Top pic credit: 2JLapita

A/N: a warning for lemony themes in this chapter :)

Violet POV:

After another shot at the bar, my vision had begun to blur slightly.

After the next one, everything became a lot funnier than it normally would be.

With the one after that, Akio and Dabi suddenly seemed as if they were enjoying each other's company's considering the way they were laughing at each other's dumb jokes.

And after more tequila-or whiskey-or whatever the hell it was...

Well, after that, I'd lost count.

Seconds turned to minutes, and minutes turned to hours. My own voice began to sound unfamiliar to me, and it almost felt like I was hearing myself with water blocking my ears. My brain lagged with movements just a few seconds too slow. One moment, I'd be talking to Dabi, and in the next, I'd have my hand on his shoulder-not remembering when I actually put it there.

And while everything else around me had become a damn blur, that man-that fucking man was legitimately hyper focused in my mind.

I couldn't stop staring at him, admiring every single thing he did-feeling my mouth pool with literal drool at how damn attractive he was. How could he possibly become hotter when I'm not even in the right state of mind? I don't know. But, god, I know that I want him.

And I wasn't shy about letting him know.

All the teases we'd been throwing at each other today were quick to finally catch up with both of us. But, surprisingly-even if Dabi does usually seem to be the kinkier of the two of us-I found myself making bold advances on him that would have any other man blushing.

Not Dabi, though. No, he wasn't flustered in the slightest, smugly welcoming each brush of contact my fingers made against him.

It would start with a little touch to his arm, which he seemed to enjoy. But, I had been quick to progress onto more exciting ventures...not waiting long to trail my hand lower under the bar counter and stroke him up to full length within his pants.

I don't know how I managed to continue a conversation with Akio as I unzipped Dabi's jeans and wiggled my hand inside, but I guess liquor seems to make me more put together in other areas of life.

My parents would be so proud!

And, if Dabi hadn't abruptly stopped me from jacking him off a few minutes later, huffing and fidgeting impatiently from the load he was about to blow, I would have continued.

But, he had made it clear that he didn't wanna finish so quickly. He said he wanted to finish inside somewhere else.

And so, after another hour spent at the bar with Akio, Dabi and I finally parted our drunken ways with him-all of us stumbling out of the bar tent to see the rest of the fair had closed entirely.

2:54am my phone had read when I pulled it out to check the time.

Wowwww, where the hell did the time go?

Even so, I was nowhere near ready for bed yet, too giddy from the liquor in my system to even think about slowing the party down just yet.

While the rest of the fair had closed down, and while the rest of the city had surely gone to bed for the night...I couldn't help but look beyond the locked up booths and tents to the beach....seeing that familiar cliff overlooking the ocean.

I pass that cliff everyday, yet, I haven't been there in so long. Not since Touya was alive.

Now, suddenly, I had the urge to revisit it-revisit the spot-our spot and become closer to him.

Maybe that's weird to do with Dabi. But, it just feels right. In this moment, it feels right.

"Let's go," I'd said to Dabi, already dragging his drunk ass down towards the view. "I wanna show you something."

****

And that little recap brings us to now-with me running through the forest trees, laughing like a drunken idiot, as Dabi stumbled behind me.

"Come on, Dabi! You're going so slow!" I giggled, turning around to face him as I ran up the hill.

Not that hill, of course. Not the Sekoto Hill that haunts my memories everyday.

"Excuse me for not wanting to fucking exercise while I'm plastered, you dummy." He chuckled, seeming sooo much more light and carefree in this state.

Right now, he seems like a totally different person-whoever he used to be before this life of crime.

And I really enjoy this person. This person brings me so much comfort. This person, I can get lost in their presence for the rest of my life. It almost makes me feel emotional.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy Dabi's company when he's not drunk, too. But, even then, it always feels like I'm never getting all of him. It always feels like there's still this invisible wall separating us-one that will always keep his true feelings hidden away from me.

Right now, he doesn't care about trying to deny his feelings. Or basking in his hatred. Right now, he's just...

He's just a normal, twenty-four year old guy letting himself have fun. Letting himself forget 'Dabi' for a little bit, so he can stop suffering and enjoy this small piece of his life.

"Awww, come on!!! I promise the walk is worth the wait!" I slurred out slightly, running back towards Dabi in a zig-zag. "The view is soooo cool! Especially at night."

Dabi-or whoever he is-let out a genuine, stunning smile at my words, taking my hand without hesitation when I had reached out to him.

"I'd rather look at a different view." He smirked suggestively, allowing me to easily pull him up the rest of the way.

