Eternal snow

Pork, Sake, Butter, Whiskey, Eggnog, Wine, Cookies, Beer, Cigarettes, More Beer. Ran looked over the Grocery list and then back down at her shopping bags. She thought she got everything. Suddenly, something cold and light touched her nose. She looked up at the sky, millions of tiny flakes were starting to fall from the dark clouds that coated the sky.

It was going to be a white Christmas, the shounen tantei would be pleased. She giggled at their nickname, but it came with a sadness. Though they still called themselves the Shounen Tantei, Conan was no longer with them. He'd returned to his parents three weeks ago. He'd sent a letter saying he was fine and missed her too, but was glad to be back with his parents. She missed him much more than she had expected. He'd always been there, but now . . . she was alone.

A light caught her eye. A huge tree larger than any she had ever seen was centered in a plaza, covered in colored light and sparkling ornaments. It was quite a site to behold! The tree seemed to embody the spirit of Christmas, bringing loved ones together in celebration.

Only a few feet away a girl ran past Ran into the arms of her waiting lover. It was a warming scene that was just like movie. Ran had to admit, she was a little jealous. Her own special person (or rather, the boy she wished would be her special person) was never around, she hadn't seen him in months and hadn't spoken to him in a week. Even now, on Christmas Eve, she was alone, while he was off solving cases. Even so, she wasn't mad. After all, he was going to be alone on Christmas Eve too, and she knew that wasn't something that he'd been looking forward to.

Oh, Shinichi. She couldn't see him tonight, but when? When was he going to come back? He'd told her to wait but for how long? And she hadn't said it yet. Those three pesky little words that she never seemed to have the right amount of courage to say. And by the time she had built up the nerve, he'd disappeared and only an occasional visit kept her from losing hope.

I'm falling in love with you and which will come to pass?

Will the feeling do nothing but swell, or

Will you notice it even though I've never said anything?

Like snow it quietly continues to pile up

But those same visits were growing fewer and fewer and now they wouldn't quiet the pain in her heart. Shinichi would come back for a few hours, and then he'd leave for months at time. His phone calls were frequent enough, but only a few minutes in length.

He always said he was "fine" and they talked about everything except his cases and living arrangements. But it was like he was keeping her at a distance. He was always warm to her, but he wasn't letting her really know him. He had changed since he'd left. And while it appeared he'd changed for the better, it seemed this Shinichi wasn't as willing to have her in his life.

She remembered how he was before he left. Vain, cocky, yet full of energy; stubborn and unyielding. He was eager to make a name for himself and step out of his father's shadow. He wanted nothing more to join the ranks of the legendary Holmes and Akechi and bask in glory and fame that came with that status. He was ecstatic at the fuss that followed his cases and the fans that sighed over his genius deductions.

This new, foreign Shinichi had nothing of that young, foolish pride. He was mature, and strong, and oh, so very, very tired. His voice was heavy with knowledge of darkness. Shinichi, she could only assume, had realized the somber nature of his occupation. His was the job that was a product of death and misfortune. Someone would have to either die or be in either danger or distress for him to even have a job. Shinichi had his puzzles and deductions, but they came at a very serious price.

He solved murders, but that earned him the contempt of, potentially dangerous, criminals. His whole family and friends could be in danger if he upset the wrong people. He'd have to run . . . or maybe he was already running. Whichever, whatever, it didn't matter. Shinichi has changed. And he was never going to return to that bumbling idiot detective geek.

It wasn't fair! Why? Why did she love him so much, even now? There was no promise between them; she had no way of knowing how he felt about her. To love him was to suffer. To wait for him was to suffer. But why couldn't she stop? Her own heart betrayed her.

Hold me tight when I think like this

I didn't want to know what it was like to fall in love with someone

I love you; my tears won't stop

Therefore, I should be free of you

How long will I keep thinking of you?

There was nothing that made the pain truly stop. Any thoughts of him were bittersweet. Beautiful, but soured by her longing. And since it hurt to much to think, she didn't. At first she pretended everything was fine. She talked of Shinichi as if he still lived in his parent's empty mansion or was merely out on an errand that he was sure to return from. And when it had gotten harder to lie to herself, she stopped talking about him all together. She acknowledge him if he called or was brought up in conversation, but she acted as if he had never existed, continuing life in the most painless way she could. But occasionally she came across little reminders. She come across a soccer game while changing channels on the TV, or Conan or Heiji solve cases with the same confident look Shinichi had had, or White Day would come around and her locker would be empty of the fragrance of flowers. Or a Christmas like this one would come around, and she'd remember all the times she had shared it with Shinichi.

Not that they had been together as a couple or anything, she quickly added mentally. But they had made many memories over the years. Like the time when they were kids and Agasa had taken them caroling and Shinichi's nose had turned such a bright red that she called playfully called him Rudolph the whole evening. Or the time they had had a snow ball fight and ended up destroying the snow fort they had begged her and Shinichi's dads to help them make. Or even the last Christmas they had had together when they had been in this very same plaza surrounded by couples, much like she was now. When midnight came around, they had found themselves very embarrassed to be the only people not sharing a kiss or passionate embrace.

She chuckled at the memory, before her smile fell. They'd turned cherry-colored, and Shinichi had grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the plaza as fast as he could. Had it really been two years ago? For some reason, she couldn't really remember the Christmas before. She could remember the holiday season, Conan had been living with them, but she couldn't remember the actual night . . . The weight of her groceries seemed to get heavier as she stood gazing at the decorated plaza in silent reminiscence. Ran sighed and set her bags down, sitting on painted wrought iron bench with tiny Christmas wreaths hanging on the sides.

She looked over her remaining cash. She still had some left. Maybe she'd go back and gingerbread cookies? But - she had impulse. She got up and started toward the Kudo residence. It was in the opposite direction of her house, but she didn't mind. She had something to prove to herself. How could she have forgotten? Last Christmas . . .

My sigh makes the window glass fog up

Now, a burning candle can't melt my shaking heart anymore?

Hold me tight, strong enough to break me

If we meet in a biting cold blizzard I won't feel cold and

I miss you every time I think of you

Last Christmas, She had gone to the Kudo home and met Shinichi in his home. She had been able to speak to him in person, and had received his present of a pair of gloves. She'd held his hand in the darkness, and the gloves had kept her hands warm in it's place since. The same gloves she was wearing now.

She had left this year's Christmas gift at his house this year. She didn't have a mailing address for him, he was always good at skipping around the subject. So she'd left it on his dining room table hoping it'd somehow reach him the next time was in town. But if he'd come back last year, than maybe, just maybe . . . could she see him?

She couldn't stop and slipped in front of his house. No one had been shoveled the sidewalk, and the snow covered sheets of slick ice. There were no footprints leading into or out of the Kudo residence. But it had been snowing all day and the day before. If Shinichi had come, even if he had come only a few minutes before, his footprints wouldn't be visible. She could still hope.

At least she thought so until she got inside. The house was just as cold as outside, if not more. There were no signs of anyone having come to the house since she'd been here three days ago. there weren't any melting footprints either. And there was her present, on the table where she'd left it, untouched.

She'd made him a sweater awhile back, and had made him this matching scarf to go with it. But it seemed he hadn't gotten to receive it on time. She picked it up and held it close like a lifeline, but then quickly returned it to it's proper place on the table. She was being silly. Getting overemotional. But there was something very sad about an unopened present on Christmas Eve. Without another glance at it, she left the house and started the walk home.

This scarf I knit for you

I'm holding it alone tonight

If there were an eternally falling snow

This feeling I have for you, could I hide it?

She was passing through the plaza again when she noticed a strange change in the atmosphere. All the couples were glancing at their watches and talking excitedly as if they were waiting for something. Ran looked as her own clock. Less than five minutes to midnight. She's been at Shinichi's much longer than she'd thought. Her dad was probably worried about his alcohol.

"Ran."

Her heart stopped.

His hand wrapped around hers. She turned to face him. He looked exhausted, both mentally and physically tired, and yet he still had his same old grin. He seemed really happy to see her. Ran was taken off guard when he suddenly pulled her into a tight hug. This wasn't like Shinichi at all.

In his arms, something warm and fuzzy rubbed her cheek. . . He was wearing her scarf! He had run all the way here after her. He must have gone to his house just seconds after she'd left. Was that why his heart was pounding so fast?

Shinichi tilted her head up so she could see his face. He was wearing the oddest expression, like he was trying to make a decision.

They looked around at all the happy couples around them. And it was in that moment, Shinichi became sure of himself, and he leaned down and kissed her. And even after people started to leave and the lights had dimmed, he was still there. She started to cry. And even after people started to leave and the lights had dimmed, he was still there holding her. And he wasn't going to leave.

Hold me tight when I think like this

I didn't want to know what it was like to fall in love with someone

I love you; my chest fills up

I want to cry out to the winter sky

I want to see you now

M.P-chan: You might notice some similarities between this fanfiction and "I Remember You" that would be because this was originally a prequel for it. There are tons of parallels (like the inclusions of snow, midnight, Ran's name as the only dialogue, ect.) Basically, if you cut off the end of this fanfiction, starting where Ran passes through the plaza on her way back home from Shinichi's, you'd have the prequel. However, in this finished form, I see this as an alternate version. Basically, if Shinichi hadn't made it back in this fanfiction, then "I Remember You" would have been the result. I really like the universes the two of them take place in, and I wouldn't be surprised if I wrote more for the "I Remember You" timeline. I would for this one too, but having finished it, it's feels entirely complete and I can't see having anything else to say about except, "And they lived happily ever after."

This fanfiction was written for a dear friend, Shinichi726 and she had requests for it:

1) it must take place after the fall of the organization

2) Shinichi can't show up until the end

3) it must end happily and with a kiss

and that all I can remember lol Well, until next time, byebye

- M.P-chan

Oneshot : Discovering His Truth

Disclaimer: I don't own anything…

Note: Japanese names.(Oji-san=uncle or mister) The apotoxin automatically de-ages you by ten years in this story and not to age six/seven—I've always wondered which it was. Enjoy!

I wrote this years ago, so there are events (such as Shinichi confessing to Ran in Europe) that are not included. And I realize that it may be…uh…cheesy in some places because of how my mind worked when I wrote this, but I am satisfied with how it turned out and I decided not to update it and just leave it how I originally wrote it in 2008.

Chap 1 : Nightmare

The boy sleeping on the couch twitched again as he relived another unpleasant memory. It was four in the afternoon and the warm sun that shone on him through the windows that read "Mouri Detective Agency" seemed to make him glow.

To anyone who did not know Edogawa Conan, he appeared to be a boy who had just turned nine having a nightmare as any kid was bound to have. To anyone who did know the boy, he just seemed to be taking a nap after school, catching up on the sleep that had escaped him for the past months. But no one knew that his dreams were ones that no ordinary child would have, maybe because he was not, indeed, a child. Many of these dreams were brought on by the feeling of hopelessness that increased every time he visited Professor Agasa's house. Others were triggered by the feelings of the secret he kept out of habit and fear that was leftover from the take-down of an evil syndicate.

After about two years of touch and go encounters, the Black Organization was finally, without a doubt destroyed with every single member dead or in jail. All this was accomplished with the help of the Japanese Police, the CIA, the FBI, Saguru Hakuba, Professor Agasa, Kudo Yukiko and Yusaku, Haibara Ai, Kaito Kid, Hattori Heiji, and of course Kudo Shinichi. The ruin of the Organization was world-wide knowledge now, as were the names of those who brought it about. The one who was most talked about was Kudo Shinichi, if only because he had been missing before, then disappeared again days after the triumph, and had yet to be heard from since.

In those days after, Kudo Shinichi was the happiest he had been since getting involved with the Black Organization. He was able to spend time as himself with the person he loved most for the longest period of time at one time so far since becoming Conan.

Shinichi was sitting in the back of the ambulance being evaluated to see if he needed to be admitted to a hospital. Shinichi sat there reveling in the fact that he had been successful in bringing down the bad guys. He saw his childhood friend spot him and run to him as fast as she could. Before he could even say anything to her, he felt a sting on his left cheek and then her arms were around his waist. He looked down to see Ran hugging his waist like he would disappear if she didn't and then he saw, with a tug at his heart, that she was crying—again. He mentally slapped himself ten times as hard and ten times more than she had just done and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against him. Vaguely Shinichi noticed that the paramedic walked away to help elsewhere.

