Top pic credit: myung088

A/N: A friendly reminder here...that Dabi is supposed to be a toxic person. I want him to be as close to canon Dabi as he can, and I don't believe canon Dabi in his current state is actually capable of a HEALTHY relationship with someone. That's what I'm trying to portray here as well. Yes, he loves Violet. But, he doesn't know how to show, or deal with this love.

While there are cute, fluffy moments, please don't use his actions in these chapters as goals for your in-real-life relationships. He's not meant to be a good 'boyfriend' right now. Pls make good choices cause I care about you, and you deserve better than his fucky ass :')

Dabi POV:

Bad liars. They're a funny bunch.

It's always the same thing with them. So predictable. A cowardly look in the eyes. Slight changes to the voice. Stupid gestures with the hands. Blah, blah, blah. It's just all the same. They're all the same.

I've been around bad liars my whole life. You think I wouldn't be able to recognize them by now? Please. Bad lies were told to me everyday. Sometimes, it would be sickly sweet Fuyumi-Chan, telling me 'the bandages aren't noticeable, Touya. Don't worry.' Yeah, right.

Other days, it would be bratty little Natsu-kun, lying through his missing, kid teeth about how 'No, Touya. You're not boring me. I promise.' Try again. Not convincing in the slightest.

Or, how about that psychotic bat I used to call 'mom,' barely making an effort to even hide her doubts with those pathetic, weak pleas. 'You don't need to be a hero. Please give it up and do something else.' Fuck off already.

And most of all, lies were told all the time by dear old dad. Except, he never needed to use words to tell these lies-hell, he never used words anyways. Not with me. Not ever. Nah. I could see the lies everyday, and he never needed to say a damn thing.

The lies that he accepted such a weak failure as his son. The lies that he actually gave a damn about his first born's last breath.

My entire life was a lie. My entire existence always has been. So, of course, I'd be able to recognize a bad liar when I see one.

And, until today, my curiosity about 'lying' never really got the better of me. I've never been interested enough in anyone to actually give a damn that they were lying. After all, I always jumped at any opportunity to roll my eyes and talk shit about people who tried to cross me.

But, that's what you get for caring, I guess. A lifetime of pain and suffering over one, stupid grape. How about that, huh?

And, you know, you're probably sitting there wondering. 'Ohhh, here he goes again. What's poor, little Touya complaining about this time?'

Or....Dabi. What-the-fuck-ever. Who knows anymore. I don't wanna talk about it.

Anyways, that's it, right? You're probably wondering why I'm opening up this shitty monologue with bad liars, instead of addressing the big ass elephant in the room that-surprise! Yeah, I was spying on Grape and heard every damn thing she just said to my ghost-to my stupid fucking school picture with the awful haircut. Fuck me for letting that bubbly, purple haired idiot near my head with a pair of scissors the night before for 'hehe, just a trim.'

Well, I dunno. I guess I'm bitching cause I just wished, if this stupid woman had any talents in that empty head of hers, it would have been lying. If she'd been good at it, then I wouldn't have known she'd been doing it in the first place. Then, I wouldn't be here forced to talk to you about my problems. Yeah, that's how you know I'm desperate.

Ignorance is bliss. Isn't that what they say? Who the fuck is 'they' in that particular statement, anyways? Pretentious fucks, I'm sure.

But, for now, let's humor my adorable face and say it's true. If ignorance was bliss, I would have found it funny when Grape said from the other side of the bathroom door this morning that she had a stomach ache from her hangover. I would have made fun of her when she asked me to run across the street to get her medicine, probably called her an idiot or a dumbass along the way. Something. Anything.

And then I would have left like a gullible idiot, reminiscing like a stupid teenager about the damn good night we had together last night. Like the nasty simp I've turned into, I woulda gotten her the shit medicine and then some. Take what you've seen from those stupid rom-coms and double the cringe. That's probably what I would have bought her, regretting it the entire time.

Then, after getting all that embarrassing, stupid shit, I'd walk back in the rain to the hotel room like a grade-A jackass, seeing the place empty and Violet's phone sitting on my bed in plain sight.

Gasp! Right? Sure bet that was an accident, you ignorant moron. Lemme just sit and wait on the bed like a damsel in distress. Clueless as to where she is, or when she's coming back. That would have been the end of it.

Damn. Sounds pretty good to me though. Is it 'bliss?' I dunno about that. Sounds more like stupidity. But, maybe that's just cause I ain't one to fall for that dumb shit.

But, after how the day ended, I sure wish I was.

Cause instead of buying that crap Grape gave me from the other side of the bathroom door about how she's got the liquor shits, or whatever, I knew she was lying.

I know her too well, after all. Tends to happen when you love someone. Even if I couldn't see her eyes, it was the quiet sound of her voice. The shake in it that showed she was five seconds away from losing it.

Sure, I could have easily busted down the damn door. But, for some reason, I couldn't. Instead, I decided to catch her in the lie-or, that's what I'd planned to do anyway.

And, don't get me wrong, she's not the most perceptive idiot of the bunch. But, she didn't even notice I'd been standing in plain sight when she'd opened the door to leave the hotel, not even looking over to her right to see I was glaring at her expectingly with arms crossed in the hallway.

Cause, what were you up to, Grape? Thinking you could outsmart me? Yeah, right.

I planned to end things there. I planned for her to see me and do her little jump scare and babble, knowing she'd been caught in a lie. I planned for her to tell me why she was lying and be done with it.