I rolled my eyes lightly at his words, grabbing both of his hands in mine now as I practically back pedaled the rest of the way up, relishing in the giddy endorphins settled in both of our veins.

"Good thing it's very secluded then." I said with a dramatic wiggle of my brows, causing Dabi's smirk to get wider.

"Even if it's not, fuck 'em. They can watch and wish they had this-" he teased, before the back of my heel caught on a rock.

Yeahhhh. Being drunk and walking backwards up a grassy hill don't really mix.

A gasp-and a small scream, escaped my throat as I went falling backwards to the soft, grassy ground, keeping a grip on Dabi's hands which forced him to fall with me, too.

He let out a small curse as he jolted and stumbled forward while my back hit the floor-falling on top of me and catching himself at the last moment to make sure he didn't crush me.

"Fuck," He breathed out, concern barely forcing sobriety back to his hazy eyes as he looked me up and down. "You okay?"

My hair had been completely in my face, concealing my initial features-but, I felt Dabi's body visibly relax atop my own as I broke out into a fit of slurred giggles, hearing him let out a breathy laugh as he moved the messy hair out of my face.

"Idiot," he laughed with me, letting his touch linger along my jaw once he'd move the remaining hair. "You're too damn clumsy, you know. Always needing me to take care of you and shit."

I feigned offense, letting a loud, goofy gasp come from my mouth as I looked up at him with a dazed grin, intending to give him some hard 'discipline.'

"I doooo not always need you to take care of me!" I protested, feeling Dabi's body immediately melt flush atop my own.

He hummed lightly and lowered his head, lazily nuzzling it against the crook of my neck as he spoke.

"Yeah, you do." He uttered lowly, the vibration of his voice tickling my sensitive skin. "And I wanna do it."

God, he would never admit that sober.

And knowing that, I felt my core tightening at his adorable, vulnerable words, stubbornly opening my mouth to protest with tease.

But, he never gave me the chance when I felt his mouth close around a sweet spot on my neck, throwing my head back in a soft moan as his warm, wet tongue lavished the area hotly.

My stomach flipped with a heat that traveled between my legs, leaving me a drenched mess within seconds.

I want him so bad.

Sensing my need, Dabi began to lightly suck and bite at my neck, sliding his hand up my chest before finding my chest immediately.

"I'm gonna make you moan for me tonight," he breathed out hotly against my skin, pinching my nipple tightly between his fingers. "So damn loud. I want everyone to know who's fucking you so good."

I grinned dazedly at his words, throwing my head all the way back on the grass, before my eyes unintentionally opened halfway to see the moon, upside down in my sights.

"Ahhh, that's right," I whispered to myself, giggling softly as I grabbed his roaming hands in mine. "Hold on, Dabi. I knew there was a reason I wanted to come up here."

And while I'm sure the stitched man was reaching his limit of sexual frustration for the night-and I could sense that from the painfully hard boner that was poking me in the leg...he didn't seem to have a problem with stopping so we could talk for a little longer, rolling off me lethargically.

"Oh yeah?" He asked, propping himself back on his elbows as he looked to me lazily. "What other reason could there be, besides me railing you?"

I slowly rose to sitting now, not bothering to pick the stray pieces of grass from my hair as I sat in front of the pretty scenery.

"To see the view, of course. Just for a few moments." I smiled softly, watching the full, milky moon reflect brightly off the velvety waves below. "It's not like any other."

I kept my hazy, relaxed gaze to the starry sky and ocean in front of me, yet Dabi didn't do the same. Instead, he kept his back to the view, continuing to prop himself back on his elbows as he kept his eyes on my face with lost thought.

"It's nothing I haven't seen before." He commented disinterestedly after a few moments, causing my jaw to drop playfully as I turned my gaze towards him.

"What?!? Really?? And here I thought this place was special! I thought I was one of the only people in the world who knew about it." I whined softly, feeling the cool ocean breeze tickle my liquor flushed cheeks.

Dabi chuckled at my upset, scooting closer to me before he lowered his head down to rest in my lap.

"Yeah, well-That's what you get for being a know-it-all." He retorted smugly, sprawling his feet out and adjusting slightly as he made himself comfy in my lap.

I smiled softly as I continued to look towards the view, resting a hand atop his head with ease.

Comfortable silence ensued our space for a small pass of time as Dabi and I enjoyed each other's company. He let out an audible sigh when my fingers gently stroked through his locks...allowing himself the opportunity to close his eyes and get lost in the simple, coaxing feeling.

"I bet you don't know whyyy I come out here though." I retorted softly after a few blissful minutes, looking down into my lap to see the rarity of his relaxed features.