"Baka! …Shinichi…" Ran whispered.

"Ran…I'm sorry," came a strained reply.

"…"

"There's something I want to tell you, Ran, something I've been trying to say. I-I'll tell you tomorrow at a better time. I'm tired of always running out of time and then leaving. I'm so, so sorry, and … Ran, I missed you!" Shinichi said this and tightened his arms around her.

"Shinichi! I forgive you. I missed you, too, Shinichi," Ran's tears had nearly stopped now. They stayed there for a while, until someone remembered them.

Shinichi was forced to stay at the hospital overnight before being allowed to go home the next day.

Shinichi was restless the whole morning when finally there was a knock on the door. Shinichi rushed to answer it. Haibara stood in the doorway watching with slight amusement as his face went from excitement to disappointment to hopeful.

"Kudo," Haibara said, dipping her head as she was allowed to pass into the house. "First, I'm here to remind you that the antidote currently in your blood stream wears off in about sixty hours. Second, you should know that I have the Apotoxin and am working on the permanent cure. Unfortunately, it looks as if it'll take a while and Kudo will disappear again," Ai said the last part with no emotion.

"All right, do you have a time estimate?" Shinichi was also emotionless.

"I don't know. It could be a year or more. I just have no idea. I can't guarantee anything."

"Right. Thanks." With their exchange finished, Haibara left. Shinichi was stunned and depressed. He sat down and started thinking of what to tell Ran, who would be there soon. He knew he couldn't tell her hi feelings now, not yet again.

"Shinichi?" Ran! he thought before answering.

"Come in," Ran was slightly worried at the tone of his voice. The worry grew as she entered the house and found Shinichi slumped on the couch staring straight ahead with an incredibly sad expression on his face. This gave Ran a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"Shinichi?" his head turned to look at her, his eyes showing her he didn't have good news.

"Ran, I'm sorry," his voice shook and he suddenly looked like he was close to crying.

Ran was surprised for a moment before going to sit next to him, taking his hands in hers.

"Shinichi? What's wrong?" Ran was afraid she knew the answer.

"I-I have to l-leave again. I don't have a choice. I-I can't explain, but this is… just how it is. I'm sorry. There's no other way or I wouldn't be saying this. If I had my way I would never leave again; I would never leave your side, even if you got tired of me! Please, just don't hate me. You should forget about me and find someone who can stay with you. I am so tired of hurting you! Conan's told me how I have—I don't deserve you! Please, just be happy—for me?" a single tear slid down his face as he managed to force the strangled words out of his mouth without breaking down.

He was being selfish. Shinichi was scared to tell Ran about Conan, believing the truth would hurt her worse than he wished her to be and that this way was best for her. And because he didn't know what her reaction would be. This way would give her more freedom to move on and find happiness. Ran didn't say anything for a while, thinking things over and hearing the sincerity in his voice.

"Ran? Are you mad? Do you hate me now?" Shinichi hesitated for a second, "I don't have a right to ask this but, I have two days left, will you spend them with me? Or am I asking too much?" he didn't dare look at her for fear he would break down completely.

"… I don't hate you. Yes, I'll spend them with you" Ran replied. You don't hate me yet, if only you knew, Shinichi thought to himself.

"Thank you, Ran," the two then spent the remainder of Shinichi's time as himself doing things they always did. Their goodbye was tear-filled on Ran's part as she promised she would try to be happy.

Conan, who had been staying with relatives, came back the day after Shinichi left.

Note: Thank you for reading!

Ramble: I suggest listening to "Wherever You Will Go" by The Calling and "Far Away" by Nickelback. Depending on the verse and the point of view of (Shinichi/Conan or Ran), the songs seem to fit the series really well.

Did you ever wonder if it really mattered if Shinichi told Ran he was Conan? If the Organization is as ruthless as they are made out to be, then wouldn't they kill anyone whether or not they were innocent?

Shouldn't Conan have been found out by his fingerprints by now? When at a murder case, his fingerprints have been taken so the police could tell his apart from others. Shinichi has also been involved in many murders, right? So wouldn't their fingerprints be exactly the same?

Chap2 : To Know

Conan stirred as the door was shut loudly by Mouri Kogoro who was coming back from another case. Kogoro stilled as he noticed the sleeping boy on the couch in his office.

Even Kogoro had noticed the change in Conan and was beginning to worry. After three years Kogoro had grown fond of the boy. One of the biggest changes was that Conan had stopped begging to be brought along on every case that Kogoro received; in fact, he only went on occasion now. Conan was also eating and sleeping less and zoning out all the time. The boy had become quieter by the day since Ran had started staying out later. Kogoro believed that was why and he himself was upset about it.

Ran, it appears, had moved on and began a relationship with a boy from school, Uda Hiroki. The Uda kid seemed all right; just not good enough for his daughter. He sometimes wished Kudo was the one Ran was dating and not Uda. Kogoro at least knew Kudo and had known him for a long time. Another reason was that because he had to take care of Conan more since Ran wasn't home as much. It wasn't that he hated taking care of Conan, just that the boy seemed to need more taking care of now.

Kogoro sat and studied the boy from behind his desk.

Without the glasses, Conan would have looked a lot like Shinichi. He was also sure Kudo would have done something similar to what Conan did, in trying to protest against Ran's relationship in any way he could. Conan had tried to demand more of Ran's attention, followed her on dates, and other things. Kogoro then remembered that Conan did know Kudo. It was highly possible that Kudo had asked Conan to do something as if he wouldn't already try to protect someone who was like a sister to him without being asked.

It suddenly hit him—"Maybe you aren't really what you seem to be, hmm, Conan?" he said aloud to himself. Kogoro thought about all that had happened since Conan had moved in. he was unusually sharp because he had to solve the cases without the random hints of Conan. He always seemed more mature and more intelligent than any kid his supposed age. "I've seen Ran suspicious of you. Why?"

Conan's Dream:

Once again Shinichi found himself in the underground portion of the Black Organization's HQ. In front of him were Vermouth, Gin, and Vodka. From then on the dream turned fiction as he was suddenly Conan again and then as his parents, Professor Agasa, Haibara, the Detective Boys, Sonoko, Kazuha, Hattori, Kogoro, and Ran—those who knew Conan—appeared from the air behind the people in black, all tied and bound with rope and staring straight at him.

"NO! LET THEM GO! THEY'RE INNOCENT! THEY KNOW NOTHING! NO! LEAVE THEM ALONE!" Conan shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Shut up, kid, or we'll soon have one less hostage," Gin commanded.

"No, Ran," Conan stared in horror as Gin pointed his gun at her temple. The terrified look on her face made Conan furious and sick.

"Welcome Edogawa Conan. Or should I call you by another name?" the sickly sweet voice came from Vermouth.

"Maybe you aren't really what you seem to be, hmm, Conan?"

"You already know the answer to that Vermouth. I'm not Edogawa Conan," Conan retorted and suddenly he was Shinichi again.

Suddenly, there was a big BOOM. The building shook with the force as the three members of the B.O. ran. There was another BOOM and the ceiling over the hostages came down, crushing them as Shinichi cried out.

Conan! Conan! Snap out of it! Wake up!

End Dream

[Kogoro and Conan may be a touch OOC because they haven't been getting much sleep]

Conan woke up to find his throat hurting, his eyes stinging from unshed tears, and to see a worried looking Kogoro standing over him.

"Jeez, what was that about?" Kogoro inquired.

"Nightmare. Is Ran-neechan out again?" Conan said bitterly.

"Yes, she is. That was more than a nightmare, the way you were screaming. What were you screaming about? What about Ran? Wasn't Vermouth part of the Black Organization? Who are you, if you're not Edogawa Conan?" the boy was questioned by his caretaker.

Conan felt a wave of emotion. He was being asked directly about his identity and since he had no reason to hide the truth from Kogoro anymore:

"I said that aloud, huh? I guess there's no reason to hide it anymore. Do you really want to know the truth…? I'll tell you—just, please, don't tell Ran," Conan's voice had taken on the mature, deeper tone he used when being serious.

Outside the door, Ran paused as she heard her name. Knowing it was wrong; she put her shopping bag down and pressed her ear to the door to listen.

Kogoro didn't bother to scold for the dropped honorific to his daughter's name. He just nodded and went to sit down at his desk again.

"All this has to do with how you've been acting recently, right?" Kogoro said this as more of a statement than a question, earning a nod from Conan. Ran shifted guiltily, realizing for the first time how much Conan had really been suffering these past weeks and how badly she had been neglecting him.

"Well, first and most important, I am Kudo Shinichi. Ran has been right every time she suspected me," he took his glasses off as he said this, "I'll tell you about Vermouth. She was part of the B.O. I've known her for a while and have had a few encounters with her. Actually, Ran has also met her. She's a master of disguise. She's been both Vineyard actresses, a serial in New York—one that Ran and I saved—and she disguised herself as Dr. Araide after the real one moved, though not anymore. She was first one of them to realize who I really am." Kogoro was already stunned beyond words; he leaned back in his chair, listened to what he was being told, and believed. Ran felt numb-she couldn't even think—so she just slid down the door and listened along with her father.

"It started with one mistake leading to another. The first being when I left Ran at Tropical Land to investigate two suspicious people dressed in black. I later learned they were Gin and Vodka. I followed them and was so focused on what Vodka was up to, I forgot about Gin, who snuck up behind me and knocked me out. I was semi-conscious when they forced me to take a pill, a poison, they believed would kill me. As they've just found out it only put me through hell as it shrunk my body," Conan's eyes were unfocused as he relived his first moments as Conan.

He told Kogoro, and unknowingly his childhood friend, how he woke up and realized what had happened, then convinced Agasa of his real identity, and came to live at the Detective Agency. "Agasa told me how he believed it dangerous to tell anyone what had happened. We both believed I might find leads to get a sample of the apotoxin to find an antidote if I lived here I realize now how foolish it was. You were all in danger anyway, if they ever found out, as of they wouldn't kill anyone involved whether or not they knew who I really was," Conan winced at the last part.

"You were the one behind my success as a detective," Conan let out a dry laugh at this dumbfounded statement from the deceptively famous detective.

"Yeah, sometimes I dropped hints, other times I took over and you really were Sleeping Kogoro. Since I shrunk, I had no way to get anyone to believe me without blowing my cover. No one believes a child, right? I also had no way to defend myself if something happened, though Agasa helped with that. He invented some gadgets for me and later the Detective Boys." Conan explained the gadgets and how he used them.

Ran wondered from behind the door who else was keeping secrets.

"Who else knows besides Agasa?"

"Well, as you know, the first was Agasa. My parents know; they pretended to be Conan's parents also. They offered to take me with them out of the country, to where I would probably be safer. I refused; I would be able to get more leads if I stayed. I also couldn't bear even the thought of leaving Ran even if she believed I had. I couldn't leave her unprotected," his list continued, "Haibara, who went through the same thing. Kaito Kid. Hattori found out, he is a detective. Jodie-sensei, Vermouth, and a few others in and out of the B.O. also know."

"What about the times you showed up as yourself?" the question was bound to come up soon. Ran nearly stopped breathing, trying to listen harder.

"Haibara. Haibara Ai. The first time, though, was before I met her. I had a cold if you remember, that was when we first met Hattori who decided alcohol would help cure the cold. In reality it made everything worse. I later found out that the combination of the cold and something about that certain alcoholic drink caused me to temporarily change back into Shinichi, allowing me to solve the case that day. Later, Agasa found Haibara outside his house. She came from the B.O.; well escaped from it by taking the same poison that had shrunk me.

"We learned about her. Sherry was her codename when she was in the B.O. Her parents had been a part of it. And then her older sister was killed by them and she was to also die. In an act of desperation she swallowed the poison she created in hopes of death. To her surprise, she turned into a child and escaped. She was branded as a traitor and hunted. Ironic isn't it, the creator was forced to experience the effects of her creation. It was lucky, though; she moved in with Agasa and has been trying to find an antidote. She's succeeded in creating a temporary one and that's how I've appeared, always running out time," with this Ran understood why Shinichi always left her and, yet, he hadn't really.

"The time when I appeared as the knight in the play, Haibara stood in for me as Conan using a mask as a voice changer. She was also one of the ones who persuaded me and drilled it into me the importance of telling no one of my identity," Conan continued to tell of his clashes with the B.O. and adventures with the FBI and CIA.