But, I'd never seen her like that before. So dead. So broken. Lifeless. She was catatonic. Completely lost in pain as she robotically made her way down the other side of the hallway and towards the elevators.

It caught me off guard. Caused my stupid eyes to widen as if I was worried.

Yeah. Me, worried. Imagine that. Couldn't be me.

So, I followed her.

Sure, upon the first few steps, I wasn't sure where the hell she was going. Part of me kinda hoped she was going to sneak off and sleep with someone else so I could hate her. The other part of me was fucking terrified of that possibility. And all of me already knew she'd fallen too deep for me to even consider that, putting half of me at ease and the other half consumed with guilt.

Make sense? I know right.

Regardless, I didn't even make an effort to hide. I stood right next to her at the crosswalk. Sat right behind her on the bus. Walked right next to her as she made that familiar trek to the place I fucking despised.

There was no reason to hide. I wanted her to notice me. Don't ask me why, cause I don't know the answer. I'm sure it's a stupid one.

I just wanted her to notice me and snap out of it, I guess. Cause, even if I'd been wondering where she was going, I already knew deep down. I knew why she fell into some catatonic depression I'd never seen.

And, while bitch boy Akio warned me about how its happened to her before, the selfish part of me could easily deny it until now. After all, I'd never actually seen it happen before. I was too busy peeling the melting skin off my body to focus on that.

Not today though. Today, I didn't take my eyes off her as I watched her suffer like that for the first time. Part of the reason was curiosity. Like I said, it's rare to see her so fucked up like that.

The other reason was self punishment. I forced myself to look at her because I deserved it. I deserved to see those sunken eyes staring into hellish space. To see her skin look so pale, she might as well have died in her spot. Or, how her body was hunched forward slightly, obviously tired from carrying the weight of my problems on her back for too long.

I deserve it for a lot of reasons. For being a weak, little shit and dying in the first place. For using her now, and lying. For willingly letting this secret continue to kill her from the inside out.

When it comes to everyone else, I don't care. I want them to suffer like this. Brother. Sister. Mom. Dad. I hope it fucking hurts. I hope it haunts them 'till the day they die. That they see my face at night. In their dreams. In their regretful, meaningless prayers to my corpse.

Because they deserve that. They all do. Everyone in the world deserves it for ruining me.

There's only one person who doesn't deserve it. One person who's forcibly kept her little claws in me, refusing to let me go and drown in myself the way I want to. And, that's...

...Euphoria.

Heh. Gotcha. Just making sure you're still awake. You better be listening to all my bitching, or else.

Oh, come on. Do I really have to say who it actually is? If you don't fucking know by now, you're an even bigger embarrassment than before. And that's saying something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good ol' Violet Sasaki. My fucking demise.

I've known it since she weaseled her way back into my life. Not a surprise and also not a big deal, because there was always barriers keeping us apart. First, it was this mission. Then, her hatred for 'Dabi.' After that, it was her shitty boyfriend. Progressing to this forbidden thing about loving the big, bad villain...

There was always that wall between us. Something I wanted to maintain so fucking desperately, yet failed.

It's worse now. It hurts more cause everything I said I was gonna do-everything I was trying to avoid, happened.

She got too close. And while I could have lived with loving her silently and begrudgingly, she fell in love with me.

Again.

God, she just had to fall in love with me. Not even that, but she fell in love with the worst version of me. I can't even say she loved a version of me that's no longer there, cause now it's not true. She didn't just fall in love with Touya, she fell in love with Dabi, too.

And I fucking hate it. God, I hate how damn emotional it makes me feel. I hate the heavy feeling in my chest. That pathetic stirring in my stomach, and the tightness in my throat. And, even though I know I'm ruining her, I hate how a small part of me fucking loves it. I hate how much I love that this happened all over again, because it means she's still the same girl I fell in love with.

It's how much she needs me. How badly she wants me. I hate how good it feels to have her all over me like this again.

It's being wanted-actually, nah. As I've said before, it ain't just that. I've been wanted by desperate whores in the past and it doesn't feel the same. It's being wanted by her. That's how it's always been. The feeling of it gives me a high that drugs and liquor can't compare to. It's the only thing in this shitty world that I'm addicted to. The only thing I crave.

That's why it's so fucking hard to let her go.

Sure, I talk a big game-saying how...blah, blah, blah-it's not gonna last. Blah, blah, blah-it ain't gonna go on much longer.

But, anyone can say things. And, I think deep down, in this fucked up head of mine...I never actually had any intentions to let her go. I think I planned to keep stringing her like this all along and hope she could just live contently and naively in my fake, little world.

Even though I knew I never would, I could always spew lies about going off and breaking her heart like it was nothing. I could say I hate her and then go and fuck her so good, it makes us forget everything else.

In case you haven't figured it out by now, I like to talk. Not only that, but I like to hear myself talk and listen to all the threats and lies that spill from my mouth unfiltered.

Not only is it a damn good ego boost, but it reminds me of who I am. Who I became. It reminds me who I want to die as, how I want to be remembered.

That's why my actions and words don't fucking match. My words are who I wanna be. My actions are who I am.

I always wanted to be the guy who never loved Violet, so I'd say it out loud and hope it came true. Then I'd go and forget it all, kissing her and letting loose everything I really feel.

And when it became too personal, I could just say it again-'I'll end it eventually.' But, I never really planned to.

Until today.

