so much." Jisung said hugging Felix. "I love you too." Felix replied. Jisung broke the hug and slipped the ring on the boys fingers and put his own on.

They spent the rest of the day laying in the hospital bed smiling and laughing, eventually falling asleep. But.....

Jisung looked down at Felix who had fallen asleep on his chest. He felt the tears slowly rolling down his cheeks as he looked at the sleeping beauty. "It's said that the woman took the knight into the field because she knew it was time for her to leave........."

He took in a shaky breath before continuing. "Felix my love, it's time for me to leave. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. I love you more than you would ever know."

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Felix woke up the next morning in a haze. His head was pounding but he still managed to slowly get up. That's when everything registered.

He couldn't hear the annoying beeping sound anymore. Looking up at the machine all he could see was a flatline. "No, no, no, nO, NO, JISUNG NO!" Tears fell non stop down Felix's face. His fingers interlocked with Jisungs as he repeatedly kissed the boys knuckles. "Baby please DONT do this. not now Jisung please. JISUNG PLEASE."

No response.

Felix sat on the bed crying. He looked at Jisung. His eyes were closed and his lips were slightly parted. Felix's cried more. "baby....Jisung please....". The doctors outside the room had heard everything. Their heads hung low.

When the machine started beeping last night, they had come rushing in but Jisung stopped them. All he said was. " please don't wake him up. It's the first time he's slept peacefully since I've been here."  They couldn't protest and they slowly backed out the room with a heavy heart and closed the door. Jisung relaxed onto the bed crying and smiling. He kissed Felix's head and whispered  "I'm sorry baby, I love you." He smiled before sighing for the last time.

And then he took his last breath.....

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Felix had cried and screamed the entire time. The doctors called Chan and when he arrived he tried to pry Felix out the room but he couldn't. He himself ended up collapsing on the floor and crying. The other boys had arrived and couldn't do much but cry themselves.

Half an hour later and Felix was laying on the bed sniffling holding Jisungs hand. The doctor slowly came into the room. "Mr. Lee, I'm so sorry for your loss, but it's time." Felix held back a whimper but nodded. He slowly got up and looked at the sleeping boy. "I'm sorry sungie." he whispered before planting a kiss on the boys lips.

He made his way out the room after the others had left and gave one final look to the boy on the bed. 

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Once they all left the hospital, Chan offered to take Felix home. He led the boy to his car and then got in his own seat. The ride was silent as ever. No radio, no one talking or making jokes as per usual just plain silence.

When Chan pulled up in front of Felix and Jisungs shared apartment he sighed. "We're here lix." The boy whimpered. The only reason they all called Felix "lix" was because of Jisung.

Felix sighed before opening the door. "I'm sorry Felix." Chan said. Felix sniffled and looked back at Chan. "It's okay hyung. There's nothing you could've done, there's nothing any of us could've done." He got out the car and shut the door, dreading the fact that he has to go into the apartment.

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Felix stared at the small 16 that hung on his door.  He didn't want to go inside but he's been standing outside for so long his legs burned. Slowly his shaky hands made their way to the doorknob. Twisting it the door swung open. The scent of old coffee, mint and cheesecake hit his nose. He slowly stepped in and looked around.

Everywhere he looked, all he saw were memories of him and Jisung. He kicked his door shut and slid down it bursting into tears. The pain had won, he couldn't take it anymore. He sat on the floor leaned against the door, crying his eyes out. Sobbing and screaming pulling on his hair.

He was once again left alone, on his own. No arms to run into when he had a hard day, no silly jokes or pranks to yell about, no more of Jisungs laughter to listen too. It was just him, sitting on a cold floor with tears and a heavy heart.

Just him.......