"Give it your best shot." He uttered a little slurred, not even bothering to open his eyes as I continued stroking his hair.

My thoughts drifted to my memories-the good times I always look back on to keep me sane.

"My fiancé and I used to come up here," I laughed quietly, absentmindedly bringing my fingers to Dabi's scalp before massaging it gently.

He let out a low hum of content as I massaged his head, allowing it to become more malleable in my grip as his guard came completely down.

"Yeah, cause the city's shit." Dabi finished matter of factly, muscles melting into the ground as I rubbed his temples gently.

"Heh, that's funny. He used to say something similar actually." I smiled, "always said the city had 'too many stupid people!"'

I couldn't help but laugh nostalgically at the memory of Touya's groveling, hearing Dabi's own laugh mingle with mine at the words.

"Well, it's fucking true." He snickered, barely opening one eye halfway to look up at me. "Why do you even remember that?"

My lips pursed softly as I thought about his question, shrugging my shoulders as I allowed my mind to verbalize the first words that came to mind.

"Hmmm. I guess it's because I like to remember the moments that made me happy." I reflected warmly, absentmindedly twirling Dabi's hair around my fingers. "And he did. He made me happy. So happy, that I can remember even the dumb, little things like that. I can remember little moments at breakfast. Or, the days we would go shopping at the market. I remember how warm he was to hug. And how, even if he didn't do it often, how his smile would light up the room..."

Dabi's eyes fell closed once more in bliss as he listened to me talk about Touya, seeming to find the conversation oddly peaceful and therapeutic as he didn't say a word.

So, I continued.

"And I remember this little, secluded cliff, because it was the very first time we held hands-heh, it was the first time I ever held hands with any boy. And, god, it gave me butterflies." I giggled softly, biting down on my lip with jitters as I remembered the moment.

A small smile curled onto Dabi's face at how giddy the moment still made me, keeping his eyes closed as he wanted to hear more.

"Heh. Really?" He asked honestly, seeming surprisingly interested in the story of my past.

I was happy to oblige though. I don't get to talk about Touya these days. So, anyone who wants to listen, will get the full effect. Especially when I'm not sober.

"Ohhh, of course! How could I not?" I beamed, seeing Touya's face in the stars. "Gosh, Dabi, he was sooooo handsome-the most handsome guy I ever saw in my life-eh, no offense to you."

Well, that one got Dabi to laugh drunkenly and audibly now, with the sound coming out so happy and light, it probably added ten extra years to my life.

I've never heard him laugh like that before. So genuine. So happy.

"No offense taken, sunshine. Trust me." He murmured warmly, opening both of his eyes to find my features.

I looked down at him sweetly as I went back to stroking his hair, studying the ocean blue color of his irises that matched the sea below.

"I often wonder how he would look now," I reflected softly, continuing to look into Dabi's eyes with focus. "He would be an adult now. I bet he'd be even more handsome than he was when we were kids."

Dabi's relaxed features subtly scrunched up at my words, before his gaze fell from mine darkly.

"I wouldn't bet on it." He uttered curtly, making me think that maybe he was becoming annoyed with this talk of Touya.

I get it. The guy I'm hooking up with is probably not the guy to be talking about my fiancé with. Whoops.

"Sorry." I said sheepishly, causing Dabi's eyes to look up and find mine in question once more.

"Huh? For what?" He asked immediately, almost seeming as if he wished I would have continued talking.

I shrugged softly as I looked back to the view, looking out to the ocean and starry sky absentmindedly.

"For stopping our hookup to talk about my fianc-my...ex fiancé. I'm sure that's gotta be on the list for the top five boner killers." I laughed apologetically, causing Dabi to grin.

"Nah..." he uttered lazily, lifting his head for no more than a second to see his pants were still uncomfortably tight. "You'd be surprised. Still going strong down there. Lucky you."

I shook my head softly at his words, having an intrusive thought in my mind, but not opting to say it out loud.

Well, I wouldn't have-had it not been for the liquor in my system.

"Do you..." I started off, earning Dabi's attention once more. "...do you think I'm stupid for thinking these things, Dabi? For holding onto him so tightly?"

Rather than give an immediate snarky answer like I expected him to, the stitched man remained quiet for a moment as he thought of a response, continuing to look up at me as if he physically couldn't look away.

"It's only stupid that you hold on so tight for him, because he doesn't fucking deserve it." He said a few moments later, voice soft yet stern. "It's stupid that you put your life on hold for someone who's never coming back. It's stupid that you don't move on when there are so many better options.."