Until right now, with me outside my old house-propped right next to the cracked open window of my old room, with the rain threatening to dissolve me into the fucking ground with how hard it's coming down.

I don't care if it did. I wish it would.

Because it hurts. Yeah, right now, I can admit that much. It all hurts.

It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna cry. Ironic for me, huh? Probably funny, too.

Awwww. Poor, little Touya, huh? The pathetic bitch wants to actually breakdown and cry for the first time in nine years? How predicable for him. He always was so emotional!

But, guess what? Look where all that emotion got him, because he can't do that. He can't cry. So, instead, he's here crying blood and hyperventilating silently into the rain. His muscles are trembling as if he's cold, and damn, his stomach hurts like hell.

His tear ducts burn with unmatched pressure of the cry that's trapped inside his body forever, having nowhere to go but back down to pollute his doomed soul again and again. Forever.

Cause it's all about perspective, you see. Simply knowing and actually seeing are two different things.

It's one thing to hear and know that Violet's been fucked up from my death. It's one thing to hear it from my fucking enemy when I'm half plastered and horny in the middle of a bar. Hell, it's one thing to imagine it. Sure, that stings a little more, but even then, I never really had a baseline for the image either. She's always been so irritatingly bubbly, even at her worst. Not something one can think of creatively.

But, seeing it. Actually seeing it with my own eyes today. It changed things for me.

Watching her bow before my picture, with pleas and prayers that, maybe...just maybe, I could come back to her for a day. A single hour. It was the damn anguish in her voice when she spoke my name. The sound of each labored breath leaving her throat, as if the mere action of existing was the hardest chore in the world.

It was apologizing to me for thinking she fell in love with someone else. Being sorry for moving on.

Hearing her talk about what could have been. Fuck. That one. That one...

Hearing her cry and beg me for an ordinary life.

It's woken me up to how fucked up this really is. How fucked up I am for doing this.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not a good guy. I'm not trying to be. I don't wanna be. I'm simply trying to get this off my own nonexistent conscience because it irritates me that I care so much. Especially after the conversation I had at the bar a few nights ago.

Roach Boy Akio's words polluted my ears loudly now, echoing even stronger than the beating rain around me.

"It's something you won't ever understand, because you've never seen it. You've never seen her so broken over someone, that she no longer sees the value of living. You've never seen her want to throw her entire life away over someone who was never worth it."

Alright, asshole. I get it. I really do. I get what you're trying to do. Hell, I've only seen the tip of the iceberg today and it's been the perfect punishment.

It's true. She shouldn't throw her life away over someone who's not worth it.

With dull eyes, I stared blankly into the stupid garden of my old house, feeling the icy rain drip off the hood of my jacket and onto my nose tauntingly as Akio's words continued playing in my head like a loop.

It's funny. I didn't even think I'd been listening to them at the time. Yet, I seem to remember every single one.

"Tell her you love her within the next month, or cut ties with her completely."

Ha. Please. He knew what he was doing with that statement. As if I'm 'that guy.' The guy who's really gonna change for her, cause 'love conquers all,' right? Save it for the bumper sticker.

Nah. That's what I've been trying to tell you all along. That's not what this story's about. It's not the story of change. Not the one where the big, bad villain gets his redemption arc, because the power of love turned him good. It's not the one where I profess my love for Violet in grand dramatic fashion and finally reveal myself as her former, dead fiancé.

Just because I fell in love, doesn't mean I want redemption. Love is just another pointless barrier in my way. That's how its been since the beginning of this story.

No. I'm way past the point of redemption. Past the point of being saved, even by Violet. Oh, sorry, did you think I was getting little bits of character development here and there? Try again. Be disappointed and cry about it.

Because, even now, I never plan to tell her who I am.

I wasn't lying when I said I don't want to relive that part of my life. Ever again. I don't want to relive whoever Touya was, because I fucking can't.

Sure, she'll find out one day. But, luckily, I wont be around by then to see how much the truth destroys her. I'll be dead.

Yeah, maybe that's selfish to say. But, it's the fucking truth. The reality check we all need.

I'm an evil guy. I don't know how to love. And, honestly? I don't fucking deserve it, anyways, with the shit I've done, and will continue to do. There's no room in my life for it.

Telling Violet I love her. Revealing who I am. It's all out of my comfort zone. It's too close to Touya. And I can't handle what that would do. To both of us.

I've already lost so much of 'Dabi' in these past months she's been back in my life. If she finds out who I am, I could lose the entirety of that horrible guy I've worked so hard to become in these past nine years.

But, this. I can't do this to her anymore. I can't keep letting her get so close when I know she's this fucked up because of me.

So. That only leaves the other acceptable option of Roach Boy's ultimatum-end things with her in the next month.

Yeah. Harder than it sounds obviously. I've already tried to do it a million times before and caved every time.

But, I gotta try to stick with it for real this time. After seeing her today, it will be easier to do that.

Maybe not right away. I'm fucking pathetic for her, after all.

I can make it easier though. Distance myself. Make her hate me-make her hate me so much...

That she doesn't hurt when I finally cut ties.

No, I'm not being a martyr. It's just the least I can do. Sure, I don't owe anyone else in the world a damn thing. But, this? I can do this for her. I can make her hate me. Make it easier for her to walk away forever.

Yeah, it'll kill me. But, I'm already dead, so who cares? Once she's outta my life, I won't be here much longer anyways. I'll up the timeline on my dance with dad, because by then, I won't have anything else to try for.

