((A/N: Yes, part two. The other chapter was so long that it was over ten thousand words. Butters and Mitchell had pretty much just met! So this is going to be a part two to [hopefully] finish the story. That first part was by far the longest [one chapter] thing I've ever written on Wattpad. As promised, here's part two.))

----------------------------------------------------------------

Mitchell P.O.V

I had answered before I even really had time to think. Sure, it's just coffee, but what if that's like a date? I'm not sure I'm comfortable with dating. My last experience with dating I ended up getting kidnapped and held captive for several months while I was beaten and raped. I don't want to go through that again.

'I should have answered differently. Not deny him because I wouldn't want to be rude, but make an excuse or something. I just met Butters. He seems like a nice guy, but I suppose all of them do when they want you to like them. '

'Oh, what am I thinking? Butters is nothing like Nick. Butters seems relaxed and nice while I know Nick is hateful and cruel. Perhaps a guy like Butters is exactly what I need.'

"Would you like to go now? If you're not busy?" he asks, glancing back at his dog as he plays with the kids.

Ash was playing with him and it seemed like they were having a very good time. Maybe Ash just wanted a friend that was a dog instead of a human for a while.

"O-Oh, um... O-Okay," I reply, knowing that I'm not busy and that I won't be for the next several days.

Butters nods and looks towards the city. There are several different coffee shops around town but there is one right across the street. It would be the most convenient to go to.

I whistle for Ash and he comes scampering back over. He's panting for breath from running around but seems as happy as ever. I can tell that he enjoyed playing with Butters' dog. It was also good exercise for him.

I scoop him up in my arms as we walk across the street to a cafe. I notice that Butters isn't taking his dog and glance back.

"Don't worry, he won't run off. He's trained really well. Plus he's too big anyway to be allowed in the cafe," he explains, putting my mind at rest.

I wouldn't want his dog, that's he's grown up with, to go missing while we were drinking coffee. That wouldn't be much fun at all. Although he is a big dog, so he probably wouldn't be hard to find.

We walk into the cafe and wait in a relatively short line. It gives us both time to think about what we want. I haven't had coffee in a very long time and now that I'm getting it I'm craving it more than ever. It will also help keep me awake so I won't have to suffer through the nightmare of sleeping.

It's finally our turn to order. Butters orders a vanilla latte while I order a mocha frappuccino. We get our coffee and sit at a table towards the back. It's our own little corner where it feels like no one can bother us.

Unfortunately, that isn't true because we get a few glares from some heavily Christian and homophobic, older looking women. Their eyes are cold and seem cruel. Luckily Ash growls at them, making them stop and go back to looking at their bibles. He really is a sweet dog and cares about good people.

Butters doesn't even acknowledge the women and simply just drinks his coffee. I try to do the same, but I seem to always know when I'm being watched. It's like I know when people stare. It makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and makes me get chills going down my spine. I don't enjoy the feeling.

Ash looks up and notices I'm uncomfortable. It must be obvious to him. He jumps up onto my lap and curls up in a cute way. I start to pet him and feel myself calming down. He definitely does his job as my therapy dog.

Butters sees that I'm petting him and doesn't mind. He acknowledges it by looking but doesn't seem to care. He's grown up with the dog at the park, so me petting my dog wouldn't be something unusual.

"You don't talk very much, do you?" he asks, making me realize that it has been quite a while since either of us said anything.

"I-I'm just a quiet p-person I guess," I reply, not knowing anything else to reply with.

'Oh yes, I'm quiet because I was kidnapped and raped for several months. I stay quiet to try and avoid being beaten. That's why I'm so quiet.'

If I said something like that this "date" would be over very quickly. I don't actually know if this counts as a date because we just met, but it feels like one. If he thinks it is one then it must be.

"Well, tell me about yourself; what you like and don't like, your interests and hobbies, stuff like that," Butters says, most likely just wanting to learn more about the person he wants to date.

I'll feel bad if I don't let things work between us because of my past so I decided that it's best to leave that out. I don't want to scare him away before I've even known him for an hour. Plus explaining that you've been missing for several months and was abused and raped during that time isn't exactly something you would bring up on a date.

"Um... I l-like listening to m-music and drawing. I e-enjoy watching movies a-and reading too. One pet p-peeve would be w-when people joke a-about rape and suicide," I explain softly, glancing up a few times to see any reaction he gives.

His face remains pretty much the same throughout. It seems like he almost agrees with what I said. Maybe he's interested in the same types of things.

"Drawing is nice. I don't watch a lot of T.V. but there are a few movies I think are interesting. I like music and reading too. It's kind of like a way to escape reality. And please don't listen to those people, they just joke to try and be funny. They don't actually know the pain those events can cause," says Butters, sounding very mature with his tone.

I nod slowly and then look down at Ash. He's asleep in my lap. Normally when people are around me he's very energetic, but around Butters, he seems completely relaxed. Perhaps he's just tired today from playing with the other dog.

"So Mitchell, I um. I can't help but notice that you look really familiar. Have you been around town in the past few weeks or right outside it?" he asks, taking a drink of his coffee afterward.

I go quiet for a moment while thinking how to answer. I don't exactly want to tell him that I've been missing for months and was raped countless times during that period. That isn't exactly a "first date" kind of topic.

