Title: No Matter What

Author: paranormalfanfics

Genre: romance

Reviewer: helenl0511

Sorry for the delay. Also, I feel like I'm too honest here, but I really want to help you improve. So I hope my review helps you, and I hope I won't hurt your feelings.

Oh and also, I suggest you only follow my suggestions (if you agree with them) after you finished writing the whole story. It will be a mess if you change when you haven't finished your first draft.

Cover: 5/5

The cover is really attractive. The girl and those lights are so beautiful, the words are also in the perfect place and the perfect font size. It also

Though, I do suggest enlarging the bottom line because many Wattpad readers (include me) use phones to read, so you might want to let them be able to read that line (I had to screenshot and enlarge it to be able to read it lol).

Title: 4/5

Ah, I can guess from the title it'll be a romance book. Though, it is an attractive and simple title that just conveys many messages in one line. I really love it except for the fact that there are actually many other books with the same title...

Blurb: 8/10

The first line is really intriguing. As a sci-fi lover, I got really excited and I absolutely want to know what will happen next, and it really hooked me.

The second part makes me think: oh, it's another cliche story where the protagonist(s) get the special gifts that others somehow don't have.

I know this is actually the selling point of the story, and since she and the people around her are a new species, then of course there won't be anyone being similar to them, but I just can't help have an instant thought like that. I guess the reason why I think that way is the way you frame the sentence.

The second part also makes me wonder where the story will start. Whether from the very start of their relationship or when he starts to help her discover her gift. You might want to rephrase the sentence such that the readers will get to know where the story starts.

I would also suggest reflecting on the title in the blurb. What I mean is you might want to mention how "no matter what" is related to the story.

Opening chapter: 8/10

Some famous writers on Wattpad say that there is actually no need for a prologue to exist in a story and you can actually include your prologue into your story instead of isolating it from the rest. In your case, I agree with it. You can actually put the prologue into the story, let it be a memory or flashbacks or anything. My opinion is that you can mention it later on in the story instead of putting it in a prologue since I think there's actually a better way to put it to arouse the readers' interest.

In the first chapter there was a sentence "these are just numerous inconveniences that I wish I could have cured from ten years ago". If I didn't read the prologue I'd definitely be wondering: 'what happened 10 years ago? Why did she miss the cure or something?' My possible reaction to the sentence without reading the prologue is why I think you can actually put the prologue as a flashback later on. The sentence can be made as some foreshadowing, and then you'll reveal the truth later on. I think in this way, your story will interest the readers more and it's actually a pity that you decided not to hook your readers with something as important as this, instead, you just stuffed the truth into them.

Besides that, the prologue is quite good and realistic from the perspective of a four-year-old.

Ok, so let's get back to the start of chapter 1. I was so shocked when I saw her mocking and the sentence "I thank my parents for their service. They buy dinner, and I take a nice shower". I was like, she's 14, 15 right? She sure seems to have some toxic thoughts! My understanding of this sentence is that she thinks her parents are some sort of service that she can order around. To be honest, not a good first impression but a typical rebellious teenager action, especially when she has a disorder. You might mean she thank her parents for their help... but doesn't seem like it in the way you frame the sentence.

Then her mum tells her there's something shady going on with the healthcare system which is reiterated later at the last of the chapter, and I like the foreshadowing.

So she goes to school, trying to look like a barbie. Thankfully her mum stopped her (good job, mum) and she meets Bex on the bus. Their dialogue is a normal one that gives us some basic info about our characters, but I suggest adding some distinctions between their characters. For example, you can try to describe the way they talk through their tone, choice of words, or even you can add a small description of their unnoticeable reactions, maybe tugging their shirt or tapping their fingers, you know, those unnoticeable habits. I like the description of their voices though.

I am confused- why did Bex get off the bus first? Do they not go to the same school?

And I think the transition is needed between the two paragraphs: "the school is huge. How am I supposed to find my way... one right turn away from the school entrance" and "the principal looks welcoming. He was dressed professionally... how much of that you'll remember". It seems very sudden for Maggie to just finished listening to the long speech the principal made without even getting into the auditorium.

Though I love that you said the principal seemed like he had their best interest in his heart. It just shows the opposite :)

And I really love how you show her dislike for algebra lessons at a time so early. Relatable for most people and funny.

More foreshadowing from the fight and the news. Love it and I'm interested in how she's going to control "reality".

Overall is good but the part about Maggie's lessons is a bit boring because I'm not sure there's any info that we have to know (or that will affect the story later). I think you can describe a bit more of her interaction with her classmates because it can help show her disorder and personalities.

Structure: 13/15

It's neat and I don't really see any typos. The grammar and vocabulary are mostly fine, but for some places, you used too many pronouns or used them without mentioning the character's name before.

For example in chapter 2: "I dreaded my chemistry class. She makes too many smart comments. Maybe it'll be different today. I'm probably getting my hopes up way too high. She'll be the same person today as she was when I last saw her."

I think you should mention "the chemistry teacher" or her name before you start using her.