"Why haven't you told anyone now, especially with the danger gone? Why still keep it a secret from Ran particularly?" finally the question Ran had been dying to know the answer to.

Conan looked Kogoro in the eyes and stated: "Because I love her, I love Ran more than anyone—anything—and I always will; I have for a long time now. There have been countless times I almost told her my secret and my feelings. To the former—before, I didn't tell her because of the threat of danger. If she heard that, she'd probably say that she could take care of herself. She wouldn't think so much about their guns," Kogoro nodded in agreement, "She's probably the strongest person I know. But, as you saw, it took so much to get rid of them, many casualties. Ran would never have gotten the chance to prove her strength. The cowards would have shot her dead"—wince—"before she could even take a breath," a smile flickering on Ran's face, she finally shook off the shock she felt at hearing what Conan, no Shinichi, had said he felt towards her. She thought it was only fair now because she had told…Conan so much about Shinichi, not knowing who he really was.

"I didn't tell her because I love her. The last time I appeared to her as Shinichi, I told her to be happy, even if she had to move on, to forget me. The only thing I want for her is to be happy. If I'd told her I loved her, it would have made things harder on her, she most likely would not have moved on like she has now. Before, there was always the chance I could be killed. Now, there's the chance that I will never be Shinichi again, that I'll be stuck as Conan. Haibara has been trying to find the antidote for nearly ten months now. It shouldn't be much longer until I know for sure what my fate will be. Each time I take an antidote, it's a risk; there is less of a chance that it will work, that it won't last as long, or that it could kill me. There is also only a limited number of the apotoxin left to examine, even with outside help," Ran stored the information in her mind to consider later.

"And even if Ran knew, I've lied to her repeatedly for over three years as Conan and Shinichi; I have hurt her over and over no matter what I try to do to fix that. If it counts for anything, every time I saw her sad or crying I couldn't stand it! I've hated myself so much! I did my best to cheer her up as Conan—any way I could. She's told Conan so much, things Shinichi was never meant to know or find out unless that was what she wanted. As they say 'ignorance is bliss.' It's best if Shinichi slowly fades out of her life, calling less and less, until he's only a memory. Hopefully she'll only remember all the good and not the bad. It would have hurt her more no matter what, even if it made her happy, it would hurt," Conan fought tears as he said this and Ran fought tears as she listened.

"Well, you have my blessing," Conan's head shot up from the spot he had been studying on the floor, "if things work out; then as Shinichi, you have my blessing and permission to marry my daughter if she's willing." Ran was astonished, those were words she'd never thought she'd hear her father utter.

"Thank you, Oji-san. If I get my body back, I'll fight for her. I'll tell her the truth, do my best to fight, and hope I win. If I can ever get her back, I'll always tell her everything, no secrets and no lies, even if she never wants to hear it, even if she beats me beyond recognition. I can't take any more secrets and lies and half-truths," in the silence, Ran mulled everything over, knowing now that she would take him back no matter what.

Chap 3  What Now?

Ran stood up, leaving her bag where it was. This explained so much—why she always suspected who he was, why Conan and Shinichi had the same birthday, had the same favorite color, and liked the same books and the same food. She understood now why Conan worried so much, why he could almost always make her feel better, and the reason behind the looks he gave her and the adult expressions and mature behavior.

Ran turned and took off, running as fast as she could in the direction she had just come. She thought of how lucky she was that Hiroki-kun didn't live that far on foot. Ten minutes later, she was in front of his house, trying to catch her breath. Thirty minutes later, she was back at the door where she had heard everything she'd needed to hear.

Ran entered the room and smiled the most genuine smile she had since the last time she had seen Shinichi nearly a year ago. The two in the room turned to look at her. Both couldn't help but smile when they saw her face. Conan walked up to her with a curious gaze.

"Ran-neechan, did something good happen?" Conan was sincerely happy for her no matter what had happened and Ran could see that.

"Yep! I just broke up with Hiroki-kun," Ran suppressed giggled at the confused looks on the faces of the two detectives and bent down to Conan's height to look him in the eyes.

"That's a good thing? I thought you really liked Hiroki-san; it's been about four months," Conan said this at the same time Kogoro loudly mumbled, "It's 'bout time."

Shooting a withering glance at her father, Ran answered Conan, "He's nice and everything, but I'd never be able to see him as anything more than a friend. I didn't see the point in continuing the relationship," Ran poked Conan lightly on the nose as she said this. She glimpsed the clock out of the corner of her eye: 6 PM.

"Conan-kun. What would you like for dinner?" Ran asked. She watched as his face turned to disappointment, it had been over a week since Ran had had dinner with them.

"Sorry, Ran-neechan. I promised Professor Agasa, Genta, Ayumi-chan, and Mitsuhiko that I'd meet them for dinner."

Ran only smiled, "Oh, okay. What about Ai-chan? You should get going soon, right?"

"Uhm, yeah! Haibara said she wasn't feeling well and told us to go without her. Well, bye Oji-san, bye Ran-neechan!" Conan said this while running out the door.

Decisions and Discussions

Ran turned to look at her father and met his eyes. Kogoro saw that his daughter's eyes had a strange spark in them.

"Dad? I'm gonna invite Mom over for dinner tonight, 'kay?" Kogoro just nodded as his daughter went to go call her mom who arrived twenty minutes later.

As the three ate the dinner Ran had made, Eri noticed that her daughter was preoccupied with something and was fidgeting.

"Ran, is something bothering you?" Eri asked.

"Um, yeah. It has to do with why I asked you to come over," Ran stopped eating and looked down at her hands, "Dad, I overheard what you and Conan-kun were talking about earlier. You know, the one that you just had and he explained why he's so intelligent and mature. I've been thinking about it." Kogoro's eyes were as big as they could go as he practically choked on his food.

"Mom, Dad can explain the details to you later," Ran then told her mother Conan's true identity as Shinichi and other basic information Eri needed to understand what Ran had decided.

"The reason is because I want to take the apotoxin so I can be with Shinichi! Tonight, that is! If Ai-chan finds the antidote, we can go back to normal to be together. But like this I can't really be with Shinichi, the one I love!" Ran continued to look down as her cheeks burned.

"Ran! There's a chance you can die if you take the apotoxin."

"I know, but...I don't think I'd be able to truly live if I don't do this. I'm willing to take the chance. It's worth it. Don't worry. I've thought it over, I understand. You can say that I went overseas to study or something. I've cut ties to Hiroki-kun and I can think of what to tell Sonoko later," a few tears escaped down Ran's cheeks as she said this.

Letting out a laugh, Ran told her mom, "Dad even gave his blessing and permission to Shinichi if we could ever marry," Kogoro blushed and stared at the ceiling.

"Really. Well, in that case I agree with both having a small daughter again and then letting her marry the one she loves as her father will. Dear, what do you say?"

"I guess. It's not as if you wouldn't have done it anyway, right?" Kogoro said as he finished his dinner.

"Ha, yeah. You're right, Dad. Thanks!" Ran and Eri also finished eating and started to clean up.

Ran and Eri washed the dishes while Kogoro sat down with a newspaper. The three talked about details for a time before Ran gave her parents hugs before going to Agasa's house with a backpack filled with things she'd need.

Silence reigned between Kogoro and Eri before Kogoro told Eri all the details of what Shinichi had told him. The two then spoke of other things. Ran was overjoyed when she later found out that her parents were getting back together.

Chap 4 :You Really Want To Do This?

It was passed 7:30 and getting dark by the time Ran reached Agasa's house. She was lucky that he and the Detective Boys were still out. Haibara answered the door, taking in the expression of the person she saw who was so like her deceased older sister.

"Come in. You aren't here for just a social visit, right?" Haibara turned and walked back into the house.

"Yeah," Ran didn't know how she should phrase her request, "um-"

"You know, right? About Kudo," Haibara cut Ran off before she could say it, "And now you're probably going to ask about the apotoxin and its antidote." Haibara didn't need to see Ran's face to know this was true, "I still don't have any new leads on the cure."

"Really? Ah, but that's not exactly what I want. And, yes, I found out about Shinichi. I eavesdropped when he told Dad about it a few hours ago. Will you give me one of the pills to take? I know the risks," Ran had a determined look in her eyes.

"Yes, if you really want it, I will. I must warn you though; the actual shrinking part may be the worst physical pain you've ever felt…Okay, I'll be right back," Ran sat down on the couch while Haibara went down to the lab to retrieve the apotoxin after making a phone call.

"Hello."

"Agasa, you're taking the Detective Boys home?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Then I ask you to bring Kudo-kun here with you after that. I'll explain later" Haibara hung up without waiting for a reply.

Haibara went back to Ran with a pill in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

"Here, if you really want this," Ran took what she was offered.

Ran swallowed the pill and then lay down on the couch as she heard Agasa's beetle park in the driveway. Haibara covered Ran with a blanket.

The door suddenly flew open and there stood Conan with Agasa behind him. He was yelling for Haibara, desperate for news about the antidote. Conan calmed when he saw Haibara standing at the end of the couch closest to the door. She looked cool and calm and expectant of a storm. And then he caught sight of Ran. He took in the glass of water on the coffee table and saw her face—she was in pain. His eyes widened in horror at what he was sure had just taken place.

"Ran! No!" Conan turned to Haibara, "What did you do?" Haibara didn't react to the shout.

"Now, now. Calm down," came Agasa's attempt to keep things under control.

"I gave her the apotoxin. I did what she asked. And it's not like I shoved it down her throat, so don't look at me like that," her voice was icy. She turned and went back to the lab. Agasa also left the two to go to in his room and give them privacy.

"Shinichi, I asked. I want this. Don't blame Ai-chan," Conan turned back to Ran and walked over to hold her hand.

"I'm sorry, Ran, I'm sorry for hurting you and lying and everything…" Conan looked like he wanted to cry.

"Baka! You don't have control over everything. Well, I still forgive you. And I still love you," both Ran's and Conan's cheeks were red.

"Did Haibara tell you?"

"No, I overheard you and Dad but she did answer a few questions," Conan nodded.

"Ah! There's something I want to do while you're still smaller than me," Conan just looked at Ran with curiosity.

There was a second of silence and then: "Itai! Ran-neechan that hurt!"

"Oh! I'm sorry Conan-kun."

It took a moment for Ran to process that. "Hey!"

The boy let out a laugh and his best friend joined in before the drug took effect.

Ran sat up on the couch, dwarfed in her teen-size clothing. She would have to get used to everything being so big again.

So as Ran changed into the smaller sized clothes she had brought with her, Shinichi went to apologize to Haibara.

Working Out Being Small

The next day, Ran transferred to Teitan Elementary. Shinichi and Ran took a different route to school so as not to run into the Detective Boys. Shinichi went into the classroom ahead of Ran, leaving her in the hallway. When everyone was at their desks, the fourth grade teacher gave her announcement.

"Class, we have a new student."

Little Ran walked into the classroom to stand in front of her new classmates, "Hello. My name is Morita Ren. It's nice to meet you."

The class echoed back, "It's nice to meet you."

Ren was then told to take the seat next to Conan.

The Detective Boys were excited to have a new classmate. They immediately asked her if she wanted to join their group. She said that she would love to. Haibara and Conan were off to the side talking about the future while the other three asked Ren questions about herself.

Haibara had decided to continue to try and find a cure for the apotoxin until she ran out of the resources to do so. Conan told her that he and Ren would live with his parents in another part of Tokyo that was away from the Kudo house but was close enough to easily commute to Teitan Elementary.

After school, Conan and Ren miraculously got away from the others and went to the Kudo residence.

Shinichi's parents had come back to Japan while he was in school. They were waiting at the house with Ran's parents.

It was decided that the cover story for Shinichi and Ran would be that they had both decided to study abroad. Shinichi would be in the U.S. and Ran would be in Canada.

They would handle any problems as they came up. In the end, everything would work out fine.

THE END

Oneshot : I'm waiting too...

P1

Nighttime. The time that Edogawa Conan-no, Kudo Shinichi, hated the most. It wasn't that he was afraid of the dark,or the monsters in the closet,or anything else that someone of his apparent age would be frightened of. In reality it was a much simpler explanation. At night, he could hear her crying. Now,despite what people may think, Shinichi wasn't arrogant enough to think the whole world revolved around him. (Though his time as Conan has taught him that he could use some lessons in humility from time to time.) But he knew,without a shadow of a doubt,that every tear that was currently falling down the beautiful face of one Mouri Ran,every sigh,was because of him. And it wasn't because he was a detective. And,God- did it ever hurt to hear her crying.