"I-I've lived in town pretty much my e-entire life, b-but I j-just got back in a few w-weeks ago," I answer, leaving out practically everything that I hate to think about.

'I don't want to scare Butters away when I've just met him. He's actually nice to me. I don't want to lose that because of something that someone else did to me. It just wouldn't be fair. Nothing in the world is fair; if there were things that were fair then there would be no rape or murder or prejudice.'

"Where did you go while you were gone?" he asks, making me realize that there probably won't be any way to avoid this topic.

'I can't tell him something like this when I'm actually having a good time on this first, date thing. I'm not sure whether it's a date or not, although I assume it is.'

"I-I was just... Out of t-town... The m-middle of nowhere k-kind of place," I reply, hoping that there will be no more questions as to where I've been.

Butters shrugs it off and looks me in the eye. I try not to let my pain show, but the eyes are said to be the window to the soul. If that's true then mine must show agony. He just won't stop looking.

"Why are you lying?" he asks suddenly, not with anger or disappointment, but with concern.

I swallow hard and glance down. I'm not sure how he can tell that I'm lying. Maybe it's because I don't keep eye contact for very long or maybe because I play around with my fingers. I'm not sure. It might even be a mixture of both.

I don't know what to say in response. I don't want to lie again, but I feel like I have to. Unfortunately, I don't know what lie to tell and I don't want to spend too long because then he'll know that I'm lying.

I sigh softly, feeling my lungs shutter. It's like I'm afraid of talking about it as if Nick will come back. I know that he is dead, but it's still in the back of my mind.

I ask him if we can leave to talk about this somewhere a bit more private and he agrees. We walk down the sidewalk, which makes me notice how empty the street is. There are only a few cars every couple moments.

After a few minutes of walking, I decide that it's safe enough to tell Butters the truth. I still don't want to, but I suppose I'll have to eventually. Better sooner than later.

"I-I... I just d-didn't want to tell you the t-truth because... B-Because I thought it would sc-scare you away."

"Nothing you could say will scare me away. I'm all ears," he says reassuringly, making me feel like I can trust him.

I let out a quiet sigh before I begin to speak. "B-Before I g-got home I... I-I was being kept out in the m-middle of nowhere... M-My ex had k-kidnapped me and... A-And he beat me, st-starved me, and r-raped me constantly... I m-managed to escape, but I cr-crashed his truck into a ditch... S-Someone found me on the s-side of the r-road and t-took me to the h-hospital... After that, I just c-came back... I-It's been a few weeks s-since then," I explain softly, staring at the ground.

Ash walks at my feet but stops suddenly. I glance up at Butters and notice that he has stopped walking too. I can't tell what he's thinking, but the only thing I can think about is that I've ruined any chance I ever had with him.

'He's never going to want to talk to you again. He probably thinks you're some sort of fucked up freak now. Plus he probably realizes now that you'll never have sex with him, and that if you do it'll be very rare. Now he's never going to stay. You blew it.'

Butters suddenly hugs me which confuses me at first. I'm not sure how to react to such a sudden form of comfort and affection. I just stand there confused, unsure whether to hug back. I do eventually, just slowly.

"Mitchell, I'm the one who found you on the side of the road... You crashed and I couldn't just leave you there... I took you to the hospital, but they took you away so quickly that I didn't have any time to talk to you... It just kept getting later and later and eventually, they made me leave because I didn't have an actual reason for staying... I told them I wanted to make sure you were okay, but they told me you were fine... I wanted to meet you... I wanted to help."

I feel my heart skip a beat for a moment. I'm at a loss for words at the moment. I just don't know what to say.

'I thought that I would never see the person who helped me again. What are the odds that I find him and go on a date with him? I just don't know what to say now. It's like my brain is trying to process this new information but won't come up with a reply.'

I finally manage to put enough words together in my mind to tell him, "Th-Thank you, B-Butters... I-I don't really know what else to s-say... Thank you s-so much."

I hug him tighter and feel my eyes swell up with tears. I don't care at this point. I can't hide my emotions anymore. It hurts my heart too much.

Butters looks me in the eyes as a few tears travel down my cheeks. He wipes them away gently with his thumbs. It's been so long since someone touched me in a caring and sincere way that I almost forgot what it felt like.

I blush lightly from the thought and feel the heat starting to come off my face. He doesn't break eye contact with me. His dark eyes are beautiful compared to my light ones. We just stand there for a couple moments.

It seems like it's maybe been a minute or two. He whispers a few words of reassurance and continues to wipe any tears that find their way out of my eyes. His touch is so soft and comforting. It's the only thing I can think about at the moment, but it's not like I would actually want to think of anything else anyway.

He leans in close and before I can say anything and I feel his lips lock with mine. I'm really surprised by this and feel my face heat up because of it. My mind shuts down for a moment before it tells me to kiss back. I do so very slowly, my blush only growing.

I pull back after a few seconds. My face feels hot and I'm trying not to panic in any way. I have no plans to be any form of intimate for a very long time. The kiss, even if it was just a simple and sweet one, is still causing my nerves to act up.

Butters can see that I'm uncomfortable and backs up to give me space. I don't know what else to do, so I just stand there, hugging myself to try and calm my nerves. Something about physical contact just makes me so uncomfortable. I simply can't help it.