I could tell from his tone of voice that his intention with those words wasn't to hurt me or be malicious. The purpose was to make me wake up and try for something better.

But, Touya was already the best there ever was.

"I get what you're saying." I said softly, gently scratching my nails against his scalp. "But...it's impossible to let him go. I love him. And I always will. How am I supposed to let go of the one I love?"

"By never looking back." He said immediately. "By going forward and letting yourself fall in love again. By forgetting him."

A small sigh escaped my mouth as I knew Dabi had a point. But, when has it ever been easier to follow someone else's advice? Especially when doing so would only hurt so much more.

I simply gave him a small nod of understanding to end the conversation, remaining quiet for a moment as I tried to get rid of my thoughts.

I was surprised when Dabi broke the silence once more a few moments later, drunken voice more human and honest than I've ever heard it.

"Hey, Violet." He asked, letting his name roll off his tongue as if he's said it a million times.

He doesn't say my name very often and the familiarity of it caught me off guard. I could only look down to him in silent question.

But, he was already looking up at me-piercing my gaze so intensely as if he were someone else.

When he spoke again, his voice was soft. It was raspy, and it seemed as if his own words were something that hurt him just to say.

"It's okay to let him go." He whispered, stitches starting to pool with blood as he held my gaze. "I know you'll never forget him-even if you damn well should. But, it's okay to move on and find someone better. The guy would want that. I promise."

I looked down at Dabi in thought, nodding to his point with understanding. For the first time, it actually seemed like he was trying to give me genuinely good advice.

And even though I'll probably never be able to let Touya go, the fact that I was actually able to hear those words from Dabi's mouth gave me a very odd sense of closure. Sure, it doesn't take away the pain. But, it just made me feel at peace to hear him say that.

"Thank you, Dabi." I whispered honestly, giving him a soft, peaceful smile.

But, upon studying his face...I noticed that his look was the complete opposite of mine-eyes subtly tinted with panic, and breath heavy with hysteria as I acknowledged the possibility of letting Touya go for good.

That's what he told me to do though. I don't understand.

It must be the alcohol in his system. Maybe he's an emotional drunk. He does seem like a totally different person under the influence, after all.

"Hey..." I uttered softly, gently cupping his head in my hands. "Are you oka-"

I never got to finish my sentence as Dabi's hand snaked up to the back of my neck, immediately pulling my head down towards his in an instant.

His lips molded to mine with purpose once the distance was closed-his mouth and tongue working desperately, yet slow, as if to savor and memorize everything about the kiss.

With the exception of our first kiss, he's never kissed me like this before. So desperate. So passionate.

So emotional.

It honestly made me a little concerned.

I barely pulled away from his lips as I heard his heavy, shaky breaths-trying to back away and look at his face, yet he didn't let me.

"Dabi-" I whispered coaxingly, unable to say anything more as he spoke drunkenly honest.

"No. Stop. Just kiss me." He breathed out desperately, immediately pulling me back down before taking me in a passionate kiss.

I listened to his beg, cradling his head so gently in my hands as I moved my lips against his with purpose.

Wanting a better position, Dabi slid his head off my lap-letting it rest on the grassy ground before pulling me down on top of him.

He connected our lips immediately as I straddled my legs on both sides of his hips-not understanding this rare moment of passion from him, but definitely enjoying it as I let myself fall for him as deep as I could possibly go.

His emotion, combined with the alcohol in my system are only elevating my feelings more strongly than I've felt in a long time. And rather than shove these feelings down like I normally would, I selfishly and weakly allowed myself to feel them fully.

I allowed myself to truly have feelings for Dabi. To truly let them consume me for the first time since I've known him.

And I allowed myself to admit the truth. The harsh truth. The terrifying truth that will definitely come back to haunt me once the liquor and emotions are out of my system.

But, regardless of how much it hurts...regardless of how bad it is, the fact remains that it is a truth that I can't deny from myself any longer. It's the truth that...

I love you, Dabi.

God, I love you.

I haven't loved anyone like this since Touya's passing. I didn't think I would ever love again.

But, I love you.

And I know I can't tell you. Because I know it will just push you away. I wish you loved me, too. It hurts that I know you don't.

And, yet, I still love you.

I love how you make me feel. So strong and powerful-like I can do anything I set my mind to. I love how you accept me. You don't try to change me. You don't put me down for the weird things I enjoy, or my awkwardness that turns most people away. You embrace it. You actually seem to enjoy it, even if you pretend you don't.

And, while you pretend not to, I love how much you care. You remember all the simple things I tell you, and notice when I'm not feeling right.

