Dabi POV:

Well. That's just god damn hilarious.

Seriously, I'm laughing really hard.

What are the odds of that, right? Coulda fooled me.

Who knew Grape was dating my adorable, little, picture perfect brother? The charming, button eyed little brother of her dead fiancée, no less. She sure knows how to pick 'em!

Aw, and Natsuo, my dear brother. What happened to that bro code you always preached about? But, then again, I realize I can't expect much from you. Not as if you ever listened to me about anything in the first place, always telling me to go talk to Fuyumi-chan instead. Not to mention, you already had one desperate foot in the door of Grape's life while I was still alive. Good for you! I'm proud!

Typical Todoroki family bullshit, I see. Even when I don't belong there anymore, the bad juju of those fuckers still seems to follow me everywhere I go like a damn pandemic. Maybe I should mask up to see if that would help avoid it all. Who knows.

Well, I sure don't know. And I don't care!

Yeah, exactly. I don't care! I don't care one bit. I've lost all ability to feel, remember? I've completely lost care for anything.

So, I should probably stop staring so hard at the picture then.

Actually no. I'm gonna keep staring because I don't care.

But, Grape is looking at me in silence, waiting for an answer.

So?

I just wanna make sure it's him. I wanna make sure I'm not hallucinating the whole thing. After all, I just ate a cookie I found in my pocket a few minutes ago that could have very well been an edible I forgot about-

No. It's him. After sharing a room with him for years on end, I recognize his shitty face. Doesn't make a difference though. All the same.

Hearing Violet clear her throat like the awkward grape she is for my silence, I finally chose to tear my bad eye sight away from the picture, unable to stop the slight laugh of amusement that fell from my throat.

What? I told you it was funny.

"Nothing to say? He's pretty good looking then, right?" Violet chuckled sickly sweet, that soft, naive voice of hers raking harshly against my eardrums.

Who? Natsuo? Well, of course he is. He gets it from his older brother-you know, before he went and got himself burned to the state of a piece of charcoal. What a psycho, huh?

How cute. Now, Natsuo stole all the looks from me, the same way he stole all the athleticism and charm.

And that's not the only thing he stole, right? Ha!!!

"Well, what do you know. Guess he actually turned out to be alright." I said in my own cryptic Dabi way, of course meaning the sentence oh-so wholeheartedly-but, not for the reason that Grape thinks.

Yeah, that's kinda my thing. I'm vague and shit. Makes me more diabolical, or whatever. I don't like explaining myself. Shut up.

I continued sitting on the balcony, starting to feel like my head was somewhere else as I stared out into the never ending rain.

Suddenly, I'm tired of sitting here next to Grape, watching puddles form on the concrete-

"What? Did you just give someone a compliment? My goodness, I never thought I'd see the day, Mr. Edgy!" Grape grinned from next to me, giving my arm a playful jab with her bony elbow that I really didn't feel.

Realizing my villainous exterior was starting to slip as I couldn't think of a response, I decided that now was a good time to call it a night and head back inside.

Not to mention....I just felt my body temperature rise a few degrees after the turn this conversation took. I need to cool myself down. Don't wanna barbecue myself again, right? Well, not yet, anyways!

Ignoring her comment, I wordlessly stood up from my chair and gave my arms a lazy stretch over my head before lethargically turning on my heel without so much as a word.

"Oh? Wait, where are you going?" Grape asked curiously, almost sounding bummed that I was deciding to leave.

Don't worry! Now she can go call my brother, or something! Natsu-kun was always such a little worry wort, after all. I can only wonder how he feels about his beloved childhood crush being in the hands of a murderer for this assignment. How terrible!

"Why should I tell you? Do I suddenly owe you explanations now? I don't think so." I drawled out in whatever, trying to keep my tone as uncaring as possible as I started sauntering back inside.

Although, I'll admit. It shouldn't be this hard to be uncaring. After all, who cares.

I was hoping Grape would finally get mad at my attitude and pick a fight or something, so I'd be able to keep her at a distance easier.

But, unfortunately, I know her too well for that.

"Ah, well, it's just that-most people don't leave in the middle of a conversation like that." She smiled in slight amusement for my bad social skills, making the empty space inside my hollow chest sting numbly.

Giving her a small shrug, I barely glanced at her for a moment longer before quickly turning my head forward and continuing my walk inside.