"I'm sorry, Mitchell. I shouldn't have done that," Butters apologizes softly, glancing down at the ground.

Ash stares up at me, probably seeing that I'm really uncomfortable. It's his job to comfort me after all. He rubs against my legs and uses them to stand up on his hind ones. He's just trying to help.

"I-It's okay. I-I just d-didn't expect that. I haven't h-had a nice, i-intimate touch in a l-long time," I explain quietly, rubbing the back of my neck.

'I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy the kiss because I know that deep down I did, but I just feel like it was a bit fast. I do like Butters. He's a nice guy, but if I am going to have dates or a relationship with him I'm going to want to move slow.'

"Alright... I'm sorry... I'll ask next time before I do anything."

I nod slowly as I pick up Ash. I scratch behind his ears, which he enjoys just as much as it calms me down. It is quiet between us for a few moments. The only sounds are the sounds of cars driving down the road and the happy panting of the puppy I'm holding.

"I think we should, um, call it a night? It's getting kind of late and I'm sure you want to get home," Butters says, breaking the silence.

The fact that he wants this date to end proves that this is probably the first and final date we will ever have. It makes me a bit sad to think about, but there is nothing I can do about it. If Butters chooses not to see me after tonight then so be it.

I nod as we go our separate ways. I begin to walk back towards my apartment building while he walks in a different direction. I glance behind me and see him walk towards the park. I turn around and keep walking, not allowing myself to go back towards him.

Ash looks sad as we walk to my apartment. I pick him up and hold him close to my chest. I figure that he liked Butters, which is unfortunate. I liked Butters too, but I'm not going to get my hopes up about seeing him again.

I sigh as I enter my apartment. Ash jumps out of my arms and runs over to my bean bag chair. He hops up and disappears into the comfortable mass. I don't mind that he does this because he just wants to be comfy. I'm the same way most of the times.

I move him gently and lay next to him. He nuzzles his small face into my side where he stays. I know he is asleep because he tends to snore softly. It makes me smile to see him happy.

'Sometimes I wish that I were a dog like Ash. He's just so happy all the time. He doesn't have to worry about the hatred the world has. He's just a happy-go-lucky pup. If only I could be as lucky as him.'

I sigh and hold him close as I feel myself drift off to sleep. Ash helps calm me, but even he can't stop the nightmares from coming. No matter what they still find their way into my mind to torture me.

---

I wake up several times during the night. Each dream is worse than the last. They all make me scream which terrifies Ash, but there is nothing I can do except apologize. Even after all the times, I scare him awake he still chooses to cuddle and console me. He would be the definition of loyalty.

I sigh and put on some soft music. That is my only escape from reality. I tend to get lost in the rhythm and I view that as a good thing. It gives me a bit of time away from the suffering of the real world. It's not quite sleeping, but it is relaxing.

Another way for me to relax is yoga and meditation. Sometimes those will help me clear my head. Ash doesn't understand what I do when I stretch and contort but assumes that it's playing. Sometimes he'll even stretch out his small body with me.

It's adorable that he tries. I couldn't ask for a better dog because he's perfect. He's not too loud and he's full of energy. He's definitely keeping me in shape and also keeps me happy. The only time I'm upset is after a nightmare. Ash even helps with those by snuggling with me when I wake up.

I get up and stretch out my morning aches. I feel my joints cracking which feels good to me. It never bothered me much. Ash can obviously hear it because his ears twitch back each time there's a crack, but it doesn't seem to bother him either. He just hops up and follows me to the kitchen for his breakfast.

I scoop some of his kibbles into his bowl and pour him some fresh water. He goes for the dishes instantly. He must have been hungry from the night before, but he fell asleep so soon that I didn't bother feeding him. He was too cute to wake up. Plus I didn't eat much of anything yesterday either.

I stick a piece of bread in the toaster and it disappears into the slot. I look down at Ash as he eats his breakfast happily. It's like anything he does is cute. He's especially cute when water gets up his nose and he has to sneeze it out.

I'm so focused on him that I jump when my toast pops up. I sigh and take it out, spreading strawberry jelly on one side. I still don't eat a lot. A single piece of toast can hold me over until later afternoon. I've gained a little weight back, but not much. It's not like I was anorexic when I escaped. Although a few more weeks without food or just barely being able to eat probably would have gotten me there.

I walk into my living room after finishing my toast and glance at the set of drawers my television rests on. It's more of a storage area to keep little things, but resting on top is something I despise to see: a picture of Nick and myself.

I took the picture several months after we started dating. I decided I liked it and framed it. My heart said that I loved him and that he was the one I wanted to be with, but a small part of my brain knew better. Unfortunately, I didn't listen to that small part.

We both look happy in the picture. He has his arm around my waist while I have mine around his shoulders. I remember taking it too. I wanted a nice picture of us just to have. I was about to take it when he kissed my cheek. The camera went off and that's the way the picture turned out.

I slam the frame face down on the drawers. I can't stand to look at it any longer. The thought of being happy with Nick enrages me now. I was too naive to see how horrible he was. He just made an act to get me to trust him. It was all a disguise. Everything was fake, even his emotions.