Don't be mistaken though. I don't want your fucking pity. No, I deserve it. I know that. I deserve to think so hard about this, it drives me legitimately insane. And I deserve all the damn pain this is gonna cause me.

But, she doesn't. She deserves better. She deserves to actually move on. She deserves to live that life she cried for today. She deserves the little shithead, bratty kids she wants. The stupid house on the prairie, or whatever. Cheesy picket fences and home cooked meals.

And, most of all, she deserves someone who's there for her. Someone who doesn't lie and stick around to use her, the way I'm doing. She deserves a healthy relationship. To grow old with some square schmuck, and live quietly and happily.

She deserves someone who knows how to love her the right way. I can't give that to her. Ever.

So, I'll let her. I'll let her go.

It's time to let her go.

My chest tightened more at my own thoughts. My tear ducts burning with pain as blood poured out of them with agony. Panic rose in my veins at the thoughts of letting go and my vision flashed with every memory we had together, as if life was playing out before my very eyes.

Fuck it. I want....to cry.

The lump in my throat was torturing as it tried so hard to work its way to my eyes and release a fraction of pain from my body.

Yet, being unable to cry, all I could do was laugh as I didn't even bother to wipe away the blood from my eyes. I stared blankly at the wilting black roses in the garden as I felt myself die all over again. Speaking to nothing and no one but the black clouds in the sky that cried for me.

"Oh, sunshine. If only you'd been a better liar."

*****

Violet POV:

The clouds had finally stopped their mourning by the time I returned to the hotel.

While night had long arrived, I could still see the sky had finally started to clear and reveal the stars that had been hiding behind them.

I'm just happy I was able to wake up on Touya's floor alone and duck out of the Todoroki home unnoticed. Thank goodness everyone was working late today.

I wasn't in the mood for explaining why I'd passed out in Touya's room, drowning in a pool of my own tears. That would have definitely raised some eyebrows...

And, yeah. I hadn't felt the best upon leaving. Physically and mentally, I was recovering from a hangover of liquor and emotions that sat right in the pit of my stomach.

But, as I started walking in the brisk night air-throwing up the remnants of last night along the way-and the further away I got from the Todoroki home, the better I began to feel...finally able to snap out of my depressive episode and carry on as best I could.

No, I'm not 'healed' obviously. Of course I'm still sad. If past years have anything to say about the passing of Touya's death, it'll take me weeks to find normalcy again. And that's fine.

The sadness and suffering are worth it, if it means I won't forget Touya.

Is it healthy? Pining over a dead boy? Probably not.

But, at this point, I don't strive to be healthy anymore. I simply exist for the purpose of not. Waiting and wondering when my own 'day' will be, so I can be reunited with him and end this suffering.

It could be today or tomorrow. It could be when I'm old and grey. I wont mess with fate's plans for me, I'll let nature run its course and live out my life however I'm supposed to.

But, I'll never feel complete without him. I've accepted that. I'll never be happy.

So, when my day comes, I won't be sad. Sure, I may be a little scared. But, mostly relieved that I can finally find happiness again.

And, knowing that, it made me finally smile again when I looked up at the stars. Knowing that Touya was saving a spot for me up there. Knowing there would come a day we could look down on this street together from another life.

So. Maybe it does get better eventually, from that perspective.

Of course, my meager relief was short lived as I arrived at the front door of the hotel room, clothes drenched from the rain and eyes rubbed red from crying, remembering the lies I'd told Dabi about needing 'stomach medication.'

Oof. Yeah. Let's pretend that was believable...

It's been about five hours since I last saw him. I have no doubt he's back inside by now, definitely having seen my phone on the bed as a sign he couldn't even call me.

Did he go to look for me? Was he worried? I don't really know. When it comes to Dabi, anything is possible. I can't read him, I've never been able to. He says one thing, then does another. I truly don't know what he's really thinking.

My own reservations caused me to hesitate a bit in nerves as I had no idea how Dabi would be feeling when I walked inside. But, if there's one thing about him that I can say confidently, it's that I'm not afraid of whatever reaction he'll give.

I trust him too much to be afraid.

I sighed softly as I punched my keycard into the lock slot, seeing the knob light up green a few seconds later to show the door had unlocked.

Slowly, I creaked it open and looked around, seeing the room had been completely pitch black with night.

Huh? He hasn't turned on any lights? Is he still not back from the store? I hope he didn't go looking for me.

My brows furrowed in confusion as I fully walked inside the room now, carefully shutting the door behind me before switching on some lights.

Uncomfortable silence consumed the space as I walked around our room aimlessly, opening the closet and knocking on the door to the bathroom in case he'd be in there.

But, he wasn't.

And I hate how panicked that made me, not knowing where Dabi was.

Because it just shows how pathetically dependent I've become on his presence-feeling unease resting in the pit of my stomach at the possibility that he may have left for good. Even if he had no reason to.

It's scary. Being this attached to someone who's presence is so unpredictable. I never planned for it. It just kind of happened. It happened so easily, because even if his words say one thing, his actions always do everything right.

I haven't been attached to someone like this since Touya. And look how that ended.

Nervous heat began to rise in my veins as I continued walking around the room, looking for Dabi. Breath becoming tighter in my lungs with every passing second I didn't find him.

Am I really about to have a panic attack because he's not here? This is ridiculous. He doesn't owe me any explanations. It's not like me at all to be so dependent on someone.