He also knew,thanks to Ran telling Conan everything,that Ran believed her crying,her suffering,was worth it. That all her waiting,and by God she would wait as long as there was time itself left in this world,was worth it. That thought sent both shivers of pleasure and pain right down Shinichi's spine. Because,and he couldn't tell Ran this even as much as he wanted to...he was waiting too. Yes,he got to be with her everyday. Maybe not as Shinichi,but he was near her. But what he was waiting for,and Ran too,went far beyond a physical presence. He was waiting for the day when he could break free of this mask,drop the web of lies that he had so expertly created,and just be Shinichi again. To be able to just talk to Ran again like they used to,without the veil of childhood or a telephone, in between them.

He was waiting for the day when he could take Ran into his arms and confess the feelings he had hidden for so long in his heart and were dying to jump off his lips. He knew,knew painfully,that Ran was waiting for Shinichi to come home. And,because he was Conan,he knew how she felt about him. But he was waiting too. And someday,which he looked forward to with such a passion he couldn't breathe sometimes,they could stop waiting.

Because they would be together.

THE END

Oneshot : Waiting...

Lights illuminated from above. The warm, orange glows brushed on the snow-covered pavement. Cars rushed past the deserted sidewalk. The brightly lit stores along the street were deserted – perhaps the white lights clashed badly with the world outside.

A girl was standing near a wooden bench. The tip of her red and black checkered scarf escaped from her winter coat, its threaded strings whisking in the air. She clasped her gloved hands and held them in front. Her perfect composure oddly framed the faraway expression on her face.

How long had she been there? She didn't seem to notice. She shifted her eyes from the shop windows and stared at her boots, deliberately letting her fringe fall across her features.

She could hardly remember how she got here. The last couple of hours were but a blur.

She had been baking cup cakes when the phone call came. Merely to distract herself in the quietude of her home, entertaining ideas of how Conan-kun may be faring since his parents picked him up a month ago. She wasn't prepared for the frantic, worry-filled voice of her Osaka friend, barely remembering to turn off the oven before she rushed out of her home.

Hattori had disappeared a month ago. Unlike Shinichi, he had been able to leave a note to his childhood friend, simply telling her he had a case to solve. Kazuha had been placated, used as she was to the various trips he takes for his cases. She had been able to communicate with him via phone calls and text messages, but all of that has ceased a week ago. Panic had set in then, but the stern looks from her dad and Hattori Heizo when she asked about Heiji had stopped her from questioning them any further.

Ran could not ignore the timing of Hattori's disappearance and Conan-kun's departure. Her many suspicions since she took in the 7-year-old a little more than half a year ago bubbling up once more. She wasn't sure how to feel, divided between anger and worry, barely noticing her surroundings until she had knocked on the familiar door.

She could tell that Hakase was surprised. His expression was somber as he let her in.

Sitting on the couch of Hakase's home, with a cup of tea sitting in front of her on the coffee table, the usually exuberant man for once looked his age as he began to tell her the whole story.

He had told her everything. The black org, APTX4869, the FBI, Haibara Ai, and most importantly, how they had recently uncovered the "boss" of the organisation, how close they are to finding the antidote, how not only the FBI, but also both the Tokyo and Osaka police force are now working together in bringing down one of the biggest underground organisations in years.

She had listened intently, never uttering a word, never touching the cooling tea in front of her. She didn't know what to think. She had wanted to be angry at him, but no matter how much she denied it, she could see the reasoning behind his decisions. Fear had gripped her then. She had thought for months that knowing his whereabouts would calm her. She had not prepared herself for the onslaught of images and thoughts of the many possible endings to this revelation.

Her thoughts had been distracted then by the ringing of Hakase's house phone. She had noted the seriousness of his stance and expression as he nodded and supplied short, succinct answers to the person on the other side. He had glanced her way at one point, and she was sure her name had been uttered at some point in the conversation. She was reassured of the fact when Hakase motioned her to take the phone.

She had known who it was even before she heard his voice. Her throat constricted, she was aware that her hands were shaking slightly, but the warmth and familiarity of his voice did not calm the frantic thumping of her heart.

She was not aware that she was crying until she felt Hakase take the phone from her hands and pulled her into a hug. Her tears flowed silently as Shinichi's words echoed in her mind.

"Ran. I don't have much time."

"It's about to end soon."

"I want to be selfish and ask you again to wait for me, one last time."

"I want you to know that I will come back to you. I'll do everything to come back to you."

"So please, wait for me."

"I love you."

Her eyes snapped open at the rhythmic sound of crunching snow.

Her heart hammered. She told herself not to raise her hopes. She told herself it could just be someone passing by. She told herself she was going insane, her imagination was running wild, or maybe she was thinking about it so much she was hallucinating.

Then everything was still. She felt herself stiffen as time dragged on. She didn't want to turn around. Nothing mattered anymore but the scrutinising gaze she felt at the back of her head.

"Ran."

"Tadaima."

THE END

Oneshot : You're here

Shinichi…

…It was one of those moments again. And in those moments she dearly wished that he was there with her tonight, taking her into his arms and just… holding her tightly. Every night when she was lying awake in her bed she wished he would be there next to her. Hearing his soothing words as he calmed her from another nightmare and taking in the scent of his cologne.

Ever since they had met in London and he… had confessed to her, her thoughts had been swirling around him. And now more than before. She missed him dearly. So much… that she didn't know what to do with her feelings.

Her heart began to ache, bringing tears with it. They spilled over her lashes and sobs erupted from her throat. She pulled her legs to her chest and tried to stifle her weeps. She didn't want anyone to hear—

The door opened with a creak. "Ran…?"

With little to no effort she raised her gaze to the door and could make out Conan through her teary eyes. Oh gosh… she raised her head and wiped at the tears with her hands. But the more she tried to get rid of them the more flowed down her cheeks.

"Ran…" Conan called out her name again and came closer to her bed. She didn't want him to see her like this. But when she looked at him right then and there he resembled Shinichi so much… She wasn't even sure if that was just because he wasn't wearing his glasses or not. However when she saw that look in his eyes— the sadness, the regret. As if he were the reason for her tears. Surely not. At least she didn't think so. Ever since Shinichi had disappeared (and appeared once in a while) Conan's presence comforted and saddened her at the same time.

"I'm sorry, Conan-kun," she sobbed and attempted to blink her tears away. "I didn't want you to see me like this." He seemed to swallow and slightly touched her hand. "Is it because of Shinichi-nii-chan?"

…Somehow he knew that it was about him. Why else would she stay up in the middle of the night, crying alone in her room? That crybaby… How was he supposed to make her feel better in this physique?

She gave him that disbelieving look. Really now, it wasn't that hard to deduce that. He was about to think that she would pretend that everything was fine and send him back to his room with a false smile, but that didn't occur. Instead she got up from her bed then she was there, kneeling beside him, and hugged him tightly.

"Oh Conan… I… I don't know what to do a-anymore…!" she sobbed tearfully. Sorrow shattered her heart into a million pieces. It would be hard and take lots of patience to mend that together again. Once there was a scar it would never be fully healed. Tears fell from her eyes and she didn't think they would stop anytime soon. Her tears soaked into the soft cotton of his pajama.

He felt his heart break a little when she said those words. What was she supposed to do? As if she could do anything but wait… As much as he wanted to be with her, he couldn't without endangering her life. The life that was so much more important than his own. Her shoulders shook while she wept. Those trembling shoulders of hers that shook with each sob stung his heart like a nail being hammered into wood. The more she wept, the deeper and more intense he felt the stung.

If something would happen to her… he would never forgive himself. Not ever.

"I—" Somewhat seeking to comfort her in any way possible he touched her hazelnut-brown hair. The first thought that came to his mind was that it was unnaturally soft. Softer than he had imagined it to be. With slow and steady strokes he let his hand run over her head.

"I'm sorry, Ran-nee-chan," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

His voice was so sincere and filled with grief that it tied a knot in her throat. He shouldn't feel so responsible for seeing her this way. It wasn't as if it were his fault.

"I guess I just miss him too much…"

She loosened her arms around him and pulled back wiping at her eyes again that were red and swollen.

And yet… he had never seen her more beautiful than now. Her puffy eyes, the reddened cheeks. …Those swollen lips she had been chewing on… Clearly he would have a hard time holding back— if he had been in his grown body.

But it was selfish to think this way. She missed him, and of course he could understand that, because he did too. But unlike himself she wasn't able to see him. …He was able to be by her side, only undercover as Conan Edogawa. How was that fair?

…It wasn't. Not in the least.

If he weren't so egoistic he could let her go and live on… without him. That was a better option than the lies he was wrapping her in just so she wouldn't get hurt. However he hadn't considered her feelings when the lies had been created. That confession he had made in London had made it so much harder for them both.

"She'll want to meet with you even more than before, and you'll end up hurting her instead…"

…Ai had been right. She was hurting too much.

A single strand of her hair slid through his fingers. He was about to let his hand fall back to his side, but Ran grabbed it and held his small hand to her wet cheek for a short while, before letting it go again. His eyes saddened.

"I really wish you were Shinichi," she said faint above a whisper. He almost didn't catch it.

Now he was at a loss for words. She had said that very sentence before as well. It was him! He wanted to grab her shoulders and tell her that it was really him and then kiss her and…

On his side his fist clenched. He was struggling. Everything in him wanted to just rid himself of all the lies and tell her the one truth.

"Does Shinichi-nii-chan hurt you a lot when he's not here?" He had lowered his head when he asked the question almost as if he was too scared to see her face when she answered. He knew he was hurting her, but hearing her say it herself hurt so much more…

"It hurts that he's not here." She closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of his palm. He looked so miserable with that sad look in his blue eyes that reminded her so much of Shinichi's. For some reason that comforted her. Even it was just a little.

She reached out her hand and tucked her fingers under his chin lifting it. "Conan-kun…" She wiped his bangs from his eyes. "You don't need to feel sorry for something that isn't your fault, you know? Shinichi means so much to me… And I would always wait for him no matter how hard or long it will be." She forced a slight smile when she caught a glimpse of disbelief in his eyes. "…Because I know he'll find his way back to me."

She leaned down and planted a soft kiss on his forehead making him blush faintly. "And you know what, Conan?" A question left her lips and now her voice seemed to be a bit cheerier than before. With the tip of her finger she tapped his nose. "It really helps that you're here. Even though Shinichi's left, when you're here… it kind of feels that he's here." She then chuckled to herself at her silliness and cocked an eyebrow. "That's a bit weird, isn't it?"

He smiled, happy to hear she thought so. "Not at all, nee-chan."

Ran… She was so brave right now. Comforting herself and him with those words… He couldn't help but feel so very, very relieved and proud to have someone like her.

He would definitely come back to her.

THE END

Oneshot : Dream

Dream

"Do you think you can win just like that? Our fall will be also your fall, metantie." Gin said while pointing a gun to me. I can't move, I was too afraid to move. So I just closed my eyes and waited for the impact. Seconds passed by, but the shot didn't came. So I opened my eyes and the scene that greeted me shocked me most. It wasn't me who was shot but Shinichi; he took the bullet for me. And as his life was fading away all I could do is shout his name "Shinichi!"

"Shinichi!" I shouted and because of my shout my father, I awoken my father. "Why are you shouting that detective brat's name? That detective brat who destroyed my career! Huh, why are you shouting his name?" my father asked me in a drunk state. "Dad, don't be like that to Shinichi. Did you forgot he have help you build a career when he was still Conan." I told him. "Conan? Who is Conan? And what do you mean help me build a career." Tousan ask. "What are you talking about? Isn't it you that told us Shinichi is –"I didn't continue realizing that everything was just a dream including Shinichi and Conan. Conan doesn't even exist by now. So I look at the calendar and realized that today is the day before Shinichi and I went to Tropical Land.