I doubt that he ever actually loved me. Those were just words he used to get me to trust him. Emotions are things people can use to manipulate others and that's exactly what he was doing to me. He influenced me into caring for him. I actually thought that I loved him. Once his true colors began to show is when I realized that I didn't. I loved the version of him that didn't exist. My love was fictional.

Ash can see that the picture has made me upset. He comes over and stands on his hind legs to try and see it. Unfortunately, I've turned it face down so he can't. He still sniffs it and then looks at me. I can tell that he's curious as to why I don't like it.

I sigh and sit down in front of him. He's still looking up at where the photo is. I reluctantly pick it back up and hold it in front of him. He sees that I'm in the picture and pants happily, but stops when he sees Nick. He doesn't seem to know what to think of him.

"That's the bad man, Ash... He's the one who did bad things to me," I explain as if he can actually understand what I mean by that.

Ash then growls where I'm pointing at Nick. I've only heard him growl a couple times since I've had him, but this one sounds genuinely angry. It's like he knows that Nick is a horrible person.

'I did call him out for doing bad things to me, maybe Ash can understand that? He is a therapy dog, so he has to know who to avoid. Maybe if I say someone does bad things to me he'll know to protect me from them. Although Nick is already dead it still helps to give me a small piece of mind.'

I set the frame back. I haven't decided what I want to do with the picture yet, but I'll probably end up burning it. Something makes me feel that just throwing it out isn't good enough. Burning the picture destroys its existence. It won't come back after that. I took it on a disposable camera so this was the only copy. Once it's gone it's gone.

---

It's now been several days since my date with Butters. I haven't seen him since then. I do like him and it does make me a bit sad that I haven't seen him, but I doubt that things would have worked between us. He could do so much better than someone like me.

'He deserves someone better; someone he can actually be physical with; someone he won't have to worry about when he gives them a gentle kiss; someone he can cuddle during a movie without making uncomfortable; someone who isn't like me.'

I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. The more I think about Butters the more I miss him. I would like to see him again, but I know that it will not have a happy ending if I do. One of us will get hurt, but I would prefer it be me rather than him.

I've already gone through so much emotional pain. I don't want him to have to go through any of that. I can figure out a way to deal with it. I'd rather suffer than know that I made someone else go through pain.

If I had to go through all that happened with Nick again to save someone from the same fate, I would. I know what it's like to go through that. I would rather experience it twice than have someone else be as fucked up as I am.

No one deserves to go through what I've been forced to endure. The only person I would ever imagine giving the same fate to would be Nick. Then, and only then, would he realize what he's put me through. It would haunt him for the rest of his days just like it does me. He would finally understand the horrible and awful actions that he's committed. That is the only exception in this situation.

---

I decide to take Ash out on a walk. I know he's eager to leave because he's waiting by the front door of my apartment. It's a pretty small space for an energetic dog like him, so I understand why he would be itching to get out.

As soon as I open the door Ash runs out and is almost halfway down the hall. I call his name and run after him, but he's so excited that he doesn't listen. I try whistling, but I'm breathing heavily so that doesn't work either. Luckily he stops at the stairs and waits for me to catch up. He knows not to go too far when his head is clear.

We walk down the several flights of stairs together until we reach the first floor. He eagerly waits for me to open the door. I tell him not to go too far because I don't want him to get hurt. I often talk to him as if he were human and could actually understand and process what I'm saying to him. I'm sure it comes off as strange to others, but it feels normal to me.

We walk down the street and towards the park. We weren't going there, but Ash started walking in that direction so I suppose he wants to go there. I don't stop him because it will be good exercise for him to run around in an open space.

It's still kind of early in the morning so not many people are here. Ash wanders around for a few moments before dashing towards the other end of the park. I sigh and follow quickly so I won't lose track of where he is.

I watch him as he continues to run until I see a large dog. It only takes me a few seconds to realize that this is Butters' dog. I figure that if his dog is here that he must be close. Now I'm not sure what to do.

'If Butters is here then what? Would I want to talk to him? I have missed him in the past few days, but the last time we talked, which was our first date on the night we met, was left off at an awkward goodbye. That probably wasn't the best note to leave off on.'

I sigh as I sit down under a large oak tree. I'm watching Ash from a small distance just to make sure that he doesn't get into too much trouble. I see that he likes to play with Butters' dog a lot. They seem to be becoming good friends. I don't mind, I just don't want things to be awkward between Butters and myself.

I watch for a few moments before seeing Butters. I hope that he doesn't notice that I'm here, but the minute he sees Ash he knows. He looks around for a few moments before his eyes lock on me. I quickly glance to the side to make it seem like I wasn't watching, but he's already on his way over.

"Hey Mitchell, do you mind if I sit down?" he asks, waiting until I give him an answer.

I nod and he sits down next to me. I can already feel the tension between us starting to rise, but I can do nothing about it. We both remain quiet for a moment. I quietly hope that he will not bring up our last meeting, but since that was where we left off it would be difficult not to.

"I'm sorry about what happened a few nights ago... I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything... I would, um, like to see you again... If you would be okay with that?"

His sincerity surprises me only a little. He seems like a very nice guy and that's actually decently hard to come by now. I wouldn't mind seeing him again, but I don't want to suck him into a relationship that doesn't go anywhere. There is a pretty firm chance that I will not want to be physical and I don't want him to miss out on those experiences.