"Yeah, well, most people aren't mass murderers either, so there's that." I replied nonchalantly, once again hoping such an intimidating sentence would push her away-yet she barely blinked an eye.

"That...is actually a very good point. Well, alright then. Goodnight, Dabi." She uttered softly, only pulling me in deeper with such a sweet sounding voice.

It's part of the reason I got sucked in to her charm the first time. She's too fucking nice. She's too understanding and too patient with me.

I closed my eyes tiredly as the numbing sting in my empty chest got slightly more prominent at my inner thoughts, causing me to not respond at all as I walked back inside the empty hotel room.

My hands had now progressed to smoking as my body temperature continued to heat up without my consent. I left the door to the balcony open so Grape could come back in whenever she pleased-deciding to make a beeline for the bathroom instead of my bed as I just wanted to be alone. Completely alone. In my own space.

Maybe it's cause I've spent so much time on my own over the years, maybe it's because I've become used to being ignored. I dunno. I like to be alone, but I also don't like to be alone. I'm weird like that.

I'm all I've had since 'Touya' died. I've been my own comfort. My own conversationalist. My own source of pain. My own darkness. I hold my own secrets from everyone else. I revel in my anger.

That's just how I survive.

Not bothering to reflect anymore on my fucked up self, I entered the pitch black bathroom and kicked the nice door closed with my foot, leaning my back against it tiredly for a moment.

A thin line of sweat had started to form on my skin now as I felt my body temperature becoming hotter. But, this isn't anything new to me over the years, so it's not like it really alarmed me.

I closed my eyes and cursed my shitty brain for the immediate sight that burned in front of my closed lids-and that was the sight of my younger brother, Natsuo holding Violet from behind.

Well, what did you expect, worthless? He was always the nice one, after all. And what were you?

"Fuck." I breathed out for a reason unknown, feeling a sudden wave of something building up inside me at my thoughts.

It almost felt like there was a pressure behind my chest, working it's way up to form a knotty lump in my throat. My breathing started to feel heavier and the burns underneath my tear ducts started to sting.

But, as the tidal wave of whatever this feeling was, was only seconds away from crashing into me like a truck, an abrupt laugh escaped my mouth as my insane psyche shut down my emotions and took over with forced, non-consenting humor instead.

The laugh started as a small chuckle and quickly grew into something bigger, the more I thought about the situation. The more those strange emotions tried to break free from inside me, the louder my laugh got. I hunched over a bit from how hard my diaphragm was working to produce such a laborious emotion from me.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. I'm psychotic!

Only creepy fuckers stand in pitch black bathrooms, leaning against the door and laugh their ass off for no reason.

Surprise! I got you, right?! You were probably expecting me to throw a fit and smash a mirror, or something, right?! I bet you thought I'd be a mopey little fuck, already plotting some deep set, butt hurt revenge for my brother, right?! Or, or-maybe you thought this would be the moment where it all changes and I profess my cheesy, unrequited love to grape and we live happily ever after and have stupid grape babies.

Right?!

You weren't expecting me to do nothing but laugh, I bet.

I can't help it though. It's just so damn funny.

Vaguely hearing Violet's footsteps walk back into the room, my laughter quieted down just a bit before I pushed myself off the doorway and decided to head for the shower.

I still never bothered to turn on the lights as I pulled the shower lever on-it's one of those fancy ones where you can't figure it out at first. Sure as hell made a fool outta me the first time I tried. I guess rich pricks get smart by trying to figure out how hotel showers work.

But, now, I've become a natural-flipping that fucking lever in those three complicated directions faster than Hawks' shitty fierce wings as water began to shoot out of the shower head.

And even though I'm supposed to be trying to cool down, I let the water heat up, trudging over to the sink and involuntarily placing both of my hands atop the fancy marble. I couldn't help but lean over it with a heavy weight that hadn't previously been there before.

And once again, when the weight had started to become too heavy, I felt myself involuntarily laugh again-with the sound coming out a bit painful, physically, as I really didn't want to laugh this time. I'm tired.

I don't want to laugh.

But, I just can't stop laughing. I can't control myself. I can't control the ridiculous emotions my body and brain torment me with. I've never been able to control them.

Regardless, I willingly let my demons take over because it was easier that way, forcedly giggling like a freak as I tore off my hoodie, sweatshirt and socks, along with my jeans and underwear, before I was left standing stark naked in front of the bathroom mirror.