I've always preferred being alone. This is why I tried so hard to avoid getting attached.

"Oh god..." I whispered out weakly, walking a bit brisker to the kitchen as if I hadn't checked the spot a thousand times already.

Because what if he's dead, or something? What if he's in trouble? What if I'll never see him again?

My heart began to race in post traumatic stress as I walked back to the closet, then to the bathroom, and then the beds-causing my muscles to start trembling as I didn't see him anywhere.

A wave of dizziness had only just started to settle in my head when I remembered the balcony-quickly running over to it and throwing open the heavy curtains with alarm to get a look.

Phew.

And there he was.

My heavy breaths immediately began to slow down as I saw that familiar head of black hair, peeking over the posh balcony chair, causing me to hunch over and rest my hands on my knees to gather my bearings once more.

Thank god. He's fine. He's just sitting outside on the balcony. It's fine. It's...fine.

Luckily, Dabi hadn't heard or seen the commotion behind him-aka, me making a total ass out of myself, trying to find him. He simply continued lounging in his seat, pillows of cigarette smoke consuming his space as he looked out to the lit up city of Tokyo below.

He doesn't seem worried, or in any sort of hurry to figure out where I'd been. Maybe he's more angry at me for leaving like that than I thought.

Or...maybe, as he always says, he just doesn't care.

I took a few more seconds to compose myself before finding out whatever harsh answer awaited me, only slowly opening the door to the balcony when I knew I'd gathered the remainder of my composure.

The sound of the door opening was obvious enough to be heard by him, yet he didn't even turn around to see who it was as he simply kept his feet propped on the balcony railing...taking another drag of his cigarette with ease.

Not even a reaction, huh? The last time I went somewhere unannounced-aka, Midas' place, the man pinned me to the door with a face full of concern, not letting me go until I told him where I'd been.

Now, it looks as if he couldn't care less.

I swallowed thickly as my feet slowly strolled to the other, empty balcony chair...carefully taking a seat in the comfy cushions as I looked forward to the city with Dabi.

Now, it was completely obvious he'd noticed my presence, considering I sat directly next to him. Yet, once again, he didn't even bother to look at me...half lidded eyes looking dead ahead dully as his own thoughts consumed his head.

Maybe he's mad that I took off without warning? After all, he's got no idea why I left so abruptly like that. I could see why he'd be confused.

Comfortable, knowing silence consumed the space between us for a small pass of time, both of us having internal conversations with ourselves, before I decided to break the chilly ice.

"Hey." I uttered quietly, slowly peering my gaze over to him warmly.

He didn't answer or meet my eyes, giving me only his side profile as he continued to look forward.

Even so, his side profile was nice to look at. Regardless of how he feels about himself, I think he's incredibly handsome just the way he is.

And, maybe it's because I only noticed it today, but I see more of Touya in him than I realized before. From the way his lips unintentionally pout slightly when he's mad. To the cold look of sassy anger that's glazed over his eyes. Even the lax, 'bad boy' body language to convey that 'he doesn't care about anything.'

It makes me laugh internally in amusement to the similarities. But, it also only makes me reflect on my words today more intently, wondering if I really only love Dabi because he reminds me of Touya.

I don't know the definitive answer. Yes, it may be true. But, regardless, looking at him now and being here...

I know that I do love him.

Even the stubbornness he's giving me now-the silent treatment. I've had enough experience with broody, emotionally constipated men to have patience.

I pressed my lips together and rotated more of my body towards him now, making it a point to continue looking at his face as I spoke again.

"I'm sorry for running off so suddenly." I followed up patiently, running my eyes along each pretty imperfection of his face as if he was a work of art.

Once again, Dabi said nothing to my words, giving his cigarette a little flick as he continued ignoring me.

Silence rose between us once more, causing me to sigh softly with apology before trying once more.

"Did you...get the stomach medicine?" I asked pointlessly, knowing the obviously fake question would be enough to get him to speak.

And, it seemed to do the trick as Dabi scoffed coldly a few moments later, shaking his head with boredom.

"Why would I do that when your stomach doesn't hurt?" He asked rhetorically, letting me know I'd been caught in the lie a long time ago.

I expected that though. I mean, I've been gone for almost six hours. I knew he'd figured it out.

But, I do want to explain. A little bit, anyways.

"Fair enough." I acknowledged, adjusting more comfortably in my seat, "I didn't mean to leave you hanging. I had a reason."

Dabi's jaw tensed slightly at my words, before he put out his cigarette on the expensive glass table and flicked it over the balcony without a care in the world.

"Yeah. I bet you did." He simply uttered, confusing me a little with such passive quietness.

It's never been his style. He likes to be heard and hear himself talk-and complain.

"Mhm." I murmured hesitantly, deciding to drop the bomb about my whereabouts. "I was actually at-"

"Don't care." Dabi cut me off abruptly, making it a point to stop me before I finished. "We're not together. Be wherever you want. Don't need to tell me about it."

Ouch.

His words practically cut through my heart at the cruel reminder of our situation-a situation he seems to remind me of every chance he gets.

I shouldn't be surprised. This is what I signed up for.

And, yet, everytime he says it, I am surprised.

I guess it's just because I'm hoping that next time will be different. Pathetically, I hope it will be the last time he says it, when his words finally match the genuineness of his actions.

Today's not that day though. It never seems to be.

Feeling he was probably lashing out a bit after today, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt with the situation...attempting to explain it to him once more.