"W-Well, um, y-yes... I-I would like to s-see you again too, b-but... I pr-probably will n-not want to be physic-cal a-and I don't want you t-to be st-stuck in a r-relationsh-ship with n-no real direction... Y-You should have someone that m-makes you happy," I explain quietly, staring at the ground and the evenly growing grass.

I try to focus on literally almost anything else because I don't want to see his face if I have hurt him. I don't want to hurt him, but telling someone the truth about how you feel is usually a good way to, even if it isn't intentional.

It is quiet between us for a few moments. The only sounds are background noises like children playing and the chirping of birds. I don't like the quiet because it feels like something bad will happen. It also leaves me alone with my thoughts and those are the things I cannot trust about myself. Not all my thoughts, but the bad ones.

"I don't care about being physical, Mitchell. I've waited nineteen years and I can keep on waiting if that's what makes you comfortable. I don't want to pressure you into anything, but I would like to be with you. Not every relationship has to have a direction right when you start. We can take things slower. And you said that I deserve someone that makes me happy, but you make me happy. If I want to be with someone, I want to be with you," says Butters, making me realize that he will be very persistent, which isn't a bad thing.

I never once said that I didn't want to be with him because I would like to. Seeing him come back with a strong counter argument makes me see that he probably won't be leaving my life unless I force him out. I would only force him out if he started acting like Nick. Although Butters is nothing like Nick, so I don't see that happening anytime soon.

I hug his side and rest my head against his chest. I don't really know what to say, but I've been taught that silence is a valid option too. And I'm hugging him. I think that says enough.

Butters pulls me closer into the hug. I have a small smile on my face because it feels nice to be around him. There isn't anyone I'd rather be with at this moment. He makes me happy and comfortable. The only time I was uncomfortable was when he kissed me, only because I wasn't ready. Perhaps I'll be ready in the future, but for now, this is nice. I wouldn't change a thing at the moment.

Ash scampers over and pants happily when looking at us both. He seems to like Butters, which is a good thing. If he didn't then there could be a problem. He also seems to like Butters dog, which I'm not sure he told me the name of.

"What's your dog's name?" I ask, being curious because I'm pretty sure I was never told what it was.

"His name is Derek."

I nod slowly then look at Ash. He's still staring at us with a happy little grin. It's like he knows that things are going well. I gesture for him to go play, but he remains right where he is. I don't know why he's so dead-set on watching us cuddle.

After a few minutes, he runs off to go play with Derek. They seem to be good companions, as different as they are. Derek is much bigger than Ash, by a lot, but he's gentle when they play. Perhaps they are going to be good friends.

I don't mind cuddling with Butters here because it's comfortable, but it's also in public. I was never really one for public displays of affection, but now I don't want to stop. It just feels natural to me for whatever reason.

"Do you want to go somewhere else? It's starting to get kind of warm and I think the dogs have let out plenty of energy," Butters asks, probably just wanting to get out of the heat.

"O-Okay, where would you l-like to go?"

He thinks for a few moments before speaking. "Well, I would suggest my house, but I'd rather not have my parents bombard you with questions. Do you have anywhere in mind?"

"Th-there's my apartment, I-I live a-alone," I suggest, knowing that is probably the place I will feel the most comfortable.

He nods and we both stand up. I whistle for Ash, who comes running almost instantly. Butters calls for his dog, who comes barreling in and screeches to a halt right before knocking his owner over. Unfortunately, he's not fast enough and Butters still gets pushed to the ground. I can't help but let out a small laugh as I help him up. He lets out a small huff as he glares at Derek, who's panting happily as if nothing's wrong.

Butters thanks me softly as we start to walk out of the park. More people are arriving as we are leaving. A few give small glares when they see we are holding hands, but those disappear when they see the size of Derek. He is quite the frightening dog. I would be scared too if I saw him walking down the street.

We make our way through town and back to my apartment building. I unlock the door and allow Butters in before closing it again. Derek comes in along with Ash and makes himself comfortable on the floor next to his companion's bed. It seems like their relationship grows when I spend more time with Butters.

I tell him to make himself comfortable and asks if he wants anything to drink. He tells me that he's not very thirsty, but I go ahead and start making a pot of coffee anyway. Having coffee now may not keep me awake later, but it tastes really good.

We sit on the couch and just make small talk for a bit. To me, it's obvious that we don't know each other that well. Perhaps that's why Butters keeps on trying to strike up a conversation. Maybe he wants to get to know the person he's dating better. I don't blame him.

Our conversation is interrupted when the coffee pot makes a beeping sound. It means the coffee is ready. I excuse myself to go get it before standing.

"Are y-you sure you d-don't want any? There's pl-plenty for b-both of us," I ask again, just to make sure.

"Well, now that I smell it I think I've changed my mind," he admits softly, sharing a small laugh.

I nod and go to pour our cups. I'm not sure how he likes his coffee because I can't remember what he ordered at the cafe. I think it might have had vanilla, so I bring out some vanilla creamer along with our coffee and a couple spoons. I put caramel creamer in my cup because that's my favorite flavor.

He shares a small smile as he pours some of the creamer into his cup. I must have remembered correctly, or he's just taking it to be polite. Although I'm fairly certain that he does like vanilla. We both stir our drinks until the creamer and coffee have become one.