I told Shinichi about my dream from start to finish. "Hey Ran, so you are telling me that I got shrunk by a drug that is supposed to kill me. And that, I got killed protecting you?" he asked trying not to laugh. "Yes! And I am so glad that everything was just a dream because now you are safe and alive" I told him. "Okay, you are getting crazy." he simply said. I don't care what he will say about my dream but I am just happy that he is still alive, that everything was just a dream. With that realization came that if everything is just a dream so the confession in London is also a dream. I became sad at the fact that I and Shinichi are just simply childhood friends. Shinichi noticed that I became sad. "Hey Ran, are you okay? Is there any problem?" he asked. "Nothing just thinking about something." I simply told him. "Um…Ran…"he said sounding nervous "Yes?" I asked. "You told me that someone confessed his feelings to you in London and that you and that person became a couple. Um…I would just like to ask who that person was?" he asked. "No one, just my dream guy." I told him. "Do you love that guy?" he asked. "Yes." I told him. "So my feelings now are useless for you love another guy." he said in a form of a whisper. "Feelings?" I asked looking innocent. "Ran since we were kids, I already has feelings for you. Ran I love you." he confessed. I was speechless, unable to say anything. While Shinichi continued "but now they are useless for you love another guy and he obviously love you." He sadly said. And I replied saying "Baka! The guy who confessed his feelings is you. You are the guy that I love Shinichi. Shinichi, I love you too!" I told him. Shinichi shocked on what I just said, asked "Really?" "Yes, it is you Shinichi. You!" I told him.

AN: Just a crazy story I made while lying in my bed, bored. I was thinking that if everything was just a dream, that would explain the time line. Why there are two winters, two valentines in one year.

THE END

Oneshot : Six years of Pain And Sorrow

His absence had always stood like a thermometer, treading on dangerous waters to find where the extent of her patience lay.

Ran Mouri gazed outside her windows one frosty and chilling down, eyes lingering on each and every bit of scattered snow that was carried across the glass. They came and went in blinking moments, and were so inversely related to time itself that she wanted to complain aloud of the injustice.

Time never passed quickly for Ran; instead it ebbed away like a nearly closed faucet. And, combined with longing and wistful hopes in her heart, it wasn't an understatement to say that her life crawled like a snail on the deep ocean floor.

Six years it had been, and what a long time indeed. As she pondered upon the windowsill with glassy brown eyes, Ran called upon the memories of long ago, and questioned them with every ounce of her power.

Just what had kept her going for so long?

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoOoOoOoOo

The first year began like a normal day, where it was just happiness and joy lingering in the air of Tropical Island. She came upon a murder case that day, but Ran grew to accept that her detective freak friend simply attracted these events. It was his nature, she knew as she found herself momentarily lost in his actions and words.

"Her tears were unshakable proof," she heard him say, "Only on a rollercoaster would tears flow sideways." It was strange how he managed to notice every single little detail in life, though she wouldn't put it past him that she suspected he was very much related to Sherlock Holmes himself.

And then, just as the murderer had cried when she took away the life of her boyfriend, Ran shed tears too as they walked home. And it was then that he noticed something with his set of piercing eyes again. Something she had hoped now that he'd never seen. But of course, it was inevitable.

He never did get to say goodbye to her. No, he had told her that he would catch up to her footsteps soon enough. Baka, she murmured to herself every now and then, she was such a baka to believe in such things. Because he had not returned.

And so, that was the last that she had seen Shinichi Kudo for a very long, long time.

Every now and then there would be a phone call, where they exchanged a conversation so brief that she had thought he was avoiding her on purpose. Sometimes, she had really thought that she was on the brink of insanity, that nothing could keep her from going and tracking Shinichi down beginning from one end of the world to the other.

But then he would always find some way to comfort her. It worked; he knew her best, after all. Ran Mouri never needed any mushy and romantic words; she just needed something to believe in, like how Shinichi found it important to believe in Holmes.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoOoOoOoOo

The second year came like crawling winds. Its arrival was something she had never expected, for the past one had went in such slow motion that she had thought it would at least take infinity before it came. But it did, and at the first ticking of New Years Day, Ran knew with a hint of misery that Shinichi had been gone for a year.

Her life was simple enough now. There was little to do at home but to clean the house, find a way to get her parents back together, and also take care of little Conan. Truthfully, he looked so similar to a genius in the past that Ran sometimes became distracted and had to make an effort to convince herself otherwise.

But, one way or the other, it was the same hair that they shared, the same eyes, the same grin, and the same adrenaline-filled expression at the first sound of a scream.

And, knowing that her memory had not failed her yet, Ran recalled the special event that happened that year.

"After the case, I have something to tell you." That was one of the few times she saw Shinichi again. Second, to be exact, whereas the first she had only been able to be in the same room as he was before he vanished into thin air.

His words confused her, and for a moment the girly side of her conscious took over and gave her cheeks a blush in full bloom. Then, he took her to the Kyoto Tower's Sight Seeing Restaurant.

Really, if he was simply hoping to ask for her notes, there wasn't necessary to bring her to such a fancy place. But then, there was something else about his tone, something that urged her to lean closer and listen.

What she heard wasn't pleasant at all, because the sound that she had heard took Shinichi away from her once again.

She didn't have the right to complain, and, knowing that, she told him to go on with a smile.

"You can go, Mr. Detective." This time, it was her who sent him away.

And when Conan came to tell her the news, the news that he left her again, Ran didn't know what possessed her. She wasn't the one to easily cry, but she shed tears then, tears that poured like falling rain. In the end, it was Conan's words that brought her back to Earth, and reminded her of the thing that kept her going. And she did keep on going, for another year.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoOoOoOoOo

During the third year, more things began to occur. Her father was gaining greater and greater popularity, though at times it was a wonder how he managed his 'Sleeping Kogoro' deductions. Once, when they were invited to a reunion party, she had been sick with a cold.

That day went terribly slow, even more than usual. Her head spun every so often as her father went on to solve the case. Then, she remembered that she had fallen out of her chair and onto the ground, where darkness pulled her closer and into a time when everything was alright.

"Is a reason necessary? As far as helping a person is concerned, why should there be a logical mind?" A memory she hadn't recalled slipped back to her at that moment, where she found herself behind Shinichi and facing a serial killer. Such an important memory. She still had not yet forgiven herself of forgetting such an event, especially where now moments with Shinichi such as those were as rare as jewels in the sky.

It was a pity she had woken up later, since she could have drowned forever in that memory for all she cared. But, then she remembered. No, Ran still had something to do in her life, something that resisted against temptations of the past no matter how strong they were.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoOoOoOoOo

The fourth year answered to her desires. It was a bit of a laugh, but Shiragami sama had granted Ran's wish. Shinichi was back again, appearing as if he was whisked here by a perchance gust of north wind.

Of all the times Ran Mouri had braved in the past, it was of pure inevitability that her resolve would crumble before him. She couldn't ask, just couldn't. Words failed to form in her throat as she silently pulled on his jacket.

"Please wait for me," it was the same words again, and for a moment she was about to protest. Then, he added, "According to my deduction, I suspect that what you wanted to ask, and what I wanted to ask, is the same thing." That one sentence gave her the ability to believe once more in him. Alright, was her answer as he disappeared to the crime scene. Even if it meant that she'll probably miss more time between them, she would wait for him, patiently until the end of time.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoOoOoOoOo

The fifth year went much too unhurried. Actually, if it had been possible, Ran would've rather wished it be skipped over. That particular three hundred and sixty-five days could've been, by far, the worst days of her life. It was the one year that Shinichi had never appeared in, and all the hope she had dangled perilously atop a loose wire.

Even Conan had gone. Back to America, Professor Agasa had told her on the phone. Strangely enough, she missed him more that she should've. Maybe it was because, other than pictures, the coincidental similarities between him and Shinichi were the only things that kept her hoping through his absence.

But Conan couldn't say goodbye to her as well, just as he. Was he hoping that she'd have enough spare determination to wait for him also?

Ran couldn't help but clutch her knuckles hard through the night, feeling the cool and lonely winds blow and taunt at her. Conan, Shinichi, was it all a game to torture her?

For once, there were no kind words to lead her on, and for once Ran noticed how dependant she had been through all this time. Gritting her teeth, she shut her eyes close as far as they could and thought. She could pull through this. She's been through worse. She would prove to him that even a millennium wouldn't shake her resolved conscious.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoOoOoOoOo

There was little she could say of the sixth year. Instead of going through those long months again, she'd rather simply account for that particular day by the window. That was the last morning of that year, and also perhaps one of the most significant.

Memories answered her question from before, as well as the quiet figure atop the bed. Walking closer, she knelt by the boy of spiked hair and blue eyes hiding behind lids. There, she close her eyes, and allowed her mind to answer the question she pondered upon for six years.

What had kept her going? Well, the answer was right in front of her, after all. He'd been always the answer, no matter if he was gone on his 'supposed case' or simply sleeping after some midnight reading atop their bed.

A hand gently slid across her face, caressing it with such ginger softness that she felt like a china doll. Opening her eyes, Ran felt her heart give a squeeze as she witnessed the smiling face of the boy before her eyes.

Yes, all was worth the wait. If he was the thermometer to test her patience, then she would tell him that it would go on for infinity.

Because he was there.

Because she knew him.

And because Ran Mouri and Shinichi Kudo were destined for love since first sight.

The End

Oneshot : Withering

It was cold.

That was the first thought that entered my head as my eyes slowly opened. My hand reached out and rubbed them from sleep, yawning as I did so. Looking up from under the blanket, I discovered the reason the room was so cold.

Tck, occhan!

He had left the window open and now, he was snoring his dreams away, his breathing heavy and his leg dangling from the bed. Sighing, I left the warmth of my futon to pad across the room and close the window. I hissed as my hand touched the cool metal of the frame, and I quickly pushed it shut.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I looked out into the wintry sky, watching with some sort of fascination as mist quickly fogged up the window's glass. I could almost smell the mist inside the room. I guess it would either snow or rain. I looked up at the sky—there were a few clouds scattered and the midnight carpet looked almost surreal with the one or two twinkling stars accessorizing it.

I turned around and headed towards the door. I needed some water. Closing the room's door gently behind me, I advanced towards the kitchen and stood on the chair to reach for the upper cupboard. This is one of the things that I hate most about my situation—normal things were not normal anymore.

My throat sang in relief as the semi-cool water washed through it, moistening its walls. Washing the cup quickly, I hopped down from the chair and made my way back to the room, getting ready to get back to my dreams.

I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard it, and before my mind could register the sound, my heart already knew what it was. It cracked.

She was crying again.

Changing the course of my feet, I headed towards the other door and gently eased it open. She was sitting at the familiar posture again. On the windowsill, head bent, hands twined in her lap, and hair being ruffled by the cold wind. Tear tracks covered her flushed cheeks and her eyes were dull and sad, looking up at the sky but not seeing it.

My heart seemed to crack a bit more.

Ran looked so tired, so fragile, so small. Her body seemed to be barely holding itself up. I know that she is a sensible person and that she was eating regularly and properly, but lately, I couldn't help but think that she wasn't eating at all.

She was pale, and her waist seemed to be thinner than usual.

She sniffled softly, and brought her hand up to wipe away the tears, shaking her head slowly. My heart swelled up with regret, hurt and longing. God, I am such an idiot! How could I? How could I cause her so much pain? So much anguish?

What was the point of protecting her when I was breaking her heart again and again? True, I was protecting her physically, but it was also me that was killing her emotionally and mentally.

And I have never hated myself more than I did at that moment.

As I watched, more tears cascaded down her smooth, soft cheeks, trailing down its curve and then curving just under her jaw and falling down on her hands. Small drops were already covering the back of her hand, and Ran looked down at them. She stared at them for a long minute, before she sighed and reached for her desk.

Taking a tissue, she wiped them away before she wiped the tears away again and stood up. She closed the window and headed to bed slowly, her body moving as if a heavy weight was looming over it. She got under the covers, sighed once, and closed her eyes. In a matter of minutes, she was asleep.

I stood there for what felt like eternity, but in reality, it was just a couple of minutes. My eyes lingered on her steadily breathing frame and I felt my eyes pricking with something unfamiliar. Hastily taking a deep breath and trying to steady my heartbeat, I gently closed the door and turned around.

I slipped into the other room noiselessly, got into my futon, and laid down, staring up at the ceiling.

And Ran would never know, never imagine, that I was so close that only a single wall separated us.

-.-

"Conan-kun!" Ayumi smiled, popping out of nowhere before me. "Come on! Everyone says they want to go to the park!"

I raised an eyebrow. "The park? It's snowing!"

"Exactly!" Mitsuhiko enthused. "We can play with snow and make snow angels and have a snow fight!"