I love the way your eyes pierce my soul. The way a single kiss with you makes me feel more than I've felt from anything else in eight years. How your touch never becomes old-whether it's an accidental graze to my hand, or caressing my bare skin, it's never felt so good from anyone else. I've never craved anything more.

And the way you desire me-I love that, too. Sure, maybe this is how you are, Dabi. Maybe I'm being dumb. Maybe you've treated all of your past partners the way you treat me. But, it doesn't change the fact that you make me feel lost in your presence whenever your fingers glide along my body. How good it feels when you make it known how much you want me. How you're not ashamed to let anyone know that I'm yours.

Yes, Dabi. I'm yours. God, I'm yours. If only you were mine.

Because I need you. It's terrifying to admit. It hurts to admit, when I know where this relationship will eventually go. But, I need you.

A soft whimper welled in my throat as I deepened Dabi and I's kiss-feeling a whole new sense of drunk just from my emotions alone as I allowed myself to become vulnerable.

I need him. Oh my god, I need him. I'm scared how much I need him. Scared, because I know there will come a time when he leaves me.

I fell too deep. It's too late. This is only another heartbreak I won't ever recover from. And there's nothing I can do but give in to what I want and allow him every single thing I have to offer. Allow myself to show all the love I've been holding back.

I'm weak. I'm so weak. And right now, I don't fucking care.

My pulse began to beat in sync with my core. The blood in my veins heating up and pumping faster as Dabi wrapped his arms around me tightly, making my throat choke with emotion as his presence drowned me.

And suddenly, my hands became frantic-unable to stay off any part of him. Needing to touch him. My brain hyper-focused on his own touch as well, feeling overwhelmed shivers run along my spine at the simple feeling of his hands running up my sides.

Already my breaths came out hot and heavy as if I'd just ran a marathon, with every nerve ending in my body feeling intensified pleasure from his gliding fingers.

It all feels so intense-like I'm on a damn drug. An aphrodisiac, yet it's only my emotions.

My mouth fell open against Dabi's as he slid his hands to squeeze my shoulders-his fast breaths mingling with my own as it seemed he was feeling just as overwhelmed as me.

I'd give anything to know what he's thinking.

"Fuck." He uttered breathlessly, hazy pupils blown wide in pure ecstasy as he looked up at me with need.

I tried to speak, but I was unable-letting my eyes fall closed as I gripped his hair and rested my forehead against his own.

Dabi's fingers dug into my shoulder blades, before sliding his hands down to the side, grazing his hands along the outline of my breasts with surprising hesitation.

"How the hell am I ever supposed to stay away from you?" He asked more to himself, groaning slightly when I smashed my lips back down to his with more fervor.

Whatever weird moment of stall Dabi had been struggling with, fled as quickly as it came when he saw my desperation. Caving into his desires, one of his hands immediately groped one of my breasts while the other grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me closer.

The kisses were quick to become less finessed and more heated as Dabi and I clashed tongues, exploring each other's mouths like an addiction.

It felt so good, my muscles began to tremble. I needed more. I needed so much more, it physically hurt.

"Don't stay away from me. Please don't stay away." I panted out against his mouth, slowly shifting my body back and forth atop his own for any type of friction I could gather.

I just needed to feel him. In any way. In every way.

For once, it seemed I had the upper hand as Dabi's body melted back into the ground, allowing me to pull his hair harder and slip my tongue past his lips so willingly.

A sensation I would have gagged in disgust from, months ago, now felt incredible with the taste of liquor and smoke coated my mouth as I explored Dabi's. My stomach flipped with heat as he backed off and let me practically pin his body to the ground and kiss him hard.

I don't know why it felt so good when he let me have my way with him, but damn it did.

He must have felt the same as he embraced my control, my mouth falling open with a breathy moan when I yanked his hair back and lightly dug the back of his head into the ground.

"I can't. Fuck, I really can't stay away. Not even if I tried." He huffed out with a heavy loss of control, half lidded, lust blown eyes staring at the sky with careless defeat before he kissed me back roughly.

That sentence seemed like more of an anguished problem rather than a compliment, but still, his actions speak differently.

I never even had the opportunity to wonder if Dabi wanted to stop as he kept the moment going on his own now, taking back a little control as he slid one of his hands from my neck, down to my back-settling it on my ass with purpose.

He smacked his grip onto my butt roughly, smirking against my mouth at the big jiggle his force caused.

Seeming present in the moment once more and no longer fighting his own thoughts, he gave a firm squeeze to my backside, seeming finally ready to get things started as he began tugging up the hem of my dress with rush.