I take a small sip and can't help but smile. I'm not sure why, but Butters just does that to me sometimes. Half the time he doesn't even have to try. Perhaps it's because I like him.

He drinks some of his coffee and then sets the mug down on my coffee table. He looks over at Derek and Ash, who are both asleep. Ash is sleeping curled up in a ball while Derek is curled up around him. It truly is adorable.

Ash has never really had the chance to be physical and play with other dogs, he was in the kennel in the back of the pet store. I'm not exactly sure how old he is, but he was there for a few months, so I know he's older than that. It's good that he has a friend now. Derek is a good dog. I'm glad that they get along so well.

"I think they'll be good companions when they get to see each other," says Butters after observing the dogs for a few moments.

"D-Don't you always h-have Derek with y-you?" I ask because it seemed to me that Butters is the type to take his dog almost anywhere.

He takes a few moments to think. I suppose that he's trying to think of an answer. I wouldn't think that it would be difficult, but perhaps it is for him.

"I can't take him all the time. He's actually my dad's dog. I was adopted when I was about seven years old and my dad already had Derek. I just grew up helping and stuff because my dad couldn't always be there. He worked nights at the hospital but made time for his family. Most of the time I have Derek, but technically he is my dad's. He doesn't mind though, I take good care of him," he explains, making me realize why it took him a few moments.

To me, it seems now that we both have secrets. I know that everyone does, but ours may go deeper than normal secrets. Butters was actually adopted, which makes me wonder what happened to his real parents. Although I would never ask, that's completely inappropriate and probably upsetting too. Plus he might not even know.

"Oh, th-that's c-cool... I-I mean a-about g-growing up with D-Derek."

He shares a small laugh before drinking another swig of his coffee. He must find me being a bit flustered amusing. I personally don't, but no one actually likes being flustered. I'm fairly certain that no one finds it amusing either; not when it's them who are flustered. It's just not fun.

"It's fine, Mitchell. I've come to terms with being adopted and I know that it was actually better for me while I was growing up. I don't remember my real parents, but I know that they weren't very good people. It's better I grew up with someone who worked their ass off to have me then to be neglected by people who didn't," he says, showing a level of rationality that I like.

'Adoptive parents are pretty amazing. They give a home to children who don't have one. They take them in and love them unconditionally as their own. Sometimes they even save children from abuse or neglect. That's something that most people wouldn't be able to do.'

'I myself have thought about adopting children. Obviously right now I'm a bit young and I am going through a lot of my own personal problems, but I would like to have children some day. I want to give a child a good and loving home. Hopefully, I'll be able to do that some day.'

I don't tell Butters that I've thought about adopting before because I feel like that would be bringing up a topic that would be moving much too fast for our relationship. Although I am curious on whether or not he actually would want children.

Nick didn't want children, but now I see that as a good thing. Someone like him should not get the opportunity to procreate or raise a child. They could never love their child or raise them the way they should be raised. It's better that people like him not have children.

"So, have you thought about what you want to do with your life? Career choices and what you want in the future, stuff like that?" he asks unexpectedly.

I'm not sure why Butters would bring up a different topic. Perhaps he's just curious or he's just trying to make small talk. Either way, I didn't expect the topic.

"O-Oh, um... F-First I just want to g-get used to being a-around people again... A-And then, um, l-look for a job, I g-guess... S-Settle down in the f-future, m-maybe adopt a c-couple of kids," I answer as best I can since I don't actually know what I want to do with my life yet.

"That's cool. I'm probably gonna try college and see if I like it. I'm not sure what I want to do yet, but I'll probably figure out what I want to do while I'm there. Eventually, I'd like to settle down, get married, buy a house, adopt some kids, that kind of stuff."

It doesn't surprise me that Butters would eventually want to settle down as well. Of course, that doesn't mean we'll settle down together. I do like him, but I can't see the future. We may live in different countries by the time we get to that point. Although, I would like to stay with Butters. He seems to understand me pretty well.

I was never particularly good at being in a relationship. It seems like every time I tried I chose the wrong one. I've chosen the cheater, the drunk, the druggie, the abuser, and Nick. I should have just given up on relationships altogether, but then Butters comes along. I should at least give him a chance. He is the best person I've dated and we've only been on two dates so far.

"Do you want to go to college?" Butters asks, noticing that I did not include going to college in the discussion we just had.

"I-I've already earned my A-Associate's in the a-arts. M-Maybe I'll go for a B-Bachelor's later," I reply honestly.

I entered a program during high school that allowed me to attend classes at the local college. I ended up graduating high school with my AA. It was interesting, but it kept me out of bad things. I was too busy to party and get drunk. I was starting my life, which unfortunately got put on hold when Nick came around.

I sigh softly from the thought of him. I wish he would leave my head, but he won't. He's a parasite. No matter what I do he still shows up. Meditation and white noise won't keep him out, not even my favorite music I get lost in can. He still shows his disfigured face and screams that he's coming for me.

Just the thought of it makes me want to scream, but I can't. I wouldn't want to scare Butters. Unfortunately, I can see that he's noticing that I'm slowly becoming uncomfortable. I would just leave the room and go curl up somewhere until it stopped, but I don't want to give him the wrong idea. I still want him to be here.