Instinctively, my distant gaze slowly traveled up to meet my eyes in the mirror, secretly hoping that the pitch black color of the room would mask my features fully from the world.

But, lucky for me, the cloud hidden moonlight had still somehow managed to peek through into the high window of the bathroom, reflecting off the mirror and onto the burn scar across my abdomen as if it were a spotlight.

Silently my eyes trailed back up to meet their mirror, bloodshot, hateful reflection, watching the way the moonlight also caught on a few of the staples in my face.

I pursed my lips a bit as I turned my head to the side to get a better looking at the bleeding burns, dragging my fingers against my cheek not-so-gently before I purposely flicked the sensitive area harshly to cause myself pain.

It stung. As it should.

As dear old dad used to say, 'pain is just weakness leaving the body,' yadi yadi yada.

"A shame. You used to have such a pretty face." I mumbled to myself in condescending hate, speaking to the mirror reflection as if it were one of my enemies.

The feeling of steam rolling into the closed space made me realize that the shower water had probably heated up, causing me to click my tongue a bit at my dark, ugly reflection as I headed to the shower.

And as much as I like to revel in the things that hurt me for reasons unknown, I couldn't even hold in the sigh that escaped from my mouth when the hot water hit my body.

My skin had heated up so much without me noticing, that the already hot shower water had originally sizzled and evaporated the moment it came in contact with me. But, after a few passes of time, and once I reluctantly lowered the shower heat....the water had calmed to show that my internal temperature had started to cool down.

I didn't get to shower a lot before I started this crap from the clown committee, but I've gotta admit it's something I've come to secretly look forward to.

It's because the soft pressure of the shower water is the gentlest touch I've had from anything in years. And as fucked up as I am, I guess I still enjoy little things like that.

"That's stupid, you know." I mumbled to myself as I ran my scarred face under the water, closing my eyes as I felt the soft little drops of water giving my rough skin a tickle.

The last time I ever had a touch this gentle, it was from V-

I inhaled a bit too sharply at the invasive thought I wasn't expecting, successfully managing to snort some shower water and break out into a coughing fit.

"Fuck....that's whatcha get.....for thinking..." I huffed out between coughs, opting to just rest my forehead against the cool marble wall of the shower and let the gentle drops of water run down my neck and back.

Yeah, it's not that bad. Not bad at all. It's like a hug. A warm...

...hug....

"Ahhh, what do you mean you don't like hugs, Touya?! Hugs are wonderful!" Violet beamed as we laid underneath the big cherry blossom tree in the backyard of my house.

This had been long after our first meeting. She already had me hooked. It had to have been a year already.

It was so easy to laugh back then.

The corners of my lips turned up without thought as I continued staring up at the cherry blossoms, seeing Violet come up to sitting in my peripheral vision.

"Hugs are for wimps, so it's no wonder you like them, Grape." I smirked smugly, lazily turning my head towards her as I remained lying on my back in the cool grass.

Violet's jaw had dropped in mock offense, as she looked at me with eager challenge, flipping that pretty burgundy hair off her shoulders with a sass that hadn't been there a year ago.

It looked good on her.

"Well, you don't know that until you've tried it. When was the last time you even had a hug, Mr. Bossy?" She countered, not realizing that a few cherry blossom petals had fallen out of the tree and into her hair.

Her golden eyes reflected brightly from the rays of sun, making my fifteen year old heart race when she scooted just a bit closer.

"Mm. Can't remember. That means, I'm not a wimp." I justified distractedly, placing my hands behind my head in relaxation as I couldn't take my eyes off her face.

She laughed brightly at my words, giving her head a little shake of amusement as her teeth shone white.

"You're not a wimp, anyways, Tou. I always tell you how cool you are." She coaxed in the exact way she'd figured out how to, managing to wrap me tighter and tighter around her finger with each perfect word.

God, I just ate it up so pathetically.

I was young and dumb, back then. Naive and still a bit trusting. Broken and weak. I was starved of attention. I would have latched on to any type of affection at that age and time in my life. Back when I thought there was still a world full of hope. Back before my hands took their first life.

Back when I still thought I could be a hero.