A small shiver of delight escaped me as the cool ocean breeze hit my scalding skin when Dabi lifted the bottom of my dress up to my lower back, scrunching the material tightly between his fingers to ensure the annoying fabric would stay out of his way.

Dress. Convenient stuff, am I right?

....no! Of course I didn't wear the dress, because I specifically planned for this moment. Or did I. Wink wink!

Already feeling overly sensitive to each touch, I gasped and flinched harshly when Dabi's warm fingers grazed up the back of my leg, feeling both sets of my lips literally drooling in anticipation for the one thing I've been needing all day.

Dabi and I never got to finish this morning. Literally.

I knew the moment that his hands would reach, even my inner thighs, his fingers would become drenched from how incredibly turned on I'd become. I've been teasing myself for over twelve hours now. I'm so ready to go, it fucking hurts.

I'm practically dripping.

My heart began to pound in sync with my throbbing core as Dabi's fingers continued to glide up my thigh at an agonizingly slow pace, causing my muscles to legitimately start shaking from how badly I wanted him.

But, it's not just physically that I want him. It's emotionally, too. And until tonight, I never really felt like I had all of him. Hell, I never let him have all of me either.

And of course, drunk me had to let him know how I'm feeling...

"God, I've wanted you for so long." I practically whimpered, wrapping my shaking arms around Dabi's shoulders with need as I lifted my ass higher for his reach.

He let out a breathy laugh of satisfaction to my words, throwing his head back to the ground in lust as his fingers became drenched before he even reached my panties.

"I can tell," he huffed out smugly, swiping up strings of slick from my inner thighs before slowly continuing up towards my core. "It's only been a few weeks, little sapphire."

I nodded in agreement to his words, legitimately feeling like I may cum right now before he even really touches me as my legs shook with pleasure.

"N-No. I mean like this." I shivered with lust, cupping Dabi's face gently as I pressed my forehead to his own. "When you're happy like this. When you're just...here with me."

But, that's the thing about drunkenly giving your 'all' to someone-and especially about telling them. It scares them away.

And it was pretty evident I did that when I felt Dabi's fingers immediately freeze before he progressed further, causing my heart to beat in panic as his body tensed from under mine.

Shit. I said too much. Fuck. I'm too drunk. I shouldn't be allowed to say anything right now. I'm too honest!!

"I-I," my mouth stuttered immediately, knowing I probably said something too intimate, but not knowing how to correct it. "I-I didn't mean..."

My voice trailed off as my drunken mind blanked out, not knowing what to say. Of course I meant it. I meant it, and I can't even deny it in this state.

"Fuck." Dabi uttered blankly as his senses came back to him slightly, gently pushing me off him and causing me to slide to the side.

Ouch. Not physical pain.

My breath was heavy and my throat tight as Dabi slowly sat up from the ground, ignoring his flushed face and disheveled hair as he lethargically stood up from the ground without looking my way.

Because I know he doesn't care about me.

Dabi POV:

Because I care too fucking much-how can I keep doing this to her?

I'm too drunk. I'm too damn drunk for this. Too honest and stuck in my feelings. Shit.

What's even worse is that my mind is even more out of it than usual, now that I let her get me riled up. There's no blood going to my brain right now, cause it's currently all at my dick.

I feel hot-lightheaded, and needy, and horny-and there's a random whore right here who's ready to satisfy sense of my needs. The 'me' from eight-nine months ago would have already fucked her and been halfway down this damn mountain by now with my pants still around my ankles.

Except, it's been nine months, she's not a random whore, and she's not someone I can hide from. She's my fiancée. And I fucking hate that I love her so much.

Aw. What's wrong, Dabi? You talked such a big, tough game at the bar, remember? Saying something like 'blah, blah, blah-I'm still gonna fuck her tonight, anyways.'

When has it stopped you before, stupid? Huh? You've already been in her pants. Why are you trying to hit yourself with this self righteous bullshit, now of all times? When she's literally presenting herself on a silver platter to you, ready to be railed into oblivion?

Well, maybe it's because bitch boy Akio's only talented quirk is cockblocking the shit outta me during all hours of the fucking day.

It's almost funny how a threat to murder me doesn't make me bat a charred, nonexistent eyelash-but threatening to expose my feelings for the only person I care about is really the thing to get me quaking in these ratchet boots.

That's probably why he gave me the threat he did. Cause he knew that's the only way I'd take it seriously.

And, surprise! Here I am, fucking countless shots later-barely able to remember my own name, but still able to hear Matsubara's words echoing in my brain like a damn disease.

"End it with her in the next month, or I'll tell her myself that you love her."