"I...I know we're not..together..." I uttered a bit dryly, fiddling with my thumbs as I tried to find the right words. "It's just....if you actually knew where I was, I think you'd be less mad about it-"

Once again, Dabi didn't give me the chance to finish my words as he abruptly stood up from his chair now, shoving his hands in his pockets as he turned on his heel towards the door.

"Who said I'm mad?" He said blankly, without even looking back. "I didn't even notice you were gone."

I sighed tiredly at his usual hard-to-get demeanor, lethargically standing up from my own chair to follow him inside.

After my breakdown at the Todoroki home an hour ago, I really don't want to do this. I don't want to fight. I'm mentally and physically exhausted.

Pathetically, I was actually hoping I could have told Dabi the reason I ditched him at the hotel today, and that he could have comforted me and held me for the rest of the night.

Just like he did last time.

"We both know that's not true." I said knowingly, keeping my voice serious so he knows I didn't want to play any games.

But, his next words were ruthless-meant with the sole intention to spark up an unnecessary fight over nothing.

"You don't know anything. You never seem to." He said as he threw the balcony door open, looking back at me with a taunting smirk on his face when he'd done so, "That's why it's so easy to take advantage of you all the time. You're every villain's wet dream, sweetheart."

Wow.

Dabi's attempt at starting a fight was incredibly successful, causing anger to begin welling up in my chest as I followed him inside.

"Okay, look," I said sternly, slamming the door closed and turning to him with exasperation. "I get you're upset that I ditched you today. But, that doesn't mean you need to-"

His mocking chuckle was quick to cut me off, yet he kept his back to me as he walked briskly into the kitchen...seeming more on edge and anxious than he let on.

"What, are you hard of hearing now? Or did you just skip the fucking part where I said I don't give a hell about you." He laughed dismissively, giving himself the busy work of making a glass of water.

Yeah, I know it's just to keep himself busy. Wanna know how I know? Because that man has only drank a single glass of water in his entire life!

"No. I heard that part very clear." I said, crossing my arms as I leaned against the wall. "I just don't think it's true."

I could tell my words were getting to him, even if he wouldn't show it. The stiff shrug of his shoulders and lack of eye contact told me everything I needed to know.

"Not my problem your self awareness is shit." He dismissed, causing the anger to get hotter in my chest.

"Actually, that's not it at all. My self awareness is pretty damn good, Dabi." I defended, watching him walk out of the kitchen without even looking my way.

It frustrated me, causing my words to continue with the intention of getting a reaction out of him.

"My self awareness is so good, I know you're lying when you say you don't care about me. Wanna talk 'self awareness?' How about focusing on yours."

He laughed insincerely at my words, once again keeping his back to me as he picked up one of his dirty towels off the floor and tossed it in the hamper.

Okay, now I know for a fact this man is purposely avoiding my eyes. He's never cleaned a damn thing in his life.

"God, you're always so fucking desperate with that." He drawled in lazy exasperation. "Wanting sooo badly to believe I'm 'different,' huh? Wanting so damn badly to believe I can 'change.'"

I followed his walk around the room, paying close attention to his unconvincing busy work in cleaning and avoiding my eyes.

"I never once said I wanted to make you change-"

"No. I guess you didn't, did you?" He asked condescendingly, strolling aimlessly around the room now. "A mistake on your part, sunshine, cause fucking look at me. You should want me to change if you care so much. What, were you-the little shit hero, planning on fucking a serial killer for the rest of your life?"

His words pricked my veins with the pain of reality, and also some anxiety, causing my sass to temporarily freeze as the question caught me off guard.

Of course, it's the elephant in the room. Something Dabi and I both know would inevitably come up.

But, for some reason, there was always an unspoken naivety about it as well. Something neither of us ever brought up, because we didn't want to address about it.

Because how do we address it?

Why is he bringing it up now? It's just causing unnecessary stress and tension. So irritating.

"Well...." I uttered unsuccessfully, too caught off guard by the question to get an answer. "I...I-"

"You just don't know what to say, because you didn't think that far ahead in your stupid, little brain, right?" Dabi finished smugly, feeding off my speechlessness as if he was winning this fight.

But, what the hell is he winning? Succeeding in dividing us apart? Sure, I guess? Good for him?

He acts as if this doesn't affect him, too. No-more than that-he acts as if this is something that's all in my head. As if my feelings for him have nothing to do with his actions towards me.

It frustrates me. Sure, the possibility frustrates me. But, what frustrates me even more is that I have to try and piece together these things on my own. Because he won't actually tell me how he's really feeling, I'm forced to assume and guess it like a damn complicated puzzle...

He's always so secretive. About everything.

"How can I think that far ahead when you never give me the chance to, Dabi?" I bit back with growing irritation, forced to glare at his back since he wouldn't turn around. "You never let me in to know what you're thinking. Hell, you don't let me into any part about you! It's been ten months, and I still don't even know your actual name!"

The mention of his name was the thing to cause Dabi to freeze in his tracks, suddenly seeming like he entered an angry state of panic as he finally turned around to face me.

"And you won't know it." He stated lowly, teeth gritting together as if I'd struck some sort of nerve in him. "I don't want you knowing shit about me. Get it through your head. It's not your business. I fuck you and that's it. If you think there's more to it, that's your fault."

"It's not my fault at all!" I unintentionally yelled, seeing the anguish on Dabi's face more clearly as he approached me closer.

This obviously hurts him. Why? Why is he doing this?