"Mitchell, are you okay?" he asks softly in an attempt not to make the situation worse.

I slowly shake my head to tell him no. My emotions are excruciatingly hard to control at this point in time. I want to scream until my lungs collapse from lack of oxygen or cry until I choke to death on my own tears. Either way would get me out of this hell-hole called life. But Butters is here. He wouldn't let that happen.

He slowly pulls me close and hugs me gently. I rest my head on his chest as I feel my eyes burn with tears. The emotions I feel cannot be stopped. As long as Nick is in my head they won't stop.

Butters makes me feel safe. The hug is gentle and it isn't like I'm being restrained by him. I could escape if I want to, but I don't. He's slowly helping me feel better, but the tears still fall. They feel hot against my face as they travel all the way down.

He whispers soft words or reassurance and he teases my hair. Butters is definitely good at comforting, but I wouldn't want to burden him in our relationship. I'm so very emotional now. I wouldn't want him to have to comfort me constantly. It wouldn't be fair to him.

I slowly begin to escape the choke-hold of feelings that make me so upset. They tend to only come out when I think about what happened and who caused it. I can never not have it, even in the back of my mind, but at least Butters can distract me for a little while during the time he's with me.

Ash, of course, can help when he's not around, but it's not the same. Butters can talk to me and tell me that it'll be okay. Ash just cuddles to my chest and uses his cuteness to try and distract me. It works for a little while, but it's not exactly one-hundred percent effective.

After what seems like a good twenty minutes I can finally force my eyes to stop making tears. Butters has made me feel better and now I feel more comfortable.

It's not this aspect of being physical that makes me uncomfortable either. It used to be, but now it helps. It's the physical intimacy that makes me highly uncomfortable.

Butters can see that I am no longer as upset as I once was. He pokes my nose in a cute way, which makes me smile involuntarily. He smiles too, knowing that I'm not crying anymore and that he's made me feel better.

'I feel safe around Butters. Why is that? Is it because he can help with my emotions? Could it be that he's the complete opposite of Nick? I don't know. I'm not sure I ever will either. And I'm okay with that. I'm happy with Butters right now. I don't need an explanation.'

"Are you okay now?" he asks, probably just to make sure.

I nod slowly and lay my head back onto his chest. He's very comfortable to rest on. None of my exes liked to cuddle, so this is a nice change. It makes me realize how long I've wanted cuddles.

Butters smiles and continues to tease my hair. I can't help but smile as well. When I'm around him I feel better, not physically per say, but definitely emotionally and mentally, which is a good thing. I was not mentally or emotionally stable by any means when I first got home.

The only thing I wanted when I got home was for the pain to stop. I didn't know how to make sure it stopped except for one way. The only way out for me was suicide. It was the only way to ensure that I would be out of the world and away from all its pain.

I told myself that I didn't escape and go through all that hell to get home just to be the one to take myself out. If I were going to do that I should have just stayed to die of starvation or abuse. Although, I would rather die by my own hand than by the hands of Nick. It would give me a tiny, more like minuscule, piece of mind.

"It's okay, Mitchell. I'm here and while I'm here no one is going to hurt you. I promise," he promises, lifting up my chin and kissing my cheek.

I can't help but smile, although I know that the promise might not always be kept. Butters can't always be here with me and I always have the capability of hurting myself. I hope that I won't, but I can't even promise myself that I won't. It makes me realize that I'm not as stable as I may have once thought.

"I-It's sweet to m-make me a pr-promise like that, but you m-might not be a-able to keep it," I admit my thoughts softly, knowing that he can't protect me from everything in the world.

"I'm going to keep it to the best of my abilities. I don't make promises unless I mean them."

I feel a little better that Butters does not make hollow promises, but then again, even if he didn't he still couldn't control everything that hurts me. That would be impossible. Even if I was contained in an impenetrable dome of safety I would still find a way to hurt myself. Not only am I bad luck, but I'm also pretty clumsy. I would find a way to get hurt. 

We stay that way for a while, just lying on my couch. It's comfortable and I don't want it to end. Unfortunately, because I don't want it to end it has to. Butters' dad had texted him saying that he needed to come home. He tried to make excuses to stay, but I said that if he needed to go that he should and that we could always get together again.

After he left Ash and I both seemed to be sad. Derek had to leave with Butters so now we were both alone. Although, at least we have each other.

Ash hops up onto the couch and lays with me. Derek must have been keeping him warm because I can still feel the heat radiating off of him. I scratch behind his ears which I know he enjoys. It's one of his favorite things, besides food.

I sigh as he lays on my chest. He's starting to get a little chubby, which is very cute. He's a small dog, so having a little fat on him won't hurt that much. It also makes him a lot cuter because he's starting to waddle a little. He's the cutest dog in the world to me.

---

I scream for help. No one is there. I'm alone, or I am? I don't really know. I think I am, but I'm not sure. It seems like I'm in a dark room, but there are no walls or doors. There doesn't seem to be any escape.

I run around the enclosed space, but it doesn't even seem like I'm moving. Nothing changes. I don't even know if I'm actually moving. Perhaps it's all just in my mind. I wish it was, but it just feels so real. I can't tell what is a dream and what is reality.