God, why does that bastard always have to be himself. It's fucking disgusting. And why does he always manage to find the perfect way under my skin? Seriously, can't the bitch just threaten to murder me like a normal person? No, instead he has to go and use moral virtues and shit like that. Excuse me while I barf.

And excuse the big, bad, heartless villain that is known as 'Dabi.' That asshole can't come to the phone right now, cause little Touya Todoroki is too busy having a life crisis in the middle of sex. Awww! Sounds like him though, doesn't it? He was always so emotional about everything! Yuck!

But, still. Why now, right? I was fine up until he jarred his stupid mouth tonight-willing to live in denial and use everything she had to offer for my own selfish benefit.

Why did her words just now, about 'getting to see me like this' affect me like such a sensitive piece of shit. Why was that the thing to knock some reality back into me for the countless time tonight.

Well, you drunk idiot, I'll tell you why. Not that you don't already know.

Because-It's what 'could have been.' And that fucking hurts.

Even though we're both drunk outta our minds right now, I've never seen a failed future so damn clearly.

The way we're talking. How we're acting-like the world's actually a good place and there's nothing bad about it. As if we don't have a million, fucking reasons to stay away from each other...

It's all exactly how we used to act-except, now we're older and dumber. It's exactly how we would have been, had that day never happened.

It's as if tonight's the alternative. The universe taunting me with how this 'ordinary' life would have been like.

Hell, it still could have been Violet and I on this hill tonight, doing the same exact thing we were about to do. Only, instead of looking up for her fiancé in the damn stars, she'd just look down in her lap to see her husband's face.

And instead of constantly backing out like a wishy washy little bitch, overthinking all the shit I hate thinking about, I'd fuck her on this damn hill-but, it wouldn't just be 'fucking.' It would be me making sickly sweet love to her like some average joe schmuck who doesn't know his balls from his ass-like good ol' Natsuo, for example.

Heh. And, yet, it would be great. It'd be pretty fucking great, because I wouldn't have constant demons of guilt and regret consuming me with every damn thrust.

I'm not a good guy. Don't mistake this painstakingly, cockblocking monologue as me being a good guy-or, having character development, or some shit. If it only hurt her, maybe I wouldn't care-hell, I've been hooking up with her up to this point, havent I? That should prove to you right there that I'm a piece of shit.

It's the fact that it hurts me, too. The fact that it hurts more tonight than it has so far, because I'm forced to feel it on a deeper level. Not just because of the liquor, though that's part of it. But, it's also hearing Matsubara reveal my love for her out loud. No one, not even myself, is supposed to do that. Because then it's too real.

She's too real. The love is too real.

It's all too fucking much. God, it's too fucking much.

Why take it further if it's just gonna end in a month? Why do that to myself?

Why do that to her?

You said it yourself to her-you told her to forget about you.

"Dabi," that perfect voice said from behind me, raspy and still filled with need as I remained standing and kept my back to her.

Even with the simple word, it was enough to make me cave halfway-it was enough to make me lose the slight willpower I'd just gotten, tempting me to turn around and finish what I started.

It's only because of what she said, that I remained unmoving.

She called me Dabi. That's not my name.

For nine years, it's the only thing I ever wanted to be called. But, lately, it's felt like a knife to my chest every time she says it.

Tonight, while we pretend we lived another life, that's not the name I want her to call me.

But, I know I can't ever tell her that. I gotta reap what I sow, right?

Not trusting my drunk ass to speak, I said nothing in response...staring at these big ass trees in dumb silence, before I heard her slowly shuffling around on the grass to sit up.

Fuck. Don't come over. I don't have the sobriety or the fucking good moral patience to keep pushing you away.

And, yet, she reached me quickly...gently wrapping her fingers around my wrist from behind as she tried to turn me around.

Stop. I can't look at you. Just leave me alone. I'm trying to help you. For once, I'm actually trying to help someone else.

"Look at me..." She whispered softly, voice pleading and quiet as I could hear how dependent on me she's already become again.

Look what you've done. You fucking asshole. Look what you've done. You're already ruining her again.

What happened the first time she lost you?

I don't know. I wasn't there. But, imagining how broken she was is enough.

Violet let out an anxious sigh when I ignored her, slowly shifting around to face me from the front.

I tried to keep my gaze level with the tree bark above her head, already feeling my resolve crumbling away when she lightly grabbed my arm.

"Did I...do something wrong?" She asked barely audible, seeming as if her drunk self would break in half if I said yes.

Get her away from you. Tell her 'yes' for her own good. Make her leave you alone, cause you don't have enough restraint to do it yourself.

I slid my hazy eyes down to Violet's face now, easily losing my resolve when I met her gaze.