"Yeah, it is-" he said a little less convincing, looking down at me now as if I were nothing more than a stranger.

It hurt.

"No! It's not!" I yelled again, pressing my hands into his chest and pushing him back slightly. "Because you keep giving me mixed signals that make me confused."

Dabi lazily stumbled back with my push, easily closing the distance between us once more a few moments later.

"Yeah? Well, then lemme clear it up for you right now, in that empty fucking head." He said lowly, looking straight into my eyes for the first time since I got home.

Only it wasn't the usual way he looked at me. There wasn't any warmth or softness in his gaze. Just 'Dabi' and everything that guy stood for as he continued speaking like the villain he wants to be.

"I don't care about you. I do not care.........Heh, you could drop dead right now, and I'd probably spit on your corpse and walk out."

His words cut sharply through the air, leaving behind a heavy, eery silence that definitely made both of us uncomfortable.

And, yet, this time he didn't falter. For the first time, his actions met his words. Eyes unwavering. Face stone cold. Gaze empty and dull as if he truly meant it.

Even as he watched my throat choking up and my lips quivering, he did nothing. Looking completely unapologetic and convincing in his statement.

"I...I don't believe you." I whispered softly, cringing at the pathetic, wavering sound of my voice.

It caused Dabi to let out a taunting, evil laugh as angry tears welled up in my eyes, causing my teeth to grind together in frustration for everything.

I'm frustrated I'm about to cry, because it's out of anger. But, I'm also frustrated that he dared to mock my pain. It's something he's never done. And I hate it.

"Aww, you don't?" He asked condescendingly, leaning in menacingly close with a smirk. "Then why does it look like you're about to cry?"

His question unintentionally struck a chord with me, making me realize why I was actually so angry.

It wasn't because of what he just said, even though he wants it to be.

It's...

"Because you can't admit to either of us how you really feel. That's why I want to cry." I bit back lowly, harshly shoving him to the side before briskly walking to the bathroom.

Dabi said nothing to my words, and did nothing, as I slammed the door closed.

And, while I originally came back to the hotel, hoping he would comfort me tonight, I'm glad he didn't continue this conversation from the other side of the bathroom door.

Feeling emotionally drained from mourning Touya and fighting with Dabi, I simply slid my back down the locked bathroom door, tiredly hugging my knees into my chest as I tried to get my head together.

I'm so tired of feeling like this. If only I could feel happy all the time.

Well, I did feel like that once. But....Midas' jewels....are dangerous. Addictive and too good to be true.

They're especially dangerous to people like me. People who are so starved of happiness, they become hooked on it the minute they get a small taste.

I sighed softly as I rested my forehead on my knees, legitimately planning to fall asleep in my uncomfortable spot, until my wet, icy clothes finally made their presence known through the form of a loud sneeze.

Oh, great. And I'm getting sick, too?-ugh! Could catatonic me not have had the decency to at least bring an umbrella to my mourning session? The nerve, I tell you.

I groaned in annoyance and sniffled the stuffy nose trying to settle in my system, cringing when I wasn't able to hold in the next sneeze that came barreling out of me.

My throat felt much dryer than I'd realized, before a small, wet cough forced its way out of my mouth. Then another. And another.

Fine. I guess I should take a hot shower to warm up-

Knock. Knock.

Oh great. This guy again, huh?

My mood gradually began to turn sour as I had a pretty good guess who the hell was at the door, causing my head to remain on my knees as I spoke with muffled irritation.

"Go away."

Knock. Knock.

My teeth slowly ground together in anger for Dabi refusing to leave me alone, causing my head to lift up straight in case he didn't hear me the first time.

"I said, go away." I said impatiently, about to lower my head back to my knees before-

Knock. Knock.

I inhaled sharply as I abruptly stumbled up to my feet like a crazy person, turning around with fiery anger as I prepared to open the door and give him hell.

Ohhhh, that is it! He wants to play games? He wants another fight? Well, by goodness, he shall get one. Cause I am sooo fricking mad!!

"I said!!!-" I yelled as I threw the door open violently, about to use every swear word in the book to cuss this man out.

But, my words and anger trailed off into pure, blank confusion as I saw Dabi at the door.

He had streaks of blood running from his eyes, down his cheeks-looking like bloody tears. His stitched hands were steaming to release the painful emotions his face wouldn't show....holding a bottle of cough syrup in his hands. Hands that trembled against his will.

The two of us remained silent for a moment as we stared at the cough syrup, feeling lost in an uncomfortable, unspoken tension before he spoke plainly.

"The cough syrup was in the kitchen." He stated emotionlessly, shoving it into my hands with a shrug. "Used it a few nights ago to make a drink. Whatever."

I...

Cough syrup and liquor?!?!

My brows furrowed in silent confusion as I took the medicine, giving my head a small shake before my eyes hesitantly directed up towards Dabi's.

Upon feeling my gaze, he couldn't resist meeting mine as well; blue eyes finally looking familiar as they shimmered with the care and warmth I've become so used to.

The look felt more passionate than I'd been expecting, eyes speaking a set of words his mouth couldn't form.

But, I understood. Or, I wanted to, anyways-easily letting my gaze melt with his and fall all over again. So willing to forget everything that just happened, if it meant he'd hold me and kiss me the way he did last night-

"I just don't want you to be hacking all night and waking me up." He followed up raspily, looking straight into my soul as he spoke the meaningless words.

His actions don't match his words.