I see something appear in the darkness and desperately run towards it. It's the only thing I actually have the option of doing. Where else would I go?  There isn't anywhere else.  So I keep running towards it.

As I get closer I see that it's Butters. I feel so relieved to see him. I run to him and nearly collapse in his arms. He whispers soft words of reassurance that I can't quite make out, but I don't care. I'm just so glad that he is here with me. I start to feel safe.

For a moment everything seems okay, but then everything starts to feel off. Butters' skin begins to feel as cold as ice. I shiver in his arms and lean back to look at his face and I'm horrified by what I see. I am no longer with Butters. The man holding me is Nick.

I try to scream and run away, but he already has a hold of me. I cannot escape. I struggle and squirm as much as I possibly can to try and get away, but it's like he is a strong man at a circus. He has never been this strong before.

Somehow I manage to get out of his grasp for a few seconds, but only a few. I try to crawl away as quickly as I possibly can. Unfortunately he grabs my ankles and begins to drag me back into the darkness as if I weigh nothing more than a young girl's rag doll. I let out a terror-filled shriek and thrash my body as much as I can, but to no avail.

My eyes fill with tears and my lungs begin to burn with exhaustion. All I can do is scream. That is the only option I have. I have no other defense because I am weak and Nick somehow has nearly triple the strength he had before.

He drags me back into the darkness. The only thing I can see are is piercing eyes, one hanging from the socket and one still intact, which are now a deep red color like that of a demon's. He's snarling in triumph because I have ultimately given up. I am trapped to be with him once again.

I cry out in defeat even when I know that there is no one around to hear me. Nick is still dragging me into the darkness, which seems to camouflage the rest of his body. I do not know where he plans on taking me, but nowhere will be considered "good" as long I'm with him.

My entire body feels like it's shaking just from the skin on skin contact. I want to scream and cry for mercy, but I know that if I do he'll only worsen the torture he has planned for me. Unfortunately no matter what my brain says my body wants to fight back desperately.

Suddenly I'm no longer being dragged. We've entered his house. By this point in time I would rather live in eternal darkness than be back in this house. I scream and cry out until he shoves me into a dark room. I'm too weak to fight back or even stand at this point.

I curl up in a ball on the floor and weep. I don't really have any other option. I flinch and try to escape when two arms wrap around me, but I hear a voice that makes me calm down.

"It's okay, Mitchell. You're with me now. We're going to get out of here and it'll just be you and me," Butters, or who I hope is actually Butters, says softly.

It feels like him and his skin is warm. I can't help but feel safe around him. Even when I'm in the worst situation ever I feel safe with him. He just comforts me.

After a few moments, he helps me up from the ground. I sniffle and wipe away my tears. I don't know what he's planning, but I want to trust him.

We look around the dark room but there is nothing worth finding. I keep searching until I hear the door open. Luckily it was just Butters. He had realized that the door wasn't locked.

We quietly made our way through the darkness. I want out more than anything, but being with Butters helps some. I also want him to be safe. I would never forgive myself if he got hurt.

Butters never lets me go during this time. We're making our way out, hopefully. It's so dark here that it's hard to tell where we are. All I want is for both of us to get out.

Eventually we walk and see light coming from the space between a door and a doorway. Butters opens it because I am far too afraid. It opens to the outside, out of the house. I can't believe it. We both walk out and stand for a moment.

"We should get out of here, Mitchell. It's not sa-," Butters is cut off before he finishes his sentence.

I turn around to see why and let out a scream when I see that Nick is behind him, digging a pair of scissors into Butters' neck.

"Snip snip," he purrs while digging them deeper.

I wake up screaming in terror. Ash is scared out of his mind by this, but I'm too scared to care at the moment. I curl up in a tight ball and begin to cry profusely.

Butters being killed in my nightmare is really taking its toll right now. I don't want him to get hurt and my fucked up brain knows that. It just twists it because it probably doesn't work properly. Or my PTSD has decided to include him this time. I don't care. Whatever reason it is needs to be resolved really fast. I'm not sure I can take another horrid nightmare like that.

I continue to cry even when Ash tries to comfort me. It feels like the only thing that will make me feel better is Butters, but I wouldn't want to bother him. He's most likely still with his father anyway.

I pull Ash close to me as I keep crying. I know he tries his best to make the situation better, but he doesn't know what I just saw. If he knew he would be sad and upset too. Unfortunately he can't. He'll never know the grotesque land of nightmares that my brain is putting me through. He is the lucky one.

I pull a blanket off the back of the couch and roll myself into my own little a cocoon. I want to disappear from the world at this moment. I wish that I could just fade from existence. I would give anything for my entire life to be a dream. Unfortunately I can't.

If I left this world I would miss only a couple things. I would miss Ash because he's my dog and I wouldn't want to leave him alone like that. I would also miss Butters. He can comfort me like no one else and I feel safe around him. I would miss being able to have that feeling.

Going through the nightmare makes me realize how much I want him at this moment. I just crave to have him around me. I don't want anyone else.

I need him. I want him. I don't know what to do except be with him. Hopefully all will go well.

((A/N: AHHHHH, IT'S NOT OVER, I'M SORRY! IT'S JUST OVER 10,000 WORDS AGAIN! DAMN IT! WHY BRAIN, WHY? PART THREE COMING SOON!!!))