"Let's go!" Genta pumped his fist in the air, leading the others outside Agasa's house. I looked over, seeing that Haibara was still sitting on the sofa, reading a book.

"Oi, Haibara, aren't you coming?"

"I'll pass." She answered, not looking up from the book. "You should go have fun, Kudo-kun. You wouldn't want to disappoint the kids, now, do you?"

My eyebrow twitching, I made my way out of the door and into the cold air.

Great! I get kidnapped to go play around with the kids all day and she's inside in the warmth, reading. Tck, I hate my curiosity!

Soft, gentle snowflakes twirled around us as we made our way to the park, dancing in the cold air. The kids were enjoying themselves immensely, shouting and laughing. I looked down at the ground. The snow still wasn't deep, but it was good enough to leave deep footprints on it.

I had to admit: the park looked beautiful in the falling snow. The fountain seemed to sparkle brilliantly and the white carpet was thick and seemed to be soft and inviting, even if it was cold. A lot of children, dressed in heavy clothing, were already having fun playing around.

The three kids didn't waste time in dragging me into a snow fight. As much as I hated to admit it, but being around those kids, having this snow fight was actually fun and lifted my spirits up slightly. Ayumi-chan and I teamed up against Genta and Mitsuhiko. And we beat them big time.

They complained about how unfair it was for me to calculate the distance and that Ayumi was really quick in making snowballs. We laughed all afternoon. And then, Ayumi-chan laid down and began moving her arms and legs rhythmically, creating a snow angel.

Genta and Mitsuhiko quickly joined her.

I laid down on the snow too, but went completely still. Instead, I allowed my mind to wander to my first childhood and how Ran and I used to come here and do just the same as I was doing now. She loved making snow angels too, I remember. I was always forced to do one too.

I smiled lightly, closing my eyes as the cold wind brushed against my cheeks.

For just a few minutes, I wanted to stop thinking. For just a few minutes, I wanted everything to fade. For just a few minutes, I wanted to be able to just lay there forever and never move, never face the world, never have to think about my situation, and never have to break hearts.

But, as it always had, my mind tended to get me back to reality fast. I opened my eyes slowly, and turned my head to the left, watching as the three kids chatted excitedly. I smiled softly at them, before turning my head to the right.

I paused, raised an eyebrow, and sat up on my elbows.

Laying on the ground just a few feet away, was a single wilted rose. Someone must have dropped it a few hours ago, because the rose was already dying slowly. I scooted over and reached out to take the rose in my fingers.

The stem was turning grey and it was cold. The upper part of the stem bent, and the rose bud faced downwards, the soft, red petals hanging lifelessly. Because of the snow, some drops of water cascaded down the petals smooth surface, curving at the end as they fell down on the hand resting on my lap.

I blinked and looked down at the small drop, watching as another three water drops accompanied it.

Suddenly, I couldn't breathe.

The stem was so fragile, so small, so thin.

Ran looked so tired, so fragile, so small.

The rose's head bent down, the petals hanging lifelessly.

Sitting on the windowsill, her head bent down, hands twisted in her lap, and hair ruffled by the wind.

Droplets of water ran down the smooth, soft petal landing down, down on my hand.

More tears cascaded down her smooth, soft cheeks. Falling, falling into the back of her hand on her lap. She stared down at them, not seeing.

The rose was withering away.

Her once sparkling eyes were withering. They are so dull, so sad, so lifeless.

I stayed there, crouched on the snow, looking at the rose as if I had never seen anything like it before. The rose was dying because of the cold and the harsh wind. Without a fence to protect it from the wind, it will not grow. Without the warm sun to chase away the cold, it will not bloom into a beauty.

It'll wilt away and die.

Was I—was I the cold and wind? Was I slowly killing Ran from the inside out that way? But I didn't want to be the cold. I didn't want to be the harsh wind.

I wanted to be the sun. I wanted to wrap her in my arms, in my fence, to keep her alive, and safe, and healthy. And beautiful, forever.

I did not want Ran to wither away.

Slowly, I laid the rose back down on the snow.

-.-

Mouri Ran slowly opened her eyes, blinking against the faint light penetrating through her window. She yawned softly, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. She glanced at her clock, sighing in relief that she did not oversleep. She made to move out of bed, when she paused, looking down at her pillow in surprise.

A beautiful, red rose lay innocently against the white of her pillow. Around the stem, a red ribbon was tied and at the end of the ribbon, a note was attached. Slowly, delicately, Ran took hold of the stem.

She held the rose towards her face, gazing at how fresh it looked and sweet it smelled. A soft, true smile blossomed on her face for the first time in what felt like forever. Nuzzling the rose with her nose, she took hold of the card, her violet eyes shining with unshed tears as she read the simple, yet meaningful words.

I'll come back. I promise.

She did not stop to think as to how the rose had gotten into her room. She did not stop to think about how he could have slipped it in. Her mind was too fuzzy and her heart was welling up with so many emotions that it actually hurt for some seconds to breath.

Finally, smiling, she whispered into the empty room, still gazing at the rose. "And I promise, I'll wait."

Beyond the door, a shadow shifted and the door closed with a small, noiseless click.

The End!

Oneshot It's be our secret!

It'll Be Our Secret

By: Himeru-chan

Ran had been looking outside the window for an hour now, the same thing Conan has been doing as he hid himself behind her door, indian seated outside. He was observing the woman sigh, pout, and curse every five minutes, which makes it totally his fault for calling her up a month after his last call. He always forget to call since he had been watching her as Conan every single day. He'd only remember when she begins cursing his name for being so far without dropping a call. Now he did, and she's like this.

Watching Ran every after a call from Shinichi's voice using the mechanical tie he had, had been a pattern already. Every time he did, he knew that after he had hung up on her, she'd finish the day with crying. To look at her in that state is his self inflicted punishment. Seeing her cry torments every part of his heart with her haunted feelings of anguish.

When will he be coming home? He'd always answer, when he finished everything. Which was vague he knows but he doesn't know when this will all finish.

He kept on wondering every time he looks at her. Is it so wrong to call her like this if it's to always see her cry afterwards? Conan sighed. He knew it would be harder if he didn't call at all. He'd be cursed every single day, no doubt about it. Not only that, he'll die in her memories and some stupid man might sweep her away. As if there was a better man than him anyway...

Sometimes he'd blame himself. If he wasn't that inquisitive at that time, he wouldn't have to experience this "small" problem. Thing is, if it wasn't in the Tropical Land where he had the first taste of meddling with the Organization, he bet he would have to encounter them in one of his cases as a detective. It's just a means of meeting them now or later.

He could also have been more considerate. If he had only been focused on the date and not some other things then he could have enjoyed solving problems without having to use every single gadget that helps him cope with his disadvantage. AS if he has a choice anyway. It was already too late.

"Conan?" Her voice caught his attention. He opened the door slowly and peered inside her room It was orderly and nice and the smell was fresh and womanly. It was her scent. He liked it. He liked this room, more so because it was hers. He had been here before as Shinichi but he was never allowed to touch anything. As Conan, he could get away just by saying he was curious. Which was a totally an advantage.

Ran smiled and called the boy using her 1 hand that did not held the phone. Conan thought she was beautiful when she smiled after she cried. The glitters of her tears that lined her eyes was magnificent and even if he was a little boy right now, doesn't mean that he wasn't attracted to this woman so much as he had to stop himself from even wanting to act strange for his age. Good thing he was used to this scene by now.

Conan swallowed and came towards her.

"You know its strange how you always catch me in this kind of situation..." she said as she asked him to sit beside her, patting the bed beside her.

"Nope! Actually, Shi-niichan told me to go here every time after he called you. He said something like I looked..."

"Similar?" she asked and laughed a little innocently before she put his arms around the boy's neck and hugged him tightly. Conan stiffened from her touch. It's not like it was his first time to be hugged by the woman torn in front of him. It's just that, this was the very first time she hugged him after Shinichi called her up.

But, it was what he wanted.

To look for a reason and touch her, whatever reason it may be...

The pain can be seen in his eyes. He could feel himself shiver slightly when he decided to embrace the woman back with his small arms. He took in her smell, lilacs in a Greenfield, wafted in the fresh air of the cold night. Right there and then he was Shinichi. At least, he wanted to tell her he was at that moment. But it pained him more than ever not being able to tell her anything at all. He had to shut his god damn mouth from telling despite her sobs he called temptation.

"Ran-neechan?" his voice made her calmed down a bit and he felt she heaved a sigh and broke the embrace.

"I'm sorry Conan for being weak. It'll be a secret to Shinichi okay?"

"Secret... It'll be our secret, Ran-neechan..." Conan smiled and raised his hand over the woman to wipe away her tears. He could try and be manly as much as possible only for that moment. He looked at her seriously and smiled a forced one before he looked down and clenched his hands, climbing down her bed silently. Ran looked at him dumbfounded. She was positive he really looked like Shinichi but everytime she tried her best to prove it, circumstances prove her wrong. She was about to call his name but was unable to when the boy began to look like he was about to cry. He acted like a kid and excused himself to go to the bathroom. He raised his hand to wave goodnight and ran in the hallway, reached the door, and slammed it shut. Conan stood still, slowly backing away to the door, sliding himself down on the floor.

"That was too close shinichi," he scolded himself. He lifted his hand over and in front of his face and smiled a force one as he wiped his own tears with the ones he used with Ran.

"I'm sorry..."

~OWARI~

THE END

Oneshot I remember you

Ran wrapped her arms around herself and stepped out into the winter night. Surprisingly, it wasn't as cold as she would have thought, but the heavy snowfall made it difficult to see. She had been counting on being able to use her car, but this inconvenience didn't faze her. If she couldn't drive, she'd walk. But she definitely wasn't going to turn around and walk back into the restraunt.

She clicked the unlock button on her keys and pulled out a brown paper bag that held a long tube wrapped in colored tissue paper. Ran took out the bag and, cradling it in one arm, closed to door, and relocked the car.

And there she was, walking down the street with the strange bag, though not too strange as it was the holiday season, wondering if her dear friend Sonoko was right, and Ran really was crazy. Eisuke had just proposed to her for the third time, and for the third time, she had turned him down.

What was wrong with her? Eisuke would make a wonderful husband; a loving father. He was a beloved friend (and boyfriend), and had led a very successful career as a CIA agent. And when she had said she didn't want to move to the U.S., he had quit his job on the spot and now had an (equally successful) job as a special agent for the Japanese government.

Eisuke was wonderful in every way (except his excessive clumsiness) and she loved him. They'd been together for three years now, so why couldn't she go through with the marriage? She'd given tons of reasons (she wasn't ready, it wasn't the right time, etc.) but neither she nor Eisuke believed them. And every time she refused his hand, both their thoughts always went back to a certain boy . . . It wasn't that Ran wasn't ready for marriage, it was that Eisuke wasn't the right one. No one was the right one; her one chance at married bliss had slipped through her fingers years before.

And now, now with Eisuke's third refused proposal, they knew it was over. Eisuke would wait for her, if she asked him to. He would wait for her heart to heal enough to accept him. But if he did that, he would never stop waiting. And so, without saying it, her departure that night wasn't just the end of their dinner, it was the end of their romantic relationship. Whenever they met again, it would be an awkward meeting between friends. Ran hoped she didn't meet him too soon.

Ran turned and walked down a gravel path, iced over and covered in footprints, to huge, ominous iron-cast gates. Beyond them lay an empty parking lot, and beyond that lay acres upon acres of graves.

Pulling the tube out of the paper bag and tearing off the tissue paper, Ran pulled out what was inside; a single half-opened rose. Strangely, it didn't feel silly, getting flowers for an empty grave. After all, they'd never found the body to bury anyway.

Walking swiftly through the rows of headstones, she found his grave. She wanted to deliver the flower before midnight (it was quarter till) and the New Year arrived. While people all over the world would celebrate, to Ran it was just another year since he'd been gone from her life forever.

But his grave was not alone. A stranger stood there. It was difficult to make out through the snow, but it seemed to be a man. He turned to her, and though it should have been impossible due to the fact she could barely see anything more than three feet away, she did see his eyes; royal blue eyes. And a shock went through her.

Like the dream I had

In subconscious deep

Here you come again

Only in my sleep

And I remember you

I remember you

He was Shinichi Kudo. He had come from a happy (and fairly wealthy) family that consisted of his famous ex-actress mother, famous best-selling novelist father, and himself. And for as long as Ran could remember, the only thing he'd ever wanted was to be a famous detective like his idol, Sherlock Holmes.