But, still, it hurts. Enough for me to be able to close the door tonight.

"Yeah." I whispered sadly, being the first one to break his eyes as I let the bathroom door slowly shut. "I bet that's why."

****

Dabi was gone when I got out of the shower.

I don't know where he went. I don't know when he'd be back. But, I know that I felt empty. Definitely emptier than I'd felt in a long time.

My thoughts drifted into the 'what-ifs,' wondering if he was going to see another woman, since we technically haven't put a label on things. Maybe he'd go to the bar and drink the night away. I really wasn't sure.

I just know that he hurt my feelings. And that I wish we could just go back to last night.

A tired groan escaped my lips as I checked my empty phone notifications once more and trudged towards the bed-surprised to see there was actually a note on it.

It was a note left by Dabi. I recognize his handwriting. It's surprisingly very neat and intelligently formed-only making me further curious about his upbringing.

Hesitantly, I grabbed the note-scanning the brief contents of it quickly as I didn't know what to expect...

Left for the night.
Don't sleep in my bed this time. I don't want your nasty germs getting me sick.

My jaw dropped slightly in legitimate offense at reading the words, only causing the sour feeling in my chest to rise again at his dickish move.

Wow. What an ass.

I don't know what got into him today. Clearly, he's upset about something-and, as usual, he won't tell me, so I have no way of knowing how to fix it.

But, if he doesn't want me in his bed, there's no way I'm gonna sleep there. I don't want to be somewhere I'm not wanted.

I muttered begrudging complaints about Dabi as I crumpled up the note, tossing it on the floor and stomping over to my own bed for the night.

It felt so foreign, getting under the crisp, clean sheets. Even though it's supposed to be 'my' bed, I haven't actually slept in it for months now. Actually, scratch that...I haven't slept by myself in months...

Like I said, I feel too dependent on another person. It makes me uncomfortable.

Regardless, I tried to get comfortable by myself once more as I settled under the sheets-practically breaking a damn sweat from how much I'd started tossing and turning.

Come on. Just go to sleep. It's not that hard.

I squeezed my eyes shut violently as I tried to force sleep upon my exhausted body to no avail, giving up and letting my lids fall open a few moments later.

"Crap..." I groaned quietly, letting my head fall to the side to catch a glimpse of Dabi's empty bed.

It was only upon doing so that I noticed the night table that separated Dabi and I's bed-seeing two pain pills and a fresh glass of water for the head cold that was brewing in my immune system.

I stared at the items blankly, closing my eyes in confusion and frustration for Dabi's contradicting actions.

I. Don't. Understand. Him.

However, exhaustion finally began catching up with me the more I thought about it, causing me to give up and reach for the pills.

Before my phone started ringing loudly.

I jumped slightly at the loud, aggressive sound of my phone, not expecting a phone call so late in the night.

To me, that only means it's probably important.

And, upon grabbing the device and seeing the 'UNKNOWN' untraceable number pop up on the screen, I knew I was definitely right.

The only unknown number that pops up on my phone is Kaito. And, if the sudden stomach ache I have doesn't speak true to that, let's just find out.

After all, Midas never seems to call me himself. It's never important enough that he needs to do that dirty work.

My heart began to pound as I answered the phone, bracing myself to hear Kaito's mean voice on the other end of the line.

"Hello?" I uttered quietly, holding my breath for the response.

And, then...the unexpected...

"Violet, my dear." Midas said himself, causing my eyes to widen completely out of my head at hearing him on the phone.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Why is he calling me? He never calls! He always has his assistants do it.

Shock overcame me quickly as I didn't say a word to his greeting, remembering how we left things the last time we were together.

I released his prisoner-aka Endeavor. Then, I almost got myself gem-ified, trying to save Dabi's life-except, surprise! His most powerful jewel didn't work on me for some reason, cause oop, main character crap!

Definitely leaves for tension between us. Or, so I assumed-

Midas laughed softly at my silence, exhibiting that usual kind patience as he spoke once more.

"It's been awhile." He said casually, with a genuine smile evident in his voice. "I wanted to give you some time off after working so hard. I hope you enjoyed your rest."

My brain continued to stall, unable to form even a simple word in reply.

Yet, Midas was kind enough to wait for my answer this time, not speaking another word until I would.

"I...I did..." I trailed off awkwardly, cringing at the lack of intelligence.

It didn't seem to bother Midas though as he went on as usual-seeming more chipper and excited than I'd originally realized.

"Very good. Then I imagine you and Dobby will feel plenty refreshed to return back to work tomorrow morning, bright and early." He suggested, causing me to groan silently at needing to return to his mansion.

But, even so...it concerned me how little dread I felt at having to go back to the deadly villain's mansion...trying so, so desperately to ignore the underlying feeling of excitement trying to poison my common sense.

I shouldn't be excited. Not in the slightest. He's evil, remember? Everything he does is evil. Don't forget that.

"Of course." I said more effortlessly now, definitely sounding much too convincing to Midas and myself.

"Good. I look forward to it..." He said with low excitement, letting out a slight sinister chuckle of anticipation as he spoke his next words.

"Especially, because...I've been working hard since you've been away. There's something I'm just dying to show you."

************************************************
Thank you for reading!

If you wanna see what happens next, the next two, full chapters are already on Patreon. There's also Ordinary bonus chapter, polls, headcanons. Keigo lovers, there will be an Angel of The Sky bonus chapter coming out on Patreon tomorrow called "One Hour"

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