Eg. "I dreaded my chemistry class. That teacher made too many smart comments the first time I saw her. Maybe it'll be different today, but I'm probably getting my hopes up way too high. She'll be the same person, no matter when."

The writing style is also good, but I suggest adding more descriptions in your story will help make it interesting, and readers can picture scenes more easily. You can try to show your readers the scenes instead of telling them what's happening.

Plot: 10/15

I have to say, you have a really great, interesting and potential plot outline. But to be honest, some parts don't make much sense. But do hear me out.

First, I would really like to know more about her disorder and how her conditions flared up starting from the second chapter, not in the third-fourth or fifth.

You have to know not everyone knows what neurological disorder is (including me), and online researches aren't really enough for me to understand her situation because google just gives general ideas, symptoms, causes... of the disorder, and they can't be specific. Readers who have little idea of what the disorder is just known she's not able to control her anger as shown in the prologue, but we won't know what is happening in the second chapter when her conditions flared up. Is she having another anger issue? Is her anger the only problem she faces? Or is there other challenges she has to deal with? I would really like to know the details. Since supposedly, her disorder is important throughout the story, but now it gives an impression that it's not as important as it seems.

You only described her conditions in the later chapters, bit by bit. I suggest you start describing her conditions from the very first time you mentioned it, not from the second or third time. Why not hook the readers with the first opportunity you get? Why wait?

Secondly, the characters' reactions to their gifts are quite unrealistic. Will humans not control them or monitor the people with gifts at all times? No. It is natural for humans to be afraid of unknown things and the governments or whoever in charge definitely will not let them wander around until they know about them. Will those gifted people try to hide their identity? Most likely. They do not want to let people know about their gifts because who knows how their lives would be affected by them. Not many people like to experience drastic change and most would like to keep normal. But if you say Brian can somehow not let people hear their conversation when they talk about their gifts, well then just ignore this.

Thirdly, the plot is starting off a bit fast. You're don't describe some of the scenes, which I think would help make the story interesting, in detail, and skipping some transitions that are needed from one chapter to another. I think you can make the story more consistent by adding back some transitions and more details. Try to be more descriptive in the scenes and try to read the story from a readers' perspective and look for things you think you could've included.

Lastly, sometimes the chapters don't seem to really connect much with the previous ones except for the outline of the plot. Like, those little details don't connect. For example, Bex's family suddenly winning the jackpot. I was really confused and I thought I missed something in the previous chapters because it's just too sudden. Another example is how do the students know Miss. Reanes will be at the mall, and how come she didn't notice her students. I have no idea why this scene is happening since I don't think you can know that somebody's going to the mall two days later? Especially when that somebody isn't the type to tell everyone where she's going. I really think you can work on connecting those details together.

Character development: 11/15

I don't know why, but in the first chapter, Maggie makes me feel like she's a rebellious kid who isn't disciplined. Then in the later chapters, I see a kind, wise girl being portrayed... and then, I see a greedy, insensitive, susceptible girl. I feel like she keeps getting in and out of character, and I don't know which is really her, so I suggest you think of a fixed personality you want her to have, and reread your chapters again. See if her actions fit her personality. If no or you're not sure, then you have to think deeply about the meaning behind her behaviour and what is her intention.

Then I remember in a chapter, she said it's time to fight back. To stop Miss Reanes from hurting them again. I was like, her values aren't exactly good, are they. It's cruel to be part of the breaking family apart, and even though she doubted she still helped with it. No matter how much one hates another, they have no right to take revenge on them by doing something this unacceptable.

And I like that Brian introduced himself only days after he knew Maggie and some of her classmates, instead of their teacher telling him to introduce himself. It's much more realistic.

And then the next few chapters about him is fine, until the day he told Maggie he controlled reality and she is one of them too. I was like, you're a new species! Hello? You know you can't tell anyone about it, right? Even if she's one of your kind? Do you have some common sense?

Like seriously, no sane person, absolutely none, would be stupid enough to tell anyone that they don't know well about it. Think about it. If this is happening in real life, and you found out that you are one of the new species and the news keep reporting bad videos about them, would you tell someone that you don't fully understand/know yet, no matter how much you like/love them? No. Who knows what those people who are controlling the news are up to. Who knows whether the person they tell will betray them. Especially when the news is reporting the new species being not able to control themselves. I do hope you think about it, and I agree that Brian has to tell Maggie, but not so soon and not as direct, maybe? If he can somehow detect if someone will betray them or not... then I have nothing to say.

Enjoyment: 8/10

I guess I didn't have much enjoyment as I expected because, well, I expected. I had high expectations, and your plot outline really reached it, but the details inside need improvement.

Overall impression: 12/15

Your plot outline is really, really, really good. You just need to give yourself a little push, try to make some sense into your story, and your story will shine. Don't be depressed by the marks, it's just, well, marks.

I also look forward to the romance part of the story, but I think the reason why Brian likes Maggie is a bit unclear at this moment, and I want to know more.

Total Mark: 79/100