"No," I said drunkenly honest, wanting to hurl myself off the cliff for being a dipshit.

Violet nodded in understanding, but didn't seem eased...gently snaking her fingers down to intertwine with mine.

For once, my body reacted on its own and did the right thing-gently smacking her hand away as I began to back up.

"But, you should do something right for once." I uttered raspily, forcing every fucking fiber of my existence to say the words as I nodded towards the exit to the hill.

That wasn't even a straight forward way of telling her to leave. Guess I can be blunt with everyone but her.

Even so, Violet seemed to gather that my sentence suggested she leave and go home without doing this, causing her brows to furrow in pure confusion.

"Oh." She breathed out in realization, eyes starting to sink lower than the ocean floor as she forced herself to ask the truth she didn't wanna hear. "Have you...finally lost interest in m-this?"

There's your opening. You're in. The way to end this, so she'll never find out the truth from Akio.

It's so easy. All it takes is a word. A simple, half second word...and it's all over.

The air went quiet between Violet and I as we both waited for my answer, both of us looking at different points of the forest before I spoke the truth.

"No." I said painfully honest, closing my eyes in frustration with myself as I seemed physically unable to end this.

Violet let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, looking up at me once more with full confusion as the sadness faded from her eyes slightly.

"You...haven't lost interest? Then...why do you want me to go?" She asked genuinely, taking a single step closer to me before I stepped back.

I'm already crumbling.

You need to stay away from me before I ruin you again.

"For your own good," I tried so damn valiantly once more, hating every word that came from my mouth. "We're not serious or anything, you know. You should find someone who's worth it."

Violet was quiet for a moment as she took my words in, making my heart start wracking against my chest as I feared she'd leave.

That's what I want though.

And it's also the only thing I'm scared of.

Let her go. So she can let you go.

"Well," She started off, making my breath choke in my throat. "I think you're worth it-e-even if we're not....serious."

I let out a sigh of simultaneous relief and growing anxiety as it became harder to think of excuses, not realizing when she got so close until she slowly began snaking her hands around my shoulders.

Fuck.

She feels so good. Just that touch alone from her already feels so good.

I need her. I need more.

You can't.

"Don't say shit that's not true." I breathed out in losing resolve, closing my eyes to try and make this easier.

Violet's fingers found the back of my neck easily, stroking soft circles on my skin that left me a touch starved mess.

And as much as I tried to play this off and get rid of her, I couldn't stop the heavy sigh of pleasure that escaped from throat at the action, knowing she saw it happen when she came closer.

"It's true to me." She whispered genuinely, with her sweet breath hitting my face with every word.

A shiver ran down my spine as she brought her lips closer, pressing her tits against my chest to tempt me further.

If only she knew why I was saying this, she'd run away faster than I could even open my eyes. She probably thinks I'm just playing some hard-to-get role play shit.

So, go on then, idiot. Tell her. You talk a big game. Go ahead and deliver on it.

Oh, yeah. That's right. You can't. Because as much as you pretend to be all high and mighty about this, as much as you kid yourself that you're actually gonna turn her away and not fuck her because of consequences you're too drunk to process...

You can't turn her away. Because she's your only weakness.

And as much as you can't stand it, you fucking need her.

"I'm gonna break your heart. I'm gonna ruin you." I blurted out to her breathlessly, unable to even reflect on my own genuine words of warning as her soft lips brushed against my rough ones.

Don't do this to her. If you loved her, you wouldn't do this.

And, yet...

"So ruin me, Dabi." Violet said, too drunk to actually process the first part of my sentence as she took my lips in a heated, deep kiss. "Ruin me any way you want." She huffed softly against my lips, causing my minuscule ounce of morality to snap clean in two.

Alright. Fuck being the nice guy. I can't take any more of that shit.

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Thank you for reading. I look forward to responding to as many comments as I can :)

Please don't forget to vote. It helps more than you realize.

A/N: the next chapter will be a lemon. It's legitimately the steamiest thing I've EVER written for any of my books (I really went all out), so I don't know if I'll keep it on wattpad for very long.

I'll see how people do with it, and then make my decision from there. If I take it down, I'll be sure to make an announcement. REGARDLESS, it will be on Ao3 if I take it down from wattpad.

Next Chapter: Pretending Never Felt So Good Part Two.

Ko-fi banner done by KittyStealer <3

Edit: Feb 2022. The next chapter is a lemon. I just came off a hiatus from haters, so I have taken this lemon down and it will be available on Patreon only. The link to my Patreon is in my bio or you can ask me for it. Thank you for understanding <3