Shinichi and Ran had met as small children (their mothers had been school friends) and they had been inseparable ever since. As they got older, Shinichi's love for detection only grew, as did Ran's love for Shinichi. By the time they were 17, Shinichi had had all of Japan in an uproar. He was the genius high school detective, the savior of the Japanese police, there wasn't anyone who didn't know his name. And then, suddenly, he disappeared.

At first Ran was worried. After 3 days, she went to call the police, but was stopped by a phone call from Shinichi himself. He was busy on a case. He wouldn't be home for a long time. Months past. She got phone calls and the occasional short visit. But eventually even those slowly stopped. She talked to his parents (who lived oversees) and they eventually agreed with her. They filed a missing person's report.

Ran did everything she could to help find him. She made sure his disappearance got as much publicity as possible. She volunteered countless hours to searching locations where he had thought to have been sighted. Every possible clue, every possible lead, she followed. They got her no closer to answers. And then she lost hope. She'd said she'd wait forever for him, and she had meant it, but then the years took their toll on her. Seven years later, Shinichi Kudo was pronounced dead.

But she'd never been free of him. Even now, she still dreamed of him coming back to her, only to wake and collapse in tears . . . How many times had she grieved for him? Ran had tried to move on, but as that night's events had showed, it seemed that even now Ran waited for Shinichi's return.

And there he was, his memory come back to haunt her. Like a mirage to disappear the second she hoped. But it couldn't be him. Because it was not Shinichi as she remembered him. Even as the white flakes clouded her vision she could tell he was taller; older. It had only been the blue eyes that had startled her. She called out to the mysterious man. Who was he and what was he doing there?

Like a memory

Of a time gone by

Many things I've seen

Still I can't deny

That I remember you

The man did looked up at her again, taking his eyes from Shinichi's headstone for only a few second to look at her before turning back to it. But it did more than enough. If his eyes had had an affect on her the first time she'd seen them, it was nothing compared to now. Because now she couldn't pass it off as a mistake. Those were defiantly his eyes.

And yet, that didn't comfort her the way she thought it would have. Having Shinichi, if the stranger was Shinichi, here, at this time, did not give her any pleasure. Was he a ghost? If he was, he had lived much longer than when she had last seen him. She doubted that it was Shinichi himself. If Shinichi was alive, he would have surely found a way to tell her and his parents not to worry or given them an explanation.

Or what if he was a figment of her imagination? Her idea of what he would be if he had lived. That idea brought several questions to mind. If that was the case, then what was the meaning of him coming on that night of all nights? The same night she had ended things with Eisuke. Was it to taunt to her? To rub in the fact she was probably doomed to end her days as an unmarried spinster?

If so, her imagination was surprising cruel. Also, if her brain was going to all this trouble to recreate Shinichi for her, why couldn't it have done a better job? She could barely make him out through the snow. If she was going to go through the heartbreak this illusion was undoubtedly going to give her, she might as well have gone all the way and gotten as much momentary pleasure from his company as possible.

With the crunch of the snow bellow her boots as the only noise, she walked over to the man and Shinichi's false resting place. She didn't look as him, or attempt to confirm her suspicions. She was too chicken. Instead, she placed the rose on the ground and moved to brush the snow that half covered Shinichi's name. The man's hand touched hers as if to tell her not to, but the contact lasted less than a split second. She couldn't tell if she felt him or not, but she had felt a definite chill.

Every other touch

Runs as cold as ice

If I get too close

I may pay the price

But I remember you

Her eyes widened. She had felt something. Barely, but she had felt it. He had been cold. Figments of your imagination weren't cold. They weren't anything, because they weren't there. That meant he was there. Whether he was a ghost, or someone who was merely similar to Shinichi; similar with the exact same eyes. Impossible. She knew those eyes better than anyone. And she knew how they made her feel, making her pulse race in her veins, just as it was doing now. This was defiantly Shinichi. Dead or alive, he was defiantly there.

She leaned down and started to brush away the snow that covered his name. He made no move to stop her this time. The ice started to sting her hands, but she didn't stop. When she was done, you could clearly see his name and date of birth. The date of death had the last two digits replaced with dash marks. There was no way to know when Shinichi had died.

Still, it was a nice gravestone. Below the dates, the line, "There is only one truth," was engraved at Ran's request. It seemed fitting to place his motto there. But Shinichi's truth, the truth of what had become of him, would never be found. It didn't seem fair, but it didn't matter. He was gone and knowing how and why it happened wouldn't change that. Except- Except, that he wasn't gone. He was there. At that moment, he was there. And yet Ran couldn't find the words she needed to say.

She didn't want to spoil this moment with him. Not when she'd finally been able to see him after all these years . . . She was terrified that he would disappear again, even the slighted movement could possibly make him leave. She was even afraid to breathe. And at the same time she wanted, needed, to know. Was he the same? Had death changed him? Had time changed him?

Even if Shinichi had changed, Ran hadn't. She still carried her infamous fear of ghosts. And she still couldn't help but steal the smallest glance at him. She only let herself look at the hem of his coat, but it was still enough to send goosebumps across her skin, though she wasn't sure if they were the good kind or the bad kind. Speaking of which, where ghosts supposed to look so solid?

Yes, I remember the things you do to me

When you say my name,

When you hold my hand.

When you whisper in my ear the things

That only you could understand.

When you touch me in the way

That only you can do,

I remember you

She jerked her head away. She couldn't risk losing this moment of piece, since it seemed she was already losing her mind. The Shinichi beside her didn't stir, but she didn't risk looking at him again. Instead she concentrated on the sounds of the night. In the distance, she could hear the whooshes of cars speeding by on the highway. But other than that, the world was silent. There were no birds or insects in winter. She didn't check to see if Shinichi breathed, though if she wanted to she could tell at another glance.

She didn't want to know. As scared of spirits as she was, the idea that he wasn't Shinichi scared her more. She shook her head, an almost violent movement, as if to shake away the thought. She wasn't wrong. She couldn't be wrong. No matter how different he was, he had to be Shinichi. This feeling of nostalgia couldn't be wrong, could it?

She pulled out a pocket watch, a replica of one Sherlock Holmes had used in an old movie that had belonged to Shinichi. Using it always made her feel closer to his memory. Her beloved mystery nerd . . . .

The face read two minutes to midnight. The battery was nearly dead. It had reached the end of its life. Ran was surprised it had lasted so long, though it made her happy. She hadn't made any alterations to it since Shinichi had last touched it. It's gentle ticks soothed her and filled her with a warm feeling. Sometimes she could swear that was thanks to this memento of him that she had been able to carry on. But nothing lasted forever.

I would recognize your shadow in a crowded room

Change your name a million times

It wouldn't change my mind

Or what I hope to find

In your heat underneath

In a new rhythm I breathe

'Cause I remember you

Yes I do

And it clicked. Nothing lasted forever. And neither would this. Whatever reason he was hear for, this moment wouldn't last forever. Whether she did anything or not, he would leave. She was going to be alone again. To wait again. Wait. It was that word that she hated more than any other. How long had she waited? How long had he expected her to?

Shinichi was leaving. He was leaving. He was leaving. He was leaving. The echoing thought seemed to increase in wait. A strong blew past them, chilling her. She dropped the pocket watch. It landed open, face up with the glass cracked; he hands slowing more and more. She had to stop him. He couldn't leave.

She needed him there. For good. Forever and for always. Why wouldn't he say anything? If only he would give her a sign, tell her it was all right, or promise to stay, or . . . or anything!

Suddenly, the clouds cleared enough for the moon to shine through, though the snow continued to fall heavily. The moonlight illuminated the pocket watch's face. It hands counting down the mere seconds to midnight. She leaned over and picked it up, and as she was standing back up, her eyes widened. She had stopped avoiding looking at him and now she could see it plain as day, his dark outline in the snow. Did ghosts have shadows?

She stood up straight, startled. He was alive! Shinichi was alive! And he was here! He had come back! Just as he'd promised he would, he'd come home. Shinichi was looking at her, his gaze completely centered on her face. His eyes were drowning her in blue. She was still waiting. The pocket watch stopped. One second, two seconds. It had died; and the sky above them erupted into loud, colorful displays of fireworks. She needed to hear him say it . . .

I remember you

And I want you to say my name

Say my name

Say my name

Say my name

"Ran."

THE END

Oneshot : You'll Never Know

Written: September 2004

Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.

Author's note: The best part about writing this, besides pretending I was working in class, was picking out everyone's Christmas presents.

Dedication: To my big sister Puddle. She loves Christmas and winter more than anyone will ever know. Or care to hear about.

You'll Never Know

By Pedal

Every so often I trotted. Eventually, I'd just fall into the same slow stride, snapped to attention by another gust of frozen air. I was still only halfway home, and it was hard to tell the difference between ten minutes and three hours when it's that cold. And maybe when you're in love. Either amount of time seems like forever, standing, waiting, needing to see him. Then the house lit up, and I ran. My heart took a jump and must've escaped to go ahead of me. I couldn't have been very fast, due to the fact my body was chilled and as mobile as hard clay. As well as running at my greatest possible speed, given the situation, I ran as gracefully as possible, which involved stumbling and zigzagging along his walk. It didn't matter, though. As long as I got to him.

When I stumbled right into his house, the warmth of it, if only for a second, felt like his arms around me. I could even smell him. It wasn't much warmer compared to outside than five or ten degrees, but it warmed me more than what could've been possible. Then the lights had to go out.

Maybe he was trying to ease the pain of having to go away again by making it dark. Maybe he was being his weird, annoying self. As soon as his hand touched mine, though, I could tell he'd be leaving again, right away. Just like always. I wished he could've really held me in his arms.

I hated it. I hated this new routine that we had fallen helplessly into. He called when I could never get a hold of him. I saw him more rarely than that, but I never really saw him. Were we ever going to see each other again? How much longer was he going to make me wait for him? How much longer would this stupid case steal him from me?

Then there was Conan, all of a sudden. He was always there, always reminding me of Shinichi. Reminding me that, no matter how badly I wanted him back, he couldn't be with me. It was a horrible thing to say, but I looked at Conan and wanted to cry because sometimes all he was was Shinichi not being there. I didn't understand it, and the only reasoning I could solidly uphold was that Conan was supposed to be my little guardian angel while Shinichi was gone.

Then that's why I started running again after slowing down. I played with my hands the whole way home, admiring the mittens Shinichi had given me for Christmas and attempting in the least to make my hands a decent temperature. I kept remembering my little guardian at home and ran for him, but then I fell back into a long, complicated train of thought that focused on only Shinichi, making me drop into a slow, painful walk. I couldn't exactly afford to get any colder than I had, and I couldn't help but notice that Shinichi was the one who let me. Conan finally overtook my thoughts and quickly urged me the rest of the way home, the exercise warming me a bit more before entering our apartment.

Besides Conan's blatant absence, I was relieved to see the office empty. If it hadn't been for the blaring TV in Dad's bedroom, I might've panicked. At least he was home and in bed. Sneaking into his room, I turned the little TV off, which was a news report on Kimura Tatsuya's death, along with the one lamp that sat on the nightstand. After failing to pull the blanket out from underneath him, I retreated to a closet to get another one. I draped it over him and shut the bedroom's door upon leaving, but not before kissing his cheek. As I shuffled backwards into the office, I whispered, "Goodnight, Daddy."

"Conan-kun?" I asked the apartment loudly, knowing that Dad was passed out for the night and not caring if he did wake up. When I found Conan's room empty, my heart made that jump again, with the exception of worry rather than enthusiasm. "Conan-kun!" Padding quickly to the window, I slammed my hip on Dad's desk, causing me to stop and curl slightly in pain. As I straightened up, I became aware of three badly wrapped packages sitting on the desk, replacing the usual of take out boxes and beer cans.

All I recall thinking right then was, 'Dad actually remembered Christmas!' Really every year after he and Mom got divorced, he did, but I always got more and more doubtful that one year, it would slip his mind.

Two of the packages were shapeless and each the size of soccer balls, and the other a small box or book. In front of them, there was a legal pad with two notes scribbled lazily. The first one was from Conan, who most likely prodded Dad to participate in the holiday:

Ran-neechan,

I'm at Dr. Agasa's tonight. Shinichi-niichan took me there after the Karaoke bar.