But, the point is....had I met Violet for the first time at this 'Dabi' stage in my life, I wouldn't even blink an eye at her. I mean, yeah, she's hot. She's really hot, actually. It surprised me, but it also didn't, cause she's always caught my eye....even before I met her, and just saw her playing with Natsuo and Fuyumi, I thought she was nice to look at.

But, anyways....

Had she met me now, she wouldn't plague my mind, the way she does everyday, and I'd never act like a lovestruck teenager.

It's unfortunate that she met me at such a vulnerable, crucial time in my life, because she had an easier time leaving such a permanent mark on my non-existent soul. How annoying.

But, I fell harder and harder with each word from her perfect lips, letting her in deeper and deeper, the way I never should have.

To put it simply.....I got attached.

That was the whole goal, you idiot. Never let her in, never get feelings for her, because then dear old dad wins. It's exactly what he always wanted. For me to be ordinary, and have this ordinary life with this ordinary girl.

I wasn't supposed to ever let him win. I wasn't ever supposed to fail the last thing I had the control to stop.

But, she was just so....

"Let me hug you then." Violet smiled sweetly, radiating a genuine excitement for the idea that had me wondering what in the world about me could make her so happy.

"Why should I?" I challenged, yet the thought of holding her against me was already plaguing my fifteen year old hormones more than I'd like to admit.

Violet didn't speak for a moment-she really couldn't with a grin that wide on her face.

Instead, she crawled right up next to my spot on the grass, making me hold my breath as she straddled one arm over my chest....not touching me as she simply rested her hand on the grass and waited for me to stop her.

But, I didn't stop her. I couldn't think to, as all I could do was swallow thickly in anticipation, feeling my pulse increasing to a rate that let me know I was alive. I looked up at her, meeting her gaze so pathetically as my weak body practically craved to feel such an innocent, kind gesture from her. And she knew it.

So, instead of backing away, she slowly hovered her upper body over my own, leaning down and resting her chest atop my own before wrapping both of her arms around my neck.

My back relaxed into the grass, letting her frame melt against mine to create one. I felt like an idiot as my heart wracked out of my chest at the close distance, and before I knew it, both of my hands had snaked to her upper back to pull her closer and selfishly-and weakly, revel in my first hug in years.

Violet breathed out in relief when I returned the gestured, snuggling more comfortably into my arms as she rested her face against the crook of my neck and closed her eyes.

To this day, that memory....in all my twenty-four years of living....that memory is the one that plagues my mind the most.

It was everything about it. It was the feeling of the cool grass underneath my body. The fresh spring/ early summer breeze, with the scent of the cherry blossoms helping me ignore the pain of my bandaged wrists. It was watching the way Violet's soft hair splayed out on all directions of my chest as she kept her arms curled around my neck. It was the way that I pulled her closer, and she didn't call me 'worthless and ridiculous' for wanting the attention.

"See? It's not so bad. Right?" Violet whispered against my neck, causing goosebumps to form on my wilting skin.

I smiled a real smile, as I let my own eyes close....not bothering to head inside and train the way I had originally planned to as I decided to curl my arms tighter around her instead.

"It's....alright." I uttered much too peacefully.

"You're so stubborn." She chuckled knowingly, relaxing against me happily.

I can still hear her laugh from that day, echoing into my eardrums.

"God..." I breathed out tiredly as I came back to reality, realizing my head was still resting against the shower wall with both of my hands on it as well, clawing into the marble for no reason.

But, yeah, Violet. To answer your question, yes, it is that bad.

It's that bad, because by having these feelings for you, dear old dad is winning. It's exactly what he wants, what he always wanted.

An ordinary future with you, Violet Sasaki, is just a consolation prize to this game called life. It means I failed. It means I gave up. That's what my father wanted for me, so in turn, I can't ever let myself love you.

I won't let that asshole win.

I'll never marry you.

Besides, it seems that my simp brother has already thrown a wrench in Endeavor's plans now. Ha, I would have loved to see the look on that old fire fucker's face when he saw those two swapping spit for the first time. If only he'd had a heart attack over it, or something. Tragic

So, go ahead, Natsu. Take my sloppy seconds, brother. I'll allow it.

But, damn, the things people will do when they think you're dead...

***********************************************

A/N: thank you so much for your comments and votes! I know I can't respond to everyone's comments, but reading them makes my day better ❤️❤️ love you guys!!

Next Chapter Title: Mister Broody Pants