Thank you so much for everything. Have the best Christmas ever!

Conan

The handwriting was almost neat, but forced. Like if someone who usually wrote in all capital letters tried lowercase. Then I shook my head, reminding myself that this was just little Conan, not anyone older. Every kid had suspiciously neat handwriting just before they broke off to develop his or her own style.

Taking a deep breath to calm myself after knowing Conan was safe, I read Dad's note, which was less hasty:

Sweetie,

Hope you had fun with your little boyfriend, Kudou. It's been a couple hours since you came back from the karaoke murder, but I trust you to be back home and read this before the sun's up. And as you can see, the brat's off our hands and with his own family for the night. Merry Christmas, Hon.

Love, Dad

My eyes stung as I read the second note. The lighting was indeed poor, but I had to blink back tears at the first two sentences. The only time I actually got to see, if that's what it can be called, Shinichi was the five minutes before I was on my way home. The couple hours Dad mentioned, plus one more, were spent waiting.

Smiling and pushing some hair behind my still frozen ear, I read the tags on the presents. All three were for me, but only two were from Dad. One of the lumpy ones didn't say who it was from, so I guessed Conan, but he would've written so.

I unwrapped the small rectangular package first, peeling the tape neatly so I wouldn't make any excess noise or mess. Out slid a VHS tape of an old movie Dad and I loved. I bit my lip in anticipation, reaching for Dad's other gift. It was much noisier, so I freed the little captive as quickly as possible. Large sky blue eyes stared up at me over a little plastic pink nose. Giggling silently, I hugged the stuffed animal to me, feeling a thousand times better. The toy took the size and shape of a cat. Its feet and belly were full of beans, making it limp, and its white fur and cotton stuffed head and back made it all wonderfully soft.

Finally, I opened the last present after setting down the cat. A scarf unrolled in my hands after I pulled it out. I couldn't tell if it was hand-knit or store-bought, the craftsmanship was so excellent. It matched my skirt in color, a rich deep red. It was much thicker than the green one I had been wearing that night and even softer than the cat. I held it to my face to feel it, and it smelled freshly washed, not stale, like if it had been bought. When I pictured Shinichi in my head with a pair of knitting needles, I laughed noiselessly.

A yawn caught me, and I almost collapsed. Shinichi's phantom hand warmed mine when I raised it to my mouth to yawn. My face and ears went hot, dramatically heating my cold skin. The only time before that that our hands touched was at the theme park, on the roller coaster. Well, touched like that, anyway.

Making sure I set Shinichi's, Dad's, and Conan's presents from me out on the desk, I went to my room. They weren't wrapped, but stuffed into an oversized department store shopping bag. They'd know which present was each theirs.

For Shinichi, there was a teddy bear dressed like Sherlock Holmes, cloak and all. A tiny plastic magnifying glass was stitched to its paw as well. I knew he might never get it, but I forgot it in the bag when I left it out.

Dad's was a two-disc CD of his favorite pop star. It was the same concert recording of the tour Yoko was on when he solved her case. Just before we bid her farewell, her manager gave me the CD, so I kept it to myself until the next gift-giving occasion.

I got a three-inch thick comic book for Conan. He always read them after we returned from a case if he didn't go straight to bed, so I figured he could use some more. Every little boy needed plenty of comics. Not that he wouldn't like the comics, but Conan wasn't really like every other little boy.

After taking the cat with me into my room, I went to bed. I fell asleep within ten minutes, but made sure to pull a blanket over myself. I was still wearing my turtleneck, stockings, and skirt from the party. The stuffed cat was in my arms as I drifted off, and I hoped that somehow, the teddy bear would be gone in the morning.

I dreamt about Shinichi. Of course I did; what did you expect? I dreamt he died.

"I'm so sorry, Ran. I never meant for it to go this way. I did the best I could. I'm sorry," he said. And he was sorry over and over. "I love you," he told me, trying not to die.

Everything was dark. We were on the grass next to a building. I found him laying there, but he was hurt, bleeding all over. There were no visible wounds. His ears and his eyes bled, like he was crying. Shinichi never cried. His eyes were tired and scared and his skin was dark below them. Those bold, clear blue eyes struggled to stay open, but they finally became lost. I was holding him the whole time, and my heart stopped simply from the pain of losing him.

The obnoxious scraping of a chair along the floor of the office booted me into consciousness the following day. The sun was barely up, so I opted to fall back asleep, but then I heard something that no matter what, I'd never be able to ignore.

"Hello, Inspector Megure? This is Kudou Shinichi."

A strong, dizzying pain in my chest snapped me awake. His voice was rushed, but still very casual. I could tell he was on the phone. "Shinichi," I said as loudly as I could with my sudden loss of breath.

"Hey, Inspector, I just wanted to make sure that I wouldn't be mentioned in any reports of this case... Yeah..."

As soon as I pretty much tripped out of my bed, I attempted to open my bedroom door. It wouldn't budge. The chair! "Shinichi!" I shouted at the top of my lungs, pounding just hard enough to not break the door.

"Huh? No, that was Ran. I'm at her place... I was told that I needed to receive a Christmas present... Of course not!... No, I wish." It was obvious he was smiling, grinning like an idiot. The tone with which he spoke was practically just a laugh. "We're just friends."

Just friends? Okay, he was going to get it. "Shinichi! Let me out! You knew I wouldn't bust my own door! Shinichi!" I tried to sound as angry as I could to cover the shakiness of my voice. Maybe I'd actually get to see him.

"Alright, thanks again!" The phone clacked smoothly as it was set back on the cradle. Footsteps. "Not so loud, Ran. It's only seven-thirty. Your dad's still asleep." I jumped. I wasn't expecting him to be that close to me.

"You know for a fact that a stampede of elephants couldn't wake Dad up at this hour!" I screamed, then cringed.

No, my head was screaming back, you can't keep doing this. My temper died, and I grew quiet, hoping he'd only get closer to the door. "Shinichi, please." My voice weakened and broke even more. "Am I ever going to see you?"

I never fell apart this quickly. My heart beat sickly, making my head feel compressed. I saw stars and had to try not to fall back asleep. His response sounded a little surprised. The most difficult thing in the world was to surprise him. "Ran, please don't-"

Conan's voice cut him off, surprising myself. Why did it surprise me so much? He had to be the one to tell Shinichi to come get his present. "Why can't she come out?" asked Conan innocently.

Shinichi sighed, telling him, "It'll just be more difficult for us to say goodbye again." Just like the night before. I scratched the door as I put my hands into fists again. My forehead rested above them.

The silence then was so great I could just about hear Conan blinking in confusion. "Oh... Okay. She's already really sad, though," he answered.

"Conan-kun's right, Shinichi. It hurts so much already," I said as harshly as possible, fighting tears.

Conan's voice was suddenly worried. "Are you hurt, Ran-neechan?"

"If people are sad enough, they hurt inside," came Shinichi's melancholy explanation. Right then, I could practically see Shinichi kneeling down to Conan. In a stage whisper, he told him, "I'm also a coward. I can't stand to see her cry."

By now, I was fisting away my tears before they had a chance to fall. I was dizzy and hot. When I glanced over to my mirror for just a second, my ears were bright red, but my face was as white as the stuffed cat. That was probably because I needed to be sick; I might have been if I had eaten anything recently. My chest's insides were whirling sporadically, my heart bustling about on its own again, with no pattern, upsetting its neighbors. "Then just talk, Shinichi. Let me hear your voice. Please, you can talk about Sherlock Holmes, anything. Anything just as long as I can listen to you. As long as you're so close."

"That reminds me, Ran. That bear was a good joke-it's really cute. Thanks." Then he was quiet again.

I forced a smile upon myself. "Yeah, and thank you for the gloves. They're perfect." Silence.

Just as I opened my mouth to make him say something, Conan prompted Shinichi, "Sing a song for her."

Coughing slightly, I choked out something halfway between a chuckle and a sob. Shinichi and I both countered Conan at the same that Shinichi was tone deaf.

Conan's laugh that followed sounded strained, as if he was being given a dirty look. "Alright," said Shinichi; then louder, "Just tell me to stop when your ears start to bleed." Then the chair rattled, as if one of the boys had shuttered against it. My insides cramped together more.

Sobbing and laughing again, I nodded, pushing a response out, "Mm-hmm." After kneeling carefully on the floor, I slumped with my side against the door, closing my eyes.

"Sunshine," Shinichi croaked out, and I could suddenly tell, feel, how much he hurt. "You are my sunshine."

I shook my sleeves over my knuckles and held them to my eyes to soak up my tears. "You make me happy." Rather than his voice cracking, he reached a falsetto. I swore I heard a buzzing every time he went high, too. "When skies are gray." My mouth opened and closed absently, following silently with his words.

A couple more knocks, soft ones that were farther away and probably on the other side of the room came from the chair. On the other side of the room, where his voice was going. "You'll never know, dear-"

"How much I love you," I quietly sang and stood when I didn't hear Shinichi's voice any longer. I leaned against the door to keep my lightheadedness from getting me, whispering, "Please don't take my sunshine away."

"Wait!" shouted Conan, away from the door as well, nearly cutting me off.

This time, when I tried the knob, I succeeded and simply stared as everything around me slowed. The snow blowing in, circling me and Conan. His eyes were wet and his cheeks rosy, probably still red from his walk home from Doctor Agasa's. The wide open window that he was next to, kneeling on a chair to see was what I made a dash for, each step taking forever.

"Shinichi!" I cried, throwing myself halfway out the building. Little hands grabbed one of my wrists, holding me in. There were too many footprints in the snow to tell where he had gone. My chest kept hurting, getting worse as I realized he was gone again. "Shinichi!" No one was outside. It was the day after Christmas, and the only people crazy enough to wake up so early at all were Dr. Agasa and Shinichi, and Conan was stuck in the middle.

His huge, bold eyes glistened, nearly dripping with apprehension. "I don't want you to be sad anymore, Ran-neechan."

My chest swelled.

And I cried out, taking my little angel into my arms. I sat down in Dad's desk chair, holding Conan to me while he wriggled into a more comfortable position on my lap. He faced the desk while I sat perpendicular to it. Finally, he laid his head on my chest with an arm back around the side of my waist and thumbed his glasses down so the corners wouldn't poke me. "Do you like your present?" he queried, pointing to the big red scarf draped over the computer. "I made it myself," he said proudly and then put in quickly, "My mom taught me how to knit before I can remember."

"I love it, thank you." Then I remembered something that I always thought was so silly. "Shinichi used to knit. He only learned how to a couple weeks before he went away. He was terrible at it. Whenever we went anywhere, he'd have a ball of yarn and needles, always making something." We both laughed gently. "One time we went to see a movie, but they wouldn't let him in because he had the knitting needles sticking out of the kangaroo pocket of his sweatshirt.

"Every time I asked him why he wanted to knit, he said it was something seemingly random and pointless that Sherlock Holmes would do. So really it was only making him more eccentric," I finished, running my hands through Conan's hair. As an afterthought, I added, "You're much better than him, though. I thought you had bought it at first."

His face was red again, and he buried it just below my neck to hide. He gripped a little handful of shirt from my sleeve as he did. It was like he wanted to disappear into to me. Pulling him closer still, I laid my cheek on his head and asked, "Do you like your present?" His head moved up and down in a nod, but he didn't say anything.

Conan yawned, and I yawned. I fell back asleep, which I was pretty sure he did too, and we slept the rest of the morning, keeping each other warm. Just having him there made me feel whole, if only for the time that he was curled up in me. Maybe I'd be able to survive a little longer while Shinichi was away. Conan would make sure of that.

Dad, like me, was wearing the same clothes he had been the day before. He slowly entered the room as we woke, muttering the most polite good morning he could muster. "Why is it so cold out here," he demanded groggily, setting his warm hands firmly on my shoulders. It was, actually, freezing, I only realized then and placidly watched Conan shut the window.

My eyes drifted shut again, focusing on how good Dad's hands felt, now moving up and down my arms to warm them. Shinichi smiled at me under my eyelids, face red from embarrassment as he sang, "You'll never know dear, how much I love you..."

"Oh no!" Conan burst out, yanking me from my daze, "Shinichi-niichan left the bear you gave him here!" Sure enough, the teddy bear sat neatly on the desk, surrounded by tissue paper, a comic book, and a red bowtie.